Why do people marry?

[Daniel1395]

Apart from the obvious Because I love him/her

I’m just curious to know the reasons why people marry?

My mum said to me when I told her that I’m bisexual she just wants me to grow up, get married and have kids etc because it is the normal thing to do.

I don’t want to get married just because it is the normal thing to do and I have no desire for marriage or to have children but maybe in the future if I was in a serious relationship my opinion might change.

But anyway what’s your opinion?

[deletetacount123]

I think its cause for years and centuries it had always been a fact that kids grow up, marry and have thier own children.

As times changed, it became more of a "I'll marry if I feel like it" thing yet parents want thier kids to marry cause its been that pattern in thier family for a long long time. Or they just want to be grandparents.

I honestly think tho.... If you DON'T want to get marry then you don't. Otherwise you'll just be miserable.
Only you, yourself know what you want, whats best for you. Sure we can have people tell us this and that but you should always do what YOU want.

Ya, your mom says that cause shes a MOM.... but to tell you its a normal thing to do is just wrong. Marriage isn't for everyone... straight, gay or bisexual.
There have been couples who lived together for years and never married but are very much in love.

Tasha

[Lisa (va)]

I had a friend ask me once if she should marry the guy that she was dating. I thought a moment and said, "no". She stood there stunned a second or two and asked why I had said no. To which I replied "if you have to ask someone else if it's right then you must have some sort of reservation about it".

As to why I married my husband (other than the obvious), because he asked me. Would I still be with him if he never asked me to marry him? without a doubt for the same obvious reasons.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[Dagni]

Because it's tradition that our parents wants: to "grow up", getting married, settle down and just sitting there and waiting to die.

But i would look positive aspects of marriedge on my own example:
When i get married, i was young, (now i feel much younger),and simply i realized that i'm completely satisfied and that i can express myself on right way.
Marriedge basicly is not boring at all. It's opposite. I gone completely wild when i married and simply felt trough ages that my adrelin pumpin out more and more, i explored and learned many other things, with full understanding from my wife.
It's not settling down at all. I think it's most deepest emotional thing to share everything and trying to bring somthing new every day in marriedge.

So yes, i think it is love basicly, but those emotions must grow and understanding trough ages must be stronger and stronger.

I always give just one advice to all my friends who getting married: just don't stop being crazy.

[LoveLion]

marriage isnt necessary now-a-days to live with someone for the rest of your life and raise children. It used to be frowned upon by society. To me it seems like alot of effort acrimony for nothing. However, there are still some benefits, and reasons why I can see someone would want to do it. For one there are the legal reasons and the whole shared assets that come with a marriage or civil union, which makes you more like one entity (legally and emotionally) then two separate people. It is also a form of commitment. You can of course commit to someone without getting married, but some see it as a stronger commitment. It is much harder to end a marriage then a domestic partnership, which makes it more of a commitment and in some cases a more solid relationship, which in turn could give you a more stable environment if you choose to raise children.

This is all in theory of course, and it often doesnt really work out this way.

[deletetacount123]

I was married once and did due to thinking I had to, to please certain people. lol Yes my ex was different tho.
THEN after we got married, it was like he showed his true form,

He just wanted to marry so he was "married" cause all his friends were.
Also so he had a "safe" and always had someone to have "2 min quickies" with. Then he had the nerve to say he trusted NO ONE.... not even his wife.... there was no communication on his end either.

I couldn't handle that. I wanted the love that comes with marriages... I wanted the emotions, the commuincations and the trust!

I told him, he didn't care. It was like he was saying "Too bad, tough luck"

I think he was a Malcome Foxworth, selfish, greedy, loveless...etc and I wasn't gonna be his wife so I asked for a divorce :) (Yes this is a character from a book I read last year which freaked me out..... so many likeness that I threw the book at the TV lol No I won't name the book cause there are people who don't like the author lol)

If I were to get married again, it would be with the right person... I would have to know this person for a few years at least first.

Tasha

[Dagni]

Yes Tasha, but there is no rules in marriedge. You may date some person for ages and ages, and then get marry, and it can be over.
Most of the people when they get marry, they simply relax themselfs, marriedge have other purposes than. And that's a point why most most of marriedges is not that good; because of lots of missunderstandings, hiden thoughts, ppl getting boring, they start to hate each other.

Simply there is no rules. Some marriedges are full of quality and understanding, and some marridges are just habit (people in those marriedges only find some excuses to stay together cause of kids or whatever no matter that they're not happy).

Just, clear communication and emotional growing leads to succes.

I saw few days ago in one park, in Malmö, Sweden, one very old couple, i think they had over 80 or something, holding each other hands and walking with that smile in the corner of their lips. That's a happiness.

[DiamondDog]

People marry because it's an outdated institute of heterosexual society and they think that they have to in order to have kids/a family, because family or society say that it's "normal", or some marry for legal benefits that being married gives both people.

[Dr.StrangeLove]

To address the initial question, because its the normal thing to do is a horrible reason to get married. If you meet someone that you love enough to get married, then do it, but getting married because its what you're supposed to do is one reason so many people get divorced.

A friend of mine said the other day (he is 27) "there's something really romantic about finding a partner at a young age and falling in love and getting married and staying together for a really long time...but I'm really glad that hasn't happened to me." It made me laugh...I think there's a lot of wisedom expressed in this sentiment. Being unmarried is really good in a lot of ways and if you're 19 you have lots of time before you even need to think about "settling down" with someone.

Being in a committed partnership is only made more difficult if one or both partners have an unconventional sexuality...for example I am mostly gay but fell in love with an married a woman...this is a little wierd, we are doing really good, but my wife is exceptionally understaning and open to who I need to be...even so, this is a difficult marriage sometimes just because of my sexuality.


People marry because it's an outdated institute of heterosexual society and they think that they have to in order to have kids/a family, because family or society say that it's "normal", or some marry for legal benefits that being married gives both people.

The legal benefits are a major reason to be married if you are with someone for a long time. One of the things I appreciate about having a spouse is the confidence that she will be my advocate if I am ever unable to make medical decisions for myself...there are also tax benefits and whatnot, but financial benefit is less of a big deal to me.

As far as it being outdated, I know there are a lot of people who think that, but I think there's something natural about wanting to make a public commitment towards someone else after you have been together long enough...I really think you would have to have gone through it to understand, but there are a lot of reasons I think having this kind of ritual is important for people--it represents a level of respect, honor and comittment and responsibility to the other person. If anything I think what marriage is really supposed to be about has gotten lost amidst a sea of outdated ideals.

Of course I am very much for equal rights when it comes to marriage, and I don't think anyone should get married unless its the right choice for them. But don't knock it either...there is something very profound and spiritually rewarding about making that kind of commitment to someone. Much of what we think of when we think of marriage may be outdated, but the act itself is pretty natural. When my wife and I got married a lot of people joked that they thought we already were...in many ways the wedding was just an acknowledgement of how we were already living, and it comes with a lot of legal benefits.

[Dagni]

People marry because it's an outdated institute of heterosexual society and they think that they have to in order to have kids/a family, because family or society say that it's "normal", or some marry for legal benefits that being married gives both people.

And what about gay/lesbian marriedges? I didn't marry to girl just to throw dust in the face to heterosexuals.
Marriedge is something natural, but human behaviour inside those same marridges, specialy in these modern times, made that attitude that only marriedge is something social acceptable.

It's individual thing and has nothing with having kids or whatever.

[welickit]

Interesting thread. The wife and I have been married to each other TWICE! The first time in 1969 and most recently in 2002. Yesterday was the 38th anniversary of our first time. We were engaged the first time for two years before getting married. We were kids and got married because that is what people do. We never had kids together and ended up divorced in the early 1970's. Didn't see or hear from one another for over 20 years. Along the way we both married others and those marriages ended in divorce also. During the late 1990's we started trying to find each other, neither of us knowing that the other was looking. I finally had the good sense to look on classmates dot com to see if she was registered there. Three days later we were talking on the phone like teenagers. Me in New England and her in Florida, 1500 miles apart and more in love than ever before. Within a month she had driven North and two months later we returned to Florida together....FOREVER. We grew up and learned that what we had to begin with was exactly what we always wanted.
Love? Yes a great deal of it. Trust? Friendship? You bet. We didn't rush into getting remarried, there wasn't really a need. We had our feelings and didn't really need a license, the learners permit was working fine. Our decision to get married was based on lots of things. Love for each other was probably first, tax considerations, financial, insurance etc. We were both aware that we were bisexual the first time around but never expanded upon it until this time around. LIFE IS WONDERFUL!

[darkeyes]

Question me has no ansa to now, tho once thought so..

Cos me wos (still am) an incurable romantic, met a guy me worshipped, loadsa dosh, big house, lovely clothes, everythin me eva wanted, promise of happy eva afta... the works.

An wotta pigs ear we made of it 2....

[TaylorMade]

Interesting thread. The wife and I have been married to each other TWICE! The first time in 1969 and most recently in 2002. Yesterday was the 38th anniversary of our first time. We were engaged the first time for two years before getting married. We were kids and got married because that is what people do. We never had kids together and ended up divorced in the early 1970's. Didn't see or hear from one another for over 20 years. Along the way we both married others and those marriages ended in divorce also. During the late 1990's we started trying to find each other, neither of us knowing that the other was looking. I finally had the good sense to look on classmates dot com to see if she was registered there. Three days later we were talking on the phone like teenagers. Me in New England and her in Florida, 1500 miles apart and more in love than ever before. Within a month she had driven North and two months later we returned to Florida together....FOREVER. We grew up and learned that what we had to begin with was exactly what we always wanted.
Love? Yes a great deal of it. Trust? Friendship? You bet. We didn't rush into getting remarried, there wasn't really a need. We had our feelings and didn't really need a license, the learners permit was working fine. Our decision to get married was based on lots of things. Love for each other was probably first, tax considerations, financial, insurance etc. We were both aware that we were bisexual the first time around but never expanded upon it until this time around. LIFE IS WONDERFUL!


You win. Great Love Story. It's a definition of the bromide, "You don't marry because you can live with them, you marry them because you CAN'T live without them."

Damn the overintellectual claptrap people attach to the ring.

*Taylor*

[chook]

Question me has no ansa to now, tho once thought so..

Cos me wos (still am) an incurable romantic, met a guy me worshipped, loadsa dosh, big house, lovely clothes, everythin me eva wanted, promise of happy eva afta... the works.

An wotta pigs ear we made of it 2....


Lotsa dosh...........sweety can I have his phone number :)


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[innaminka]

Well, I've been there twice - so I perhaps can speak as a mini-expert.
Why did I marry Scott? - Like a number of people wrote - because it was the thing to do.
I was young - I was deeply in lust, he had a very good job and he was handsome (in a Bogan sort of way.)
I quickly found out that marriage/relationship/cohabitation needs more than a 7" penis to succeed.
Nothing in common - over in a year.
Why did I marry Dean? You would think that after 3 years of freedom as a divorced woman I would be a little more circumspect.
We both wanted it - it was his second time as well.
For me, marriage - the actual bit of paper represented a solidity that was missing from my life. I wanted the full catastrophe - partner, children, house, dog. And I wanted certainty.
Love was not an issue. Even I knew that love does not need marriage. Its more a mental thing. Maybe just compliance with society's expectations.
But I'm still there. Things have happened since, but except for a period just before my coming out to him, there has never really been any hint of those "Separation Blues."

Many of my peers are divorced and will not remarry, even tho they've partnered up again. I think that if Dean was to be hit by the proverbial bus, I doubt if I'd marry for a third time regardless of how I felt about anyone new. (Actually i think I'd be partnered with a woman, so marriage would be v tricky)
But I'm happy, I'm married and I'm bi. What more could a girl want??? :flag3:

[bigirl_inwv]

Im in the process of preparing for my own wedding right now. There are many different reasons that I wanted to get married. We love each other, first and foremost. The reason for marrying sooner rather than later is because if we are married I would get more money to go back to school. I may be young, but I really don't think that there is anyone better suited for me than he is. We are the same person in male and female forms. We compliment each other perfectly. We've been together for two years and lived together for most of it. We swing, and that works for us. So I guess....we are getting married....just cause. :tong:

[TaylorMade]

Some gay/lesbian people want marriage since heterosexuals have it.

But others want nothing to do with an institution that is seen by many as being purely heterosexual.

But Dagni has said neither.

*Taylor*

[DiamondDog]

And what about gay/lesbian marriedges? I didn't marry to girl just to throw dust in the face to heterosexuals.
Marriedge is something natural, but human behaviour inside those same marridges, specialy in these modern times, made that attitude that only marriedge is something social acceptable.

It's individual thing and has nothing with having kids or whatever.
Some gay/lesbian people want marriage since heterosexuals have it.

But others want nothing to do with an institution that is seen by many as being purely heterosexual.

[DiamondDog]

But Dagni has said neither.

*Taylor*

Who said I was refering to Dagni?

I'm stating the opinions and viewpoints that I have and that I've heard over the years from other queer people when the topic of marriage comes up.

[Dagni]

Who said I was refering to Dagni?

I'm stating the opinions and viewpoints that I have and that I've heard over the years from other queer people when the topic of marriage comes up.

I don't care for any straight insitutions.
I just crashed in my wife first time when i saw her and marry, and you know why? Cause i love her.

[TaylorMade]

Who said I was refering to Dagni?

I'm stating the opinions and viewpoints that I have and that I've heard over the years from other queer people when the topic of marriage comes up.

You quoted her(not just once, but twice!), leaving me to infer such.

*Taylor*

[ohbimale]

I married because I loved her and still do. Plus we thought we were soul mates.

From childhood society conditions us to want to marry, through our parents, schools, churches, etc. Then there is the legal system which is geared to the institution of marriage, divorce, marriage, and so on. When you look at the bigger picture the economy is dependent upon people getting married.

Without marriage there is no bridal industry. Without the bridal industry what would party centers do? Ministers derive a significant part of their income from marrying people. I could go on and on. Botton line is that our society and economy is dependent on people getting married.

The most interesting thing to see is how our society will adapt to same sex and poly marriages.

[PolyLoveTriad]

I got married because I couldnt stand the thought of spending the rest of my life without my husband. By tying the knot, I showed him that I am devoted to him, and my friends and family that he is my life :) Plus I love him ! lol

[Solomon]

Apart from the obvious Because I love him/her

I’m just curious to know the reasons why people marry?

My mum said to me when I told her that I’m bisexual she just wants me to grow up, get married and have kids etc because it is the normal thing to do.

I don’t want to get married just because it is the normal thing to do and I have no desire for marriage or to have children but maybe in the future if I was in a serious relationship my opinion might change.

But anyway what’s your opinion?

i believe people get married for any reasons under the sun lol

marriage seems to exist in most cultures with different standards, and an entire continuum of reasonings and laws and such

[diamond_tether]

In our case, we got married because we wanted to. We loved one another, had no intention of going anywhere without the other, were each in a place that made us ready to relax to settle down a little and..well, we looked at what our lives were probably going to be like without each other and decided we didn't want that for ourselves.

[bearisbare]

I married my wife. Fire Lotus, because I really wanted to. :-)

We're a bi-national couple at the moment, as she has begun immigration proceedings to join me in Canada. Getting married does make that process a little less cumbersome but for so many other reasons, we knew a while ago that we were soulmates and we wanted to spend our lives together.

We were married by a chaplain in a rainbow-coloured robe, in a space where both opposite and same-sex couples have been legally married. We wanted a place where our friends (most of them bisexual) and family could celebrate in a space that was embracing of all. There was never any thought that we were embracing a 'straight institution'. It's a queer one too.

[darkeyes]

Lotsa dosh...........sweety can I have his phone number :)


Cheers Chook :bigrin:
His fone number, his house, his dosh..an ya wud jus luff his mother 2 Chook.... wudn wish er on ya but if ya brave an silly enuff...

O yea.. an tell im me wants me sapphire neckkie back!!