Why do we love to hate?

[arana]

I have noticed more and more lately that people seem to love the more controversial threads even though they post they hate the disruption and unrest they bring. We have threads regarding problems, likes, dislikes, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, humour, new to the site and they are viewed by hundreds of people yet most get very few postings to them. Then one spewing hate comes along and it's like members come out of the woodwork to post to them and I'm wondering why that is. What makes people want to contribute to those threads and cause more disharmony rather than ignore it so the composer doesn't get the satisfaction from it? And why can't these same people take the time to say a simple "hello, welcome to the site" to those that are introducing themselves or wish someone a nice day? Has being nice become outdated and uncool? Could someone enlighten me please? Thanks!

[Lisa (va)]

Guess I am just as guilty as others. But you are so right and I will make a concious effort in this regard.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[csrakate]

Sure wish I had an answer for you Arana. I have noticed the same thing and every time I see a controversial thread started, I brace myself for the onslaught of those who feel compelled to compete in a war of words and oneupmanship. Can't we all just agree that these threads aren't worth the time and effort and perhaps focus our energy on building up our community with our words of love, support and information sharing??? I know...I sound like Pollyanna...but never before have I noticed the abundance of negativity like we are experiencing right now. Let's turn the other cheek....let's ignore the rabble rousers...and let's return to something a bit more positive.

Just my :2cents:

Hugs,
Kate

[TaylorMade]

We're human. We're not all love and sunshine.

*Taylor*

[chook]

lets face it its human nature, some people just cant keep their nose out of a good shitfight which starts a chain reaction then every man woman and their dog has to put in their 20cents worth.......just my :2cents:


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[FerociousFeline]

Um....does this thread count as one I should rise above?

LOL (just kidding dear)

I think the reason behind that is really a lot more simple than might be apparent. A lot of topics people read and it may make them realize that they hadn't thought about it before. That isn't to say that they don't have an opinion about what the topic is, it's just that they may take their time to respond to it after thinking about it for a period of time.

By contrast, when someone posts a thread that inspires passionate response, then people don't really have to think too much about it. They already KNOW how the feel about it and are three times as likely to immediately post.

Just a thought


FF

[Solomon]

for what it's worth, i think the answer is more like most of us have an honest desire to know each other and to share our opinions and to be validated as to be thinking straight or not... and to have our thinking elevated if it is a bit off

sorta like the child that sticks his finger in an electrical socket once.... gets told no
so he does it again in order to verify what the message means
and he does it one more time to make sure that he's understanding the message
etc.. etc...

and it can seem like enjoying the banging of heads against a wall...

but i think a trainer of mine said it best, the frustration is that he'd worked hard to get to a certain level of proficiency in his work and in order to show someone brand new what he's learned, he needs to start all over again and remember what it's like to have a clean slate of ignorance, and thus he learns things about what he's doing that he hasn't considered before and is humbled

people don't choose to be ignorant, we just are

but you've got a valid point... sometimes the cycle gets to the point that we hit overload, and we've given all we have to give and the new people are the ones sometimes to suffer the indifferences

can be a dangerous place to be...

[Long Duck Dong]

lol as a guilty party I am often one of those that just can't shut up....lol
I make no excuses for the fact that I don't shut up when I know I should.....

I use the forum as a chance to rant, vent and * yell * out the opinions that often go unheard in normal life

part of the issue with a forum, is that people are gonna post things I don't like.... thats my tough shit, I can either like it or lump it and depending on the subject matter, I will often ignore it.....

but if its controversial, then I will go at it like a bull at a gate..... not with the intention of shit stirring, but actually learning.... a opinion is easy to form.... but when it is challenged, does it * hold water * and so I often use a forum to challenge my own opinions.... even tho it does mean that I piss people off....

[BreeIsMe]

Arana,
maybe its me but this does seem to be a new phenomenon. This is also happening in the chat rooms with people popping in making fairly aggressive and antogonistic remarks. Why? I have NO idea other than it seems to be an overall thing in today's society. Maybe it because we no longer have unifying themes, like fighting world wars against common enemies, etc. (something that seems to unite people in the effort) or maybe it's because of the "me" generation that is focused on their own needs and totally oblivious to others. Whatever the cause, I don't know if we have any control since the problem seems to come from without not within. The best way to make it go away....ignore those threads and people in the chat room and let them simply disappear....

My thoughts....

Bree


I have noticed more and more lately that people seem to love the more controversial threads even though they post they hate the disruption and unrest they bring. We have threads regarding problems, likes, dislikes, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, humour, new to the site and they are viewed by hundreds of people yet most get very few postings to them. Then one spewing hate comes along and it's like members come out of the woodwork to post to them and I'm wondering why that is. What makes people want to contribute to those threads and cause more disharmony rather than ignore it so the composer doesn't get the satisfaction from it? And why can't these same people take the time to say a simple "hello, welcome to the site" to those that are introducing themselves or wish someone a nice day? Has being nice become outdated and uncool? Could someone enlighten me please? Thanks!

[ambi53mm]

If I take a look at the world around me I see the beauty and I also see the contrast of those things that are not beautiful. A beautiful sunrise over an African landscape illuminating it’s natural grandeur while also revealing it’s impoverished population They exist side by side and in contrast to one another, The struggle becomes personal in an effort to stay focused on the glass half full rather than the glass half empty. The choice to contribute in a positive way or in a negative way is personal as well. It’s disheartening and disappointing to see post after post reflect the worst of what we are but no more disappointing than turning on any news broadcast and seeing the subject matter that gets the most attention and sadly, it wasn’t Earth Day. :(

I once posted a thread asking why people came to this site and maybe I’ll bump it just to see where it goes. I know what bought me to this site, and within these posts and within myself I found what I was looking for. I hope for the sake of the community and for those that come seeking as I did, they find understanding and reconciliation. Sometimes you have to move a lot of Earth to find a diamond. It’s knowing that they are out there waiting to be found that gives hope.

Ambi :)

[darkeyes]

We are unfortunately a microcosm of society Rana. We have loves, hates, opinions, nice people and bloody great fools. We have people with axes to grind, personal conflicts and petty resentments.This will always provide to some degree a sense of confilict sometimes spilling into what appears to be hatred.

We are also a group of people for whom many in the wider world have hatred for many differnt reasons. Even among the gay community there is a contempt for us in many quartetrs which creates for many of us, real problems. It is therefore no surprising therefore if as part of a petty and intolerant grudge against the bisexual community that we get trolls, and worse, who wish to create mayhem and disruption on this or any site. We have seen a little of the divide and rule principle with which they seek to destroy and discredit us as a community, and it may be that it gets worse. I hope not. But as far as we are able we must be on our guard and rise above petty differences between ourselves and unite as much as we can as a community against these incredible personal hatreds.

So far I think it is merely the activities of a few individuals, but should we ever see an orchestrated campaig then we are doubly in trouble. This was created as an free and open site, which I love and has done so much for me on a personal level, and so far it remains so. However, it may be that as time goes on its character changes sufficiently that to some a rethink may be required about membership. We are not there yet, but if we are to retain .com as the site we know and love, all of us must be prepared to act in its defence.

[etncple]

Hi Everyone, HAVE A NICE DAY :three: :) :tongue: :tong:

[Herbwoman39]

Personally I find it difficult to 1) not want to defend myself from whatever accusations are flying around in various threads or 2) want to make peace so I throw in my :2cents:

For me it isn't hatred. It's either self justification or a desire to make everything alright.

[biwords]

We're human. We're not all love and sunshine.

*Taylor*

Well, exactly.

In my own case I find that some people here have such a gift for providing support, love etc. that I often have little to add; I read those postings and say "gosh, why couldn't I put it that way". While on controversial threads it's not hard to think of something that hasn't already been said, or so I find. But, of course, you can be controversial without being malicious...

All that said, I think it is wonderfully, characteristically Arana that this particular thread should exist at all...

[mistymockingbird]

lets face it its human nature, some people just cant keep their nose out of a good shitfight which starts a chain reaction then every man woman and their dog has to put in their 20cents worth.......just my :2cents:


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

That's certainly my take on it as well. I also think there's validity in the notion that some people derive their strength by tearing others down. The internet is the perfect medium for such passive aggressive attacks.

I'm all for good debate if it's done with logic, rational thought, and ultimately respect for all parties involved even if all you do at the end is agree to disagree. Unfortunately, the folks that deliberately post controversial threads are most often incapable of that level of discussion. Any one that knows me in my actual life knows that I'm an advocate by nature and that I'm not afraid to share my opinions. I just think there's a time and a place for that, and for me, these forums are not it. Quite honestly some of my dearest friends here have saddened me by continuously engaging the pot stirrers both on the forums and in chat. And it's caused me to be less present and less engaged when I am than I've been in the past.

As for the folks who won't say "Hi and welcome" to someone new and jump at every chance to say something negative...all I can say is that I believe in karma and the idea that everyone has a journey they need to follow in their own time. You get out of this world what you put into it.

[flexuality]

Couple of things come to mind.... :)

As far as jumping in and being compelled to reply to nasty posts...I think that a lot of the replies get interpreted as having anger behind them, when they probably don't...at least not all of them. It's more difficult to convey a message without tone or body language. :cool:

For myself, I have had such a lifetime of chaos and unbelievable crap, that most nasty posts don't bother me at all...I find most of them kinda humorous....but no one can see my smirk when I reply and I notice that I tend to be misunderstood in those cases.

I am getting better at wording things and using smilies and such :rolleyes: as I realize I do have a tendency to be direct and it doesn't come across well in type, especially if it's in reply to a nasty comment. :rolleyes:

And I suppose that at some level, it's just really nice to be able to "vent" some of the feelings that some of us don't feel able to vent in real life...so while it's not always loving and supportive, it actually is SELF loving and SELF supportive because we learn better ways to handle that stuff in real life.

At least that's what I find..... :rolleyes:

Do we love to hate...or do we hate to love? Or are we just afraid of our own feelings and when someone gets nasty in a post, we jump in and feel "safe" to vent some of our own more uncomfortable emotions..... :cool: :rolleyes: :)

[Keliana]

Baha'i Faith: "Blessed is he who preferreth his brother before himself."

Buddhism: "Hurt not others in that you yourself would find hurtful." --Udana-Varga 5:18

Christianity: "As you wish that men would do to you, do so to them." --Luke 6:31

Confucianism: "Do not unto others what you would not have them do unto you." --Analects 15:23

Hinduism: "Do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done to you." --Mahabharata 5:1517

Islam: "No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself." --Sunnah

Judaism: "That which is hateful unto you, do not impose on others." --Talmud, Shabbat 31a

Sikhism: "As thou deemest thyself, so deem others."

Taoism: "Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain and your neighbor's loss as your own loss." --T'ai Shang Kan Ying P'ien

Wicca: "An ye harm none, do what ye will." --Wiccan Rede

Zoroastrianism: That nature alone is good which refrains from doing unto another whatsoever is not good for itself." --Dadistan-i-dinik 94:5 ================================================== ========
Six humans trapped by happenstance
In dark and bitter cold
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story's told.
Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back.
For on the faces around the fire,
She noticed one was black.
The next man looking cross the way,
Saw one not of his church,
And couldn't bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.
The third one sat in tattered clothes,
He gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use,
To warm the idle rich?
The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store.
And how to keep what he had earned
From the lazy, shiftless poor.
The black man's face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.
The last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain
Giving only to those who gave
Was how he played the game.
The logs held tight in death's still hands
Was proof of human sin.
They didn't die from the cold without,
They died from ---THE COLD WITHIN.

[Cerealk]

And yet, all those fanatics promptly attack others in a lot of forms under the name of their God/religion/believes...

Humans suck. Now, with that aside, lets try to work something out? =)

[Dagni]

I don't know. You know, i more like to hear from the people to tell me directly in the face what they think about me, do they love me or hate me or whatever, and yes, i would like to hear that - honest answer without any malicious thoughts or jokes like it happens few times on chat.
Just don't waste your words on expanding a problem if you have any problem with me,,,,just tell me open and directly what you think of me, that's all.

But i think, basicly that Kate was totaly right in her post. Yes, we could love each other without any hate.
This world may look perfect.

[coyotedude]

Hey, Arana. I think you are a sweetie!

I have to be honest, I love a good knock-down drag-out political debate. Partially that's just part of who I am - I love to question, and I love to learn, and I find I learn more about myself and the world when jousting with someone who has different views, feelings, and perspectives from myself.

But that really only works when you have and show respect for the people whom you're debating. Discussion and debate can be passionate - challenging our most deeply held assumptions - and it can be hard to remember in the heat of battle that at the end of the day, we're all human and we're all just trying to live our lives as best we know how. I find that if I start out with respect for others, I'm more likely to be respected in return, even when passionately arguing a point.

(I might note that composers have long known that some of the most interesting music is discordant - full of struggle and strife - which makes the eventual tonal resolution much more satisfying and meaningful!)

Hate, however, is not debate. Hate is mean. Hate goes out of its way to hurt others simply because it can. I, too, have seen it not only in the forums but also in chat. And it makes me sad, because it's so unnecessary. Life is hard enough without people sharing their own hate and misery with the rest of us.

We humans can be nasty with each other, no question about it.

Sometimes all we can do is react with a smile or a shrug - let it roll off our backs like water off a duck - and move along with yet another reminder of how not to live our own lives....

Peace

[arana]

Thank you everyone for your comments. I agree a good debate can be fun and informative. I love seeing people who know their stuff in a lively discussion and actually listening to one another while standing their beliefs.

I also understand it's human nature to be defensive if someone says something against the grain of most...it's just a knee jerk reaction and sometimes can't be helped. The thing that made me ask was mainly that I can see nice post where someone just says "Hey I'm new here, hello" and it will show 300 views and maybe 5 posts to it. People have taken the time to read it, knowing by the title what it is about so it's not exactly a surprise what they've walked into, yet they can't spend the extra minute or two to say, "welcome"....Then I see another thread that says something like "This site sucks" and suddenly see people I've never seen post before put in their 2 cents or will repeat what someone else says or even simply throw in a "Yeah, me too!" Enoll's april fools joke got negative responses because people took him seriously. Anyone that has read anything he's ever written, would or should have known he was joking but yet it still got some people up in arms. Maybe I should have asked "Does your passion for your belief's sometimes make you react before really thinking about what's in front of you?"

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to respond!

Thank you Keliana, I really enjoyed reading that.

[Solomon]

and thank you arana for the reminder that life's not just about problems

[darkeyes]

Maybe I should have asked "Does your passion for your belief's sometimes make you react before really thinking about what's in front of you?"

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to respond!

Thank you Keliana, I really enjoyed reading that.

If you had asked that Ran, me wud hav yus sed "all 2 often"!