Update and Question

[whattodo]

Hey everyone, I know that I have not really been to consistent about posting things. I have had a lot going on of late, so I have not been diligent about posting.

I have a question for everyone. Does anyone know of a connection between sexual abuse and sexual orientation? I am trying to understand past events, and I am wondering if they have an effect on my sexual orientation.

[TaylorMade]

Hey everyone, I know that I have not really been to consistent about posting things. I have had a lot going on of late, so I have not been diligent about posting.

I have a question for everyone. Does anyone know of a connection between sexual abuse and sexual orientation? I am trying to understand past events, and I am wondering if they have an effect on my sexual orientation.

Based on my own experiences (I'm a victim of sexual abuse myself), I'd want to say yes - -But, I wouldn't call it a hard-and-fast rule. Each person internalizes abuse in a different way. Some people cut themselves. Some shut down sexually. Some totally go reckless with their sexuality.

If you think it is, explore that path and see where it takes you.

*Taylor*

[anne27]

I have had that same question myself, due to my own childhood, and tried to do a little online research on the topic a while back. The articles I found tended to contradict each other rather drastically, and most of them referred to homosexuality and not bisexuality.

If anyone has access to any really good research on it, I'd love to see it, too!

[my-00-stang]

i also have wondered the same thing, i can't remeber my child hood and i have had bi experiences my sister is 2 yrs older than me and she has had bi experiences but she won't talk to much about the past and maybe i need to press her but i wonder if sexual abuse does have something to do with orientation

[DiamondDog]

hmmmm I know that anti-queer people try to spew BS that if you're queer you're that way because you were sexually molested but that's a load of BS.

I was never sexually molested/sexually abused and I turned out this way naturally.

I do know that sexual abuse/molestation can sometimes cause people to become confused about their orientation.

[darkeyes]

Sexual molestation of the young by paedophiles may in a very small number of instances affect peoples orientation, but far more likely I would think is that the horror of that abuse would make them less likely to interested in the sex of their attackers in later life. Of course this wont be a hard and fast rule, but it is more than likely that any abused people who become bi or gay in later life were likely to be that anyway. Abuse, in particular sexual abuse, may in fact stifle a persons own naturally developing sexual orientation and lead to serious mental problems in later life.

What is probably most likely, and this is most disturbing, is that children who are abused, are themselves often likely to become the abusers in later life, for that is a apart of their conditioning and grow up to believe it to be an acceptable "lifestyle", just as each one of us is conditioned in some way by our upbringing in some way or other. The big surprise is that most children who are abused do not themselves grow up to be abusers, though so many are so badly disturbed by their experiences throughout their lives.

Not all abusers of course were themselves abused, and what makes them paedophilic or even just a physical and brutal abuser of children is probably something within them in much the same way as is within the rapist, or "ordinary everyday" thug, or the serial killer...its about power, and because he or she can on those weaker and more vulnerable than themselves.

[Tommy2020]

I have posted on this very same thing sometime ago. I believe absolutely that early experiences, bad or good, shape our futures. And when we are older, we can look at those experiences, and re-shape ourselves if we can.

Some will have problems in having to cope with those early experiences and adjustments will come harder than for some.

My guess is that there are some that, as I have had, really weird relatives that abused them in their early years and to me that is the toughest of all experiences to adjust from. We look to our relatives as protectors and when they abuse us, then it leaves a lasting impression that is really hard to overcome.

Just my two cents for now. This is a very interesting thread and all the variances from this have all been well responded to by this community.

Tommy2020

[wolfcamp]

At one time I would have said no, but now I say yes. I can only speak of my own experience. I was molested by an older (as in senior) man when I was 5. It was my first sexual experience. For a long time I thought it had no impact in my life, but I have now changed my mind. I think the worst part wasn't the actual act itself, although I remember feeling terribly ashamed afterwards, and it probably affected my self-esteem. The really damaging part was that he told me to keep it a secret and not tell anyone, or people would be angry and disappointed with me. I kept that secret for 45 years and told absolutely no one. So, for a few years after, I could talk to no one about my experience, although I thought about it a lot. I don't see how that could not have affected my sexuality.

I remember reminding myself when I was young, not to say too much about anything, or I might blurt out something that I didn't want anyone to know. I think it made me become quiet and somewhat introverted. I suspect it affected my sexuality, but I know it affected my behavior. I've thought about this a lot in the last few years. I think it's a very complex situation that I don't understand completely. I think people don't always understand the forces that motivate their actions and feelings.

This is one reason I advocate tolerance about people who are closeted, and about "different" behavior in general. Who knows what a person has been through to shape their character and person?

[12voltman59]

At this point-I think that the researchers are still looking at this in order to say how such abuse affects gender identification, etc.--according to the rules of scientific/medical/psychological studies.

It may not be perfect--but it is the best we have at present---we can speculate on such things from the anecdotal experiences of those here who have experienced such things---but that is imperfect as well.

I did not have any kind of sexual or physical abuse as a child and I am bisexual---I think for me--it is simply part of my being---

The one thing that is known and pretty well proven--that while not always the case--sexual abuse experienced as a child can lead to one becoming a sexual abuser of children as well-not always of course---for not every person who was sexually abused as a child does become a sexual predator--but almost to a person--sexual predators were sexually, physically or mentally abused as children.

[PolyLoveTriad]

I know a lot of people who are bi, gay and lesbian who were NOT sexually abused growing up. I know 2 people, who WERE sexually abused when they were young and both of them are straight. I was abused when I was 9 by an uncle. I am a bi female. I dont think Im bi because I was abused, I think Im bi because the female body happens to be quite beautiful and when I see a women, I am attracted to them, in the same way Im attracted to men. I have noticed though, that there are certain things I dont like to do, and have connected them with the things that were done to me as a child.

In the end, Im bi cuz both men and women are freakin hot lol

[Solomon]

Sexual molestation of the young by paedophiles may in a very small number of instances affect peoples orientation, but far more likely I would think is that the horror of that abuse would make them less likely to interested in the sex of their attackers in later life. Of course this wont be a hard and fast rule, but it is more than likely that any abused people who become bi or gay in later life were likely to be that anyway. Abuse, in particular sexual abuse, may in fact stifle a persons own naturally developing sexual orientation and lead to serious mental problems in later life.

What is probably most likely, and this is most disturbing, is that children who are abused, are themselves often likely to become the abusers in later life, for that is a apart of their conditioning and grow up to believe it to be an acceptable "lifestyle", just as each one of us is conditioned in some way by our upbringing in some way or other. The big surprise is that most children who are abused do not themselves grow up to be abusers, though so many are so badly disturbed by their experiences throughout their lives.

Not all abusers of course were themselves abused, and what makes them paedophilic or even just a physical and brutal abuser of children is probably something within them in much the same way as is within the rapist, or "ordinary everyday" thug, or the serial killer...its about power, and because he or she can on those weaker and more vulnerable than themselves.

darkeyes? sit down... WE AGREE!!! :eek: :cool:

ahem... generally speaking of course heheheee!! :bigrin:

[flexuality]

Interesting question...does sexual abuse affect sexual orientation?

Well I would have to say no...and yes.

Sexual abuse affects every part of one's life....even more so when it happens as a young child....but what affects things even more is how it is handled AFTERWARDS.

I was raped by an uncle when I was three years old...an extensive incident which he dragged another uncle into who was 14 at the time. My other uncle was about 20. It went on and on...it wasn't just a 3 minute incident....there were times when I couldn't breathe and thought I was dying.

But it is what happened afterwards that is what I think did the most damage. I was at my Grandmother's when this happened....and she knew about it and yelled at ME and forced me to remain silent about it. I was angry and scared out of my mind. I had no idea what sex was....had never heard of any of that...all I knew was that I had been really hurt and thought I was dying, and that my uncle seemed to think the whole thing was funny and that he liked to be mean. (the thoughts of a 3 year old...)

I don't know if my mother knew what happened or not....I was at my grandmother's cuz my mom was having my brother. When I went home all I wanted was my mom to hold me and make me feel safe cuz I was so scared and hurt.....it never happened.

All she was interested in was my brother....all anyone saw that day was a new baby.....

A couple of months later, my mom took me to the doctor (not sure why)...but the Dr started to check me like he would for a gynological exam and as soon as he touched me, I completely lost it. I freaked....I was terrified beyond belief...I thought he was doing the same thing my uncle had done, and there was my mother standing there LETTING him and watching it happen and getting mad at me cuz I was screaming in terror.

That moment changed my life forever in ways that I am not prepared to talk about just yet.

I'm gonna stop there....there's a lot more...but I will sum it up and just say that over the next many, many years, my mother became very inapproriate with me. Climbing into bed with me whenever she wanted and touching and trying to coerce me sexually...it got very weird and extremely uncomfortable.

Jump to adulthood.....I used to be scared to death of lesbians in particular. I could never even look at that side of me in a bisexual way...it took me a long time....everytime I would notice a woman, I would see my mother....gross...when it came to men, I HAD to feel either safe or "in control" of all things sexual...

that's the very short version....so does it affect one's orientation? I would say that it confuses even thinking about it! It all gets mixed up and confused and I think one ends up looking for sexual situations where one feels the safest, which may or may not be true to one's self sexually speaking, but the need for safety, especailly emotional safety, overrides the orientation question in abuse "survivors."

I don't think that early childhood sexual abuse changes one's orientation. I think it associates so much fear with certain sexual scenarios or attractions later on that it confuses the heck out of ya!

And if anything, it's that fear association that affects the orientation. It's a whole lot easier to deny an attraction than it is to let that intense, extreme feeling of terror just "be there" in order to acknowlege an attraction.

[darkeyes]

darkeyes? sit down... WE AGREE!!! :eek: :cool:

ahem... generally speaking of course heheheee!! :bigrin:
Jeez..me changed me mind...giggles x :tong:

[oralplus]

What can i say???. I was very mature for my age...living in Spain prostitution was a way of life for men to have some sex life, as no girl would have sex as such. So i visited the usual places ,prostitution streets. brocels, etc. etc. I was onlt 13 i look a lot older so ... i had sex with a woman much older than me. Most interesting experience.
She realy loved to have a nice virgin young man. She ask me to see her again "on the house" lol wich i did on regularly.
She show me how to please a woman. in everyway.....i loved every minute..and looking in retrospect ,i am very please becouse her traning make me a great lover.
What is the harm on that????? I am very please { and also my lovers over the years} that i had such a good teacher in the skills of love making.
May be we mem should be going to some training sexualy before engaging with sex with females with a good "profesional". I am sure that most women would be delighted that their man have some proper skills in this area.
NO IT WAS NOT ABUSE just sexual education . Better that silly books lol lol
Love you all :bigrin: :bibounce:

[preppyglam]

I too was abused when little, by someone of the same sex. Turns out I like both guys and girls. I have read random things and a doctor once told me that sexual trauma that occurs during certain ages can affect your orientation or what you are attracted to later in life. The younger you are when the experience takes place, the more it will be "hardwired" as a possible preference.

But all the other posters are right, there is no hard and fast research or rule. For me, I feel like it partly contributed to my Bisexuality, since I tend to favor the acts I remember from when I was little. Not sure if its just because those were my first sexual experiences or not. Now it seems the "trauma" occurred so long ago that the details and the horror aren't there. I do vividly remember how I generally felt as a child....insecure, ugly, that something was wrong with me, that I had a deep dark secret, that someone did bad things to me, etc. This is part of the reason I was so mad when I could no longer deny I had a strong attraction to women. I really didn't want the abuse further defining who I was.