Rupert is still alive and kicking!!

[rupertbare]

Sorry to use the forum to keep u all updated with things but my PC will not allow use of the chat room and time is very limited to PM u all!!!

Apologies to u who don't have a clue as to who I am!!!!

Well I STILL haven't seen my kids....which is really hellish.
My dirvorce is now finalised.....eventually without too much pain. My wife and I are now seeing a little of one-another and at least talking like friends rather than with hatred. It was odd holding the final papers as I realised that whatever we had been through as a couple we HAD been in love had three wonderful children because of that love and the final realisation that I do, indeed, still love her, worry about her, care for her and pray that we can become friends.

Counselling is going briliantly.....the strangest two things have been "becoming me and claiming it" and the understanding I am (gasp, horror!!!) a heterosexual (and YES I will be coming back to site again and again). My sexual I.D. was confused by sexual abuse when I was aged 5/6 (yes a really young child and by a non-family member) and again several times between ages 13/14. These men were NOT homo- or bi-sexual but peadophiles. It has taken many tears and much pain to understand that final point. It has totally destroyed my normal interaction with people (all physical contact being viewed as sexual) throughout my life since the age of 5/6. The bastards are more than likely dead now, and I know I will not have been their only victim. Scum that deserve nothing but to be tortured to a point of death (sorry if that seems so uncharacteristic of me but hey, fuck it, they screwed up my whole fucking life).

As a few of you know I was in a sexual relationship but that has now ended (back in January), although we are still good friends.

Since the women at church learnt that I was now single again I have been surrounded by five of them competing with one another for my affections (I know, bloody unbelievable - especially as one of them is absolutely drop dead gorgeous! :) ).

I've narrowed it down to two......one 39, the other 40, both divorced. One has three children (18, 15 and 4)... a very mature Chrisian. She is leaving to go back to Ghana at the end of May, so we have a lot to discuss. She is returning to live back in the UK next year...so e-mail will become rather important! The other has no children but due to abuse finds sex very difficult at the moment (is going through therapy at a Psycho-sexual Clinic). She is pretty much a "new" Christian and still smokes dope BUT she does play a mean game of backgammon!!! :) (Always SO important in a long term relationship methinks!!)

Have now had my med.s reduced to the minimum dosage but have been told this will be for several more months.

Am still working for MiND (UKs largest mental health charity) - facilitationg a Poetry and Music group and a Creative Writting session.

Life goes on, huh?

Big hugs to you all
and love and peace and God's blessings to you and yours

Ron :cool:

[Long Duck Dong]

dude, you will always be rupertbare to me.... no matter who shares ya bed

as one person which told me, * its not the walk into hell that affects us, its the walk back to heaven and the understanding of how much we have hurt and lost, that truly makes a mark on a person *

rupert you ever try and run away and we will hold ya down and hug ya, dude..... thanks for sharing ya life with us..... somewhere in the depths of bisexual.com will be some members that are reading ya story and saying to themselves * theres hope out there for us ....* and they may start walking the path to heaven too

hugs ya dude.....and gives ya a big kiss...on the cheek :tong: :tong:

[jo69guy]

Great to hear from you Rup! Wish we could all give you a big hug! I hope your life will continue to improve, and know there are many people out here that care about you.

Good Luck!

[jedinudist]

Great to hear from you!

Your friends don't care what orientation you are, they just care about how you are! And it's good to hear that things are looking up for you!

[onewhocares]

RUPE,

I am so bloody thrilled to see you on here. Glad so much is going so well. If I may take this time to point out to others.....that even when you think that there is no way you can have the courage and self determination to get out of the hell that you think you are in...you can. Rupe you are a shinning example of that. If I may, caution you not to jump into a relationship with lots of strings. ONE thing you may always count on, are the friends whom you have met on this site. I hope that you consider me amoung them. Lots of love to you and Proud Daughter.

Belle

[Mrs.F]

((((((((Rupe))))))))
I am so happy to hear from you again. I am also thrilled that you are progressing so well! You are such a wonderful, sweet, caring man and your well being means alot to all of us here. You know we all love you, especially a certain one who thinks of you daily and hopes your doing well.

Please take care and leave as many threads as you wish.... ;)

:grouphug:

[codybear3]

Hello old friend...Good to know you are still around and doing good...Looking forward to having you around more often...Soon, i hope... :paw: :paw:

[arana]

Ron, I'm so glad to see you posting again and the progress you've made to go forward. I hope you'll be able to see your young ones again soon since you and the ex are being better with one another. I know she wants what's best for them and not having you in their lives would be terrible.

Good luck with your lady friends and please don't take on more than you can handle right now. The main thing is for you to be well and happy.

Miss you Sweetie!

[julie]

Counselling is going briliantly.....the strangest two things have been "becoming me and claiming it" and the understanding I am (gasp, horror!!!) a heterosexual (and YES I will be coming back to site again and again). My sexual I.D. was confused by sexual abuse when I was aged 5/6 (yes a really young child and by a non-family member) and again several times between ages 13/14. These men were NOT homo- or bi-sexual but peadophiles. It has taken many tears and much pain to understand that final point. It has totally destroyed my normal interaction with people (all physical contact being viewed as sexual) throughout my life since the age of 5/6.

Hey Ron,

thanks for the catch up (: its so good to hear that, despite your ongoing difficulties with your children, you are indeed getting on with your life and finding some new norms for yourself :bigrin:

i was really struck with you finally finding some peace in your sexual orientation identity... wow, no small feat! and what a journey hey :cool:

when i read this earlier today it set me thinking about my own sexual orientation identity (yet again!). your honesty about your confusion following repeated same sex abuse situations during your childhood struck many chords with me.

although i wasnt sexually abused as a child i did learn from a young age that i could gain approval and acceptance by being sexually provocative with men... whereas the opposite was true with being that way with women despite women being my my only real objects of desire....

so, i rather suspect my 'core' sexual identity is that i am actually lesbian, just as you are actually straight Ron.

i have suspected this (regards me not you!) for some time now.... but have been deeply confused by my continuing sexual desires for men.... :confused: especially as tom_uk has been my only sexual partner for coming up for a couple of years now and my sexual desire towards him shows no signs of diminishing :tong:

...so, thanks for helping me bring my 'edge of awareness' musings into the forefront here.... i really am so grateful for you sharing this. its helped me to say 'hey me too!' except i am (probably) a lesbian woman in love with a (gay?) man...

huge hugs dear friend

love julie :female: xxx

[macylyn]

Ron,

What can I say but, you'll always be in my heart and mind. You deserve nothing but the best in life.

Am glad to hear that things are going so much better for you. Eventually you'll get to see your children. I know it in my heart!

Take care my wonderful friend!


(((((((())))))))))

Macy

[taz67156]

RUPER!!!! BIG HUGS I am glad to hear from you. I miss talking to you and have been wondering how your doing. I hope to one day see you back in the chat room if possable. please continue to keep us posted. :)



Mrs. Taz, aka kitten

[tom_uk]

Christians and backgammon
Ron :cool:

ron - i think the christians will bitch about the way you cheating at backgammom :- ))

Tom_uk

[rupertbare]

Tom!! Cheat? At backgammon? Well OK i make a few unintentional mistakes that are sometimes to my advantage!!

Thanks for all of the kind words.

Tom will find this funniest, i suspect, i've been stopped (banned?) from doing the Sunday service readings and prayers because i am having sexual relations outside of marriage..............and am unrepentant about it. My girlfriend has had years of only experiencing sex as something physically painful and something to fear. Well no more! And, of course, she is making up for lost time. I've had to go on a much better diet and get in some dumbbells to tone up.

Life is grand at the moment...........finally able to put closure on my dead marriage and also to the past, deep hurts of child abuse. At last it does feel as if i am moving on. Where this journey takes me....who knows......but for now it is wonderful.

Love and Peace to you and yours

Ron :)

[julie]

Tom will find this funniest, i suspect, i've been stopped (banned?) from doing the Sunday service readings and prayers because i am having sexual relations outside of marriage..............and am unrepentant about it. My girlfriend has had years of only experiencing sex as something physically painful and something to fear. Well no more!

Tom may find this funny, I'm not sure....

I don't find it funny Rupert, I do find it desperately sad though. I am dismayed but not surprised at such narrow-minded bigotry.

You and your lady have found deep healing from previous abuse in your relationship yet the church condemns you both as unfit to read publicly and pray :confused: Such hypocrisy has no place in the person of Jesus I know and am unconditionally loved by.

To quote the shortest verse in the bible.. Jesus wept. John 11v35 (NIV)

With much love to you and your precious lady

Julie x

[rupert bears wife]

Dear all
It is a while since I last posted anything but this is my last one ever
I ask you all too please stop feeling so sorry for R B as he really does not deserve it
the reason his children do not want to see him is because he frightened them so much by firstly going to kill me in front of them with his 12 year old son in the middle, then by going to hurt me again in front of his daughter and ending up by not listening to them when they pleaded to him not to come home making his daughter aged 10 so scared she refused to come home this is why the injunction was served so please ,you good people he does not deserve your sympathy ever. As by his hand he has destroyed two very nice children.
I am slowly picking up the pieces of their lives and they are adamant they do not want to see him ever again.
They also do not like being mentioned on this site!!! But I thought just this once to clear matters up so please DO NOT DISCUSS them ever again it is unnecessary they have nothing to do with any of you. Thank you in good faith .

[littlerayofsunshine]

rupert bears wife

I am an outsider to this and care not to know all the details. I find your post saddening. You aired unnecessary dirty laundry to cause pain and anguish to him, and for no other reason. This wasn't just to tell your side of the story. And for that. Shame on you.

[BreeIsMe]

It is so good to hear that you are doing well, Rup
I know that now you can look back and see how you have grown by this process although at the time, I know it probably looked like a black tunnel without an end.
Keep us informed and good luck with your lady friends.
We love to hear from you..

Bree

[julie]

I am an outsider to this and care not to know all the details. I find your post saddening. You aired unnecessary dirty laundry to cause pain and anguish to him, and for no other reason. This wasn't just to tell your side of the story. And for that. Shame on you.

I agree

this is Rupes 'safe place' where he is loved and accepted unconditionally, no matter what mistakes he may or may not have made in his life... seemingly, not even his own church can offer him that.

i am glad this is your last ever post because who are you to attempt to turn his friends against him? no wonder he had a breakdown if this is how you invade his boundaries...

and your username is inaccurate.... i believe it should read 'rupertbares ex wife'? maybe it is time to move on and get on with your life now?... and let our dear rupe do the same eh?

good-bye and good riddance

Julie.

[tom_uk]

Tom!! Cheat? At backgammon? Well OK i make a few unintentional mistakes that are sometimes to my advantage!!

Ron :)

b*stard! love and hugs x x x

tom _ uk

[TaylorMade]

I'm not sure I wanted to know either of this, but there is enough reason to be skeptical of both sides.

Love doesn't mean automatic acceptance, julie.

*Taylor*

[julie]

I'm not sure I wanted to know either of this, but there is enough reason to be skeptical of both sides.

Love doesn't mean automatic acceptance, julie.

*Taylor*

No, maybe not Taylor, maybe i should have added that those of us who know Rupe away from this site (mrs rb excepted of course)..

The point I was trying to get across is that on here we do take as we find...this is the internet after all. And this is Rupes safe space... I would feel pretty angry if my ex-husband or Toms estranged wife came on here airing our dirty laundry. no matter how valid their perspective may be.

And I apologise unreservedly for including the community in my personal perspective.. this was both arrogant and uncalled for. My personal take on Mrs RBs post however stands firm.

Julie.

[rupert bears wife]

I had no intenetion of upsetting anybody one this site about anything. I stand corrected I am the ex mrs RB and for that fact alone I am grateful.
I was just pointing out a few hard facts about RB and why the kids do not wish to see him, their choice!! I have had months of bad posts on here and yes it is true I have been hurt , but this is not at all vindictive but fact, so before you all repeat the words 'the kids will see you soon', they, in fact wont and I feel giving RB false hope is cruel too.
You may all think this was a little heavy handed then so be it ,but if the truth offends ,again I am sorry,
Just leave my kids, as from now, off this site please thats all I am really asking, with the reasoning behind the request.
I do wish RB all the best in his future and yes I am very sad we came to this as a couple, but he was never completely truthful, about this site and his feelings.
Life moves on and I wish you all the very best in your futures
from the ex MRS RB

[littlerayofsunshine]

I had no intenetion of upsetting anybody one this site about anything. I stand corrected I am the ex mrs RB and for that fact alone I am grateful.
I was just pointing out a few hard facts about RB and why the kids do not wish to see him, their choice!! I have had months of bad posts on here and yes it is true I have been hurt , but this is not at all vindictive but fact, so before you all repeat the words 'the kids will see you soon', they, in fact wont and I feel giving RB false hope is cruel too.You may all think this was a little heavy handed then so be it ,but if the truth offends ,again I am sorry,
Just leave my kids, as from now, off this site please thats all I am really asking, with the reasoning behind the request.
I do wish RB all the best in his future and yes I am very sad we came to this as a couple, but he was never completely truthful, about this site and his feelings.
Life moves on and I wish you all the very best in your futures
from the ex MRS RB


Today , 3:49 PM #15
rupert bears wife
Member

UK and Ireland, UK - London Area



Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 7 Re: Rupert is still alive and kicking!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear all
It is a while since I last posted anything but this is my last one ever
I ask you all too please stop feeling so sorry for R B as he really does not deserve it
.

Do I really need to say it?????


Come on??? The forums give him false hope about his kids??? What you said today, you could have sent him his own message privately ( or the lady that spoke about your kids and made you so righteous for that matter) and he/she would have got it loud and clear, just as we read you now.



Granted there is always two sides to every story, and I have taken time to go through ALL of Mrs. Ex's posts, all 7 of em. Before today she only had 5 posts, last one dated over a year ago. She spoke nothing ill of old rupe, just love and concern for him. Then she disappeared, now after all that time, when dynamics have changed, when rupe was feeling more on kilter, working on himself, Feeling light ( as per this thread), then and only then does she post dirty laundry for everyone to see. And in doing such earned my statements. And this is from never having known the two and it's still a valid assesment. In my opinion, her post served no other purpose then for payback. And apparently he's being stalked.

[Mrs.F]

Do I really need to say it?????


Come on??? The forums give him false hope about his kids??? What you said today, you could have sent him his own message privately ( or the lady that spoke about your kids and made you so righteous for that matter) and he/she would have got it loud and clear, just as we read you now.



Granted there is always two sides to every story, and I have taken time to go through ALL of Mrs. Ex's posts, all 7 of em. Before today she only had 5 posts, last one dated over a year ago. She spoke nothing ill of old rupe, just love and concern for him. Then she disappeared, now after all that time, when dynamics have changed, when rupe was feeling more on kilter, working on himself, Feeling light ( as per this thread), then and only then does she post dirty laundry for everyone to see. And in doing such earned my statements. And this is from never having known the two and it's still a valid assesment. In my opinion, her post served no other purpose then for payback. And apparently he's being stalked.

I agree.......I also don't feel that anyone is giving him false hopes of seeing his kids. "SOMEDAY".....doesn't mean NOW! The kids are young now and maybe they don't want to see their dad but that may change as they grow and become adults. We all know divorce is horrible to kids and can be detrimental.
I also agree that you did not need to come on here and say these things. This is all something that should be kept between you two. We are all friends of Rupe and support him on his road to recovery!! End of story!!

[darkeyes]

Taylors point is very valid..we do not know both sides, and yet most have reacted adversley to RupertBearsWife's posts because Rupert is himself loved by many on site, and Taylor is also right in saying we should not automaticaly accept out of love. People have been doing that for centuries and it has led to untold tragedies. Should we simply as Julie says, accept just because this is the internet? I am doubtful, though we do, on trust so much more readily than we would in life. This in itself has dangers we all know unless we are very wary.

However Rays point is valid also.. there does seem to be a feeling of payback here, and to be honest I dont think this is the place for personal relationship scores to be settled. Whatever happened between them is a tragedy for them all, and our sympathies and compassion is offered to all. It may well be as Wife claims that Rupert was a danger to his family. Rupert has paid the price for whatever happened with his health. As one susceptible myself to deeply depressive periods, where on occasion I too have feared for my sanity, I can understand how the stresses of every day living can affect human beings, and how a simple event can trigger the gravest of reactions within a person suffering mental illness of any kind.

This is Ruperts place and many do love him. We are none of us spared from all criticism for so much of our lives and the way we live them. Yet whatever Ruperts history was, it is an appalling thing when someone appears on the road to recovery from mental illness, for his ex, or anyone else to publish an article or letter which can serve no useful purpose, save to possibly cause a relapse in the mental state of another human being. It just seems so convenient the timing, and should raise alarm bells in our heads.

I have no cross to bear here for I do not know Rupert particularly well, though we have chatted, and Wife I dont know at all. Of course have concern for your children and your family, but this is not the place best suited to do anything to achieve that purpose.. it can however in the "right" hands, be a place which can hurt people, and to do so against a man who is struggling to get over his illness does indeed smell of retribution.

What I do say however is this...it is all very well defending your friend as he or she struggles against his mental illness, and it is right that we do so with compassion and and as much understanding as we can give. I appeal to every member of this site to try and show some of that compassion and understanding to those we do not know, for in other threads, I am not sure quite the same level of compassion to mental instability has been offered by some.

[tom_uk]

i've been stopped (banned?) from doing the Sunday service readings and prayers because i am having sexual relations outside of marriage..............
Ron :)

oh i do love the church: hope they still let you put your dirty money in the collection :- ))

xXx

tom

[darkeyes]

i've been stopped (banned?) from doing the Sunday service readings and prayers because i am having sexual relations outside of marriage..............and am unrepentant about it. Ron :) So have half the vicars, ministers and priests who take the services...dontcha jus luff the morals of the Christian church....forgivin an understanding lot.

[Solomon]

wouldn't want the pope to hafta call on his red phone to god now would we?

[julie]

oh i do love the church: hope they still let you put your dirty money in the collection :- ))

xXx

tom

Grins, oh i'm sure Rupe need have no worries on that score Tom
:cool: