Are all Bi women so uncommitted ?? [Archive]

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perplexxed

Apr 23, 2007, 4:24 PM

Short version of the story is: I have a neighbor with whom I have slept with once and now she told me that she just wants to be friends with me. We have known and hung around with each other for about 2 years now. The problem with her saying that she just wants to be friends now--after sleeping with me is that I still have feelings for her. It is hard for me to just turn them off so quickly.
Her idea of hooking up with someone is to meet them and have sex with them. I had asked her if she was just looking for a fling and she said no. However, that is exactly what has happened between the two of us. Just recently we went out to a bar; and she told me that she wanted to hook up with one of women there that she had met the last time that we went out. Why the hell is she still hanging around me then?? Anyways; just wondered if this sort of behaviour and thinking is normal to Bi women? She doesn't want a sexual relationship with me because I have told her that I need a "girlfriend". Are most Bi-women this flaky??
Do they generally have just one time sexual encounters and then move on to the next person? If anyone could give me some info on this, would be most appreciated so as i can prepare myself for the next woman that i meet and want to take things further. Thanks.

Herbwoman39

Apr 23, 2007, 4:34 PM

No, that isn't all bi women. There are lots of women with varied orientations that do that. My son was dating a girl for over a year and when they broke up she was dating someone else in less than a week and wants to be friends with him.

It's not gay, straight or bi behavior. It's human behavior. Men do it too.

I'm sorry that it's rough for you but I'm sure you'll find someone new soon enough.

arana

Apr 23, 2007, 4:35 PM

Unfortunately feelings don't always go both ways. Your friend may like hanging out with you and being friends with you but it doesn't mean she has to be sexually attracted to you. Or perhaps she isn't ready for a commitment right now and just wants to play the field. Lots of people are like that....and lots of people are like you....looking for a relationship with more substance. Don't catagorize based on one or a handful of people. Sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error to find just the right match.

Good luck ((((((( perp )))))))

Kittengirl

Apr 23, 2007, 5:12 PM

First off, I am really sorry you are hurt by this person. Unrequited feelings are NEVER easy (don't I know...).

But I agree with the other poster. I think her actions have nothing to do with her orientation, and everything to do with who she is. I have known plenty of straight guys and gay men who behave like this. Personally, I was recently dating someone, and after the first time we slept together, I dumped him, as he was horrid in bed. But, I still wanted to be friends (he, of course did not), as I really like him as a person and still wanted him in my life (I am not insinuating you were bad in bed, hon...).

I think she is going out with you as a friend, and telling you about other women she wants to hook up with to give you the message that she only seeks friendship with you.

You may never know the reasons she does not want to pursue a relationship - could be she felt no romantic feelings, or could be she felt too many, and is running from it. Or, she simply could be incapable of intimacy, hence her propensity for casual hookups. But do know that her actions are NO reflection on your worth, or value as anyone's girlfriend. She does not define you, nor validate you.

If I were you, and I still had feelings for her, I would need to stay out of her life entirely. Move on, hard as it is, and DO NOT allow this to stop you from finding the girl of your dreams... :)

tink1978

Apr 23, 2007, 6:27 PM

No this is not all bi women. I personally want to find a woman/female to have a long and meaningful relationship with but all the one's i have been finding only want a one night thing. I personally believe we are few and far between.

:rolleyes:

Amanda

anne27

Apr 23, 2007, 8:23 PM

No, some bi women have committed relationships with other women. I'm currently in one right now. It's really difficult to base any one particular personality trait to bi women, or any other women for that matter. I think your friend is probably one of those people to whom bisexuality is mainly sexual. She may not be a relationship oriented bisexual.

Keep looking, hon. There are lots of women out there who enjoy healthy relationships with other women.

DiamondDog

Apr 24, 2007, 1:49 AM

eh don't feel bad I've found that LOTS of people are flaky no matter what their orientation is.

Some people are just players and are looking for hook ups. I avoid people like that for the most part.

Or some people are just into being seen with eye candy or just want the attention from someone who they think is hot and sexy.

TaylorMade

Apr 24, 2007, 8:26 AM

Some people are bisexual, and of those some, not all are truly bi-amorous. Some bisexuals can have same sex friends, but not same sex relationships. It's a matter of how far you're bent and what feels right to you.

*Taylor*

12voltman59

Apr 24, 2007, 11:55 AM

This observation can be made about any particular woman or man for that matter, irrespective of whether they are bi, gay, str8 or whatever---things like this come down to the person----

I do think that if there is any particular factor involved with being the way that perplexxed speaks of is more closely identified with the age of a person.

I think that for most of us under say, age 65 or so who basically fall into the "boomer generation" or later---we do tend to be less committed to the notion that a person should only be with one or a few people in their lifetimes---of course this might just be a generalization as well--just my observation of things---

It does seem that older generations of folks--now largely departing this mortal coil--were more monogamous and able to settle down happily with one person---

I think that you can find a bisexual woman who will be happy to be with you and you alone--and you can find plenty of str8 women who cannot be with only one man for very long at all and always are out on the prowl for new meat.

It is just an individual thing that has nothing to do with bisexuality or heterosexuality---

Over the years--I had plenty of str8 women that I knew---today they are seeing a guy-living with him or he with her----you don't see them for a few weeks or a month-- then you do and find that the last guy is gone and she's with yet another guy-once again "shacking up" ---Ya keep hoping that maybe you will get your chance to at least go out with her between boyfriends but nope----you hear a short time later through the grapevine that Jim is out and Tom is living with her now----I've known dozens of str8 women like this in my time---

The few bi-women I have known it seemed were either with the same guy or gal for years!!!!

So from my point of reference-I would say that many of the str8 women I have known are the sluts and the biwomen were the monogamous ones!!!!!

Once again--it's just an individual thing--has nothing to do with orientation----

BreeIsMe

Apr 24, 2007, 10:16 PM

nothing is typical of "all" women, whether bi or otherwise. differences in goals are a frequent problem whether the relationship is bi, hetero, or homosexual.
There are certainly many people (in my opinion more men than women, though) who are afraid or not ready to commit to a relationship. I prefer relationships over one night stands since the relationship to me is much more meaningful. Some, however, are scared and don't want the risk of being hurt or angry. She probably still likes you and wants to hang out with you....
I don't have any specific suggestions but if you are willing and can take the heat, I (personally) would continue to hang out with her.. Often common experiences and familiarity breed deeper feelings and it may be that in the future she could be ready to commit...

I hope you find the happiness that you are looking for...

good luck

Bree

Short version of the story is: I have a neighbor with whom I have slept with once and now she told me that she just wants to be friends with me. We have known and hung around with each other for about 2 years now. The problem with her saying that she just wants to be friends now--after sleeping with me is that I still have feelings for her. It is hard for me to just turn them off so quickly.
Her idea of hooking up with someone is to meet them and have sex with them. I had asked her if she was just looking for a fling and she said no. However, that is exactly what has happened between the two of us. Just recently we went out to a bar; and she told me that she wanted to hook up with one of women there that she had met the last time that we went out. Why the hell is she still hanging around me then?? Anyways; just wondered if this sort of behaviour and thinking is normal to Bi women? She doesn't want a sexual relationship with me because I have told her that I need a "girlfriend". Are most Bi-women this flaky??
Do they generally have just one time sexual encounters and then move on to the next person? If anyone could give me some info on this, would be most appreciated so as i can prepare myself for the next woman that i meet and want to take things further. Thanks.

spartca

Apr 25, 2007, 7:39 AM

12voltman59

Apr 25, 2007, 11:23 AM

I think a lot of people do this because they can get away with it. If they're high in demand, and there is an endless supply of lovers, then it's easy to be nonchalant about relationships.

I do think bi women are higher in demand than any other group - so as a generalization I do think more bi women on average have this attitude. But as many have said, bi women certainly don't have a corner on insensitivity or fear of commitment! I know plenty of man hunks who act the same way - because they can.

Heartache seems to be the risk of falling in love... no matter who you are.

I agree Spartca---we can hardly make comment on women "being free and easy"--that has largely been the province of men for ages--it is really only rather recent-and for a relatively limited amount of the world's population that women have been able to pursue sexuality more to their liking---but we have forces at work in our culture (i.e--the "pro-life" people) and certainly in the Islamic world that don't want to allow women to have much freedom of any kind.

perplexxed

Apr 26, 2007, 7:48 PM

THANKS SO MUCH; for all your replies. This info helps me understand now that it is with the person, not a particular gender or group of people. This whole Bi experience has also made me reflect on my relationship with my husband and what needs to be improved upon in my marriage. Hopefully I will continue to have at least a friendship with my neighbor. I haven't really decided whether or not I will continue to search for another Bi female for friendship and more right now. It will take sometime to digest all that has happened over the past couple of months. However; if I choose to take that journey with another female; I will have the knowledge of knowing of what I am looking for and what my needs are and how they must be met not only with her but also in my marriage.
:2cents: :color:

ohbimale

Apr 27, 2007, 1:18 AM

The behaviour you are describing is a human thing, not a bi-woman thing. I am involved with a guy who does not want anything but a sexual relationship, eventhough I would like more. However we are fullfilling a mutual need for each other. Eventually I will find a man who is able and willing to give more, until I will enjoy the journey.

I hope this helps a little. I know it hurts. If it hurts too much to be around her then tell her and limit your time with her. Another thing to think about is she may just be in it for the thrill. Once the thrill is gone with her latest conquest then it is time to move on to the next one. It's something to think about. :male:

mouse46

Apr 27, 2007, 12:49 PM

:flag3: hi perplexed I think there are alot of bi females who don't want commitment and are just getting into relationships for the sex. I was getting close to someone I thought wanted what I wanted a longterm relationship, but in fact she wasn't. So I ended it before I got hurt. As for Bi people looking for longterm , sure there out there , I'm one of them. I want someone who wants all of me , not just for the sex. so we keep looking and waiting for the right one to turn up. In the meantime have fun. Good luck :)

Mellygirl19

Apr 28, 2007, 4:38 AM