First date - need advice

[Herbwoman39]

I haven't done anything that remotely resembles conventional dating in at least 12 years so I have NO idea what I'm doing. Sunday afternoon I'm meeting a woman I've been talking to for the last four or five months for the first time.

HELP!?!

[biwords]

Since most "conventional dates" are duds, you can hardly go wrong! Have you agreed on what you'll be doing? If this is a DATE date, does the other party know it? (Don't laugh, my wife didn't! or maybe she was just in denial). My guess is that with a few more facts, the wise owls on this site will have lots of good advice. Though you should also always remember that great old retort: "Your advice is sound -- however, I will ignore it".

[lilbitsva]

Congrats on the date. The only thing that you need to do is be yourself. See if ya'll hit if off. some people you will see them and it's there some people you have to just meet them and get to know them that way. Which in this case you have gotten to met the interperson already. i hope that your date goes wonderful. i'm sure that everything will go good. If you want you should go to the park or to a coffee shop somewhere where you can chat and stuff like that. I wish you nothing but the best. lil bit

[12voltman59]

My advice Herbwoman--just breathe deeply a few times before you meet her--and try to relax--be yourself---just start out by doing something to break the ice---

I am sure that things will work out fine-if they are meant to work out--at this point in my life-I really do believe that if things are meant to work out or not---that is the way God, the universe or simple random fate would have it depending upon your belief system---

I wish you all the best and hope that this lady is all you hope and more--and if she is not--well--you are without doubt much better off in that case----

Have a good time dear ----and I do hope you have a good time together that will lead to other good times!!!!!

[Herbwoman39]

I appreciate the reassurances. They do help a great deal :)

I'm just looking for a bit more. Mainly dating etiquette. Such as, what should I wear? Do I wear something casual? Revealing? Conservative? When is a kiss appropriate? I know that cramming my tongue down her throat is just plain crass LOL! I could just use a few hints that go beyond the "be yourself" and "breathe" advice.

Oh, and yes, she knows it's a date. She picked the place. We're meeting at the Altamonte Ale House for drinks and then dinner if all goes well with drinks.

Thanks guys.

[DiamondDog]

Just go out for coffee/lunch/dinner, or something and talk a lot.

Most people enjoy talking about themselves so ask her a lot about herself, and talk about yourself a bit.

I dunno if most conventional dates are duds but I've only dated men pretty much, so it's very clear that it was a date in both parties minds and that we were simply getting to know each other as friends.

I've had some dates with men where we just get to know each other and then have sex, but somehow I don't think you want to do this with her. :)

[Doggie_Wood]

I appreciate the reassurances. They do help a great deal :)

I'm just looking for a bit more. Mainly dating etiquette. Such as, what should I wear? Do I wear something casual? Revealing? Conservative? When is a kiss appropriate? I know that cramming my tongue down her throat is just plain crass LOL! I could just use a few hints that go beyond the "be yourself" and "breathe" advice.

Oh, and yes, she knows it's a date. She picked the place. We're meeting at the Altamonte Ale House for drinks and then dinner if all goes well with drinks.

Thanks guys.

I would wear something conservatively casual that is slighly revealing. :cutelaugh LOL
Really, just dress moderately in line with the establishment you two arre going to. A little cleavage is always nice :tongue: to see.
As far as the kiss goes - If you feel that chemistry is in the air about you and your date, you might try to say something semi-personal to her (you smell really nice tonight - or - you look very stunning/beautiful/HOT, etc.) and slowly lean in her direction about half to 3quarters of the way. If she leans in as well - well, "Lips, meet Lips".:love87:

just my two cents worth :2cents: and good luck on yer date herbwoman.

:doggie:

[flexuality]

I appreciate the reassurances. They do help a great deal :)

I'm just looking for a bit more. Mainly dating etiquette. Such as, what should I wear? Do I wear something casual? Revealing? Conservative? When is a kiss appropriate? I know that cramming my tongue down her throat is just plain crass LOL! I could just use a few hints that go beyond the "be yourself" and "breathe" advice.

Oh, and yes, she knows it's a date. She picked the place. We're meeting at the Altamonte Ale House for drinks and then dinner if all goes well with drinks.

Thanks guys.

One thing to keep in mind.....she's probably wondering the same things you are! :tong:

One thing I do in a situation where I am unsure of what to wear is layers. Something kind of revealing as the first layer, then a blouse, zippered t-shirt kinda jacket or sweater (depending on the weather) over that so that I can take it off or leave it on depending on how things go. :rolleyes:

Another thing I do when meeting people I haven't met before is that I wear cotton! Cuz it breathes! lol! When I get nervous, my body temp jumps....and there's nothing worse than wearing polyester or acrylic when I am roasting! lol! Especially if I find that it wouldn't be a good idea to take off the outer later....

It's been my experience when meeting people that you either "click" or you don't and it's usually apparent fairly quickly, and if you do click, then 95% of the time, it's mutual. :)

[deletetacount123]

Good Luck Maria :)

Im gonna seduce Flexie with my Vampire Charm :P She shall fall under my spell and run away with me to a private location on some island somewhere in a cottage where eveything magical happens. :)

THEN IM gonna kidnap you too and the 3 of us will live happily ever after lol

Seriously tho Maria, just wear what you feel comfortable wearing in the place your going to... if you tend to sweat when nervous then wear light colors and breathable clothing.
Wear colors that makes you feel sexy, or best bet... buy a new outfit just for the date :) That way you won't fuss over the clothes you already have and go "this is stupid, nah, no... nope... nah...." instead you have a outfit JUST for that.

Enjoy your date and tell us all about it :)

*goes off to plot a scheme to lure Flexie the Vampie*

[innaminka]

I could just use a few hints that go beyond the "be yourself" and "breathe" advice.

.

A few of my friends have been in exactly the same situation as yourself - been out of the dating game for years, and all of a sudden the chance of a real "date" appears.
They too sounded like teenagers. (sorry, you do :) :) - to your credit)
What to wear?
What to say?
How far on the first date ifit looks like working?
etc etc.

Feedback I got is that maturity is a wonderful asset. You will know within 15 mins if there's nothing there.
As far as the other questions - in all honesty, the answer is in the words you wrote.
Be herbwoman! That's who this person wants to meet.

Good luck.

[Solomon]

congrats on the date! i'm sure you'll be fine :cool:

[mouse46]

:bibounce: Hi Herbwoman, First date very exciting, goosebumpes and all that aside. Firstly what does she like to do?Something you both like hopefully and fun to get the edge off. Dancing , a walk just talking. But what you wear will say something to her.for instance jeans an d a slightly revealing blouse . Says you feel sexy ,but at the same time she'll look. Give her something to think about besides the conversation, Just be yourself and relax. By this time the two of you know quite a bit about each other so things should go very smoothly. Good luck. :bibounce:

[anne27]

I've always brought along a small gift (usually a cute little stuffed bear) on dates with women. I've had varying luck on the dating scene, and am currently very serious with a woman. I will offer one little tidbit, turn off your cellphone. On one date with a college professor, her cell went off constantly. We'd just start in on a conversation, and it would get interupted. I kinda felt it was rude, and even though she was very pretty and a very nice woman, we never had another date. She asked me out again, but the phone thang, along with a coupla other little problems, keep me from ever wanting to go out with her again.

Edited to add: CONGRATS!!!! :bigrin:

[deletetacount123]

I've always brought along a small gift (usually a cute little stuffed bear) on dates with women. I've had varying luck on the dating scene, and am currently very serious with a woman. I will offer one little tidbit, turn off your cellphone. On one date with a college professor, her cell went off constantly. We'd just start in on a conversation, and it would get interupted. I kinda felt it was rude, and even though she was very pretty and a very nice woman, we never had another date. She asked me out again, but the phone thang, along with a coupla other little problems, keep me from ever wanting to go out with her again.

Edited to add: CONGRATS!!!! :bigrin:

OMG I know what you mean!!
When on vacation with my friend Heather who I don't see that much in a year. It was Jan and I invited her with my family to a Flordia vacation.

She had NEVER been to Flordia and the last part of the trip was Disney which shes never been to as well... I was trying to talk to her about the attractions and stuff and pointing out things but EVERY time her Blackberry went off, she HAD to check then answer!!!

Totally missing stuff I was trying to show here that she had to look "now" lol
(such as something in a parade)

I remember talking to her at dinner once.... ahhhh so annoying she kept looking at her blackberry and answering to SOMEONE SHE SEES EVERY DAY when shes at home while *I* only see her a few times a year!!!

It struck me as VERY VERY RUDE behaviour. I had my own blackberry and it did go off but I turned it off whenever I was with her since Im not rude.. whoevers texting me can wait till I have a quiet moment to myself.

Oh well. I understand sometimes it could be a emger. but most times its not lol

Tasha

[Herbwoman39]

I've always brought along a small gift (usually a cute little stuffed bear) on dates with women. I've had varying luck on the dating scene, and am currently very serious with a woman. I will offer one little tidbit, turn off your cellphone. On one date with a college professor, her cell went off constantly. We'd just start in on a conversation, and it would get interupted. I kinda felt it was rude, and even though she was very pretty and a very nice woman, we never had another date. She asked me out again, but the phone thang, along with a coupla other little problems, keep me from ever wanting to go out with her again.

Edited to add: CONGRATS!!!! :bigrin:

Oooh! Thanks Anne! Great advice! <starts thinking about where I can find a little bear tomorrow>

[Herbwoman39]

This morning I got up feeling cheerful, logged into my email and what's the first thing I see? A three-word email. "can we reschedule". Just like that.

I'm so frustrated I just want to cry. I'm thinking seriously about putting a "Wanting to lose my bi-ginity" ad on Craigslist.


:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :( :(

[deletetacount123]

This morning I got up feeling cheerful, logged into my email and what's the first thing I see? A three-word email. "can we reschedule". Just like that.

I'm so frustrated I just want to cry. I'm thinking seriously about putting a "Wanting to lose my bi-ginity" ad on Craigslist.


:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :( :(

I told you I didn't think she was serious from what you told me in PM!! :(
Im sorry it didn't work out as planned. Since she didn't have a reason for why she wants to reschedule I think she's just wasting your time.
I don't mean to be mean but I don't want you getting hurt and wastng time with people like her. :(

I have so much wanted to just do a one night stand to have experiences with a woman lol but I am so strongly against one night stands so I know thats just talk and would never happen. (Darn. hehe)

Why not pay a visit to sunny BC, nice weather here and we could have fun :)
Maybe invite Flex too, I think shes about 5 hours from me?
At least you know me and Flex are REAL people who wouldn't play games and waste someones time :)
I would have liked the teddy bear you bought lol I love small bears especially those with a meaning behind it lol

Tasha

[Herbwoman39]

I may just have to plan a trip up that way before it gets cold again.

This crap is just too damned depressing <sigh>. Seems like no one here in Florida is really interested in me. I know completely what you're going though right now with the dating sites Tash.

[deletetacount123]

Wait till you read the post Im working on then you'll know just how fusterated I am lol

It won't get cold in BC again till November or December... why not come up for my 28th birthday ? We could have fun lol

Tasha

[Herbwoman39]

I'll have to clear it of course but that may well work. When do you turn 28?

[deletetacount123]

July 24th :)

This place is a tourist attraction in the summer time actually. We are known for our wines and such. :)

VERY hot here in the summer too WHEW!! hehe so no, don't expect snow lol

Tasha

[Herbwoman39]

!@#$%! July is a no go. We've been planning a family vacation to Cody, WY for the July 4th weekend for about 8 months and I *know* that's going to eat up financial resources for a few months around that time frame. Maybe September?

[deletetacount123]

ummm maybe :)

[biwords]

A three-word email asking "Can we reschedule?" doesn't contain enough information to warrant a conclusion as to whether this woman is wasting your time or not, in my opinion. Some people apologize or provide explanations by email, others don't. Unless you have reason to think this is a pattern, I'd suggest giving her another chance, on a what-have-you-got-to-lose basis.

[deletetacount123]

A three-word email asking "Can we reschedule?" doesn't contain enough information to warrant a conclusion as to whether this woman is wasting your time or not, in my opinion. Some people apologize or provide explanations by email, others don't. Unless you have reason to think this is a pattern, I'd suggest giving her another chance, on a what-have-you-got-to-lose basis.

True, some people like to type explanations while others don't want to or maybe wanted to get the message out as quick as possible so a quickie note.

But Herbie and I were talking about this in PM the other day and there are other reasons to think this girl is wasting Maria's (Herbie's) time. I won't say anything unless she wants to say something but I do know from what Maria told me, yes this girl is most likely wasting Maria's time but thats just how I see it.

Tasha

[flexuality]

This morning I got up feeling cheerful, logged into my email and what's the first thing I see? A three-word email. "can we reschedule". Just like that.



She cancelled on you?? After all that????? 4 or 5 months of emailing and you get a three word email?????

If this woman really is wasting your time, then I would send her a ONE word email......NO. :tong:

Unless there are some kind of circumstances that she isn't saying....but then again....if I was wanting to reschedule with someone (as a matter of fact, this did come up for us recently) I would at least let them know WHY, even if I only had a minute to type something....


:grouphug: *checks beach house list.... :shades: nope, that one's not on it* :tong:

[deletetacount123]

She cancelled on you?? After all that????? 4 or 5 months of emailing and you get a three word email?????

If this woman really is wasting your time, then I would send her a ONE word email......NO. :tong:

Unless there are some kind of circumstances that she isn't saying....but then again....if I was wanting to reschedule with someone (as a matter of fact, this did come up for us recently) I would at least let them know WHY, even if I only had a minute to type something....


:grouphug: *checks beach house list.... :shades: nope, that one's not on it* :tong:

ME TO!! even if you don't have enough time its ALWAYS a respectable thing to include WHY you want to reschedule... If your really in a hurry even a "Can we reschedule.... family emergecy" (sp) or something like that.
I mean if you had the time to email to say those 3 words then you have the time to add a reason. :) That way you show you REALLY DID want to meet that person but something unplanned forced a change.
If theres no WHY then it could be the case of cold feet.

Flexie poo... how far away are you from meeeeeeeee ? :)

Tasha

[taz67156]

just relax and be yourself, dont stress over it, im sure they will like you for who you are and want to get to know you better. If by chance they dont though then its their loss not yours. :)


Mrs. Taz

[anne27]

That seriously sucks! :(


I dunno what kind of relationship you have with this woman, but I think you should probably start looking around for someone else. I think she may not be up to actually meeting someone. It can be quite scary to meet someone face to face for the first time. I know that I've had my share of pre-meet anxiety but I've never cancelled out on anyone.
I was chatting with a sweet local woman last year and we really hit it off. We set up dates 3 different times, all at her request, and she backed out on every single one of them. She asked me to please not give up on her, but I did. I could understand once or maybe even twice, but at three times, I'd have been a fool to stick around. I don't think she was very happy when she read my blog and found out I was seriously dating someone else. We still chat from time to time and we're still friends, but I'd never date her.

My suggestion, either tell her you think it's time for you to move on and see if she gets serious about meeting and shows up, or just quietly move on to searching for someone else while remaining friends with her.

Best of luck, hon! I know this kind of dating is very difficult, but you will find someone worthy of you. Sometimes you just have to go through a lot of dirty ole rocks to find a diamond!

[12voltman59]

Herb--sorry that your lady friend did not go through with meeting you-her loss.

The thing is with situations like this--if the cancellation was the result of her getting cold feet--then such things don't usually have to do with the other person but with what is going on with them.

I would on this instance--give her the benefit of the doubt if she still wants to talk and such---and then try it again--but if she does this on future occassions-then time to move on---

Keep trying dear---just from our conversations--I think you are a great lady and someone would be lucky to be with you--man or woman!