this is a call to all reasonable...

[mrplayfuluk]

people here. Recently teamnoir has upset and been personally rude to various people on these forums for example 12voltman59; take a look at his posts if you don't believe me, so from now on I believe we should ignore his deconstructive comments for the sake of the positive future of these forums. Bullies thrive on reaction and are cowards so if his comments are ignored in various threads he will get bored... please don't comment on this post just read it, so if Teamnoir does comment here he will be a lonely soul :(

[flexuality]

hmmm...

Well, I guess I am rebellious, cuz I am gonna reply to this post.

I am not convinced that teamnoir is actually trying to be a "bully."

Yeah, I agree, a lot of his posts come across as rude and maybe even destructive sometimes, but I just keep getting the impression that he's not understanding that his words come across as offensive.

I also have noticed that he is not always offensive. I have seen posts of his where he attempts to understand that many of us do not understand him and he tries to clarify himself when he picks up on that.

I think that a lot of what has been percieved as him bullying is actually him dealing with an entirely different issue. We assume he's attacking, when he's actually thinking that we're trying to convince him that he must think like everyone else here to be here in the first place. (Thus the comments about mobs, cliques, etc)

I, for one, do believe him when he states that he has asperger's and it makes it difficult to tell for him when he is offensive and that his bluntness is misread by others.

I have spent my entire life around autism and asperger's and I am very aware that the way he communicates is typical.

I am also aware that there are better ways to deal with this than to simply ostrasize someone.

If some people want to choose to not reply to his posts, then that is their choice. If others want to ignore him, that's their choice too.

I will not be part of a "boycott" of someone when I truly believe that it is US who is not understanding him.

If you choose to judge me as "unreasonable" because of my stand on this, then so be it.

[Jeff1229]

I don't agree with everything he says,but this is an open forum. We can choose to ignore or respond to his statements in whatever manner we choose. I agree with Flex,that ostracizing someone isn't the answer. I think it was Voltaire that said,<paraphrasing here>, I may not agree with what you say,but I will fight to the death for you to have the right to say it.

[Long Duck Dong]

forever the rebel as well

I agree with flex....

in some areas, teamnoir is pointing out things that are very valid issues... its the way they are being phrased, that creates the trouble...but show me any person that is able to express things clearly in a forum over controversial issues, without creating a forum debate

part of aspergers syndrome, is a lack of empathic understanding..... if teamnoir runs the same comments over his own emotional * filters * he gets a different response to the average person... then we read his comments and add our own perspective to the words, and they take on a whole new meaning
aspergers people don't understand why people get their knickers in a knot over remarks.... as asperger people don't see a issue if a person says the same thing to them

the opposite to aspergers is a form of over sensitivity....a simple remark has a heavy effect on a person and knocks them emotionally and mentally

another aspect of aspergers, is that they are often at a above average or genius level of thinking, and they have to try and * dumb it down * so that the average person can see what they are saying.... thats not easy......its like being a english speaking people that is trying to speak in a manner that is clear and simple enuf to a non english speaking person, without losing the gist of what is being said

one thing that i have picked up on, thru reading teamnoirs posts, is that he comes across a number of people that take what he says, out of context, and it feels to be a case of this has happened a number of times over the years...
in his profile, he states that he has aspergers, and he can be blunt....
its not saying that he is blunt cos of the aspergers, but that he has a blunt way of viewing, understanding and expressing things, and that he has aspergers which makes it differcult for him to relate to the way he expresses himself, in the same way we are relating to him

if I didn't know better I would read his profile, read about how he is a dominant BDSM person and thinking that he is using the same way of thinking in the forum...... hes not.... they are totally seperate....

he simply has a strong personality, he enjoys leather / bdsm related activities...and he is interested in expressing a opinion in the forum....the aspergers makes it differcult for us to relate to what he is actually saying, and so we are reading thing in a totally different light

the day we stop people posting or start dictating who may post what, is the day that bisexual.com stops being the community it is, and becomes a dictatorship......

tho I am annoyed over the remarks made to 12voltman..... I also respect teamnoirs right to post and express a opinion.... the day I decide he doesn't have that right, is the day I have decided that I don't have that right either

[Azrael]

Well put, Duck. As an Aspie myself, I'm quite used to being taken out of context or just plain misunderstood. I'm frequently told I'm too literal. This guy's remarks to me were somewhat abrasive but nothing I would call genuinely offensive. It's odd. I used to have a habit of taking the unpopular side of any argument for the pure sport of it. Sort of a nasty devil's advocate tendency. I mean back when I was unmedicated and rapid cycling and going through a myriad of alter egos. My major problem now is my emotions are all out of wack. I have a lot of trouble with nonverbal communication. I've toned down the bluntness over the years, but being medicated, I don't really have any highs or lows anymore. I'm just somewhere strange and inbetween. It's a trade off, numbness in exchange for a lack of psychosis.

[biwords]

(I've already mentioned on another thread that teamnoir has made some worthwhile comments, and I don't think he's another Daisy999).

[seafer]

people here. Recently teamnoir has upset and been personally rude to various people on these forums for example 12voltman59; take a look at his posts if you don't believe me, so from now on I believe we should ignore his deconstructive comments for the sake of the positive future of these forums. Bullies thrive on reaction and are cowards so if his comments are ignored in various threads he will get bored... please don't comment on this post just read it, so if Teamnoir does comment here he will be a lonely soul :(

you know weather we have a condtion that inable us to not express ourselves as other's want or weather we have no problems at all. you should not be able to judge anyone for how they express them selves.. FREEDOM OF SPEACH right??? FREEDOM TO EXPRESS AS WE WISH right?? if you choose not to read or listen, then so be it.. don't knock someone for being different.. after all you, yourself are different from myself and all the other people around you and you and you also.. so stop... look... and listen.... if you don't like what you read or hear.... ignore it, say what you feel and or let it go, or just stop knocking them down..why can't we just be ourselves in here??
I myself love to read what you all have to say.. some are very interesting and helpful and some are so outragiouse and stupid, but you didn't hear that from me.. LOL.. ok my vent is over.. LOVE TO YOU ALL!! PEACE!!

[12voltman59]

Maybe Teamnoir does have a condition that makes him less able to effectively make his points in ways that don't tend to offend--his responses just sort of hit me wrong because of the fact that we have had a rash of such incidents of late----

There was Daisy and a few others who have made lots of posts and after reading back through some of Teamnoir's comments---some of them are fine and on point and not attacks.

To address one other thread topic--regarding the Don Imus situation--I was right and I was wrong--he did not have to quit or retire--he got canned by both CBS Radio and MSNBC in recent days--and it was because the advertisers bailed.

I heard one commentator say on one program that he heard rumors Imus might already have landed a gig on satelite radio--whatever its going to be called now that XM and Sirius are going to merge---then, just like Howard Stern made the move--Imus will then be able say just about anything he wants to and no one can do much about it---

[Solomon]

flex is definately bang on when it comes to being able to relate to people with asperger's and autism... she's got a lifetime of dealing with it via her sister, and her daughter :cool: :cool:

so quite frankly mr playfulfuk if you want to ostracize teamnoir, that's your right, but my vote is to give a different perspective that's not necessarily malicious a chance

there have been some who have genuinely just been malicious... let's not put everyone in that category prematurely

[mrplayfuluk]

Fine the majority vote wins... I am not trying to aggressivley ostrasize but suggested in a round about way, that we don't get lost in, side battles as happened in 12voltman59's thread, where it was taken up with all of us defending 12's right to post his self discovery because one individual got personal in a deconstructive way. Remember Drew's rule 2 - don't get personal (flame the idea not the person) which sadly team noir does. I admit by the very virtue of my post I have done the same in theory but using an asperger's lack of empathy as a justification for bad behaviour isn't the answer either. Every democracy has a code of conduct for the majority... I love this site and the opportunities to explore my private thoughts with others without fear of being upset or offended by others or made to feel inadequate in some way for exposing aspects of myself..... its fundamental to this site.

[Solomon]

lol all i know is that when there's an issue with the kids, i defer as much to flex as possible...

her understanding has diffused many situations that leaves me scatching my head lol

[FerociousFeline]

Personally, I think that noir was out of line.

But then, given that we all share the essences of both Yin and Yang here, I feel that it's important for all of us to recognise that we each and every one of us have the purrfect RIGHT................


To be a silly BITCH every once in a while.

Part of being a loving community is realizing that we all aren't necessarily that GOOD at learning how to voice our unhappiness. I hate when someone is really unhappy and I see people withdrawing from them. That is usually when the person needs the most support!

just my humble opinion

FF

[welickit]

We may not agree with what you say, however, we will defend to death your right to say it. :2cents:

[*pan*]

all i have to say about this topic is, i believe there is an iggy button or something on here somewhere where you can ignore someone if you choose. i was never one to cry to the authoritys to handel things, i always do it my self. i'm also one that believes everyone has a right to their opinion. no matter what others think. i have read a few posts replies by them and didn't see anything so obnoctious that they need to be banned. i don't even like the word ban since i came into society's main stream being used widely in the 60's or 70's. since then everyone that dosen't like something , wants to ban it. i'm not bothered as easy as some i guess. live and let live has always been my policy and to over look things so as not to dwell on them to the point that they interfere with my serenity.
peace and blessings >
:)

[Herbwoman39]

I mentioned the Aspberger's issue in another thread (don't ask me which one...I'm all over the place lately). But I would like to add that perhaps someone diplomatic needs to send Noir an email just mentioning the ground rules of the site...specifically the "flame the idea not the person" bit.

Not everyone reads the rules before the jump in the pool kiddies :)