When you've lost almost everything to be happy

[Tingly_Tickles]

Just curious how many have lost almost everything they've had to attempt to be
happy with who you are and not with who they want you to be.
This might just sound like a common rant but I was just wondering why does it
seem that to be really happy with who you are that means that you must lose
almost all friends relatives and anyone whom you could call upon to make you
feel better.
I know coming out is hard mainly on guys but damnit I was tired of sitting in the
closet waiting for some one to say it's ok to just be.
Now more than ever I want my friends in which some seem narrow minded about
me since they didn't know who I really was it scares me more now then when I
was hiding away from the world.
I need people to love me for who I am and not care who I sleep with or why I
am the way that I am.
My wife loves me with all her heart and I know that I can count on her to
always be there for me and she accepts me for who I am even knowing that
I have other feelings that she says she doesn't think she can fulfill it's just
not true she can and does always.
I just need some support for the long road ahead that leads me to greater
things in life and hopefully open minded friends that will love me closer than
that of my previous so called friends did.
I thank you all for creating this site it has given me an even better perspective
on life and how I should take it because I only get one.

Though I don't really know anyone I still love everyone here because that's my
nature is just to love one and all alike.

[sexybicplinwv]

Here is a Great BIG ((((HUG))))) :grouphug: And I sure do hope thing's get better for you...... :female:

[elian]

I remember growing up, questioning my own orientation. I used to cry out "Why God, did you make me this way?" - the answers I got back ranged from "I had to so you would understand" - to simply "I'm sorry". The first 20 years of my life seemed like Hell. I actually had very little abuse done to me, but I was witness to the drunk abusive boyfriends my mom would date at the time. Drink, drugs, etc. - all of it was a really great example of how NOT to grow up.

I didn't dare come out, my friends were too few and my family was all that I had at the time. I'm STILL not out to my parents - but I did find a few friends who I trusted enough and knew they were open minded enough to be OK with it. I went to the local Unitarian church - they were a welcoming congregation - and I also know of a few others here in Harrisburg that are more traditional faiths that tolerate L/G folks.

So, what am I telling you all of this eh? With the passage of time I have indeed come to "understand" - having to question who I was - of having to be on the outside looking in at what was "normal" - gave me the gift of an open mind.

I'm not so quick to judge anymore in terms of people's personal lives - because you really don't KNOW what another person's path in life is like unless you've walked in their shoes. That's why there are so many homophobic bigots out there, they really just can't imagine what it is like unless you've had a similar "minority" experience. And even then - it surprises me the number of "gay" folks who still dislike "women" or "lesbians" - I'm always like - "Ah, HELLLO? Don't you remember what it was like to be discriminated against?" But people are peculiar like that I guess.

So, I will tell you that after the sum of all those experiences I believe the universe doesn't "waste" a single drop of energy. What you perceive as suffering right now - may mean that later you will be able to understand enough to help someone else out in a similar situation.

Thank goodness that you do have your wife, I will pray that she is understanding enough to know that you are still the same person she knew BEFORE you told her the "secret" - secrets kill - I guess there are times when you CAN'T tell someone but I have found that in the end most lies just complicate things.

As for the friends - I think you've made a good start by registering here. Only been a member for a few days myself but it's obvious that a lot of the folks here care and have had much experience. We are all on our own journeys to enlightenment, there are some people may just not be ready to acknowledge that the world is a lot broader than what they see on TV, or have heard about, or read about in books.

In time you will find friends that will be accepting of that fact - who knows - if some of your old friends realize that you are the same person you were before you told them they may come around - but don't count on it - and don't take it personally if you can help it..I think we've all been there.

Peace,
-E

[flexuality]

Just curious how many have lost almost everything they've had to attempt to be
happy with who you are and not with who they want you to be.

I walked away from everything and everyone (friends, family, bad marriage, everyone) I knew to be who I am.

I used to see at as losing everything....but looking back now (many years later) I don't see it like that anymore. There was a grieving process, the sense of loss, the anger, the sadness.....then ya just sorta realize that you can't really lose something ya never had.

None of those people were ever willing to accept me as I am and I got sick and tired of trying to be something I was not just to keep something that I didn't have to begin with.

And my sexuality wasn't even a factor in that.....

It does tend to make one a bit gunshy though......

[Tingly_Tickles]

Well thank you for the kind words I was really really really tired when I wrote
that so eh ya know I sorta do stuff like that when I get tired all depressed and
stuff like that.
I'm sure almost everyone here knows how hard it is to be openly bi especially
the guys it just doesn't make any sense to me why it has to be so much harder
for guys than women.
It's like if we're not totally gay or straight then we don't exist or we're not like
the rest of society or something like that.
Yea well here I go again I'm tired just got off work and I should be sleeping but
I thought it'd be kinda nice to spend some time with the wife today as we
hardly see each other enough as it is now so I'm gonna stop.

Love you all each one unconditionally.

Thank you elian & flex for the wonderful read and extra bit of a confidence
booster there I really needed that.
:bibounce::bibounce: :bipride: :bipride: :bibounce::bibounce:

[Solomon]

sorry to hear that you're going through a bad spell.... but i believe that you do have alot in store for your future... if nothing else, relations that are true, because you're now presenting a true you

[Azrael]

Words I clung to for forty-seven days of psychiatric confinement:
"It isn't until you've lost everything, that you can do anything."
If my friend hadn't told me this in the midst of my life falling to peices, I probably would have given up.
It's all about fuckin' perspective. Perspective is critical.

[ohbimale]

If you were here I would give you a huge long hug and a back rub. There are people out there who care. A lot of them are on this site.

Very often when we feel like we are loosing everything it is the universes way of forcing us to shed our skin, metaphorically speaking. By shedding all that old baggage we are free to grow a healthy skin, spiritually, personally, mentally, sexually. It is a personal growth and evolution process that can seem painfull. When it is over with and you look back on it you will be gratefull for those people you had in your life and those you have in your life in the future.

I have been there more than once. Each time I wondered why me. Each time I came through on the other side stronger than before. It is difficult to do at times but you need to keep a positive outlook. Sit down outside and watch the birds, squirrels and other creatures. Lay on your back and watch the clouds go by.

There are also some meditations you can use at http://www.paganpresence.com/MEDITATION101.HTML

I hope this helps. Here is another huge hug and a rain check for the back massage.
:male: :flag3:

[darkeyes]

Wen me marriage ended babes..didn look on it as losin...gave upme hubbie, me car, big house (security such as it was), money, not havin 2 work, quite a number of "friends" , luffly gear, jewellery..the trimmins... all jus so as me cud return me to me!!! An it wos a bargain!!!