Attracted to straight folks [Archive]

Fuzzled_one

Apr 30, 2007, 3:54 AM

preppyglam

Apr 30, 2007, 4:06 AM

I think straight chicks are hot all. the. time.
A few things about this though-

1- you can never tell if someone is Bi or Lesbian.
2- because you can never "tell", you have to give it the benefit of the doubt, which you did (and are doing, since you are getting frustrated with it).

My thoughts about the same problem:
i keep thinking that other Bis or Lesbians probably think Im straight too, since Im married and wear a ring. So I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. It would be nice if girls pursued me, like straight guys do, despite them seeing I am married. But since they probably think I am Straight, they dont even flirt, even a little bit!

I wish that all Bi people wore a plain band on the middle finger of their right hand (I chose right since married Bis are probably wearing a left hand ring, and people dont often wear middle finger rings in general). At least we would have a starting point when trying to guess who may be Bi!

FerociousFeline

Apr 30, 2007, 5:28 AM

I wish that all Bi people wore a plain band on the middle finger of their right hand (I chose right since married Bis are probably wearing a left hand ring, and people dont often wear middle finger rings in general). At least we would have a starting point when trying to guess who may be Bi!

I think a marker is a good idea, but, I think bi people should wear a small silver hoop earring on left ear. (first hole on people who have multiples)
It's innocuous, easy to see, inexpensive, and blends.

FF

darkeyes

Apr 30, 2007, 8:03 AM

I am attracted to people for who they are as well as what they look like..like most of us I am attracted 2 str8 women, lesbian as well as bi women... its life.. we all get it wrong sometimes... and Fuzzled..I study body language which is a terrific guide to whether people are attracted to you...easy with guys...their tongues just hang out ( both metaphorically and literally) and they sniff after you like a dog on heat...with women its a little more complex... especially bi women and even more so closetted bi women... so studyin their body language is a good guide to what they think of you..its not infallible and we all sometimes pick up wrong signals..but with time and experience and a little knowledge its amazing what can be achieved...and who....

maxtor

Apr 30, 2007, 8:30 AM

i agree fully if we bi folks had a telltale sign or wear something that would distinguish us that only bi's know (supposedly). i would not wear an ear ring so it would have to be something else. we should have a few telltale identifications so we can pick one that would match our demeanor or clothing.

someone should look at that. i know about the rainbow of colors but that just dont go with me and my demeanor.

LoveLion

Apr 30, 2007, 11:31 AM

I am in a similar situation right now. I am very attracted to one of my best friends. He is hot, smart and fun. I told him I was bi a while ago, and he didnt really understand. His view towards it was the classic "Bi? does that even exists, I think yous still confused." attitude. Of course he is to nice to say anything like that to me, but It was pretty obvious how he felt by the other things he says. I never came on to him, but I he has no doubt picked up on the signals. All the same, he is a very modern guy and doesnt let it affect our friendship, although he assured me he is straight. Heres the kick in the teeth though. He has been with men! When we were back in high school a year or two back, he told me he thought he was gay and he had a small sexual/romantic relationship with a guy for a short time during the period when he thought he was gay. Arg, and all those times in high school when I never made a move because I was sure he was straight! I missed the boat big time there. I keep hoping that I can unlock that inner gay in him again, but no luck so far.

I can relate, and I feel your pain. Its a shitty situation, but all we can really do is move on and hope to find someone else (even though I am having trouble taking my own advice).

And I cant really blame my friend for his attitude. Any guy that has seriously questioned his sexuality and ended up straight, is going to naturally think that that is how it is going to work out for everyone.

Fuzzled_one

Apr 30, 2007, 9:14 PM

Thanks all for your comments, and words, i do appreciate how some can relate, and that there are other people out there struggling just as i.
I know why im so gutted about the situation with this women, is the signs she was interested, sure i mean she is 10 years older than me ( age dont mean nothing), but how can you just start being friends then dinner (twice) and coffee, and coming into work to have a drink after you have finished, surely i picked up the signs? So as i said i have told her im bi, but she has been sick the past week when ive told her, so im not really sure how she is dealing with it. I do think she is curious though...yet i do think i should move on...oh how i do hate crushes! :(

DiamondDog

May 1, 2007, 12:42 AM

sure I get sexually attracted to seeing handsome heterosexual men or I'll see hetero men in public and think how they're handsome; but I know I won't ever have sex with them and that they're not interested in me.

I'm talking about real heterosexual men not the "straight" type of men that are on gay porn sites and that get fetishized by gay men.

Anyway with hetero people you can look at the menu but you just can't order!

That's why I'd only go with gay/bi men and bi women.

Also like darkeyes said if you're good at reading body language you can easily tell if someone is bi/gay or closeted.

deletetacount123

May 1, 2007, 12:55 AM

Ok, so i have a wee problem, and would be very much appreciative of any advice.

The story goes like this over the past year ive had a crush on this woman who comes into my work, and well i kept my distance not sure if she was that way inclined.

So over the past few months i've been talking to her, going to her house for dinner, as she had invited me, now i was getting signals she was that way inclined.

So as our friendship has grown, i decided to tell her i was bi, and her reply was that of something in which she cant relate too...i just want to know if there has been similar situations with people, and how you deal with it, i seem to go for the straight chics...and im getting a little sick of it.

I know what you mean lol
I currently have a crush on a female friend I met at work whos been so nice towards me.
Yes shes straight.... yes she has a boyfriend.
Have we flirt a little? Probably lol She has said some things that could be taken 1 way or the other.... and Ive made comments to some of her pics on facebook where she looks sexy and she doesn't mind that.

Do I wish she was bisexual or lesbian?? sometimes lol
She knows I perfer women and doesn't seem bothered by it..... our friendship is still growing. :)

Ive had crushs on girls where they are lesbian or bisexual BUT they are already dating someone or married!!! Darn hehe
(Not into the couple thing but if its 2 women couple, I probably could be talked into it but ONLY... and ONLY after Ive known them both for some time and trust them both and a lot of communication was made then we'll see. :) )

I think its easy to have crushs cause you like that person so much. :)

tink1978

May 1, 2007, 1:04 AM

see i am having a slightly different problem. I am attracted to a woman who is attracted to me but because she lives with a man i can not get anywhere with.

That sucks

mtb0509

May 1, 2007, 3:13 AM

Ugh I know exactly how you feel! It's completely frustrating!

I've got two stories.

1) He's one of my best friends and I've known him for just a few years but we instantly connected and I feel something deep between us that I've never felt with anyone. Sometimes I can't get him out of my head and it's frustrating. Sometimes I could swear that he must be bi, or at least bicurious. He's slept with more than a few women, and is always on the prowl for them (he's a horndog), but sometimes I just get what I think are signals that he might be bi. I've caught him staring at me in strange ways, making slightly gay comments, etc. But then other times he acts like he doesn't even know me, never talks to me, and acts like anyone even slightly gay is a curse to the world. So I dunno what to do about him. I want to tell him I'm bicurious, but I have to wait for the right moment...

2) A mutual friend of ours who I've met and hung out with more than a few times and we get along really well. Consequently when we're hanging out together there's usually alcohol involved, and when he gets drunk he gets very homosexual. Once he was chilling on the couch and told me to come over and sit next to him, then he grabbed my chin and started shouting "Look how close our faces are!". Plus he's also randomly mentioned celebrity bisexuals out of nowhere, so that's a dead giveaway in my mind. So I once sent him a message telling him I was a little bi and I figured he probably is too and if he wanted someone to talk to I'd be here. Well I never heard back from him and now it seems like he's avoiding me since I haven't seen him in the longest time.

So yes it's very frustrating and annoying. I want to experiment at some point in my life, and the best time is when I'm still young and in college (that's what it's for, right?). And just when I think I've found the right people it turns out I'm wrong.

deletetacount123

May 1, 2007, 9:19 AM

see i am having a slightly different problem. I am attracted to a woman who is attracted to me but because she lives with a man i can not get anywhere with.

That sucks

:yikes2: :yikes2: :yikes2: :yikes2: :yikes2: :yikes2:

Yes it does sucks!! :( :( :(

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

the sacred night

May 1, 2007, 10:12 AM

deletetacount123

May 1, 2007, 11:22 AM

When I'm attracted to someone, I flirt, period. I don't try to find out if the person is str8 first, because if they are, all they have to do is not flirt back and I will get the hint. I guess if you're not out, this might be a problem, but it doesn't bother me for people to know I'm bi, and normally they will know long before any flirting happens.

My problem is that at my work, I am the boss of most of the people I work with, so flirting with them is completely out of the question since it's sexual harassment because they're my employees. The one person I'm *not* the boss of is *my* boss, and let's just say there is no desire there whatsoever.

I do that too... if I like a girl and feel attracted, I'll flirt... most times I don't even realize it hehe
But I do know if they don't flirt back or seem uncomfortable then I stop and dont do it again.
Sure, she could be straight or maybe shes not out yet and doesn't want anyone knowing.

I flirt with a co-worker who doesn't care and does it back lol but thats usually just on Facebook. We just smile each others ways at work. No time to really chat and all unless our breaks are at the same time that day.

I think theres nothing wrong with flirting as long as you don't cross the limits... and you stop when you notice the person isn't flirting back or seems uncomfortable. (or tells you to stop)

PolyLoveTriad

May 1, 2007, 12:29 PM

Yep, we need to wear a ring on the right hand or something. The earring thing wont work cuz a lot of guys dont care for them, some guys care for them too much, and same for women too I suppose, but youll pry the diamonds out of my cold dead ears LOL Im not taking them out to put a silver hoop in :)

Btw, youre a hottie, she just must not be opening her eyes, if I was straight, and I had oppourtunity Id have jumped at the chance still! lol But the guy with you in that pic, he looks a little bit "stiff" :)

Fancy1600

May 1, 2007, 7:49 PM

ok well theres this girl I like im pretty sure she's straight cuz she has a bf but I guess that doesnt mean anything and Im really confused,cuz I have to site beside her in one of my classes and she always has her arm on the back of m chair,her book and arm on my desk,her leg touching mine, and her foot tapping against my leg....and she smiles at me alot...well like my whole school knows Im a Bi and so could she just be teasing me...or is she like flirting with me? :confused:

Herbwoman39

May 1, 2007, 8:46 PM

deletetacount123

May 1, 2007, 9:01 PM

I hear ya. I was going to post a thread about flirting with straight women. You never know until you start flirting what their orientation is. Sad part is if they turn out to be straight (which is my case 90% of the time) I come off looking like that creepy guy at the bar that all the women avoid.

It sucks.

lol all the girls I flirt with are never bothered by it.
If they are straight, they just take it as me playing around.

Mine are always playful and friendly and never crossing the line so maybe thats why I get away with it hehe

Sometimes I wonder if some straight women LIKE IT when you flirt with them?? Maybe your saying things they never hear thier bf/husband say lol

Tasha

Fuzzled_one

May 1, 2007, 9:33 PM

Well it seems we all have had this situation to deal with, and the chic i have the crush on, its not a matter of her being straight, it was more the fact that she lead me on, flirting, and now she knows im bi, nothing hardly any contact at all...?!
I do know she isnt that way inclined, but people i spoke to think it was very cruel of her to send me signals, they were even starting to think she was bi as well. Worst of all i think ive scared her away.

jamiehue

May 1, 2007, 10:17 PM

once read a a article on the inventor of the computer who was forever chasing str8 men he commited suicide. I dont wanna get to that point so.... im here.

innaminka

May 2, 2007, 7:33 PM

Ok, so i have a wee problem,

Aha - A Kiwi. With a small problem.. :) :)

Being attracted to someone who's str8 is a perennial problem.
I think the real answer is show them respect and develop a genuine friendship.
A good friend is worth an awful lot.

Fuzzled_one

May 2, 2007, 7:48 PM

Yes a WEE problem, i have developed a friendship with this women who i do have the crush on, and i told her recently that i am bi, her reply was that of its not something i can relate to but whatever doode. However this past week i have heard not much from her as i usually do, so fingers crossed i havent stuffed up what friendship we do have. :rolleyes:

Fuzzled_one

May 3, 2007, 5:52 AM

Rick30907

May 3, 2007, 11:07 AM

Some interesting remarks here. But I must comment on what "darkeyes" and one or two others said about body language & flirting. Both of those things are CULTURAL, so you need to know what is "done" and what's "not done" by the people where you are (and I mean natives who are really & truly a part of the culture of the place, *not* newcomers from someplace else). Where I come from & live (the American South), flirting is part & parcel of everyday life. It's "done." It's expected. If you don't do it, you are regarded as standoff-ish or else you are thought to be a newcomer or an outsider. I went to a German university & then lived & worked in Germany--nearly 8 yrs. all told--& I can tell you that in Germany, it is perfectly all right to stare openly at complete strangers. Many times I've sat in a train compartment opposite people of all ages & both sexes, and I found that even elderly people, sitting opposite me in a train compartment, would stare openly at me. It meant nothing; it's merely their body language. After nearly 8 yrs. there, I fell into staring openly at others--without knowing it. So when I came back to the states, I spent the first 3 months in New York City--Manhattan--where it is most definitely NOT okay to stare at or even speak to strangers, *especially* in enclosed spaces like elevators (lifts) because they think that you are a mad slasher who is about to stab them, or that you are going to panhandle them for money, or that you have chosen them to throw up on. So with my combined Southern way of speaking to strangers as a matter of course and my (unconscious) German way of staring openly, I frightened my share of New Yorkers. Here in The South, one automatically speaks to & converses with anybody within a few feet or yards--it's "done"; "expected." Nobody thinks anything of it. Staring, however, is "not done." One flirts here with waitresses & waiters; bank tellers; receptionists; anybody. It's CULTURAL. So one needs to know where someone comes from & what their acptable body language is in the culture that formed them. Maybe the questioner's co-worker merely thought that she was being conventionally polite by inviting you to supper and going out for drinks. But what culture formed her notions of what is "done" and what is "not done"? If you find yourself in, let's say a restaurant, and you notice somebody who's not within speaking distance staring openly at you, then make eye contact a few times. Then, nod slightly, as in an ordinary greeting to someone out of earshot. If the other person nods back, then, after a while, one of you will go into the restroom. If you both end up there together, then the "problem" is solved. Anyway, these things are determined by the culture that formed us, and knowing that about someone as in the situation in question here, is indispensible. Just keep in mind where you are & what's "done" by those peeps. "When in Rome...."

mtb0509

May 3, 2007, 11:54 AM

So do you think its harder being friends with your crush though? I mean really it would be harder to get over them, yet the friendship is great, the person is great, you dont wanna loose that. How do you deal with something like this?

I know exactly what you mean. I have a huge crush on one of my best friends, and have had it almost as long as we've known each other (about 2 and a half years). There are so many times when I want to come out to him which might lead to him knowing how I feel about him, but if that happens and he doesn't feel the same way (which sometimes I really think he is bi himself and might be interested in me) then I'll be screwed and out of a really really good friend.
I'm not out to anyone, and I don't think it's obvious at all that I'm a little bit bi, but last summer some of my friends were joking around saying that I had a crush on this guy, so I'm wondering if it's not as hidden as I thought it was...

Fuzzled_one

May 3, 2007, 3:57 PM

I know exactly what you mean. I have a huge crush on one of my best friends, and have had it almost as long as we've known each other (about 2 and a half years). There are so many times when I want to come out to him which might lead to him knowing how I feel about him, but if that happens and he doesn't feel the same way (which sometimes I really think he is bi himself and might be interested in me) then I'll be screwed and out of a really really good friend.
I'm not out to anyone, and I don't think it's obvious at all that I'm a little bit bi, but last summer some of my friends were joking around saying that I had a crush on this guy, so I'm wondering if it's not as hidden as I thought it was...

People do pick up on signs, i mean ive had people find out i was bi, when i hadnt even told them, funny how a small town will do that to you! But why do you think you will screw the friendship up if you tell him your bi? Its obviously something you want to do, and if he is one of your best mates, he should understand, and be supportive about it, if not then is he really a good mate? You dont need to tell him you have feelings for him, you never know if you left it and he is fine with you being bi. Something could very well happen, i just hope for your sakes he is comfortable with you being bi, i mean its not like you are a different person. The chic i like, seems fine, i talked to her yesterday, and seeing her today, she isnt that way inclined, but at least i still have her as a mate, i just have to wait and see how it all goes.

missBojangles

May 3, 2007, 5:57 PM

I can relate to you...

I didn't really admit to myself that I was bi until a few months ago when I realized I had a huge crush on one of my teammates (it's a bitch too because the sport is volleyball and everyone wears spandex shorts... aka TORTURE!). We get along really well and I've been so torn on how to communicate with her because I am afraid of what will happen. I've only told 2 people that I'm bi, one is a male gay friend and the other is a guy friend who I feel comfortable talking to. I'm trying now to come out to my close friends.

I just can't believe how much I like this girl, I want to be around her all the time. And I kind of feel guilty because she likes hanging out with me (she's younger than me and I feel like she looks up to me) but she doesn't know that I just want to grab her and start kissing her!

ugh, this sucks. I feel like making a move on her would be betraying her trust as a teammate because I am an upperclassman and she is a freshman.

I hope to someday have the courage to really make a move or at least tell her I'm bi and see what happens, but right now, it just seems like too much for me to try.

Good luck on her giving you a good reaction!

mtb0509

May 3, 2007, 7:21 PM

People do pick up on signs, i mean ive had people find out i was bi, when i hadnt even told them, funny how a small town will do that to you! But why do you think you will screw the friendship up if you tell him your bi? Its obviously something you want to do, and if he is one of your best mates, he should understand, and be supportive about it, if not then is he really a good mate? You dont need to tell him you have feelings for him, you never know if you left it and he is fine with you being bi. Something could very well happen, i just hope for your sakes he is comfortable with you being bi, i mean its not like you are a different person. The chic i like, seems fine, i talked to her yesterday, and seeing her today, she isnt that way inclined, but at least i still have her as a mate, i just have to wait and see how it all goes.

Yeah I'm not worried about telling him that i'm bi. The worrying part is telling him how I feel about him. I don't think I'll ever tell him how I feel unless something goes on between us and he's magically bi (or at least bicurious). I think he will understand and be supportive of me, though. We once talked about people being gay and gay marriage and both of us are fine with gay people and are supportive of gay marriage, but other people we knew weren't like that, so I think he's a bit more understanding than other people I know, so that makes it easier. But I still just have that feeling in the back of my mind that he might never talk to me again, but of course that happens with everyone (I've only told one person so far and even tho he's my best friend I still felt that).

Fuzzled_one

May 4, 2007, 8:06 AM

Yeah I'm not worried about telling him that i'm bi. The worrying part is telling him how I feel about him. I don't think I'll ever tell him how I feel unless something goes on between us and he's magically bi (or at least bicurious). I think he will understand and be supportive of me, though. We once talked about people being gay and gay marriage and both of us are fine with gay people and are supportive of gay marriage, but other people we knew weren't like that, so I think he's a bit more understanding than other people I know, so that makes it easier. But I still just have that feeling in the back of my mind that he might never talk to me again, but of course that happens with everyone (I've only told one person so far and even tho he's my best friend I still felt that).

Why should u tell him you have feelings for him? If you say he is curious, tell him you are bi and see what happens, when you feel comfortable with it, then maybe tell him how you feel, he may even feel the same way! Dont rush things, i just told the chic i like im bi, and although she says she isnt that way inclined, i still get the odd flirting from her, so im just waiting to see what happens. But im so glad i told her! Weight off of my shoulders. :bigrin:

mtb0509

May 4, 2007, 9:34 AM

Why should u tell him you have feelings for him? If you say he is curious, tell him you are bi and see what happens, when you feel comfortable with it, then maybe tell him how you feel, he may even feel the same way! Dont rush things, i just told the chic i like im bi, and although she says she isnt that way inclined, i still get the odd flirting from her, so im just waiting to see what happens. But im so glad i told her! Weight off of my shoulders. :bigrin:

Yeah that's what I meant. I'm gonna tell him I'm bi and we'll see what happens. But I'm definitely not telling him I like him unless some miracle happens.

Fuzzled_one

May 4, 2007, 8:28 PM

Yeah that's what I meant. I'm gonna tell him I'm bi and we'll see what happens. But I'm definitely not telling him I like him unless some miracle happens.

I so know what you mean about a "miracle" happening. I saw the chic last night who i like, the first time since i told her i was bi, i couldnt look her in the eye, and when i did she had this smirk on her face. As i said before i guess all i can do is wait...and hope that the "miracle" will come my way, if not i still know she is ok with me being bi, which to me is the main thing. Hope all goes well when you tell him anyways, keep me posted :bigrin:

mtb0509

May 5, 2007, 9:08 PM

I so know what you mean about a "miracle" happening. I saw the chic last night who i like, the first time since i told her i was bi, i couldnt look her in the eye, and when i did she had this smirk on her face. As i said before i guess all i can do is wait...and hope that the "miracle" will come my way, if not i still know she is ok with me being bi, which to me is the main thing. Hope all goes well when you tell him anyways, keep me posted :bigrin:

Oh I definitely will! ;)

Only problem is it's gonna be a while. I won't be able to see him until a month or so from now. And even then we'll probably be hanging out with other people, so I won't really have the opportunity :/
We will be partying, and I guess I could use being drunk as an excuse. But the funny thing is, when I know we're gonna drink, I think it'd be the perfect opportunity to tell someone casually, but then when I'm drunk, I actually "straighten out" I guess you could say. Heh, most people get gayer and gayer when they drink, but I get straighter. (I even remember thinking to myself when I'm drunk: "What was I thinking?")

Fuzzled_one

May 5, 2007, 9:28 PM

Oh I definitely will! ;)

Only problem is it's gonna be a while. I won't be able to see him until a month or so from now. And even then we'll probably be hanging out with other people, so I won't really have the opportunity :/
We will be partying, and I guess I could use being drunk as an excuse. But the funny thing is, when I know we're gonna drink, I think it'd be the perfect opportunity to tell someone casually, but then when I'm drunk, I actually "straighten out" I guess you could say. Heh, most people get gayer and gayer when they drink, but I get straighter. (I even remember thinking to myself when I'm drunk: "What was I thinking?")

Oh i see well at least you might be well prepared to tell him when the time does come around. I think that you should tell him when you are sober, i mean its who you are, dont be afraid of that, just take some time to think about what you want to say. That is rather strange about becoming straighter when you drinking, cant say i have ever been like that. :tong: