Once upon a time

[darkeyes]

Once upon a time I wrote a thread saying goodbye to people I had grown to know and love because I felt dirty and unworthy of the love they had given me. The outpouring of love and sadness touched me truly and yet what had to be was. When I came back after a lot of soul searching, and not a little intrepidation and many things changing in my life it was with great joy to me that I discovered that so many still remembered and even loved me.

Now I go again..I have no choice, for I have increasingly found myself trifling with the affections of people I have grown to care so much for, and unthinkingly treating them with a contempt they hardly deserved. Now I do not simply feel that unworthyness.. I am quite simply unworthy. I ask all and any who I may have hurt in any way to forgive, and just know that I never intended any pain..any hurt to anyone. I just love you all so much and it breaks my heart to say goodbye. But I have to. My own stupidity makes it just so impossible to stay. Everything has spiralled out of my control and I cant take any more. One I know my selfish crazy and stupid actions has hurt deeply, and more than anyone. And for her alone if no one else it is best that I leave. I love her very dearly and I cry for the anguish and pain I have caused.

For her the following is my way of apology.. my last letter to someone for whom I have developed the deepest love affection and respect.. and if she can find it in her heart to forgive then maybe I can begin to live with myself. But it could be so easily be read as a loving farewell to all of you.. I will never forget any of you..


My Day Has Come

And so it is here
That day which we both feared
And yet never believed would arrive
The day has come
When that which we had has gone
The laughter, the joy
When love ends pain begins
And we take our farewell

It is not as I wished
And yet is as it must be
Here our paths divide
And we set on our separate journeys
To end who knows where
But my dearest
I know my destination
And must send you into the wilderness

Forgive
My lonely heart
Think not so badly of one who loves
For all that which I have inflicted upon you
The anguish and agonies of despair
My farewell is with heavy heart
With tears and yet has to be
Forgive and send me your gentle blessings

My day then has come
Time to move on
To be where I belong
And yet my lovely passionate wonder
The parting comes so hard
Forgive that I could not love you so well
That I could not be who and what you wished
Forgive me my dearest, forgive me my cruelty
Forgive all

[arana]

Love the poem frannie. You know how I feel about you running away but understand you must. Hope that you will return when all is right again. Luffya sweetie. muah!

[meteast chick]

Oh Fran I do wish there was something, anything I could do to change your mind. Please keep in touch. You have been a wonderful friend here, and I have greatly enjoyed each and every conversation we've had, the banter, the laffs, all of it.

My heart of hearts itself be true
will know you know what you have to do
I hope you soon will be free of fear
for we at Bicom do luff ya dear.

luv, kisses, lix, nibbles and much luff,
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((FRAN))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
meteast

[Ms. Ally Kat]

My ears are cold! I know that was silly, but, you know we will all miss you greatly, and look forward to your return as soon as possible. Good luck, we all love ya hon.

[Michael623]

You can't go! Who will call me jaggie and musky ole sod? I will miss you Fran.

[littlerayofsunshine]

And who's luffly tidgies will I fluff? I would miss you lots babes, you can't go please < on my knees groveling, making a sucking gesture >

[flexuality]

Sometimes I am just at a loss for words...at least logical ones....but I hardly think this is a time for logic...and I could go on "logically" as to why I feel saddened....but I'm not going to....

Instead I'll just let the old 'gut' speak....

So to my luffly fren wiv a tear an luff....


dreams of love unbridled
while the heart lay sleeping
pain tucked away
and out of reach
ne'er from the heart be seeping

locked up in laughter
beyong pain's weeping
out of mind
of thought
the heart lay sleeping

protected from the slashing knife
the giggles therein keeping
of wit and charm
of fancy
while the heart lay sleeping

so safe the beast within the cave
'hind gates of iron keeping
the dream invades
the thorns arise
the heart struggles to stay sleeping

that mighty beast of gouging claw
the harvest waits for reaping
dreams mock
accuse and tear
the heart's no longer sleeping

dreams of pain unbridled
while the beast lay sleeping
love tucked away
and out of reach
ne'er from the beast be seeping

locked up in sorrow
beyond love's weeping
out of mind
of thought
the beast lay sleeping

protected from the loving touch
the anguish therein keeping
dispaired and lonely
ripped
while the beast lay sleeping

so safe the heart within the cave
'hind gates of iron keeping
the dream invades
the thorns arise
the beast struggles to stay sleeping

the beast peeks out perchance to see
the heart that it's been keeping
a cautious gaze
not trusting
of the heart that's sleeping

the heart it stirs with trepid
the beast it knows it's keeping
a cuatious gaze
not trusing
of the beast that's sleeping

the two begin to realize
it's never in the keeping
of one from t'other
sealed off from each
but twined within the sleeping

the heart, the beast embrace
o'er each other seeping
the love, the hate
dispair and laughter
no longer must either be sleeping

***************
"Embrace the beast and you'll find you greatly missed yourself" - something Sol said to me...

[chook]

Fran.......Please don't go........You and your humor is one of the main reasons why I havent given this site the flick, You brighten up my day and its a pleasure to chat with you so...........Please dont go!!!



Chook
:( :( :( :(

[Dagni]

Well Fran, i didn't had a chance to meet you, but i do understand and respect your personal reasons for leaving.
I feel quite same, since no one noticing me on this site, and i don't know why.
Maybe i'm too quiet.

Whatever, just follow your own individual path Fran and good luck.

Dägni

[Herbwoman39]

Aww Fran, sweetie... As is par for the course I have no clue what's happened. Just know I lufs ya babe and I'll miss ya horribly. Whatever has gone wrong, maybe there's a chance it can still be fixed and you won't have to leave all of us who love you so.

I would like to offer one bit of advice from personal experience. When we run away from problems they tend to hunt us down and bite us in the ass later. If you need to talk to an objective third party, drop me a PM and we'll talk.

Lufs n snuggies

[Solomon]

i do hope that you'll return soon.... who's flex gonna gang up on me with now??

an Dagni.... you are noticed, i think sometimes people just get into such a rut of correction, that the positive stuff gets missed

[darkeyes]

Please. I love you all more than I can say.. but me mind is made up.. it hasta b... jus don make it ne harder for me than it already is... :grouphug:

[CuddlyKate]

Please. I love you all more than I can say.. but me mind is made up.. it hasta b... jus don make it ne harder for me than it already is... :grouphug:
Frances! Sometimes you really do take the biscuit. There are times in your life when you make the silliest of mistakes, and this is one of them. You couldn't make up your mind if your life depended on it. Not so that it matters anyway, and when you do it is invariably a mess.

Of course I know why you have made this decision, and believe me when I say that I do hope that it works out for you, but for the life of me how cutting yourself off from here is going to be of benefit to anyone I'm at a loss to understand.

I tell you again - do not be so silly and so incredibly selfish. I will not stand by and let you cut yourself off from those you love and have always loved you. Arana and Herbwoman are right. Don't run away from your problems, and worse do not run from yourself. Your logic, such as it is, is incomprehensible to me, if I do admit unsurprising. These people are your support, and your sanity, and like all who love you will always be there for you.

Now grow up, stop being such a drama queen and don't be so damn well infuriating!

[arana]

Frances! Sometimes you really do take the biscuit. There are times in your life when you make the silliest of mistakes, and this is one of them. You couldn't make up your mind if your life depended on it. Not so that it matters anyway, and when you do it is invariably a mess.

Of course I know why you have made this decision, and believe me when I say that I do hope that it works out for you, but for the life of me how cutting yourself off from here is going to be of benefit to anyone I'm at a loss to understand.

I tell you again - do not be so silly and so incredibly selfish. I will not stand by and let you cut yourself off from those you love and have always loved you. Arana and Herbwoman are right. Don't run away from your problems, and worse do not run from yourself. Your logic, such as it is, is incomprehensible to me, if I do admit unsurprising. These people are your support, and your sanity, and like all who love you will always be there for you.

Now grow up, stop being such a drama queen and don't be so damn well infuriating!
Aw ((((((((((((((( Kate )))))))))))))))))) I have missed you! Thank you for telling this silly cow off. Luffies! Hope you are well in your current state.

[CuddlyKate]

Thank you Arana. Swollen ankles and a little mis-shapen, ghastly morning sickness and infuriating friends. What more could I hope for? Other than that, I am very well thank you.

I trust you are also. Thank you for being so supportive for her. Doesn't she just drive you crazy?

[sammie19]

Hiya Kate. You tell her. I'm glad to see some things never change.

Personally I think her reasoning is all a smoke screen. I think she is just too embarrassed about giving away her secrets in her latest profile pics. :bigrin:

Glad your feeling swell. lol. Much luv.

[dans94]

Hi Fran, although I don't know you, I have to say this: Your poem is appropriate for every one of us, you are not alone in your experiences. I read somewhere on here something like the following: 'Perfectionism is the worst form of self abuse.' Stop abusing yourself! I love reading your posts.

[Purplebella]

HI Fran

I know we haven't known each othe rlong but i will miss you and hope you come back soom.

:female: :flag3: :female:

[12voltman59]

Come on Girl!!!! Hang in there with us!!!!! You will be missed--I was thinking about Flounder and Mrs. Flounder--they must have departed us for some reason--I miss some of the old crew from when I first started but I guess that is the way of this place just like out in the real world--people come and people go!!!

If you do decide to go Fran--for whatever reason--I am sorry to see ya go even though I know we have not chatted that much--but I love your posts---please reconsider your decision---take a break if you must but don't leave entirely--

[deletetacount123]

Fran,

Recently too I have been on and off about the site... I love the people here and I like making new friends.

But some of the posts have gotten really bothered and depressed... sometimes people talk about things that I want to answer but I can't cause I don't know anything about it THEN I get all angry at myself for not ditching the stupid ex sooner lol

Im 27, almost 28.... very inexperienced when it comes to sex so its been making me sad, depressed.
Sometimes it seems some people just care about sex (even tho I know its not true but when your depressed, your auto thinking it IS lol)

THEN lol recently Ive been blaming me being deaf being another issue why I can't get a date around here :) lol Silly I guess... I KNOW Penticton is full of rude people and locals that are nice, have agreed with me. So I know its not me, its not deaf either... its just the people being rude thats the problem lol

There are moments I'll look at bisexuals forum... go:
"I hate this person!!" (just cause they are talking about the most amazing sex they had the night before lol)
or
"Im not gonna post here anymore... its to depressing".... next day Im posting a series of threads or replying to them lol
(which is what someone posted about me racing hehe as a joke of course)

But I keep coming back. I don't know why..... but I do.

Also it seems all the gals Ive developed a crush or want to meet on this site are all either married or dating (and I do not want to be involved with couples) OR they live to far away!!!

But I come back anyway... I keep chatting to those and sometimes flirt. :)

Don't go :) some of your fun posts keeps me reading lol like "oooh what will Fran say to that??" :)
STAY!! Or I shall go to Scotland and and and track you down.... tie you up with slik ribbons in front of the computer :)

Tasha

[mouse46]

:bibounce: Hi Fran, I know we arent close and I've only known you a short time. But here it is anyway. We're all here to make friends and you have lots of people who love you , so why bale out on them. People are bound to get hurt , thats life. I' myself got hurt and even thought about leaving the site, but then I thought about the other people I met and decided it wasn't worth leaving. I admit sometimes I'm not the nicest person on here when people get on my nerves and probably blow people off . But thats this cyber life, it happens. Think on this are the people still here? Then why leave. This is a great place to talk to people and truely be yourself. So stay Fran, don't leave for whatever reason you think you have to. Everything has a way of working out anyway, I believe that. So many many friends of yours will miss your wise cracks and the pet names you've given them and you do brighten up alot of peoples lives whether you realize it or not. So this is my :2cents: .Stay !!!!!!! :bigrin:

[Doggie_Wood]

Please. I love you all more than I can say.. but me mind is made up.. it hasta b... jus don make it ne harder for me than it already is... :grouphug:
Fran - You really don't have to go. All you really have to do is buck up, pull yer self up by the boot straps, suck it up, let it out and all that other happy horse shit. You have made yer appologies loud and clear to whom ever needed to hear (read) them. To me they sounded earnest and heartfelt. That should be enough.
If you have truely learned from your indiscretions, whatever they may have been, then stop beating yerself up over them.
You are a worthy being and if you haven't notice, very love by those in this comunity whose hearts you have touched, mine included.
Storms come and storms go. And flowers bloom brightly after the rain.
You are one of my flowers darlin'. Stay?
:doggie:

[Dagni]

Hmm, afterall it's Fran's life and it's up to her to make decisions will she stay or leave this site.
If she didn't reached her goals here, maybe it's not her fault.

Honestly Fran i think you're very deep person (as far as i read your posts), and i think that people must have different approach and lots of nerves, understanding and patience with you.

[darkeyes]

Jeez yas all so luffly 2 me. don deserve it ..reely don.. jus been given rite ole earbashin by peeps that mean a lot 2 me..an ok...won jus scoot an disappear on yas...didn wanta ne way jus felt me hadta... an still not sure it wosnt the rite decision 2 make..

Not gonna b in chat quiet so much tho..but will show me face from time 2 time... don expect me 2 b same Fran tho...expect me 2 b more mercillous!!! An expect the tidgies fluffed..frequently..k Ray?? Been so hard stayin way ne ways..an every time me sees a thread wich annoys me me itches 2 get wired in 2 wicheva clown has got me back up!! R ya listenin Sol??? tee hee.

But in the end..wile me gonna still hav fun..won b quite the same girl..summat happened wich has changed me a bit an its a gud thing... for me ne ways..

Ta for ya luff...ta for every nice word yas sed..me don deserve it but htf can me lose u lotta yummie, scrummie, fukkin marvellous, wonderful arseholes as me friends??? Me cant..an no matta how bad me been or get n past or future, don eva intend ta!!

Lastly, 2 Dagni.. me not so deep...not really..cept for the depth sum of these clots wud dig the hole 2 shove me in wen me reely gets on ther nerves!!! but they luffly..stick wiv em..an wen they luffya as much as they seem 2 luff me, for woteva reason, the silly sods... ya will jus feel like ya life is all worth wile!! Me noticed ya now..an if an wen we in chat togetha...me b ya m8 me hopes.. as well as boot that lot up the arse 2 stop iggyin ya!

Ta me lufflies.Ta 1 an all... for once...me fukkin speechless!!

An' lastly... 2 make me weekend perfect..the Jambos stuffed the Hibees yesterday.. easy!!! Ooooo me cup runneth ova!! tee hee... not quite...me missed the game cos me wos babysittin!!!!!!!!!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Not so bad tho...we went shoppin... tee hee.... an spent lots!!! yesssssssssssssss!!!

Now me speechless!! :tong:

[mariersa]

Dagni, ist das deiner frau und kinder mutter, ganz elegant, smecht fur alles ,

[Dagni]

Dagni, ist das deiner frau und kinder mutter, ganz elegant, smecht fur alles ,

Marsiersa, vår så snill, i don't speak German, so just tell me on english or some Scandinavian language.

[mariersa]

Dagni, your wife, your daughters mother, both are extremely beautifull kiss for them both

[yoyo4u]

Dagni, your wife, your daughters mother, both are extremely beautifull kiss for them both

Ich wollte das sagen auch, Sie ist und die sind alle sehr schön!!!

Aber Du bist auch eine hübsches Mädchen.......meine kleine, mariersa!!!

Gruß und Kuß,
yoyo

[flexuality]

Now me speechless!! :tong:

Infuriating I can see......but speechless?? LOL!! :bigrin:

[yoyo4u]

......but speechless?? LOL!! :bigrin:


:bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin:
love,
yoyo

[Solomon]

eyes.... a clown i may be, at least i'm a cute one! or at least that's what flex says hehehee!! :bigrin:

and is great to see you're back.... eeerr that you're still around :bigrin:

[darkeyes]

eyes.... a clown i may be, at least i'm a cute one! or at least that's what flex says hehehee!! :bigrin:

and is great to see you're back.... eeerr that you're still around :bigrin:

u sayin me fat????