Differences between lonely and depression?? [Archive]

View Full Version : Differences between lonely and depression??

deletetacount123

Apr 8, 2007, 2:49 PM

So people.....

Whats the difference between depression and just being lonely (no matter how hard you try, you're still very lonely)

I know depression is something very serious and lord knows I went through it in my teen years with no help from anyone to make it better :) (Oh Ive told people I was, the only respones I got was "you're being silly." and "you don't know what your talking about" and "do you even know what depression means??" YES I DO lol I actually have and still do have all the syms. for depression. Right now Im not doing anything about it cause I don't think its serious as it once was which I don't know how I overcame without meds.)

Im feeling lonely today trying to be happy for easter.... Im sick with a cold and want to give everyone my germs at work. Can't be helped anyway since I AM a cashier. lol Gotta handle items and blow my nose when I know its gonna run any minute (and after I sneeze)

I really don't know why Im typing this, just wanted to talk and get it off my chest. :) Going to work today so maybe my day will perk up soon.

Gonna watch a bit more of that Shirley Temple stuff thats been airing all day on AMC channel lol (they are showing most or all of her movies today)
Puts me in a good mood. :)

Ah I just got an email from my buddy :) Im a bit happier now lol

Tasha
PS My mood swings.... if someone wants me to just stop posting my ranting moods then just say so and I will. :)

Judas Imok

Apr 8, 2007, 3:10 PM

I know the feeling of loneliness all too well. I am at work now, but I have no-one to go to. I hate these feelings and it gets literally painful. Depressed... no, but loneliness is the one thing I feel alot and I hate it.

*sigh*

Oh... Happy Easter everyone

PS My mood swings.... if someone wants me to just stop posting my ranting moods then just say so and I will. :)

Don't you dare stop. I quite enjoy your posts. It makes me think... even if I don't respond, your posts are excellent. *big hugs*

deletetacount123

Apr 8, 2007, 3:13 PM

I know the feeling of loneliness all too well. I am at work now, but I have no-one to go to. I hate these feelings and it gets literally painful. Depressed... no, but loneliness is the one thing I feel alot and I hate it.

*sigh*

Oh... Happy Easter everyone

Don't you dare stop. I quite enjoy your posts. It makes me think... even if I don't respond, your posts are so fun. *big hugs*

Aww thanks Judas :) *hugs*

12voltman59

Apr 8, 2007, 3:22 PM

biwords

Apr 8, 2007, 4:05 PM

Yes, DSM-IV is the standard reference in Canada, too, and your family doc should be quite familiar with it. Might be a good thing to speak to him/her about possible depression? That's not to say that everyone who exhibits symptoms should necessarily be medicated; but soldiering through depression (if that's what it is) alone may involve unnecessary pain.

deletetacount123

Apr 8, 2007, 4:22 PM

Tasha--there are very clear symptoms that define clinical depression-even those are going through some changes at the moment--the next updated edition of the DSM-IV (the Diagnostic and Statiscal Manual of Mental Disorders) which is the guidebook here in the US regarding mental health conditions is going to reflect some of those changes now being considered.

I found this site on the net--its a site for medication prescribed for Clinical Depression but they have a good self-test to help determine if a person may be suffering from the condition.

http://www.effexorxr.com/?sk=4646

The big change coming in the DSM regarding depression is going to break down parts of depression that nearly anyone can suffer from at some point due to loss of a loved one, a job, divorce or other similar life upheavel---while nearly everyone will go through such times---a sustained degree of experiencing such symptoms can lead one to get a full blown case of depression if not dealt with.

There are of course "organic" or actual physical things that can lead to Clinical Depression such as suffering a head trauma or conditions such as slight strokes that damage areas of the brain.

Hmm ok thanks Volty.... I will check out the link after work/easter dinner as I don't have much time right now.

I suffered depression since my school days... I think it started with all the bullying and no one doing anything to stop it. (In my mind.. the teachers ALLOWED it to continue.) I remember it being really bad to the point I was developing mysterious scars, cuts and blisters on my arms and I wasn't even using anything, they were JUST appering and then disappering quickly.

I used to tell people especially my family I was depressed but no one believed me and supposely I was just being silly and didn't know a thing about depression.
There was an year I don't remember to well other than mom saying I was being very selfish and very stupid and whatever other words she felt like saying. I was 16 and lets just say I was tired of everything. But when I was 17 I just shut everything down and tried to concerate on the happier moments.

Whenever I felt sad, down, sick/drained or angry, the depression thoughts do come back. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to "lock up depression" in a area inside but when you have no one believing you and think your making it up then I don't know what to do.
Part of me WANTS to be on anti-depressives meds or something cause it knows I should be on it. The other part is more on the "oh I can handle it... I don't need any meds, afterall people say theres nothing wrong with me!"

My last 2 ex's weren't any better. Especially the very last once. In my mind, no one will like my body. No one will talk to me and so on just cause thats pretty much what HE said.... My last ex actually said a couple things that the boy at 13 had said which ya, started to bring up the evil depression. While I can shut them down, I feel like one day its gonna win the battle and I'll lose.

I know for the fact I have developed a dangerous habit of turning ON the car then put on my seatbelt & sunglasses (if needed) and THEN opening the garage door. If my ex did one thing nice it was to tell me about that habit of mine and I remember being rude to him about it by going "So what??" sounding annoyed as if I knew what I was doing and didn't care.
I do NOT know where or when this habit started. I just know I do it.
But I do know I have never cared if I did something or was about to do something that would cause serious injury to myself or even death.

I believe what you guys online are saying but I need to hear it in real life too cause no one has ever said I have a pretty body, am fun to be with and so on in real life..... Oh my sister has but you know how it is.... family "has" to say it lol

Well um, Im gonna go now.. need to get to work soon. And Im not sure if Im gonna read this thread when I come back later tonight lol Kinda scared now since I just posted my biggest secret I rarely ever tell anyone. :(

Tasha

calas

Apr 8, 2007, 4:52 PM

Hey, Tasha, I am new here, but have to say that I have suffered from depression many times and sometimes meds help but also in my experience you may be prescribed an antidepressant and then just left on it for a decade or more, without anybody really looking at whether or not you could try to come off it.

I read an article lately that bisexual females are much more prone to suicidical thoughts and actions than lesbians or gay or bisexual males. Statistically it is close to that of transpeople. So some of the depression may just have to do with being a bi female in a world that oppresses both.

I resisted identifying as bi because the assumptions and stereotypes were/are so negative -- another bi female told me the other day that when she tells people she is bi they usually respond with "so, what's it like to be a nymphomaniac?"

As for loneliness, I know that well, too, and I have a hard time trying to separate loneliness from depression when I get down I just feel down and don't always know why I am, I just am.

Sorry this is such a downer. :(

Keep asking for help. You have friends here.

Cala S

Azrael

Apr 8, 2007, 5:20 PM

I can deal with the isolation of being single. My depression, however is difficult to treat because SSRIs/MRIs generally amp me up and induce mania, me being bipolar and all. I mean, a lot of times it hurts being alone and stuff but actual depression to me is not getting out of bed to even eat or shower for extended periods of time and contemplating offing oneself. Luckily I haven't been depressed for a while. I take Seroquel now, which in addition to it's antipsychotic action has a mild antidepressant property to it. It's critical to be on the right meds. Depakote gave me full blown delusional psychosis. Stuff was coming out of the walls and I was wandering around wearing a blanket and muttering something about being the great observer or some shit. The wrong meds are just as bad as none at all. In spite of all this, I'm optimistic about the future. Mind over matter.

FerociousFeline

Apr 8, 2007, 5:45 PM

Hey Tasha, everyone,

I'm not sure how SPECIFICALLY this answers your question, but it struck me that you might want to see it. This is a piece I wrote this morning and I feel like it might be helpful.

As I awake this Easter morning, alone, I wander around aimlessly in my micro-condo looking for something external in my life to make me happy. I do this in full knowledge that it's wrong, I am aware of the fact that I should
theoretically need nothing external to make me happy. However, the reality is, we are all deeply affected by the events that occur in our lives. Our emotions give us information not unlike the diagnostic display of a spaceship's life support system. They serve as a link between our inner selves and the world. They reflect the difference between our progress towards something we desire, and our relative success or failure in obtaining that desire. They help us measure our perception of progress in our attempts to connect with the Divine, with our core selves, and with others. They are an indicator of our strength, our fortitude in the face of adversity, our ability to continue when sources of energy or guidance have been unexpectedly disconnected. Our faith...in our ability to continue... unassisted.

Holidays are really hard for me. I am currently going through some period of major personal growth, both spiritually and physically. It's extremely difficult for me to learn how to "just be". The war within me rages on, unabated, as I seek to bring together the many aspects or personalities of myself which appear to temporarily rule me, often bringing me great personal pain in my life in the way they bubble to the surface and affect my actions, my relationship to others, and most specifically, my relationship to myself. At 42, I feel like I am woefully behind others my age when it comes to the accomplishment of self awareness and well being. Holidays are difficult because as a single man I look around and see others joining into groups and socializing, being friends and lovers and generally just meshing with each other. It brings me great personal pain to feel like the perpetual outsider. Because of my background, my life path, the fact that I have never lived anywhere for longer than 3 or 4 years at a time, (not by choice, but by necessity) I have never known the roots that the people I see celebrating their lives and each other take for granted. It really REALLY hurts. The underlying fear is that I will never have this thing that I see other human beings take for granted. Connection. My
loneliness and isolation have been so extreme for so long that I actually used
to believe that I simply wasn't MEANT to engage and be a part of life. That the purpose intended by my creator was that I was only here to witness, to guide others with the experience that has been given to me BECAUSE of my life path. Interestingly enough, it is also the wealth of wisdom my path in solitude has given me, which seemingly PREVENTS my connection to others who haven't traveled on a similar path.

Some of you are aware of my personal struggles of late regarding the
apparent end of my relationship with a woman that I care for very deeply. It is because of my past, because of my lack of roots, because my small network of friends is still in it's early developing stages, that the loss of this
woman in my life hit me so hard. She on the other hand, is struggling with her own past, and sadly, it appears that her past is responsible for our
breakup. I love her so much. Of course, it's much more comforting to blame her past on her decision to exclude me from her life than the possibility
that she just doesn't really like me. After two years with her, it is difficult to believe in the possibility that she would participate in such a heavy investment and do so without really liking me. It is apparently my lesson that I must learn to love without having. Appreciate without touching. Understand that it is really possible for me to love another regardless of what their
feelings are for me. It is with GREAT pain I acknowledge to the universe that I do not GET to decide if a person I feel a strong connection to has any such connection to me. It has been my lesson to discover that such a loss of mutual attraction must not affect my ship, or my ship's progress towards it's unknown destination. When someone you love doesn't love you, it forces you to look at yourself and ask why you are not worthy of their love. What is wrong with me? How am I not good enough? How am I not deserving enough? What aspect of me has contributed to the demise of this
partnership? Can I fix it? SHOULD...I fix it? Does it even matter?

We are all attracted to things that are not necessarily good for us. How can we gage what is good for us? How can we collar and leash our own desires? How can we know that our desires which take us to experiences that are filled with pain aren't what we really need? We all safeguard and hold
sacred the inner knowledge of what brings us pain. We protect that information at all costs. We endeavor to prevent others from knowing it, and in some cases, we protect ourselves from knowing it. We actively avert the experiences we anticipate will be painful. But is that a good thing? Is a painful experience one devoid of any learning potential? What if the opposite is actually true? Birth is always painful. Re-birth even. What if our largest challenge is the challenge not to AVOID experiences which bring us pain, but rather to EMBRACE them? Could this be one of the lessons that Jesus was trying to teach us? Is that what it means to lead a truly open life? If so, then we all can measure our own progress NOT by what we have in our day to day life experience that brings us pleasure, but rather by what experiences we allow ourselves to have which will cause us pain. Pleasure is easy. Perhaps every painful experience has, beyond it's repulsive exterior, a priceless gem of wisdom? Maybe it is our willingness to experience pain in order to gain the wisdom the painful experience has hidden inside that is required of us. If this is true, what does that do to the model of our self care? We are told that we should protect ourselves from what isn't "good" for us, but in this context wouldn't that be the same thing as protecting ourselves from growth? Life without growth doesn't particularly sound like it would be very "good" for us. I'll leave you to explore that idea and see how it applies to your own personal experience.

On this Easter morning, I wish you all the gift of rebirth. I wish all of you the strength to recognize that all of your experiences are of positive value in your personal growth. I wish you the comfort of knowing that your pain CAN be a positive thing, and can signal, like the story of Jesus, your rebirth.

Have a Happy Easter

FF

Solomon

Apr 8, 2007, 6:59 PM

hhmmm according to Dr. David Burns Ph.D depression would be a state of being overwhelmed by the intense desires to change something about our lives...

lonliness would actually be a form of social depression, i.e. wanting to be sociable very intensely enough to be overwhelmed by the desire to sociallize.

and holidays can be the lonliest times of the year simply due to the fact that companies advertise the snot out of'em in order to sell us their products, and all the advertising is a constant reminder of how the advertisers want us to feel without their products.

or something like that lol

by the way, do ya feel like this round alot of holidays?

and don't stop your posting!!

embrace the beast and you'll find you missed yourself greatly :cool:

leizy

Apr 8, 2007, 8:41 PM

If the feelings last most of the day, for more than 2 weeks, then it is most likely developing into depression, and appropriate to start seeking treatment, or pursuing improved self-care. Watch your diet, your alcohol intake, and make sure you exercise. Number 1 thing - get out of the house. Even though you don't feel like doing it, get out. Go shopping, dancing, church, socials, whatever. It feels bad at first, and feels forced, but it works.

best wishes.
david

Solomon

Apr 9, 2007, 1:59 AM

yes leizy, that's the current medical solution...

however, the ancient wisdom says that "we often see things clearer when we're at our lowest point"

12voltman59

Apr 9, 2007, 2:02 AM

As far as being lonely is concerned---I would say that most people have experienced it at some point or another---

What is weird though and it kind of goes to an old quote I came across once that "one is never as alone in the midst of a crowd" or something to that effect---I find that to be the case more than if I am by myself at home. I do feel very lonely to go to a place where there are large crowds of people and I am by myself--that does make you feel very much alone and can be depressing.

Solomon

Apr 9, 2007, 2:20 AM

how many times do we go out and make eye contact in a crowded room, and remain lonely?

when we contact others with our eyes, it is making ourselves vulnerable for a second

i love the part in the movie "Nell" where she talks about how people are so busy nowadays, and how we know big things.... but we don't look into each others hearts, perhaps i wonder because we fear our own?