understanding

[amamam]

i have been dating a guy for almost a year now and have found out that he has same sex fantasies. i have been encouraging him with talk fantasy, but he seems to be ashamed after we have played around with toys in the bed. i think his career, his manly image, etc. has him wary of taking the next step. he says he wants to, and i want to with him, but am mindful of his fear, and for me, its being safe from std's etc. any wisdom?

[Azrael]

Be gentle about it, it's obviously a touchy subject. As much as my ex destroyed me, she did somehow get me to come out of my shell in that regard. Try to explain to him that "real" men are in touch with themselves.

[amamam]

hi, thanks, what do you mean your x destroyed you? in terms of discovering more about your bi-sexuality? this guy is older, i am much younger, he has been married a couple of times...he has never told anyone, so he says, nor has he ever experimented......i feel like he hasn't been upfront.....and now is.....hmmmmm

[Azrael]

No, she cheated on me with my best friend, which in turn inflicted great destruction upon me.

[Solomon]

sounds to me like maybe he's been very hurt by someone in the past.... and he might not be able to understand it himself yet, let alone to talk about it

the male ego is a very fragile thing, and sex is something that guys, especially children will often use to de-masculinate someone and i suspect can create quite a complex for many

he might need time to dwell on the matter.... in the meantime, i think the saying "you get more bees with honey than salt" applies :cool: