When to tell someone you are bi?

[njbiguy07]

I'd like to know when you should tell someone that you are bisexual?
I've been telling women I meet online up front that I'm bi, and haven't had good results.

I feel I should be honest, but maybe I'm being too honest...too early?

I'd love to hear your opinions.

Thank you!

[littlerayofsunshine]

I feel that you telling them right away is the best bet. Some will disagree with me. But to me, I see you weeding out the ones who wouldn't accept it more easily and without emotional involvement. I commend you for being up front with your online interests. There are women out there that love them some bi men.. I know I do.

[raistkit]

as soon as possible: raist and i waisted over 20 yrs hiding in our closets. sex and our relationship is better now then when we were teenagers. yeah we were highscool sweethearts. i spent too much time with the curling iron and makeup, and he spent too much time being the bread winner. 6 mos ago we finally came out to one and other. you know what it was scary, but the 2 of us just might be the couple of happiest fools on the face of the planet. pay no attention to the fact "that when i turn the microwave on he pisses himself" : name the movie? challenge kit

[DiamondDog]

People either guess and ask me (especially hetero women) so I tell then, or before/during the time period when I'm dating someone or getting to know someone as a friend I'll tell them.

[spartca]

I usually let it slip on or even before the first date. Definitely always before we have sex.

I find that it's a good filter to be out as bi - keeps bigoted people out of my life. Attracts other bifolk. That said, sometimes I do get blindsided or excluded from a group. All in all I'd say I was better off though.

[Gemini25]

as soon as possible: raist and i waisted over 20 yrs hiding in our closets. sex and our relationship is better now then when we were teenagers. yeah we were highscool sweethearts. i spent too much time with the curling iron and makeup, and he spent too much time being the bread winner. 6 mos ago we finally came out to one and other. you know what it was scary, but the 2 of us just might be the couple of happiest fools on the face of the planet. pay no attention to the fact "that when i turn the microwave on he pisses himself" : name the movie? challenge kit


I agree you should let the other person know right up front. I, like Kit, wasted too many fricken years in the fear closet. Be proud of who you are.

And as for the Movie Kit, I believe the quote is something about when he had the steal plate is his head when Kathrine would turn on the microwave he would piss himself and forget who he was for half an hour, that's why they replaced it with plastic. The movie my dear friend is National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.

[pmk7480]

When we talk about our prior sex lives.

Then again, I've tend to end up with people who are open-minded about it.

[Lisa (va)]

When they ask, or if I feel they should know.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[scubaman]

Like Lisa, when they ask and then if I feel they have a need to know. Being married and out to my wife, I don't feel when introduced to someone stated glad to meet you and btw I am bi. Not that I am ashamed, but in my line of work, sometimes caution is better.

[miamiuu]

I wouldnt mention it unless you know for fact you will be wanting a guy on the side.

[lilbitsva]

I really feel that you should tell them up front to let them know who you are. i mean if they are leaving then it's for the best. If you dont tell them and then you get to liking the person and everything and then they leave it's going to hurt alot more then getting rejected upfront. i mean that is what i would tell you. i believe that you should tell the truth that way you find the person that is for you for you nothing else. I mean i'm having the same problem with trying to find someone that is in my state. It's really hard and sometimes you just feel like giving up but then i think about it and i try that much harder because i know one of these days i will find the girl for me. And that she will be understanding in the situation that i'm in right this second. i hope nothing for the best in finding what you are looking for and i hope that i have helped you somewhat.If you ever need someone to talk to just send me a email. talk to you later lil bit

[shadowsaffinity]

i believe in telling people right away. generally it doesn't have good results, but it most likely won't have good results if you wait either. some people just have very strong feelings against bi people, i think due to a lot of misinformation. i used to think it was better to wait and let people get to know me first and then i figured they wouldn't change their mind about me later on just because i'm bi, but i found that to be very poorly received.

[rosssy]

I tell them as soon as possible..always the best.. I was 'seeing' a very young inexperieced biguy for about 3 months.. we were both very open to each other.. but he was not ready to come out of his bi closet.. it just caused heartache and grief for both of us.. he left me for another woman.. who as far as I know,doesn't know and may never know he is bi.. I wish him well..

[Curmudgeon]

The next door neighbor and the people you work with have no need or valid interest in your sex life, but anyone you see with the expecttion of eventual sexual activity certainly does. Be open with them from the start.

[Fizban]

I agree with Lisa and scubaman. If a person needs to know and the timing is right, then I'll tell them. I just came out to my wife yesterday and believe me that was difficult. It was an emotional scene and I am glad to have it out in the open. She surprised me by accepting it and agreeing to support me seeking like-minded friends. She has suspected my bisexuality for some time now (we've been married 33 years) but I have always been faithful to her. Now I have permission to explore and I am looking forwarded to it.

[Bisexualnewbie]

Hi there,
As soon as possible. I came out to my girlfriend when I first mer her and before we started dating. She's still here with me and accepts me for who I am.
There are some good women out there who are not bigoted towards Bi guys so its just a matter of letting go of the ones who do not agree and do not support us.
I wish you luck in finding the right girl.

Andy

[miamiuu]

I'm trying to understand where some of you are coming from, but what need really is there to tell someone you are with unless you are wanting something on the side. Are you all planning to have same sex relationships on the side and thats why you tell? When you go out with your significant other and see someone you think is attractive do you tell them. It is not like being bi causes you to have uncontrollable urges and lose total self control. I guess my brain isnt wired like many of the replies posted up on here.

[teamnoir]

I'm trying to understand where some of you are coming from, but what need really is there to tell someone you are with unless you are wanting something on the side. Are you all planning to have same sex relationships on the side and thats why you tell? When you go out with your significant other and see someone you think is attractive do you tell them. It is not like being bi causes you to have uncontrollable urges and lose total self control. I guess my brain isnt wired like many of the replies posted up on here.

It's all about being honest with the people you have relationships with.

It's like if you were going to have a relationship with a person and if you'd been married or had a kid from a previous relationship keeping that a lifelong secret from that person.

[Azrael]

It's all about being honest with the people you have relationships with.
Precisely. The way I figure it, it's going to come up sooner or later, so why fight it?

[spartca]

I've found that if I don't tell someone that I'm bi, and then later they hear through the grapevine that I dated the other gender (or another gender), then sometimes they flip out. So I tell them in advance and if they can't handle it, good riddance I say.

[jamiehue]

riaway.

[Lorcan]

When you go out with your significant other and see someone you think is attractive do you tell them.

Yes. that's half the fun of being a bi couple. :bigrin: "isn't he cute!... and dontcha think she's cute too!"

I would def tell them before having sex.

[miamiuu]

Yes. that's half the fun of being a bi couple. :bigrin: "isn't he cute!... and dontcha think she's cute too!"

I would def tell them before having sex.


lol i would get pissed off if i had a significant other like that lol.

[scubaman]

Precisely. The way I figure it, it's going to come up sooner or later, so why fight it?

Absolutly! That is why I am out to my wife and only select others! She points out men to me and we talk about it, joke about it. If I were single, in todays world I would most likely make it known to the person.

[findingpeace]

I agree with Lisa and scubaman. If a person needs to know and the timing is right, then I'll tell them. I just came out to my wife yesterday and believe me that was difficult. It was an emotional scene and I am glad to have it out in the open. She surprised me by accepting it and agreeing to support me seeking like-minded friends. She has suspected my bisexuality for some time now (we've been married 33 years) but I have always been faithful to her. Now I have permission to explore and I am looking forwarded to it.

That's awesome. I've had curiosity for years but never a drive to do it - but with current things in life I've needed to explore - and came out to my wife in the advance of the desire to really explore. She has been encouraging of me exploring safely and with respect to both of us - and we've explored so much of it together. It's actually helped her to sexually open up even further herself.

It's been a profound experience and I've been learning that I am who I have always been - my attraction is the same and there are times I probably would have been with men too, but never was. My wife has been aware of my attraction to men and we've talked about it - but it was never as sexual as it is at this point in my life (or I never understood that it was sexual too - since it wasn't like my sex drive with women)...

So the original question of when to tell? I think even in relationships it's important to always strive to express ourselves fully since our sexuality and all of life develops and changes over time. So we should always be as honest as we can be to ourselves and those we share our sexuality with if it is truly relationship that we seek.