Help with Coming Out?

[scuba_xoxo]

So I've recently come to be able to accept the fact that I am bisexual...even though there are some who seem to believe that this cannot be true seeing as i have never actually been with a woman. However, with the exception of my family (super strict and would disown me), I want to start thinking about coming out to my friends.

The problem is that every time that I start thinking about it, I get nervous and panic attack-y. Can anyone give me advice on how to come out or tell me how they did?

Thank you so much!

[noostoo]

I've recently come out to a few friends who were very carefully selected as being "least likely to be freaked out". I've found them all to be cool with it, very supportive and quite unfazed. The worst reaction I got was sceptical but supportive. There are some of my male friends who I am less sure of telling though but I'm in no hurry.

The only advice I can give is to choose the first person carefully. For me it was a friend who's dad is gay and he himself had some MM experiences in school. He's also someone I find is very easy to talk to about personal matters. I suppose that something else to remember that the people "most likely to freak out" are probably those who are concerned about bi/gay tendencies in themselves and may be insecure in their own sexuality.

Do it once and it becomes a lot easier. There's no rush to do this so don't feel that you have to blurt it out to the whole world in one go. Ask the people you tell to keep it to themselves for as long as you feel it will help you.

[lilbitsva]

Coming out is something that you have to be ready for anything and everything. With you having a panic attack everytime that you are thinking about doing it is telling me that you are not ready for it yet. I mean this is something that i did before i came out. I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that no matter what they said i'm still me and i'm still a wonderful person. If you are okay with yourself you have to be okay with yourself before thinking about doing this. If you think that you may be then you may not be. I would tell you what. I think that you may want to look at your self in the mirror and see what you see. I didnt' know that I was bi until i had my experience with a woman. It doesnt' mean that you aren't because you haven't had one. some people know that they are without having one which is just fine. I would just think about some of this stuff. You have to be okay with your self before you can even think about telling someone else. The first person that i told was my best friend. maybe that is what you should do try it out on someoen like telling them. And see how you feel about it. I hope that i have helped a little lil bit

[Herbwoman39]

I agree with lilbit. if you're having panic attacks just *thinking* about coming out, then it's too soon. My advice would be to get more comfortable with the idea that you're attracted to both men and women before you tell others. After all if you're not completely comfortable with yourself you're probably not going to be able to handle any resistance to the idea when you tell someone else.

I've only come out to a handful of people, myself. My best friend had the worst reaction mainly because we both used to say "I'm so straight I have problems turning corners". Cute, but most definitely denial in my case.

She didn't talk to me for six months. I think it scared her. But we talk regularly now. We just don't talk about that. At least not that much. The subject of bisexuality comes up fairly regularly because her middle daughter is bi and is long distance dating a girl who lives about 90 minutes away from me.

I haven't come out to my parents yet though. Things keep happening. They live up in Wisconsin where cold is a biword. I don't do cold so that leaves only 7-8 months when I can tell them in person. Add to that it's a bad idea to pick any time around a holiday or birthday to come out it makes the timing even more difficult. PLUS my grandmother on my father's side passed about 6 months ago so I had to wait out that mourning period. Then, I had planned to tell them while we were all on a cruise together in January. But in December my mother sprung a lovely surprise on me that my parents are divorcing. So NOW I have to wait until that shit storm passes. So it will be at least a year before I can tell them.

Sorry to blather on. My point is that timing makes a huge difference. For the time being though, just work on getting comfortable with being in your own skin, as it were. The rest will come.

[shadowsaffinity]

i think it helps to just think of one person that you could come out to. one person who you think would be supportive. tell that person and see how it goes and learn from that. i found that every time i came out to another person, it got easier and easier. i was more sure of myself and i learned better ways to bring it up/talk about it. plus all of my friends were so supportive that i'd tell one and it would go very well so i'd be like well that was okay, i'll tell someone else. i just kept on like that and now all of my friends know, some coworkers who i could trust, and my mom.

good luck!!

[happyjoe68]

I came out to someone in the past fortnight during the course of a conversation. To my relief, she was OK with it, and it was quite liberating to tell her. In fact, I think it has made the friendship somewhat better. I outed myself to show that she was not alone in suffering the trials and tribulations of relationships. I hoped she would be OK with it since she had her husband go salsa dancing in Manchester's gay village, and perhaps you should sound out your friends to see which are queer friendly by way of some comments or topics on queer people, and if they react positively or in a non-phobic way, gradually bring it into the conversation rather than dropping a bombshell

[DuskTillDawn]

Hi,

I started a thread almost identical to this about 2 months ago. Since then I have "come out" to my best friend and I was lucky enough to find the effect was pretty positive.

Like you everytime i even thought about it I freaked and got really insecure. I didnt feel I was totally ready to come out but it was beginning to make me more and more insecure as I came to believe it more. Although I didnt feel totally ready I felt I had to or i'd go insane so I just came out and said it. Now I dont feel insecure or panicky and I have someone to talk to about it (non-internet based i mean) (no offence to any1 ur all great!).

Anyways, with somethings in life I think there will never be a "right time" to do it, its like stoping smoking- something in your life is always gonna be stressfuil so theres always an excuse not give up.

I do agree that you should be sure of yourself before you come out but sometimes it the "coming out" that makes you more sure.

Hope this helps

[Abbey Road]

Only come out when you are truely ready & choose the first person carefully. I only came out at the end of last year, but I`ve known I`m bi for years. I told a girl at work (who I thought was a mate) who freaked out & told most people at work I`m gay. I thought "right-may as well admit the truth both at work & too my mates". The others at work & my mates are ok with it - some allready had guessed. I felt so much better for coming out. I`ve always answered thier questions since I came out as they were intriqued & have been very supportive. I have only lost the girl who outed me as a mate. I haven`t told my family yet though as I`m waiting for the right moment to tell them. :bipride:

[scuba_xoxo]

Thank you all so much.... it helps me to see that other people have gone through what I am going through!