bicurious?

[mrplayfuluk]

why do those of us still bicurious find it so hard to make the transition to being actively bisexual, afterall its our hearts desire isn't it? surely we should have all lost our cherries by now? discuss.....

[flexuality]

My thoughts...

Attraction starts in the heart......I have no desire to just find a body to confirm to the world that I am _____________ (pick your label!)

I already know what I am and don't feel the need to prove it to anyone, including myself.

I think Sol and I look at it as keeping integrity and also leaving the door open to possibilities. :rolleyes:

And just on a personal note....I've had so many traumatic sexual/power experiences in my life starting at three years old, that there is no way I am going to do anything that I am not comfortable with in reagrds to sex.

So for myself, I need a certain amount of safety and trust established and an emotional connection of sorts....not sure how to explain that....

Anyhow...just some thoughts from this brain lol! :)

[Herbwoman39]

Even though I haven't had sex with a woman yet, I consider myself to be bisexual. I'm not curious. i KNOW I want to sleep with a woman. :bigrin:

[flexuality]

Even though I haven't had sex with a woman yet, I consider myself to be bisexual. I'm not curious. i KNOW I want to sleep with a woman. :bigrin:
Good point! I'm not "curious" either lol! think I need to change my profile.... :tong:

I always wondered why we use the word "sleep"....... :rolleyes:

[Cerealk]

I guess I see a bi-curious person as an heterosexual or homosexual person willing to engage in the other type of sexual activity when put under a specific circumstance, like a threesome. But said person would not have any desire or "urge" to have "stand alone" opposite sexual activity on a regular basis (similar pace than his "regular" sexuality).

Or am I way off? *shrug*

[flexuality]

I hate labels.... sigh....

All I know is that I'm not going to act without integrity as best I can.

[stormwulf5549]

Okay...these are my thoughts.I feel that I am a fully bisexual male.The reason being that I do consider myself bi-sexual is that my first and foremost preference is always going to be women.I love the kissing,the touching,the softness,and the awesome sensuousness of a woman.But I also like and invite sex from a man.But only sex.I don't want to kiss or hug him or for that matter a demanding or expectant relationship with him.Only sex.Period.Just me here speaking,and I find that a freind with benefits is a great plus to me,and that if I can get into a comfortable threesome,great.But I only want to kiss her and hug her...not him.Now I feel that if I want kissing and hugging,and shooting for a long term relationship,that would make me gay.Right or wrong?And I have been told that gays hate bisexuals and also that bisexuals are just gays hiding from the truth.All I know is that I really enjoy m2m sex,and just the sex.And that I enjoy the sensuousness of a woman and will always take that first.Someone tell me if this is correct.And if not...what is the correctness of defining it? :flag2:

[12voltman59]

In my post regarding my recent positive experience---the reason I did change the wording on my profile from "bicurious" to "bisexual" is that I did get the answers to many questions---

I guess the one that does remain--could I go and have a full time intimate relationship with another man? I don't think that I do even though I do like to be with a man --I still cannot conceive of my life's partner being anything other than a lady---

The thing is--do you really need to have a relationship longterm relationship with one person of the same gender or a series of them--or do anything at all with someone of the same gender as long as one does feel they are bisexual or care to self-identify.

Let's face it--while most of us here think its natural and fine to have relations with both genders---the overriding view of society is that such a thing is not--that this is the worst sort of perversion and it will take a long time to change that view---but the worm is slowly turning on that score, I do believe.

[flexuality]

Let's face it--while most of us here think its natural and fine to have relations with both genders---the overriding view of society is that such a thing is not--that this is the worst sort of perversion and it will take a long time to change that view---but the worm is slowly turning on that score, I do believe.

That's a really GREAT point!

"Let's face it--while most of us here think its natural and fine to have relations with both genders..."

No one goes around labelling these kinds of relationships or trying to define them....but add sex to the mix and holy shit! Out come the labellers!

Sometimes I feel like we have to justify ourselves with a label and then people end up saying things like "Oh, you do that because you're ________."

But if I am just friends with a person, no one says "Oh, you are friends with so and so because you are _________ ."

The answer that I would have would be "I do that (or am friends) with _______ because I/we choose to."

I don't have to label myself to be friends with someone, why should I have to label myself based on activity with friends?

Do I need to label myself as a "closeted roller-coaster rider" if I go to a theme park with friends and other people think theme parks or roller-coasters are wrong or dangerous?

This whole labelling sexuality seems absurd to me. (that's just my opinion...)

I am reminded of something I heard said in regards to something totally different, but it seems to apply here in my opinion.....

"Some will, some won't, so what?"

[Stanleypark]

This is the inherent difference the way I see it. It comes from the stem part of the word. Hetero-sexual, Homo-sexual, bi-sexual. Heteros form many different types of bonds, 99% of them not even remotely sexual. The same thing can be said of Gays although not that high a percentage. What type of relationships do Bi's want or even need? Do we crave a significant relationship with someone of the opposite sex, like heteros? No, we can have that anytime.Do we want to form exclusive relationships with only those of the same sex as us? No, that's too queer. So essentially, Bi's are the most promiscuous of the three. We'll fuck anyone but we don't or can't form lasting relationships with them.
Bi Curious or actively bi? It doesn't really matter. Once you're there in your mind, you can no longer play for those other teams exclusively again.

[flexuality]

So essentially, Bi's are the most promiscuous of the three. We'll fuck anyone but we don't or can't form lasting relationships with them.


Excuse my bluntness but.... BULLSHIT.

That may be how you define YOU, but I suspect that the majority of people on this forum and quite probably a lot of those who self-identify (if you will) as bisexual would not agree with those statements. I certainly don't.

That's one of my main "beefs" with labels....especially the bisexual label, is the idea that we just want to fuck everything coming down the road, and that we're not capable of forming lasting relationships with anyone.

Some do....most don't.

But it has NOTHING to do with one being bisexual, homosexual or any other sexual!

[Stanleypark]

Flex, that's just my point. If we so want to form lasting relationships with another person exclusively then we're not bi. Yes, they're labels but it would make us either exclusively hetero or gay. Define a bi relationship to me then, the way you see it?

[DiamondDog]

honestly I find the term to be a cop out, like one that people use to cling to labels like heterosexual or homosexual.

I think that a lot of people need lables, crave them, and then get perplexed with these creations don't completely stick to everything. The wildness of eros gets reduced to "straight" and "gay" which is ridiculous.

It's not like when hetero people are virgins or discovering their sexuality, they'll say "well, I don't know if I'm heterosexual or not. I mean I've never had sex with a person of the opposite gender, and I don't want sex with the same gender, so I guess I'm hetero curious!".

For myself I knew about being queer since I was a teenager I knew at first when I was 12 and for sure at 15/16.

You can be bisexual and have never had sex with the same gender at all.

[Daviecurious]

Labels are labels. If you are bicurious, you wonder; if you are bisexual, you have had a same-sex experience and it was positive.
I am quite sure my situation mirriors those of many members of this board. I wondered for many years, and gathered infomation as I could. That search led me here, and I wondered some more.
My own personal situation led me to say hello to various members, arrangements were made, and the result was marvelous!!!!!
YOU, and YOU alone, will know whether you are "bicurious" or "bisexual", and if you are bisexual, you will find out.
Good luck and good fortune to you. Stop worrying about the result and enjoy the quest!! Your heart will tell you.
Be safe, have fun! Dave :male:

[biwords]

[QUOTE=Stanleypark]We'll fuck anyone but we don't or can't form lasting relationships with them. QUOTE]

Well, gee, I've been with the same woman for ten years and I fully expect to be with her for life. That said, I've enjoyed sex with a man and could easily do so again. Why would you think that I'm not bi?

[biwords]

I only want to kiss her and hug her...not him.Now I feel that if I want kissing and hugging,and shooting for a long term relationship,that would make me gay.Right or wrong?

Same difficulty here. Since I'm in a long-term relationship with a woman, whom I certainly kiss and hug, then by your logic I'm straight. But most straight guys aren't attracted to men, and I am, so it's more accurate to call me bi rather than straight. The notion that 'if I suck him off I'm just bi, but if I kiss him, I'm gay' is just too weird for words!

[biwords]

[QUOTE=Stanleypark] Bi's are the most promiscuous of the three. We'll fuck anyone...QUOTE]

Speak for yourself, LOL!

[ghytifrdnr]

So essentially, Bi's are the most promiscuous of the three. We'll fuck anyone but we don't or can't form lasting relationships with them.

I partly agree and partly disagree. Yes, we'll fuck anyone, but what's that got to do with forming relationships? We may, or may not. And WHY, WHY, WHY does it have to be only one? I know that I can form more than one lasting relationship, and I'm sure that most others can as well once they get past all the social programming that we've grown up with. (And what kind of lasting relationship are we talking about when we look around us and find most people on their second or third or fourth "lasting relationship"? That's where the BULLSHIT lies.) :2cents:
OK, I'll surrender the soapbox now. :soapbox:

Notice my signature line? :shades:

[DiamondDog]

Okay...these are my thoughts.I feel that I am a fully bisexual male.The reason being that I do consider myself bi-sexual is that my first and foremost preference is always going to be women.I love the kissing,the touching,the softness,and the awesome sensuousness of a woman.But I also like and invite sex from a man.But only sex.I don't want to kiss or hug him or for that matter a demanding or expectant relationship with him.Only sex.Period.Just me here speaking,and I find that a freind with benefits is a great plus to me,and that if I can get into a comfortable threesome,great.But I only want to kiss her and hug her...not him.Now I feel that if I want kissing and hugging,and shooting for a long term relationship,that would make me gay.Right or wrong?And I have been told that gays hate bisexuals and also that bisexuals are just gays hiding from the truth.All I know is that I really enjoy m2m sex,and just the sex.And that I enjoy the sensuousness of a woman and will always take that first.Someone tell me if this is correct.And if not...what is the correctness of defining it? :flag2:

Hugging, kissing, and wanting a relationship with a man wouldn't make you gay but being afraid to do these things and avoiding them and seeing them as something to do with "women only" makes you homophobic in my book.

[DiamondDog]

This is the inherent difference the way I see it. It comes from the stem part of the word. Hetero-sexual, Homo-sexual, bi-sexual. Heteros form many different types of bonds, 99% of them not even remotely sexual. The same thing can be said of Gays although not that high a percentage. What type of relationships do Bi's want or even need? Do we crave a significant relationship with someone of the opposite sex, like heteros? No, we can have that anytime.Do we want to form exclusive relationships with only those of the same sex as us? No, that's too queer. So essentially, Bi's are the most promiscuous of the three. We'll fuck anyone but we don't or can't form lasting relationships with them.
Bi Curious or actively bi? It doesn't really matter. Once you're there in your mind, you can no longer play for those other teams exclusively again.

Who says you can't fall somewhere in between homosexual and bisexual?

I'm like this and I know other men that are too, even if queer is the best word to describe us.

[TaylorMade]

Hugging, kissing, and wanting a relationship with a man wouldn't make you gay but being afraid to do these things and avoiding them and seeing them as something to do with "women only" makes you homophobic in my book.

Que paso? A personal preference makes someone homophobic?

*Taylor*

[DiamondDog]

Que paso? A personal preference makes someone homophobic?

*Taylor*

I dunno if it's a personal prefernce.

I'd be more inclined to think that it's social conditioning and homophobia.

I mean men who will have sex with a man, and then say how they don't kiss at all since it's gross? To me that sort of thinking is kinda bizzare, homophobic, and I don't really understand this or get it since I crave male intimacy/body contact.

I've heard lots of guys say "I like the sex but I'd never fall in love with a man". To me, that's purely social conditioning/homophobia. You never hear hetero men say that about women at all.

Our society discourages men from indulging their "softer" emotions, like falling in love. So it's hardly any wonder so many men, even lots of gay ones, like the physical part of sex and can't handle the emotional part.

Especially when the emotional part includes issues of shame, fear, etc.

[TaylorMade]

I dunno if it's a personal prefernce.

I'd be more inclined to think that it's social conditioning and homophobia.

I mean men who will have sex with a man, and then say how they don't kiss at all since it's gross? To me that sort of thinking is kinda bizzare, homophobic, and I don't really understand this or get it since I crave male intimacy/body contact.

I've heard lots of guys say "I like the sex but I'd never fall in love with a man". To me, that's purely social conditioning/homophobia. You never hear hetero men say that about women at all.

Our society discourages men from indulging their "softer" emotions, like falling in love. So it's hardly any wonder so many men, even lots of gay ones, like the physical part of sex and can't handle the emotional part.

Especially when the emotional part includes issues of shame, fear, etc.

If you don't understand it, why are you labeling it?

To me, it goes to basic male behavior...read The Self Made Man by Nora Vincent to see what I'm talking about. Maybe men do need intimacy, but to what levels is different for each man. And some men don't want intimacy at all. There are some straight men who won't kiss a woman unless he's involved with her. He'll fuck her, but won't dare kiss her. And I know some women are the same way.

Everyone is different. I know a straight guy whose weakness is kittens. He's totally composed till ya put him on cute overload.com. Everyone has something that takes the edge off for them - -For you, it's the touch and kiss of another man, for others, it's floppy eared puppies.

Not quite the same, but still.

*Taylor*

[DiamondDog]

If you don't understand it, why are you labeling it?

To me, it goes to basic male behavior...read The Self Made Man by Nora Vincent to see what I'm talking about. Maybe men do need intimacy, but to what levels is different for each man. And some men don't want intimacy at all. There are some straight men who won't kiss a woman unless he's involved with her. He'll fuck her, but won't dare kiss her. And I know some women are the same way.

Everyone is different. I know a straight guy whose weakness is kittens. He's totally composed till ya put him on cute overload.com. Everyone has something that takes the edge off for them - -For you, it's the touch and kiss of another man, for others, it's floppy eared puppies.

Not quite the same, but still.

*Taylor*

How is labeling it bad?

I do sort of understand it since I HATE kissing smokers. Like people who smoke pipes, cigars, or cigarettes.

Someone who isn't into kissing, shows/tells me that they have issues with closeness/intimacy with others, or letting go. I personally don't want this in a partner and I avoid it.

[TaylorMade]

How is labeling it bad?

I do sort of understand it since I HATE kissing smokers. Like people who smoke pipes, cigars, or cigarettes.

Someone who isn't into kissing, shows/tells me that they have issues with closeness/intimacy with others, or letting go. I personally don't want this in a partner and I avoid it.

Aren't you the one who tries to avoid labels (As you've said in your profile)?

If it is a personal preference for you to kiss, as you say, why go on about others who do not?

Different strokes for different folks. Isn't this what being bisexual is all about?

There are as many ways to be bisexual as there ARE bisexuals. If they do not conform to your style of bi, then let them go. Going on about them isn't going to change them - -in fact it may drive them deeper within themselves.

Since you avoid them, let them be. Render them into non-existence and leave them to themselves.


*Taylor*

[Long Duck Dong]

No, we can have that anytime.Do we want to form exclusive relationships with only those of the same sex as us? No, that's too queer. So essentially, Bi's are the most promiscuous of the three. We'll fuck anyone but we don't or can't form lasting relationships with them.
Bi Curious or actively bi? It doesn't really matter. Once you're there in your mind, you can no longer play for those other teams exclusively again.

sorry, but that is like saying that all christians are catholics

now, I will not fuck anybody, to do that, I need to be totally sex centered.... sorry but I act by attraction and self desire, hence I am celibate.... I life sex, but its only sex....i perfer more than sex

the more promiscuous of the three is actually the gay sex, not the bi sex....a number of studies reveal that face clearly

i know a number of bi's that are in exclusive relationships, as they value love over sex......they are still bisexual, but not controlled by their sex drive

[flexuality]

Flex, that's just my point. If we so want to form lasting relationships with another person exclusively then we're not bi. Yes, they're labels but it would make us either exclusively hetero or gay. Define a bi relationship to me then, the way you see it?

So are you saying that my being married and monogamous means I am not bi?

I don't see it that way at all. What does my relationship with my husband have to do with which ever sexuality I identify as?

Sex is not a "need." We do not have to act on our attractions if we choose not to. That doesn't make someone "not bi", it makes them a person of integrity if they are in a relationship long term that matters to them.

If we, as a couple, decide to expand our sexual activites it does not take away from our exclusiveness to each other. It doesn't mean we have to "give each other up" in order to do what we have mutually decided to do.

We are not looking for a "you go do your thing, I'll go do mine" kind of relationship, we are looking to agree on what we do.

As I see it, the "bi's will fuck anything" and the "bi's can't form lasting relationships" is an emotional issue, not a sexual issue.

It strikes me as being more accurately stated as "I will fuck anything and I can blame it on being bisexual" and "I can't form lasting relationships and I can blame it on being bisexual."

If someone will fuck anything and can't form lasting relationships, then that sounds like a personal problem to me. Not a bisexual problem.

[deletetacount123]

So are you saying that my being married and monogamous means I am not bi?

I don't see it that way at all. What does my relationship with my husband have to do with which ever sexuality I identify as?

Sex is not a "need." We do not have to act on our attractions if we choose not to. That doesn't make someone "not bi", it makes them a person of integrity if they are in a relationship long term that matters to them.

If we, as a couple, decide to expand our sexual activites it does not take away from our exclusiveness to each other. It doesn't mean we have to "give each other up" in order to do what we have mutually decided to do.

We are not looking for a "you go do your thing, I'll go do mine" kind of relationship, we are looking to agree on what we do.

As I see it, the "bi's will fuck anything" and the "bi's can't form lasting relationships" is an emotional issue, not a sexual issue.

It strikes me as being more accurately stated as "I will fuck anything and I can blame it on being bisexual" and "I can't form lasting relationships and I can blame it on being bisexual."

If someone will fuck anything and can't form lasting relationships, then that sounds like a personal problem to me. Not a bisexual problem.


*gasps* :eek: :eek: :eek: Ive never seen you post the F WORD!!! *faints* :eek: :eek: :eek: *hides from Flexie under the table cause shes scared now* :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tong: :tong: :tong:

[flexuality]

*gasps* :eek: :eek: :eek: Ive never seen you post the F WORD!!! *faints* :eek: :eek: :eek: *hides from Flexie under the table cause shes scared now* :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tong: :tong: :tong:
It's okay Tashie....I post the F word a lot....you just haven't read all my posts! LOL! Okay...maybe not a lot....but I have been known to use it. :rolleyes:

My bark is FAR worse than my bite...hehehehe! :tong:

[deletetacount123]

It's okay Tashie....I post the F word a lot....you just haven't read all my posts! LOL! Okay...maybe not a lot....but I have been known to use it. :rolleyes:

My bark is FAR worse than my bite...hehehehe! :tong:

*makes a note..... "Never make Flexie mad" * Ok got it. lol

OMG... Im such a flirt tonight.... *counts* and flirting with my coworker?!?! Ack this has got to end..... its my bedtime.. yes time for bed... and wow... 5 people got attacked by me the Flirt Bug tonight... ooooooh wonder what caused it lol Im in a happy mood! BE HAPPY FOLKS! :)

Tasha

[BicuriousWA]

Very interesting discussion. I chose my screen name and designated myself as bicurious simply to conform to a label. I haven't had any sexual contact with a man yet but I really want to. I feel that makes me bisexual, but its difficult to get away from using labels. It's as if you can't join the club or cross the imaginary line until you have sex with the same gender. If labels didn't have some role in our way of thinking none of us would be at this site.

As I'm sure all of you have experienced, living as a bisexual is a rather confusing state of being. I love women and do get turned on by them. Sometimes I see a man that arouses my interest too. Bisexuals are arguably the most internally conflicted because of this dual attraction. I think I could have an intimate friendship/relationship with a man but at the same time I can't see myself without having a woman in my life. Unfortunately, it isn't always possible to combine both lives.

[Solomon]

This is the inherent difference the way I see it. It comes from the stem part of the word. Hetero-sexual, Homo-sexual, bi-sexual. Heteros form many different types of bonds, 99% of them not even remotely sexual. The same thing can be said of Gays although not that high a percentage. What type of relationships do Bi's want or even need? Do we crave a significant relationship with someone of the opposite sex, like heteros? No, we can have that anytime.Do we want to form exclusive relationships with only those of the same sex as us? No, that's too queer. So essentially, Bi's are the most promiscuous of the three. We'll fuck anyone but we don't or can't form lasting relationships with them.
Bi Curious or actively bi? It doesn't really matter. Once you're there in your mind, you can no longer play for those other teams exclusively again.

damn, i'm wasting alot of time with my almost 7 year marriage to flex if that's the case! Is a good thing that she's a very incredible woman :cool:

btw... thanks for the shot to get brownie points lol!

[dans94]

How is labeling it bad?

I do sort of understand it since I HATE kissing smokers. Like people who smoke pipes, cigars, or cigarettes.

Someone who isn't into kissing, shows/tells me that they have issues with closeness/intimacy with others, or letting go. I personally don't want this in a partner and I avoid it.

You might be right, it might be an intimacy issue but I personally don't like kissing men. It just doesn't turn me on like kissing women does. Cocks turn me on and men's lips on my cock turn me on but not lips on lips. I think alot of it is texture and maybe culture. Of course sucking dick isn't culturally acceptable either. . . hmmm. To me, putting my lips/mouth on a man's cock is very soft and sensual but kissing him is kind of course and rough and not sexy.

To me, it is more intimate to kiss lips than kissing cock. That makes sense to me. I love the entire women but only love men's cocks. Call me shallow. :rolleyes:

[DiamondDog]

Aren't you the one who tries to avoid labels (As you've said in your profile)?

If it is a personal preference for you to kiss, as you say, why go on about others who do not?

Different strokes for different folks. Isn't this what being bisexual is all about?

There are as many ways to be bisexual as there ARE bisexuals. If they do not conform to your style of bi, then let them go. Going on about them isn't going to change them - -in fact it may drive them deeper within themselves.

Since you avoid them, let them be. Render them into non-existence and leave them to themselves.


*Taylor*
In my profile I meant sexual orientation labels.

I can still say that a certain attitude, way of thinking, philosophy, or whatever is homophobic.

I guess my main point is, I don't get why these men try to hold onto some vestige of being/identifying as "straight" or more hetero than "gay" by not kissing men and only kissing women. This is self loathing and internalized homophobia on their part.

How is an attitude like that not homophobic? I highly doubt that it's based on preferences only. If someone says they don't like kissing anyone of any gender that's one thing. But to equate kissing women only with love/romance and kissing men with being faggy (as I've seen on a few posts on this board but not on this thread) is a homophobic attitude even if people don't want to call it that or admit it to themselves.

It's like hetero people who claim that they're "straight but not narrow" and then they react in homophobic disgust to the sight of seeing two men kiss or hold hands in public, or in a movie!

[Bi Boi Indiana]

StormWolf, I Like you Enjoy and Want sex With Females To be the Kissing the Cuddling, The Hugging! The Intimate Everything! But with the boys/Guys I Only Want Pure Rough Sex that only a Male Can Give, I dont need the hugs and Kiss's From him ..... But if He Insists and My Wife is Ok with it, then Yes i would Kiss him, Hug Him, Cuddle Him, But i dont see Myself doing it for MY Enjoyment, maybe for his, but not mine! My Wife is My NUMBER ONE PRIORITY! In My Bi Lifestyle! I AIM TO PLEASE HER FIRST ME SECOND
And If ANY MAN Cannot understand that and Applaud Me For it, then That's ONE MAN I Went Nothing to do with ....... And as Far as gays Hating Us Bi's I have encountered That once in my lifetime! He said to me, " You Bi Sexual Boi's Want your Cake & You Wanna Eat It Too, You Cant Be BiSexual, there is NO Such Thing " Well Needless to say, he destroyed My Thinking for a c ouple days, until i rose up and said " FLIP " HIM

How else would One Describe Bi Sexuality ? I mean I Always thought bi Sexuality was One Male Or One Female Having Sex With BOTH MALE & FEMALE PARTNERS! ......... AM I WRONG, AM I MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING GOOD HERE ? .......... I'll just say Up Front, I Dont hate ANYONE! I Dont hate the gay Guys, I dont hate the Lesbians! We ARE ALL Here for a Common Goal
To Meet Someone, Get to know them and Possibly Have a Sexual Realationship with them later down the road ... Am I Correct ?

its so very sad that within the GLBT Community We Find Haters, It's So Very Sad. People Saying i dont like this Label Because & Well I Dont like this Label Because of this ..... " FLIP " The Labels! We ALL Share a Common Love!
And that is To Love & Or Care Very Much So For SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX! it's That Simple

Bill aka Bonerboy :flag3:

[mrplayfuluk]

in initiating this debate, I always considered being bicurious as a limbo state of being where one had not conclusively found out whether intimate contact with someone of the same gender would be a turn on despite being attracted to it on a fantasy level. I mean having a first adult bi experience could be a disaster and put one off. I have spoken to plenty of people on here who have been there and decided its best to leave it as an idealised fantasy rather than venture again. That doesn't stop me being open to an opportunity whether on a brief encounter or by some chance a friend. My m2m experiences were at school where I responded purely to sexual opportunity (and raging hormones) without really knowing the words het, gay or bi. For me in retrospect that is why I am on this site. My first sexual experiences were purely that, without societal definitions, in fact when I had those experiences Bowie was king! So in adult life I realised that I desired sexual experiences with guys and only societal constraints might get in the way. Its crossing the line between thinking and doing that interests me. What is it that holds some of us back and what have those who crossed the line want to share with us.... I feel bisexual, I know I'm bicurious and though I hate definitions, at best they give clarification. I rarely feel attracted to men when I'm out in the street or socialising but just occasionally I see I guy who presses a button in my head or if I'm in a gym shower or on a nudist beach, the nudity triggers my mind into horniness.......

Finally a thread that developed here involving men kissing... if you don't like it, its not homophobic in my books just personal taste, I have no interest in anal sex and that goes for some gay men too, afterall some bi guys only have sex with other bi guys- is that homophobic?

[TaylorMade]

In my profile I meant sexual orientation labels.

I can still say that a certain attitude, way of thinking, philosophy, or whatever is homophobic.

I guess my main point is, I don't get why these men try to hold onto some vestige of being/identifying as "straight" or more hetero than "gay" by not kissing men and only kissing women. This is self loathing and internalized homophobia on their part.

How is an attitude like that not homophobic? I highly doubt that it's based on preferences only. If someone says they don't like kissing anyone of any gender that's one thing. But to equate kissing women only with love/romance and kissing men with being faggy (as I've seen on a few posts on this board but not on this thread) is a homophobic attitude even if people don't want to call it that or admit it to themselves.

It's like hetero people who claim that they're "straight but not narrow" and then they react in homophobic disgust to the sight of seeing two men kiss or hold hands in public, or in a movie!


Uh-huh.

If you don't get it and you're trying to avoid it, why are you spending so much time anylizing it? It would be like me wondering why black men are the way they are. But I'm not wasting my time on that. Diamond, you are a hella smart guy, no question about it. But wasting your time by putting assumptions on guys who simply don't want to kiss other guys is, to be honest, petty.

Who are you to be the arbiter of all things homophobic? I honestly would like a link where someone called kissing and holding "faggy" on this site and was not called out on it.

Acceptance , like intolerance, comes in degrees. It takes time for some people to get used to something that is so unlike them. To brand any uncomfortablility as homophobic is as absolutist and intolerant as any religous prohibition that we rail against.

And I ain't about that.

*Taylor*

[12voltman59]

This conversation brings a few old sayings to mind: "To Thine Own Self Be True" and "Follow Your Bliss"

I do not agree with Stanley's view that if one is bisexual-that in and of itself makes one a slut!!!!

That is total BS and its the kind of thing I talked about in my first post--that if one is bisexual--then you are this major sex pervert/sex fiend.

Promiscuity is something that no one particular group can lay claim to and to make sweeping generalizations about a group is just a fool's errand.

When I was in the military--at many bases (especially at Key West)--the enlisted family housing areas were often called "Peyton Place"--when the hubbies would go off on deployments--the wives would play at home and the guys played when they were off on deployment any chance they got.

When the flight squadron would deploy to the aircraft carrier it was attached to--the wives of the enlisted guys were in the cheaper bars--the wives of the officers were in the the upper scale bars, restaurants and hotels of Key West all looking "for action."

There may have been some same gender sex going on but most of it was hetero sex----so much for the good family values of military folks!!!!

So based upon what I saw at a few military bases-can I assume that all military folks are a bunch of horny, adulturous so and so's--no I can't.

Neither can one naturally assume that people who are bisexual are any more or less slutty than any other group!!!

Don't presume to speak for or judge me Stanley--you do not know me at all--

[ghytifrdnr]

So based upon what I saw at a few military bases-can I assume that all military folks are a bunch of horny, adulturous so and so's--no I can't.

Volty, you're correct here.
But one'd be on very solid ground to say that HUMANS are a bunch of horny, adulterous so and so's. We tread that path FAR more often than the straight and narrow!

[Stanleypark]

Voltman, thank you for your comments. I agree that it's dangerous to make such broad, general statements because there are going to be those who do not fit that overview. However, I still stand by my assertion that humans, and all living things, are biologically, genetically programmed to be sexual. That's how a species survives, propagates and moves on.
When we lay in our beds at night and speculate/fantasize/be 'curious' about our own sexual boundaries, we don't do so because we think heteros have great front lawns or that gays have the greatest interior design sense. (Stereotypes only folks, so don't get your knickers in a twist). Read our own threads. We go there because we think of cum and piss and anal and kissing men and porn, etc.etc.
Whether we act on these impulses of course is based on our individual internal or external moral limits but that's irrelevant.We're in that head space because we're curious about our sexual urges and how to go about satisfying them. Face it, the first time you Googled 'Bisexual', it wasn't because you wanted to know if they had any helpful hints on how to grow bigger tomatoes. You wanted to know if there was someone, somewhere who would indulge your own unique view of sexuality.
My remarks have been seen by some as Bullshit, and that's fair. Everyone has a right to make a personal judgement call.Conversely, those who view active Bisexuality or its Curious cousin as some higher ground, spiritual, holier-than-thou state of being, are living on a pink cloud. Why else are 99% of us still closeted? Because we're afraid of being seen by our families and friends as sexual deviants with dirty little secrets, no matter how benign our fantasies might be. And that's our hang up. Otherwise we'd all be 'out'.

[DiamondDog]

Uh-huh.

If you don't get it and you're trying to avoid it, why are you spending so much time anylizing it? It would be like me wondering why black men are the way they are. But I'm not wasting my time on that. Diamond, you are a hella smart guy, no question about it. But wasting your time by putting assumptions on guys who simply don't want to kiss other guys is, to be honest, petty.

Who are you to be the arbiter of all things homophobic? I honestly would like a link where someone called kissing and holding "faggy" on this site and was not called out on it.

Acceptance , like intolerance, comes in degrees. It takes time for some people to get used to something that is so unlike them. To brand any uncomfortablility as homophobic is as absolutist and intolerant as any religous prohibition that we rail against.

And I ain't about that.

*Taylor*

here's the thread about kissing being equated with being faggy,
on page 4.

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1412&page=4&pp=30&highlight=faggy

What's wrong with calling something homophobic or saying that it's underlying homophobia?

Our society is drenched in homophobia and sure homosexuality has gotten more normalized which is a good thing; but homophobia still remains very prevalent, and I even have gay friends that are out as being homosexual to their friends/family but not to their doctors!

I think it's best if people are out about being queer.

You're right that acceptance comes in stages but I don't see the point in the idea that kissing is only something to be done with women, or it's something to be cherished only with the opposite gender, or why someone would want to limit themselves that way? I mean you're already having sex with men, why not kiss?

Anyway this is just a topic that comes up a lot among my gay friends and I, how they say I'm one of the only bi men they know that actually enjoys kissing men.

[TaylorMade]

here's the thread about kissing being equated with being faggy,
on page 4.

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1412&page=4&pp=30&highlight=faggy

What's wrong with calling something homophobic or saying that it's underlying homophobia?

Our society is drenched in homophobia and sure homosexuality has gotten more normalized which is a good thing; but homophobia still remains very prevalent, and I even have gay friends that are out as being homosexual to their friends/family but not to their doctors!

I think it's best if people are out about being queer.

You're right that acceptance comes in stages but I don't see the point in the idea that kissing is only something to be done with women, or it's something to be cherished only with the opposite gender, or why someone would want to limit themselves that way? I mean you're already having sex with men, why not kiss?

Anyway this is just a topic that comes up a lot among my gay friends and I, how they say I'm one of the only bi men they know that actually enjoys kissing men.

One person came and said it right out. Only one. The others gave their reasons why they do and do not do this, and being "Faggy" wasn't too high on their list.

You're making assumptions about people based on their personal preferences without knowing them. That is no better than those who make assumptions about us. There isn't much difference between "Bi men who don't kiss are self-loathing" and "All bisexuals are sluts." Both are stereotypes.

What you think goes as far as the next persons nose. People are not out for a myriad of reasons, from the pragmatic to the idiotic.

Some people don't kiss the way some people don't do anal sex. Anal sex isn't required, but some people feel incomplete without it. The same with kissing. You may not see the point of kissing is only with a woman that some bi men do, fine. But you're ascribing things to it that in most cases are not there.

Yay, you're the only bi man they know that kiss. Obviously, based on the responses on this site, they need to get to know more bisexual men.

But, here's a medal anyway.

http://www.coloradofishing.net/images/medal.gif

*Taylor*

[flexuality]

Voltman, thank you for your comments. I agree that it's dangerous to make such broad, general statements because there are going to be those who do not fit that overview. However, I still stand by my assertion that humans, and all living things, are biologically, genetically programmed to be sexual. That's how a species survives, propagates and moves on.
When we lay in our beds at night and speculate/fantasize/be 'curious' about our own sexual boundaries, we don't do so because we think heteros have great front lawns or that gays have the greatest interior design sense. (Stereotypes only folks, so don't get your knickers in a twist). Read our own threads. We go there because we think of cum and piss and anal and kissing men and porn, etc.etc.
Whether we act on these impulses of course is based on our individual internal or external moral limits but that's irrelevant.We're in that head space because we're curious about our sexual urges and how to go about satisfying them. Face it, the first time you Googled 'Bisexual', it wasn't because you wanted to know if they had any helpful hints on how to grow bigger tomatoes. You wanted to know if there was someone, somewhere who would indulge your own unique view of sexuality.
My remarks have been seen by some as Bullshit, and that's fair. Everyone has a right to make a personal judgement call.Conversely, those who view active Bisexuality or its Curious cousin as some higher ground, spiritual, holier-than-thou state of being, are living on a pink cloud. Why else are 99% of us still closeted? Because we're afraid of being seen by our families and friends as sexual deviants with dirty little secrets, no matter how benign our fantasies might be. And that's our hang up. Otherwise we'd all be 'out'.

I'm looking to be civil here..... :rolleyes:

I think one of the things that's getting to me about what you're saying, isn't so much what you're saying, but rather the way you're saying it.

You're entitled to your opinion just as much as me or anyone else, and I don't expect us all to have the same opinions by any stretch of the imagination.

For instance..."
Face it, the first time you Googled 'Bisexual', it wasn't because you wanted to know if they had any helpful hints on how to grow bigger tomatoes. You wanted to know if there was someone, somewhere who would indulge your own unique view of sexuality."

Well, actually, no...I wasn't wanting to know if someone somewhere would indulge my view of sexuality. Maybe that's what you wanted to know....maybe that's what some others wanted to know.....but it was not what I wanted to know. My reasons were entirely different.

Further...."Because we're afraid of being seen by our families and friends as sexual deviants with dirty little secrets, no matter how benign our fantasies might be. And that's our hang up. Otherwise we'd all be 'out'."

Again...no, this is not true for me.

Maybe you're not trying to over-generalize and make global statements...I really don't know....maybe I am over-sensitive to being told what I think, feel and believe.....maybe those two things clash....

I think it's probably more that I am at a point in my life where I am deciding for myself what I believe, what I want, what I need, what I feel, what I think.

I've had a bloody lifetime of having those things decided for me, having labels picked for me, being told what I think, feel and believe, what I want, what I need.....and I am finally able to say "NO. I decide."

So I apologize if I came across as attacking. That is not my intention.

[Stanleypark]

Flex, lighten up please.I could be talking about any one of a hundred million-zillion people out there. Why are you taking it so personally? If anything of my diatribe doesn't apply to you or Voltman or whoever then shake it off. Not everything that is talked about in every post in every thread is directed solely at you. If you think it is then you possess either an inferiority complex or a major dose of egotism. Peace. Out.