what people who are poly are REALLY saying....

[teamnoir]

Ever wonder what people who are self described and defined as "polyamorous" are saying when they say things?

Well there's no need to anymore as there's a handy translation guide!

~Author Unknown~

Poly-amorous, new age rhetoric and it's english translations....

Poly phrase: "I don't use primary/secondary terminology, since I don't see my relationships as hierarchical."

English translation: "You're a secondary."

Poly phrase: "For me sex is about energy, so breathing and heart connection are more important than ejaculation."

English translation: "I'm more sophisticated than the guy over there, please sleep with me instead."

Poly phrase: "I see polyamory as being more about relationships and intimacy, while swinging is just about sex, and sex without intimacy is just not where I'm at right now."

English translation: "I'm more sophisticated than the person over there, please sleep with me instead"

Poly phrase: "The most important thing to me is keeping agreements."

English translation: "If you start seeing someone else and I'd feel unsophisticated just saying that I'm jealous, then I'll reinterpret one of our agreements until I'm able to say you broke it."

Poly phrase: "Even secondary relationships for me aren't just about sex."

English translation: "Secondary relationships for me are just about sex."

Poly phrase: "Right now the most important things to me are building poly family and intentional community."

English translation: "I'm getting concerned that I won't always be able to easily find new partners, plus I'm tired of driving from place to place, and oh yeah, I'm more sophisticated than the guy over there, so please sleep with me instead."

Poly phrase: "In our household the most important things are open communication and open process."

English translation: "Expect to be abused with passive-aggressive 'I' statements."

Poly phrase- Our family has spent considerable amount of time working through jealousy issues. No drama or competition here!

English translation- We are well entrenched in our particular form of disfunction, but I give the best head of the bunch so sleep with me instead!

Poly phrase: "I don't feel that we communicate on the same level, and that you aren't supporting me emotionally."

English translation: "I'm tired of you but it would make me seem less sophisticated and hence reduce my opportunities for further sexual relationships in this community to actually say that so bluntly, so I'll make his about vague failings on your part instead."

Poly phrase: "I think we should each have veto power."

English translation: "I want to reserve the right to veto each of your partners, no matter how much they respect our existing relationships, so that you're de facto limited to monogamy while I play the field."

Poly phrase: "I think that we should focus on each other for a while."

English translation: "I'm having more trouble finding partners than you are, time to clip your wings!"

Poly phrase: "I want you to always feel OK telling me what's really going on in your life, and asking for what you need in this relationship."

English translation: "Ask for what you need, and express hurt feelings, at your peril."

Poly phrase: "I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at myself, for not having recognized sooner that we weren't right for each other."

English translation: "I'm angry at you for not making my life perfect, but rather than taking responsibility for setting and meeting my own goals I find it more satisfying to shift the blame to you while superficially appearing to do the opposite."

Poly phrase: "Out of respect for our primary bond, we normally only see other people together."

English translation: "MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL FINALLY GET TO HAVE SEX WITH TWO WOMEN AT ONCE OMG OMG OMG THAT WOULD BE L33T!!!!! "

Poly phrase: "I think we need to process the end of our relationship and get closure."

English translation: "I'd like to kick you while you're down."

Poly phrase: "We obviously need to work on our relationship."

English translation: "We're through, I just want to vent a little more so that I can feel a little more self-righteous once you know it's over too, OK?"

Poly phrase: "The idea of line marriage has always appealed to me."

English translation: "The idea of having sex with people younger than me has always appealed to me."

Poly phrase: "So, which conventions do you like to attend, what kind of books do you like to read, what are your spiritual beliefs, and what is your ideal occupation?"

English translation: "Which science fiction conventions do you like to attend, who is your favorite fantasy author, what form of neo-paganism do you ascribe do, and where in the computer industry would you like to work?"

Poly phrase: "I'm needing to do some inner work, and instead of dating anyone would rather just work on my relationship with myself."

English translation: "I'm tired of you, but since I don't have anyone else lined up right now I might as well get some mileage out of the personal growth angle."

Poly phrase: "Well, I'm only theoretically poly, but I already have plenty of firmly-held beliefs about how it could be done in real life!"

English translation: "Hi, I'm an idiot."

Poly phrase: "Swinging would be way too crass for me, I'm more about relationships and emotional intimacy."

English translation: "I've always wanted to go to New Horizons swingers club (see here: http://www.horizonsclub.com/), could someone give me a ride there and guest me in, as long as I don't have to ask publicly?"

Poly phrase: "All of my partners are equally important to me, and they're all primary."

English translation: "I'd rather not explicitly spell out what the hierarchy is, but trust me - you'll know when you run into it."

Poly phrase: "Our friendship is more important than anything else."

English translation: "Once you've told me that we're done fucking, you'll never hear a word from me again."

Poly phrase: "I'm willing to take this slow as well."

English translation: "I intend to act like a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) and put as much pressure on you to put out as possible."

Poly phrase: "I've had to do a lot of work on that issue myself in my other relationships, and I'd be glad to help you with it if you want."

English translation: "I've tried blaming all my other partners for my shit and they won't put up with it anymore."

Poly phrase: "I really admire the way you are able to speak up for your boundaries in your relationships."

English translation: "If I'm going to get you to sleep with me, I'll have to be a cagey, manipulative bastard."

Poly phrase: "My other partners and I share a lot of interests but we do a lot of things separately, too."

English translation: "None of my current partners will let me have anal sex with them; will you?"

Poly phrase: "My partners and I follow our own unique spiritual path."

English translation: "Please join our cult."

Poly phrase: "I've learned so much from all of my relationships."

English addendum: "...so I know not to tell you about my OSOs/mental illness/contagious diseases until after you're emotionally involved with me."

Poly phrase: "I expect and give honest communication."

English translation: "I will bludgeon you with my opinions whenever I feel like it and if you can't take it then you must have a problem with 'honesty.'"

Poly phrase: "I wish we could all just get along."

English translation: "Give me what I want and no one gets hurt."

Poly phrase: "Have you read "The Ethical Slut"?

English translation: "If you don't have sex with me, or at least read that book, you're a prude and aren't evolved like I am."

Poly phrase: "Age is just a number."

English translation: "I will not fuck women or men who are my age or older."

Poly phrase: "Do you do Tantra?"

English translation: "If you don't have sex with me, you're a prude and aren't evolved."

Poly phrase: "Poly people are more evolved than mono people."

English translation: "I'm a virgin."

Poly speak: "It's a shame you're limiting yourself and your love."

English translation: "Why won't you fuck me?"

Poly phrase: I've told my poly partner about you and she's very excited to meet you so we'd like to have you over for dinner soon. Would you like to join the two of us for that?

English translation: Due to how hot I said you were my poly partner feels very threatened in her status as my primary, and she is obsessively compelled to check you out in person so she can look for some ammunition with which to veto any potential relationship you and I could have. Would you mind bringing a body guard?

Poly phrase: I've told my poly partner all about you and he is so excited to meet you that we are both hoping you'll have dinner with us soon.

English translation: I've told my poly partner how attractive you are and we both hope to eat you for dinner soon.

Poly phrase: Being poly has made our sex lives even more WONDERFUL because while my primary partner and I REALLY love playing with each other, we also WELCOME the opportunity to meet interesting new people, and open to the presence of other special lovers in our lives!

English translation: Being poly has given my partner and I a very WELCOME excuse to have sex with new people which is WONDERFUL because we're REALLY sick of each other and our relationship with each other is falling apart!

Poly phrase: Our relationship could be characterized as a primary polyamorous connection which will organically evolve over time. Both of us are too sophisticated, open, level-headed, and rational to tolerate putting any limits on other people or ourselves.

English translation: We're each other's booby prize. Both of us are too selfish, poorly groomed, dysfunctional and crazy to find any other people to tolerate us.

Poly phrase: I don't know if our connection has each and every quality necessary for a successful primary relationship, however I would like to explore this further because I do care about you very much and really cherish our friendship.

English translation: I know I'd love to have sex and explore how orally talented you are right now because I'm very horny, however I don't like you enough to really spend much time with you.

Poly phrase: I am seriously interested in working out our secondary relationship in such a way that would make both of us happy. I'm wondering if we could both try to create more room in our lives for each other? I'm hoping you're thinking something similar.

English translation: It was fun being fuck buddies. Maybe we'll do it again in a few months? Or not.

Poly phrase: My primary partner and I have totally worked out our jealousy issues regarding the play parties we attend. I get thoroughly wet when I watch him share pleasure with other people! Loving communication and listening are our life's priorities.

English translation: My partner makes me feel totally psycho at every play party. I thoroughly punish him with my sublimated rage later when we're at home! Passive-aggressive behaviors and messages are our favorite pastime.

Poly phrase: "I'm very happy you're in a relationship and have found love, but to only express love for one person, I feel is not the "Way of Soul". "

English translation: "I could care less if you are in a relationship. I have an uncontrollable compulsion to shamelessly flirt, play games and have my kind of "fun" regardless of anyone else's feelings, and I can totally justify my behavior with spiritual rhetoric."

[flexuality]

LOL!! :tong:

[TaylorMade]

<suppressed laughter...

I'm sorry. It's funny. :tong:


*Taylor*

[happyjoe68]

Excellent :bigrin:

Many a true word said in jest ...

[spartca]

Yup that Poly-to-English Dictionary captures some of the most often repeated mistakes in poly for sure! :)

[Seigun]

I agree. :tong:


Excellent :bigrin:

Many a true word said in jest ...

[teamnoir]

Excellent :bigrin:

Many a true word said in jest ...

How is it said in jest?

I actually do agree with most of these statements, and I've seen mostly all of these examples played out among poly people and in the poly "community".

I don't see the difference between having an open relationship and what people who are self defined and self described as poly say that polyamory is defined as. I see the two as being the EXACT same thing but just with different names.

my main issue with "polamory" is that it's just another word for an open relationship and I've read books like the Ethical slut or other essays about polyamory and in my opinion it's just another word for an open relationship.

Research has shown that open relationships or what people call "Polyamory" makes people feel validated if they want to turn away from working on relationships they have, gives them an excuse to stay married and not get a divorce, gives people an excuse to sleep around and find more people who like to sleep around, and gives people an excuse to validate orgies and multiple simultaneous sex partners.

I am not cool with different levels for group marriages and group family rearing of children. This brings in commune/cult mentalities and individuality starts to blur. Some people think it's okay to have a highly sexually charged environment but keep the sex acts 'behind closed doors' away from the kids, and others think it's okay for everyone in the "family", even the kids to sleep in the same room while sex acts, partner swapping, and orgies are going on.... The trouble with this whole "self-proclaimed polyamory" that I can see is that there are no guidelines for what it really is, so people use it to be whatever they want it to be.

I also don't understand why polyamory is supposed to be so 'free' and 'open' yet people who are self defined as poly feel the need to be so clearly defined. Or they tell you about it ALL THE TIME as if they're just trying to personally validate it to themselves, when it's not that revolutionary and it's only having an open relationship.

[FalconAngel]

We have friends in a poly relationship and what many folks are saying may hold true for the "sunday" poly folks, but it is patently untrue for our friends. They all work as hard as anyone else that we know to make their relationship work.
All three of them are very happy together. And while they have had their ups and downs, they have always sat down and worked things out.
They tell us that in a real poly relationship there is no room for deception; Honesty and trust is paramount and the relationship cannot work without it. Just like any other relationship out there that works.

Now they may be the exception or they could be the typical real poly relationship, rather than the ones who claim to be poly and are just faking it. We can't say, but for our friends, it works. Like sexuality and religion, it isn't for everyone, but it is for some.

[happyjoe68]

How is it said in jest?

I actually do agree with most of these statements, and I've seen mostly all of these examples played out among poly people and in the poly "community".

I don't see the difference between having an open relationship and what people who are self defined and self described as poly say that polyamory is defined as. I see the two as being the EXACT same thing but just with different names.

my main issue with "polamory" is that it's just another word for an open relationship and I've read books like the Ethical slut or other essays about polyamory and in my opinion it's just another word for an open relationship.

Research has shown that open relationships or what people call "Polyamory" makes people feel validated if they want to turn away from working on relationships they have, gives them an excuse to stay married and not get a divorce, gives people an excuse to sleep around and find more people who like to sleep around, and gives people an excuse to validate orgies and multiple simultaneous sex partners.

I am not cool with different levels for group marriages and group family rearing of children. This brings in commune/cult mentalities and individuality starts to blur. Some people think it's okay to have a highly sexually charged environment but keep the sex acts 'behind closed doors' away from the kids, and others think it's okay for everyone in the "family", even the kids to sleep in the same room while sex acts, partner swapping, and orgies are going on.... The trouble with this whole "self-proclaimed polyamory" that I can see is that there are no guidelines for what it really is, so people use it to be whatever they want it to be.

I also don't understand why polyamory is supposed to be so 'free' and 'open' yet people who are self defined as poly feel the need to be so clearly defined. Or they tell you about it ALL THE TIME as if they're just trying to personally validate it to themselves, when it's not that revolutionary and it's only having an open relationship.

When I read your thread it reminded me of the "man/woman says this ... but what they really mean is this ..." type of humourous observations that you see in magazines, on web pages, etc.

I understand a lot of your comments and observations all too well. Polyamory unfortunately contributed to the collapse of a relationship recently

[12voltman59]

That is a hoot!!!!!!! :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin: :bigrin:

[ghytifrdnr]

So, we're all into poly bashing now? :eek:

[IanBorthwick]

Oh no...it's her again! This is classic Daisy rhetoric. If you don't pay her any attention this will all go away, like a bad dream. For those of you who weren't around when she was doign this before, now is the time to flex your ignore power and aim it at her. The last thing I want to see is the divisive crap flying around once more. I knew I should have left this fricking site last time, but I am sure this time I am not hanging about.

This girl has the Ann Coulter style of shock-posting, in that it is half-true and presented as all-true. She comes off like an expert and is nothing but opinionated. Her entire motivation is to see how WIIIIIIDDDDDDEEEEE of a fracture she can split amongst us and how many she can drive into place so we begin to bicker for her. In essence setting us at each others throats so she doesn't have to do more than poke a bit to start the combat going.

Last time she started with fat girls, then came to polyamorous people later. The entire point to this is to make herself a prima donna and rise to a sort of figurehead position where she can continue whipping people into a lather for some twisted personal vendetta against people. Who knows who she is mad at? I sure don't. All I know is it's easier to criticize and tear apart than to pull together. Her words are not meant to be helpful or even ask for help, hell she even said it wasn't meant to be funny.


Drew, I hope you're watching this one.

[flexuality]

So, we're all into poly bashing now? :eek:
hehe...hardly! It's just humorous. :tong:

[IanBorthwick]

hehe...hardly! It's just humorous. :tong:


I don't find it at all funny. In fact I find it rather insulting.

[flexuality]

Oh no...it's her again! This is classic Daisy rhetoric. If you don't pay her any attention this will all go away, like a bad dream. For those of you who weren't around when she was doign this before, now is the time to flex your ignore power and aim it at her.
umm...I think ya might be jumpin the gun there....teamnoir is not Daisy

I'm not taking any sides here...just providing a bit of info...I do not believe that teamnoir is trying to be offensive to anyone....he is stating that he doesn't see a difference and that he doesn't understand it and then states why....if you read his profile, it might provide some insight.

Yes, he has been rather blunt, as he tends to be (and he is the first to admit that) but it is not done to be offensive....it is the nature of asperger's.

Hope that helps to clarify... :)

[IanBorthwick]

Understanding the nature doesn't remove the insult. Fact is I could come down on a lot of aspects of thinsg I have seen AND experienced here with both feet, and do it insultingly too. But, I don't, because I know a few crucial things:

1) I don't know everything and points of view are important

2) My experiences and abuses from persons here might not be the norm

In any case, He's in my ignore now.

[flexuality]

Understanding the nature doesn't remove the insult.
I hear ya on that one! I've spent my entire life around autism and asperger's ( a sister and 2 of my kids) and all the understanding in the world of how autism and asperger's works doesn't make it any easier to not feel hurt or insulted sometimes, even when it's not usually their intent...

[teamnoir]

Understanding the nature doesn't remove the insult. Fact is I could come down on a lot of aspects of thinsg I have seen AND experienced here with both feet, and do it insultingly too. But, I don't, because I know a few crucial things:

1) I don't know everything and points of view are important

2) My experiences and abuses from persons here might not be the norm

In any case, He's in my ignore now.
hey whatever dude.

it's your loss.

People need to lighten up around here and take the sticks out of their ass.

ghytifrdnr-That's interesting that a bi guy who is married and wants to cheat on his wife, thinks I'm somehow "bashing" poly people.