As a child, did you suffer at the hands of bullies? [Archive]

12voltman59

Apr 8, 2007, 2:43 PM

My local public radio station airs a weekly radio show called "The Infinite Mind."

The show deals with mental health issues and each week's edition deals with a new mental health issue.

On this day, Easter Sunday, the show that aired dealt with the issue of bullies and bullying.

The show brought back some memories for me--even though I came from a Catholic family---I was an only child until age 10 when my mom finally was able to have another child-for some reason my mom had much difficulties with pregnancies and she had at least one miscarrage prior to my birth and had several in the years between my birth and that of my sis.

This was the 60s, so things were still rather traditional and since I was an only kid--I seemed to be a big target for kids in the neighborhood who were part of big families. Even the parents of these kids seemed to hate me and made comments about my parents for only "having one spoiled brat."

I can tell ya--I was not nearly as much of brat as so many of those kids who came from those big families--they were simply jealous folks I do believe.

I have to say that while I am a fairly social person, I am still a bit of a loner and I have no doubt it comes from having to deal with things on my own and not having that net of brothers and sisters ahead of and surrounding me that it seemed everyone else had.

I always did feel a person apart from the rest---it was a problem as a kid but now that I am an adult--I like it.

The program talks about how both being a bully and a victim of bullying can impact the lives of people for the rest of their days-for the negative effects of bullying can have on morale, academic performance and attendence. One program segment discusses how anti-bullying programs are being put in place in schools here in America--something that schools in Europe have had for years.

Of course the school shootings at Columbine and other places around the country finally got people to realize that the belief that: "oh, ya got to just deal with it kid--everybody gets bullied at some point-so stop your whining about it!!!" is just plain wrong.

You can play the entire show if you go to the website: http://www.theinfinitemind.org/

The show lasts almost an hour but it is worth listening to if this subject interests you. They also have a segment about bullying in the workplace on the show.

If you are deaf--they do have a transcript of the show as well.

I'm interested to hear what everyone else has to say on this subject--the show did have a segment at the ways children who are 'Sissies" as boys and "tomboys" as girls and also are gay or non-straight are victims of bullying and do have a high level of teen suicide.

PS--in another thread--someone talks about Second Life---The Infinite Mind is doing a great deal of things with Second Life--late last year they did a series of shows relating to Second Life and have done some other projects since then.

Another PS--For Flex--they have a show in their archives that deals with Autism.....

deletetacount123

Apr 8, 2007, 2:58 PM

Oh YES!!!!!!!!!!!

the worse was when I was 13, this MEANIEST BOY IN THE WORLD was so cruel towards other kids... no, it wasn't the whole "boys bully cause they like you" thing... he was REALLY mean and abusive.....

I went to this school for the deaf in Belleville..... oh my god.... cruel kids all over the place including kicking and punching. Teachers? heck, they helped with the bullying. If you could HEAR with the hearing aids and SPEAK then ya, you're gonna get beat up for it. It was TERRIBLE.

The "Carrie White" in me was starting to stir and ya, my depression started to develop while in that place. :) (ah, I remember where it started)

At 15 I came home one day, told my parents if they sent me back to that school I was gonna burn the whole place down to the grounds of hell where it belonged. (Yep, never went back..... and I was banned from watching CARRIE again and some other horror flicks)

But the damage to depression was already done... I have never recovered but its not as bad as it used to be... I just deal with it these days. Most of my teen years are shut out except the happier moments.
I will gladly say sweet 16 is a big fat lie :)

Tasha

lilbitsva

Apr 8, 2007, 3:41 PM

I understand where you come from. When i was little like i think in middle school let me tell you something. I had this guy that wouldnt' leave me alone. he just keep on. He would yell stuff at me and always tell me to watch my back that i had it coming. I tell you what i told the teachers it did nothing besides make it wrost. This guy had to have something wrong with him. It got down to the point where iw as always crying and did know what to do about it. I finally told my daddy what was going on and had told him about telling the teachers and how it did nothing. Daddy told me the next time that he does something to you you stand up to him. Dad told me that i know that i don't like it when you get into fights but you have to stand up for yourself or they are always going to do this too. So the next daylike he always did in the morning he came up to me and was yelling at me again. I told him that i wasn't going to take it anymore and that if he ever yelled at me again that he was going to get it. Well he kept yelling and i started to yell back at him. He went to throw a hand up to hit me and one of my friends gaved him and told him that if he ever did it agian not only was he going to get it he was going to get it from him. This was one of my new guy friends that was really nice he was a wonderful person and we where best friends for a while. That guy never bothered me again. i was very happy about that i remember how sad i use to be until he came into my life. I thank god for letting him come into my life. I hope that all of you that have had a bully knows that they are bully's and have nothign better to do and that one of these days everything they do will come back to get them. lil bit

12voltman59

Apr 8, 2007, 3:57 PM

This might cheer ya up--this happened in high school-I had this guy who kept on bugging me and bugging me--by that point I had sort of outgrown the bullying thing like when I was younger--but he kept picking on me--we had gotten our high school rings and it was common for people to whack others on the head with them--

This one day the guy did that--it was in the hall between classes---I turned around with my fist clenched and landed a good one to him--I knocked the idiot out cold with one shot---

We both pulled a three day automatic suspenison but it was worth it--to see him out cold, and he or no one else bugged me anymore about anything!!!

But I moved shortly thereafter and left that shitty town and high school and went to Georgia where I made immediate friends--it was the place I was meant to be and had a great finish to my high school years.

TaylorMade

Apr 8, 2007, 4:47 PM

I suffered long and I suffered hard. I was chunky, didn't wear "Cool clothes", and didn't have much success with guys. Rumors abounded that I was lesbian. The lowest point came when I was called "the human virus" and pretty much shut out by everyone I knew.

I tried to commit suicide by slashing my wrists. . . I felt very unattractive and unloved.

There are moments where I still feel like that. Bullying's effects reach pretty far.

*Taylor*

mindfinding

Apr 8, 2007, 5:40 PM

Sure I'll jump on this.

Picked on all of my school years. It started bad in grade 5 and lasted till grade 11 ish. By grade 12 I had dropped out. The situation at home wasn't much better.

There are some bad sexual experiences I have had to deal with my whole life as we (me and my siblings) were exposed to some bad things at a tender age. Spent some time in foster care when my mom went a little to rough on my face (the one time she left to many marks.)
I wound up living on the streets by my mid teens. It was very hard growing up. I still deal with the crap I had to live with in my mothers home, but most of it is behind me.

Needless to say, I can't stand child abuse of any sort.

As rough as it sounds though I got through it. Wow, kind of a heavy topic huh?

Solomon

Apr 8, 2007, 7:33 PM

yep, had to deal with bullies... and actually i'm very thankful for it too

if nothing else, it taught me that the good guys just don't always win like in the movies, and that it's ok to lose....

but, most importantly it taught me that i can be a hell of a lot bigger of an enemy to myself, than anyone else ever can

Long Duck Dong

Apr 8, 2007, 8:31 PM

lol bullying... how i loved being bullied... seriously

it taught me things about myself that i didn't know....and if I hadn't been bullied, I would have not gained the knowledge

in a way bullying can be constructive, depending on how its done.....my bullies sometimes hit me, but were mainly using intimidation styles....and from that I learnt quickly, to read the signs of danger and how to make myself * invisible * to the bullies

when the bullies changed to violence as a tool to get their * fix * was when they made the mistake.....
the teachers didn't react against the bullies, but targeted the victims as well, as it was easier to deal with the victims than the bullies... but I have never been a good victim.....and on by one the bullies fell against me

my grades at school failed....lol.... but that was not cos of the bullying, it was proven time and time again that the school system moved too slow for me..... the system was gearing around the average thinker, and I was showing to be a fast thinker.....and a lazy one.....to me, knowledge in a persons head would better than knowledge on paper that the teachers marked as wrong... and the teachers were wrong....lol

do I condone bullying ???? no... its unpleasant.... but in some ways, it can help prepare people for the business world....

do i condone child abuse ??? no... there may be under laying reasons why it happens...but it doesn't change the fact that its hurting the children as they don't understand that child abuse is not the norm....its mainly a bad experience

part of the lessons I learned from been bullied, is that activists will use the same techniques to push, pressure and manipulate people to get their own way

I wouldn't teach kids to run to the teacher for help or support against bullies... I would teach them how to deal with bullies....and how bullies are bullies in real life as well as at school, its not how we react to them that makes a difference to the bullying... its how the bullys react to us that is the key......

Texanne

Apr 8, 2007, 9:19 PM

TaylorMade

Apr 8, 2007, 9:45 PM

<clicks on profile>

hm.

Nope, not gonna say it. But you bet your bippy I'm thinking it.

*Taylor*

mindfinding

Apr 8, 2007, 10:15 PM

Texanne.

The real embarrassment is how heartless folks like you are in a country born on understanding. Grow up.

12voltman59

Apr 8, 2007, 10:41 PM

Well Tex--it sounds good to stand up and fight and all that shit but the fact is-in schools--both parties get suspended regardless of who started the fight--have enough fights and you get expelled--

If you are an adult and you get in a fight-if you start it and even if not-- and if the police get involved--you get charged with at least a misdemeanor offense at best up to a felony assault charge and can go to prison--

Your response is of a kind that has pissed me off of late on here--you may not like what people say and that is fine, but you do not need to make personal attacks---

Violence is always a stupid and ultimately unproductive way to deal with bullying or much else--look at that cluster fuck of a war that Bush and the neocons got us into in Iraq--at work if you smack a supervisor for bullying you--your ass is fired--hit a superior non-commissioned or commissioned officer if you are in the military and you get Court Martialled, spend time in Levenworth and get dishonorably discharged to boot--hell-in war time they can line ya up against a wall before a firing squad for hitting a superior officer--

Wake the fuck up Tex---

Lisa (va)

Apr 9, 2007, 12:04 AM

If you're afraid to fight, you're afraid to live. Shame on you all.

Texanne/Don

Sorry I'm lover, not a fighter.

But to the question at hand, I fortunately never had to suffer the wrath of bullies. I come from a relatively small county. Besides the rarity ob bullies I have a baby brother, though younger than me, he's as big as a mountain (or at least a hill - lol ). He tended to be overprotective that I can't recall anyone messing with me, but by the same token he made the guys think twice about approaching me thus may have cost me a few dates also.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

ps, ditto volty

Long Duck Dong

Apr 9, 2007, 12:07 AM

texanne

I am a 3 dan black belt martial artist, a ex armed forces serviceman

there are few men or women that can put me down to the floor....

if for a moment, you are suggesting that the best way to deal with bullies is to beat the shit outta them, then personally I think that you are very misquided.....fighting solves nothing
you put somebody down on the ground, they are gonna want to regain their pride, so they will come back at you and many times, they come back with friends

you beat the bully with fists, they come back at you with iron bars... you beat them with iron bars, they come back with guns

I remember when I dealt with a school bully....they came back and beat the hell outta my friend... 16 year old teens beating up a 9 year old... all cos they couldn't beat me

bullying is a sad fact of life..... but sinking to the same level of the bully is pure stupidity

btw I live in new zealand.... so I am not a bad reflection on all good american men or women.....

Solomon

Apr 9, 2007, 1:04 AM

truthfully texanne i think you'rs is the wimpiest post of all lol

bigirl_inwv

Apr 9, 2007, 1:16 AM

Oh trust me, I definately know about bullies. In the 6th grade I weighed almost 200 lbs. My name just so happens to rhyme with bacon...and I was fat....I'm sure you can imagine the things that people said to me. My mom sent me to fat camp that summer. I lost 50 lbs. But the kids still made fun of me. So I stopped eating. When I was forced to eat, I threw up, even if my parents were standing right in front of me. I fed myself on cocaine. I ended up dropping weight like crazy. But even then, kids made fun of me, because now, I was too skinny. The end of my 8th grade year, I weighed 89 lbs. I ended up in the hospital for many months, having food pumped into my body with a feeding tube. After I got out, it was still hard for me to eat without being sick...I wasn't allowed to weigh myself...my mom cut the tags out of my jeans so I wouldn't know what size I wore. It was ridiculous. I spent so much time worrying about how other people saw me that I was killing myself. So I decided that I wouldn't worry about it anymore. The cocaine habit stuck around for awhile, but I have been clean now for 2 years, 3 months and 4 days. Now, I live my life for me. And at 145...I still love myself. :bigrin:

12voltman59

Apr 9, 2007, 1:54 AM

Good for you Bigirl---

InsaneTyga

Apr 9, 2007, 12:16 PM

but, most importantly it taught me that i can be a hell of a lot bigger of an enemy to myself, than anyone else ever can
~Truest statement ever~

I've watched bullies destroy my friends lives, to the point that two committed suicide because of the constant bullying. Personally I never got bullied, I'm a big boy, kept to myself and most of the bullies left me alone (I had a really vile temper in school, I was violent and not a very nice person if crossed...It took me years to learn how to control it..and to finally put to rest the reputation that went along with it)

As for texanne...I agree with LDD on that point, violence solves nothing, all it gets you is more violence.

If that makes me an embarrassment to all American men and woman, so be it.....I live in NZ as well, so its no skin off my nose.

julie

Apr 9, 2007, 12:55 PM

As I look at your post and all the replies to it I just have to sigh and sigh and sigh for you and the state of America's men. To be Bi is one thing, to be a coward and "fraidy-cat" is another. You can't run and you can't hide from a bully! You beat a bully by fighting him or her anyway you or several of you can. A bully won't keep at you if you fight back every time, even when you are losing some of the time. After a while the bully says, Hey, this aint productive, I gotta fight this fool every day. If you fight every time he'll or she'll soon stop. Bullies are even greater cowards than you people who run from them.

Bullies are everywhere in the world, and rarely outside of government schools are they tolerated very long. Schools and Government are filled with bullies, but Corporations and small business that depend on profit are not. Anywhere intelligence and guts count, intelligence and guts wins and bullies lose.

You wimpy posters here on this topic are a collective embarrassment to all American men and women.

If you're afraid to fight, you're afraid to live. Shame on you all.

Texanne/Don

Shit!... What the fuck did they do to you Tex?

Julie
:female:

csrakate

Apr 9, 2007, 1:04 PM

As I look at your post and all the replies to it I just have to sigh and sigh and sigh for you and the state of America's men. To be Bi is one thing, to be a coward and "fraidy-cat" is another. You can't run and you can't hide from a bully! You beat a bully by fighting him or her anyway you or several of you can. A bully won't keep at you if you fight back every time, even when you are losing some of the time. After a while the bully says, Hey, this aint productive, I gotta fight this fool every day. If you fight every time he'll or she'll soon stop. Bullies are even greater cowards than you people who run from them.

Bullies are everywhere in the world, and rarely outside of government schools are they tolerated very long. Schools and Government are filled with bullies, but Corporations and small business that depend on profit are not. Anywhere intelligence and guts count, intelligence and guts wins and bullies lose.

You wimpy posters here on this topic are a collective embarrassment to all American men and women.

If you're afraid to fight, you're afraid to live. Shame on you all.

Texanne/Don

And people wonder why it is difficult to break the cycle of violence!!! Violence begets violence...Bullies beget bullies!!! It's a no brainer!

If you're afraid to use your mind instead of your fists, you're afraid to live. If you're afraid to experience feelings instead of covering them up with your fists, you're afraid to live. And if you get your jollies by demeaning those that don't use their fists...well...shame on you!

Hugs to all who have suffered!! My heart goes out to you!!

Kate

mouse46

Apr 9, 2007, 1:43 PM

:( I'd have to say this that the worst bullies I ever had was my parents. It was the 60's and there were six mouths to feed. Not so easy to do with a one parent paycheck and my father not letting mom work to help out. There were locks eventually on whatever could be. Kids will be kids.I think about my childhood everyday since I've become a mother myself 28 years agoand can't fathom for the life of me parents spanking their children because they got into the cupboard.I grew quiet and went inside myself for so many years afraid to be myself to get close to anyone. Back then they did nothing about abuse, so we suffered till we grew up and stood up for ourselves. Maybe that's what made me the persona nd parent I am . Stronger more loving compassionate and never ever lay a hand on my children. I've instead given them love, understanding and my support in whatever they wanted to do. I am still somewhat to myself letting only the few I feel I can trust get in and probably always will be that way. But to those that are in my heart they will always be there. My children growing up that I truely loved them completely. My parents being how they were didn't change the good person inside me , I went on and became who I wanted to be without their help. :bibounce:

unum60

Apr 9, 2007, 3:19 PM

In the fourth grade I was brutually raped by 5 older boys. My anus was ripped and bled for hours, I did not tell any grown ups because I did not want anyone to know that I had been sodomized. Anyway, I decided to fight back after that. Looking back I am not so sure I made the right decision, violence is a terrible life and it took me years and years to change into someone I like.

In my teens and twenties I sought after bullies and hurt them just for the pleasure of it --today I would rather be beaten and happy than victorious and sad!

12voltman59

Apr 9, 2007, 5:35 PM

I reallly do have to wonder if Texanne is for real--if he is--it was his first post and he certainly never did read Norman Vincent Peale's book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People"---he certainly did not do much on here to make friends with his first post!!!!

Herbwoman39

Apr 9, 2007, 5:58 PM

Yep, I'm another one of those kids who was bullied. I was overweight, spoke like an adult and was basically different so I was an easy mark.

It's just a part of my life that I'm glad is over with. Kids are like hyenas. They find the weakest member of the herd and pick it to death. I'm not optimistic that things will change any time soon.

I feel for the kids that are going through this now. I just don't think that anything can really be done about it. Even with tolerance workshops and things like that, there are always going to be kids who feel the need to dominate the ones who are different.

TaylorMade

Apr 9, 2007, 6:02 PM

werd, Herbwoman.

If it isn't LBGT kids, it's fat kids. If it's not fat kids, it's poor kids. If it's not poor kids, it's the unathletic/uncoordinated. . .

And so it goes.

*Taylor*

julie

Apr 9, 2007, 6:02 PM

deletetacount123

Apr 9, 2007, 7:06 PM

werd, Herbwoman.

If it isn't LBGT kids, it's fat kids. If it's not fat kids, it's poor kids. If it's not poor kids, it's the unathletic/uncoordinated. . .

And so it goes.

*Taylor*

Taylor, they also bully you if your naturally thin by stating you have a eatng disorder!!!

Thats one of the things they bullied me about. Im naturally thin.... I have very high metabolism which is why.
I would eat lunch, then go to the bathroom BECAUSE the teachers clearly stated they didn't want us going to the bathroom DURNING class and to please do your business BEFORE class.
So thats what I did, ate, got my bag ready for my classes then went potty to pee.

Some popluar girls decided I was vomitting or whatever and one even said she "saw" me! No one has any proof :-) People that knew me tho knew the rumor wasn't true. Im just thin... thats that.

I was also rumored to be a man hating lesbian too but I never admitted or denied it.... no one EVER had any real proof anyway lol

Tasha

Fire Lotus

Apr 9, 2007, 8:16 PM

werd, Herbwoman.

If it isn't LBGT kids, it's fat kids. If it's not fat kids, it's poor kids. If it's not poor kids, it's the unathletic/uncoordinated. . .

And so it goes.

*Taylor*

I was one of the unathletic/uncoordinated ones. Add to that, quiet, shy and very sensitive. From 1st to 6th grade was blur. So much (mostly verbal/emotional) constant bullying during that time. I didn't have, nor was taught the tools to deal with it, with the exception of getting variations of the advice, "just ignore them and they will stop" from parents and teachers. Nice theory, but not always true.

I admit, I'm a pacifist. I could not, nor would I, even if I could, have fought back physically. It's just not in my nature. Once in Jr. High, I was physically bullied by a girl, but I wouldn't fight back. Even when she threw me up against a wall.

Because of these things, plus the usual angst and uncertainness, feeling awkward one feels as they get into their teens, I was miserable. It was only after some time of growing and maturing into an adult I acually regained self esteem.

For me, nothing good came out of being bullied except I have gained a thicker skin. I'm not as affected so much by negativity......or at least I able not to show it a lot of the time.

Hopeful Romantic

Apr 9, 2007, 8:59 PM

I was one of those people that learned that bullying is more an issue of assuming mental control. Yes, physical means can be used, but it is the fear and anticipation that a bully thrives on.

I was the quiet, bookish kid in school that had a hard time relating to what were supposed to be her peers. I suppose that hasn't really changed some 20 years out of junior high. For those that felt the need to express their dominance I was an easy target. Physical violence wasn't half as difficult to deal with as the mental terrorism that 12 year olds can dispense. Sadly, in a small town, it doesn't take long to realize that these people are going to be a part of your reality until the 12th grade.

I can happily say that I came out of this MOSTLY unscarred, but I can see how it has shaped my personality. My life is extremely compartmentalized, and few people are allowed to intermingle. I still tend to be rather wary when people attempt to get close to me, and trust issues run amuck. Other than that, I'm a fairly normal person. (Just ignore the small quirks.) :2cents:

Texanne

Apr 9, 2007, 9:19 PM

Fire Lotus

Apr 9, 2007, 9:33 PM

Well, now, when my post generates so much righteous indignation, it just proves my point. You all who reacted so strongly simply don't comprehend the realities of the world. Your emotional process overcomes your rational process. If you won't stand up to bullies whether they are individuals or governments--in whatever way works best to bring victory, including violence--they will violate you. Just as the Islamists intend to do to you.
Texanne

WTF???? No one has been talking about governments or extreme religious groups. The thread has been about growing up amongst kids/people who have bullied or abused them in some way......as children! I think most if all of us as adults are able to stand up (and do so) for themselves, not being taken advantage of. We are intelligent human beings. Texanne, read the posts again. You have really gone into left feild with this and have made assuptions about us that aren't even there!

Herbwoman39

Apr 9, 2007, 9:36 PM

I'm a pacifist by nature. That is, until my back is to the wall. THEN, and only as a last resort, will I fight back.

I was taught (and it was drilled into my head) that violence should only be used as a last resort. My sensei taught "Flee instead of fight. If you must fight, injure instead of maim. Use lethal force ONLY as a last resort". I have lived my life by that code of honor.

Even now, 25 years later, I am battling what I was taught. For the last 6 months I have been seriously considering getting a concealed carry weapons permit along with the training course involved so that I can carry a pistol with me. If the Islamic extremists *do* try something I want to be prepared. I *want* to be able to defend myself. But only as a last resort.

So, I weigh the options and wonder if I could really live with myself if I killed another human being. Even if that person meant to kill me first.

12voltman59

Apr 9, 2007, 9:50 PM

Well, now, when my post generates so much righteous indignation, it just proves my point. You all who reacted so strongly simply don't comprehend the realities of the world. Your emotional process overcomes your rational process. If you won't stand up to bullies whether they are individuals or governments--in whatever way works best to bring victory, including violence--they will violate you. Just as the Islamists intend to do to you.

Texanne
Just rightwing idiotic crap!!!!

Using your logic--if you can see reality--do you really think that our military incursion into Iraq really made the world any damn safer??? Maybe in some damn Neocon Kool-aide warped reality---but not in the real world--Iraq is a total cluster screw-up---unless of course you watch FOX-News, a supposed news network, that reports that everything in Iraq is just hunky dory---

The fact is that Iraq is lost and we have risked the national treasure of both money and lives on a fool's errand----

And going back to the point of meeting a bully with force in the real world of today---well then I will wait for the episode of "Cops" when you get hooked up in some handcuffs. get placed in the back of a police cruiser, and they take your sorry butt off to county lock up for assaulting someone.

TaylorMade

Apr 9, 2007, 10:22 PM

Just rightwing idiotic crap!!!!

The idea of fighting back is apolitical, 12volt.

Upon rethinking, I'm thinking this: Texanne is wrong in that I (at least) admit I didn't fight back as often not due to emotion, but due to logic: they were better fighters, and I was unsure if my reason would stand up against a teachers questioning. I'm pretty sure I am not the only one that took that line of thought and put their fist away.
The two times I remember fighting back, I gave a girl a black eye and beat another near bloody with a stapler. I was suspended for the first time, oddly enough, nothing happened the second.

*Taylor*

Solomon

Apr 9, 2007, 11:28 PM

texanne, the only thing i've got to say about those that would bring me or my family harm.... i'm just a lowely lowely warehouse worker and a wimp...

mindfinding

Apr 10, 2007, 12:07 AM

ATT EVERYBODY

The sooner this post dies, the sooner this troll shuts up. I have many opinions on this person, but I know as long as we write, it eggs him on.

Some times the best way to deal with a loud mouthed bully is ignore him.

csrakate

Apr 10, 2007, 12:18 AM

Excellent point mind!!!! Let's let it die....

InsaneTyga

Apr 10, 2007, 12:19 AM

IanBorthwick

Apr 10, 2007, 1:35 AM

Bullies...my life was filled with so many of them. My brother, my father...my sister and aunts because I was El Feo...the ugly one. They bullied or beat me when it suited them...my brother molested me, father beat me til I was unable to maintain my bladder and bowels on christmas day when I was 6.

Then I got to school and new bullies appeared. Each year it was someone different until Roger Anderson. My god, what an asshole. Through Junior High and into my first year of High School, he tormented me for no reason. In my freshman year I decided it was enough and went looking for a martial arts instructor. Found a private one and learned well how to fight, better than Roger and his goons. Sophomore year they came at me between classes, calling me the usual "Fag" "Fairy" and other homophobic names. It was the last time they ever laid their hands on me, as I left Roger and 2 of his lieutenants in torment unconscious and bleeding next to Nyman Hall. My sense of self did not improve, let me tell you. Nothing takes away the fear, nothing repairs the hurts. All I could do was end what they were doing to me so no mor ecould occur, the damage was done.

Later, the bullies I encountered were emotional more than physical. That in itself I think is worse than any wound, scar or beating.

Yes, I know bullies.

Omi tried to cut my penis off as I stepped through a door into the dojo in an effort to punish me for telling her I liked her. Sarah molested me in class, taking great pleasure in my pains, knowing the teachers thought I was an idiot for not liking her touching me in ways that aroused me just to see it go unfulfilled.

Because of these people it took me forever to come out as myself, to realize my feelings and say I was Bi. Because of them I do not trust women and I fear men, despite my attraction to both. Is there anything worse than this? It's like being hungry and too afraid to eat.

Solomon

Apr 10, 2007, 4:42 AM

hhmmm i reserve judgement as to whether this texanne is a troll or not, there's only 2 posts and a bit of the tough guy act, but i'm not sure this person's only intention is to only to piss everyone off...

although i could be totally off base, i just think it's always best to give the benefit of the doubt first though...

truthfully i think this guy's just scared and reacting in a macho way...

tommyswing

Apr 10, 2007, 1:12 PM

Sometimes I did. At home I was told to take them on, and fight hard and if I lost they would likely go on to easier targets. It pretty much worked but it would take me quite a long time to work up to fighting as it's not my natural nature. At first I was scared shitless, but then I discovered being in a fight or even loseing was not that bad, or as painful as feeling so hopeless. Of course this was a different time, I was born in 1954 and there where some commonly held values, ie no guns or knives at school. I don't know what I would advise a child in todays world, I hope I could teach him/her how to stand up for themselfs.

I do beleive that if a child comes from a stable home they will not be effected as badly as a child that is neglected or abused.

flexuality

Apr 10, 2007, 9:40 PM

I keep having one thought running through my head in regards to bullies.....

Choose your battles.

Most things I find are not worth fighting for or about.....but there are some things that ARE.

HighEnergy

Apr 28, 2007, 4:14 PM

Kids will come up with any reason to pick on you. I was the smart kid who got good grades. There was a girl in my class in high school who endlessly picked on my and made fun of me in front of others day in and day out. It didn't help that I was an Anglican Catholic in a Roman Catholic high school. Finally one day I started talking with her as class left and when no one was left in the room I confronted her and asked her why she decided to pick on me. She said it was because I was smart and pretty and she thought I could take it. I told her it reduced me to tears when I was home. She never messed me with after that. It's amazing what one can do if one just asks and tries to live without the violence. I'm sure there are a lot of assholes out there who wouldn't have reacted the way she did, but at least I have that one example.

My youngest daughter has a speech delay. Some kids were making fun of her on the bus for it and she came home in tears. My initial reaction was to tell her mean people suck and that kids like that grow up to be assholes. (So, I'm not going out for the mother of the year award.) I told her it had more to do with who those kids were than who she was. And I held her and told her she was beautiful just as she was. And none of that mattered for anything, because the damage was done. I spoke with the speech therapist and the principal about some one needs to remind the little shits to not be picking on each other and picking on someone for a physical disability is the lowest of low. This was about 5 weeks ago. Thursday my daughter gets off the bus and tells me she had a play date at school today with the bully and a councelor and they had a great time and could she go to Sammy's house and play? I'm absolutely terrified! But we'll see. Maybe they have come up with better ways to deal with bullying in school these days.

izzfan

Apr 29, 2007, 9:32 AM

Yeah, I guess I was bullied at school - I mean, it was worse in years 7-9 of secondary school. Chances are, the fact that I was a complete and utter swot & geek etc... probably didn't help. Also, I was heavily religious - I'm technically Christian ['confirmed' when i was about 13 or so- I'm now agnostic though] and the school was also quite religious (different denomination but it didn't matter though). I mean, the whole religious side of me was probably the root of some of the bullying - whether it was other people bullying me by stealing and hiding the bible I always used to take to school or me bullying myself with religion-based self-hatred about the CD/TV/S&M aspects of my sexuality (I only discovered my Bi side when I was 17 but it definately existed long before then) which I had only recently discovered then. I stayed heavily in the closet about my sexuality throught school though so luckily I never got bullied on account of that.

As for non-religion based bullying back then - the fact that I got VERY easily stressed about everything, used to run to lessons to ensure I wasn't late, was hyper-diligent in my studies etc... kind of meant that I was bullied a bit. I mean this mostly consisted of people nicking my stuff and throwing it around the classroom before the teachers arrived, delibarately trying to obstruct my way to lessons etc...
. In the early years of school the bullying was mostly verbal and only physical on a few occasions. Later in school, most of it stopped apart from occasional 'fat' comments by various people. Also, I had a friend in a couple of my classes in years 9-11 who used to hit me for stupidly trivial things on various occasions. I mean, I'm now pretty good friends with him (and apart from all the stuff that happened in school, he's actually a really cool and interesting bloke) but I'm still a little bitter about school as I didn't have the physical strength to sort it out by fighting back and sending out a signal not to mess with me.

I mean, I'm sure that it probably has had some form of psychological effect on me - I'm still quite protective of my stuff and this could stem from the times ppl hid/threw my stuff around for a laugh in school so they could watch me panic/get heavily stressed and run around the classroom trying to find it etc... Also, the fact that I've been in the closet for my time at school/6th form has made me quite paranoid and secretive about loads of stuff [I mean, secrecy becoms somewhat of a habit- it can be useful at times but at other times it means that you feel ultra-paranoid and don't 'fit in'/ are never relaxed] I mean, when I finished school/6th form I came out to a couple of people and I came out to loads of people at university. But being in the closet/ suffering self-hatred about my sexuality [bi, TV/CD and S&M] kind of made me very asexual during school and college - I never had a single girlfriend or boyfriend (I mean, relationships require honesty/openess in order to work) and I used to be what some people would term herterophobic eg: making cynical comments about straight couples and going into a state of despair/jealousy when any of my friends were taken by a girlfriend and spent most of their time with them. This total single-ness throught college/school has been both a blessing and a curse. I mean, it has allowed me to see (straight) relationships from the outside and see the numerous problems they can cause [eg: moody, cheating, manipulative, over-emotional girlfriends] but it has probably had some permenant effects on me, namely that I still have an aversion to relationships [ this is less so with same sex ones and the thought of a long term boyfriend is slightly more appealing than having a long-term girlfriend] and I probably wouldn't know how to handle a relationship properly. Anyway, being single has numerous benefits - in terms of time, bank balance (I dread to think how much money some of my friends wasted on their girlfriends during school/college) and peace of mind (if you're single then you don't have to deal with moody girlfriends and the inevitable tearful break-up)

Sorry if I went off on a tangeant at the end.

Izzfan :flag2:

Chris_

Apr 29, 2007, 3:28 PM

all the time, forever bullied :(

Krystal

Apr 30, 2007, 9:43 AM

was i bullied ? .....yes quite a bit
won't go into detail....
grew up learnt to be more confident ran across a couple of the ppl that bullied me while at some places around town and they started talking to me my reaction to them all is ...."you were one of the people who made my life while growing up ...living hell...i didn't want to speak to you then ...what makes you think i want to speak to you now?"
but what breaks my heart is watching my tomboy baby (my 11 year old daughter) subjected to bullying for the past few years and not knowing what to do to help her.
yes i've done the talk to ...teachers...principal...other parents...counsellor...books...almost everything that i could lay my hands on etc etc blah blah blah...
now EVERY day without fail we talk about what they say and why she thinks it is important ...then i do a talk that is meant with all my heart ... i tell her ... YOU ARE IMPORTANT ...YOU ARE WORTHWHILE ...NOTHING OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU IS RELEVANT CAUSE YOU ARE WHO IS GOING TO MAKE YOUR FUTURE AND IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF AND SEE YOURSELF AS WORTHWHILE THEN OTHERS WILL TOO...YOU ARE LOVED AND YOU CAN BE / DO ANYTHING YOU WANT CAUSE YOU ARE A SPECIAL PART OF THE WORLD CAUSE YOU EXIST.
there is more to my speach to her ....i tell her all the things i wish i had heard while growing up and as much as i can think of that i have learnt since.
i just hope that maybe this helps and that maybe she will grow into a confident person who can/ will do things she wants to do without worrying what others will say/ do to her.

diamond_tether

Apr 30, 2007, 3:44 PM

I, the male half of the couple, spent almost the entirety of my high school years fighting. Sometimes it was because I was somewhat socially awkward, typically it was because I was black. I came from an upper-middle class suburb and the kids who 'belonged' gave me a lot of shit for being an outsider. After a while they had to bus in kids from extremely poor neighborhood 'ghettos' and the fights continued because I didn't 'act black' enough for them. My social group was also comprised of the kids who didn't fit in anywhere else (because they wore black, were fat, very socially awkward, were considered dorks, etc). I even got in my fair share of brawls when I went into cities (I lived between DC and Baltimore) and people found out about my sexuality.

I don't like fighting for real. I'd rather it stay in a sparring ring - because like some previous posters have said, just because you won a street fight - it doesn't mean the bullying will stop. It bothers me that people still propagate the idea that just standing up to a bully makes the bullying stop. It's not true - the situation just escalates because after getting hurt, people feel the need to restore their pride by whatever means necessary (including bringing all manner of weapons to the next rumble). Every fight I got in inspired another - typically with the same people (and/or their compatriots). The bullies got me anyway, because I still had my internal concerns and self-loathing, but they also gave me the anxiety that only comes from spending all of your time worried about when you're gonna get jumped. It sucks to know that the only way you can live day to day is by hurting people to protect yourself.

I always feel that people should stand up for themselves, but how people chose to stand up to their personal bullies was their own decision. I have no sympathy for the people who freak out on innocents because they feel society as a whole has wronged them. A lot of people deal with intense kinds of social abuse and never get that far. If these people went after the specific individuals who'd harmed them, that's one thing. But they didn't, they weren't internally sound enough to logically understand that innocent people who had nothing to do with their abuse don't deserve to get lumped into the 'Masses who have wronged Me'. It's not a matter of 'everyone gets bullied, so suck it up' - to me, it's more a matter of 'everyone gets bullied somehow, just maintain the ability to distinguish right from wrong when you think about what you're gonna do about it'.