Really wishing I had better social skills......(nothing you want to read...)

[deletetacount123]

Ahhhh Why can't I be more social?? :( I watch people talking, laughing and all that and think "Why can't that be me??"

Sure its a bit hard with my speech and hearing impairment but sometimes I feel that people I do talk to don't seem interested in keeping converstations going... its like after a bit they suddenly are in a hurry to talk to someone else that just came in the room or ALLOW someone to rudely interupt. (no, its nothing important.)

My parents do that do me all the time... heck my whole family does so have all the friends I had known except a few.

It gets very lonely and when people suddenly reject me it hurts me a lot....

I wonder all the time if I'll ever find friends and love that treats me "normally".

I don't expect anyone to answer this thread and most will probably think its a stupid rant post of mine.... I just wanted to get things off my chest thats all since I learned long ago its VERY bad for me to keep things to myself. :(

Thank you for reading
Tasha

[triceratops43]

I will be your friend
:bigrin:

[bohemian69]

:bigrin: Why can't you be more social? Tasha, you are not the one with the social skill problem. It seems to me it is the people you associate or would like to associate with that seem a little lacking in social skills because you have a speech / hearing problem. It is their ignorance that they are unable to put aside and see the person you are inside as well.
I know that you will meet people that will want to be your friend, it unfortunatly takes time.
Take care, and I also would be honored to call you a friend. :bigrin:

[the sacred night]

I lack social skills too, I'm too shy to go up and talk to ppl in real life, but you could never tell that from how i act on here...

[deletetacount123]

I lack social skills too, I'm too shy to go up and talk to ppl in real life, but you could never tell that from how i act on here...

Same here :)
I seem so much outgoing and chatty online... I'll be like "Im shy in real life"
get a "Ya right!!" reply.
Guess whats an icebreaker is when I meet that person in real life?
"Told you I was shy" hehe

Tasha

[deletetacount123]

:bigrin: Why can't you be more social? Tasha, you are not the one with the social skill problem. It seems to me it is the people you associate or would like to associate with that seem a little lacking in social skills because you have a speech / hearing problem. It is their ignorance that they are unable to put aside and see the person you are inside as well.
I know that you will meet people that will want to be your friend, it unfortunatly takes time.
Take care, and I also would be honored to call you a friend. :bigrin:


:) Thanks Bohemian :)

[flexuality]

I assume you mean real life friends cuz I thought I was a friend already. :)

'course I'm not the world's best at being a friend...and I am kinda (coff coff).."old"....sigh.....and I'm certainly not "normal"....lol!

I hate that "age" thing....I feel no different now than I did 30 years ago.....just maybe a wee bit wiser....or maybe it's just an accumulation of life experiences or something....I dunno...

[deletetacount123]

I assume you mean real life friends cuz I thought I was a friend already. :)

'course I'm not the world's best at being a friend...and I am kinda (coff coff).."old"....sigh.....and I'm certainly not "normal"....lol!

I hate that "age" thing....I feel no different now than I did 30 years ago.....just maybe a wee bit wiser....or maybe it's just an accumulation of life experiences or something....I dunno...

Yes real life friends :)
You are one of my best friends online and please, you're not old and no one's normal... you're my vampire partner so that makes me not normal either :)

[deletetacount123]

Ummm why is it some of the things I say sound like they were typed by someone else? Im just rereading my post and the only thing I can think is "Ummm" *blinks*

[Herbwoman39]

Ladies, "normal" is over rated in my not-so-humble opinion. For years I've equated "normal" to "boring".

You may not believe it but there was a time in my life when I was incredibly shy. I wouldn't look people in the eye and I looked down when I walked. This lasted into my late 20's.

What caused the change? A dear friend of mine who I will love for the rest of my life who was on the very first internet service I was ever involved with once told me something I will always remember. He told me that the bouncy, outgoing character I played online *was* me...that she was a part of me because if I could pretend to be outgoing, brave, strong, social, etc, then that existed in me in the real world. All I had to do was let it out.

It may sound like common sense to everyone else but to me it was a revelation! So, I started small. I started looking up when I walked down the street. I practiced meeting the gaze of safe-looking strangers I passed on the sidewalk. Eventually I started smiling and saying "Hi" to people I passed on the street. Once I was feeling good about that, I started making myself go up to people and strike up inconsequential discussions about the weather or other small talk at, say, the bus stop. Before long, I found that I was overcoming my shyness.

I'm still not the social maven I *want* to be. But I'm worlds better than where I was. It just takes practice and a bit of courage.

Mind you, this is my story. Yours is different Tash. I tend to agree with bohemian69. It's not you. Some people lack manners and when they feel uncomfortable, will act like total idiots and be rude like you described. It's not your fault that they're lacking in social graces. It's theirs. They just don't realize that they are being rude and hurtful.

Oh and btw, I'm your friend too :)

[deletetacount123]

Ladies, "normal" is over rated in my not-so-humble opinion. For years I've equated "normal" to "boring".

You may not believe it but there was a time in my life when I was incredibly shy. I wouldn't look people in the eye and I looked down when I walked. This lasted into my late 20's.

What caused the change? A dear friend of mine who I will love for the rest of my life who was on the very first internet service I was ever involved with once told me something I will always remember. He told me that the bouncy, outgoing character I played online *was* me...that she was a part of me because if I could pretend to be outgoing, brave, strong, social, etc, then that existed in me in the real world. All I had to do was let it out.

It may sound like common sense to everyone else but to me it was a revelation! So, I started small. I started looking up when I walked down the street. I practiced meeting the gaze of safe-looking strangers I passed on the sidewalk. Eventually I started smiling and saying "Hi" to people I passed on the street. Once I was feeling good about that, I started making myself go up to people and strike up inconsequential discussions about the weather or other small talk at, say, the bus stop. Before long, I found that I was overcoming my shyness.

I'm still not the social maven I *want* to be. But I'm worlds better than where I was. It just takes practice and a bit of courage.

Mind you, this is my story. Yours is different Tash. I tend to agree with bohemian69. It's not you. Some people lack manners and when they feel uncomfortable, will act like total idiots and be rude like you described. It's not your fault that they're lacking in social graces. It's theirs. They just don't realize that they are being rude and hurtful.

Oh and btw, I'm your friend too :)

Yes they are... I do agree with Bohemian too....
It hurts my parents do it often too.. especially mom. (I shouldn't say dad does a lot too cause he does put up the "wait" finger to someone else if they start to interupt)

And yes you are one of my best friends online to Maria.... :)

[Herbwoman39]

Ya know...you, me and Flex should run away together. The three of us could get a cute little cottage on the beach somewhere. You two could be the weird vampire chicks and I could be that witch who brews the (herbal) potions! LOL!

[deletetacount123]

Ya know...you, me and Flex should run away together. The three of us could get a cute little cottage on the beach somewhere. You two could be the weird vampire chicks and I could be that witch who brews the (herbal) potions! LOL!

We can't leave her daughter behind, I vote to take her with us.....lol umm 2 vampires and a witch... what could we do with her? hehe
What about Sol and your husband ? :)

And a cottage on a beach somewhere sounds nice :) mmmmm

[FalconAngel]

You think that you have it bad? Try spending your whole life with no one letting you finish your sentences before they interrupt you. I'm almost 46, and as long as I can remember that has been the way with me. The only time I get to finish a thought anymore is when I post something somewhere.
At least people want to talk to you, even if for a short while. Most folks don't even want to hear from me.

[flexuality]

We can't leave her daughter behind, I vote to take her with us.....lol umm 2 vampires and a witch... what could we do with her? hehe
What about Sol and your husband ? :)

And a cottage on a beach somewhere sounds nice :) mmmmm

Nope...my daughter needs a setting like in the movie Rainman. She's seen that movie and we've talked about how a setting like that would work....she LOVED the idea. :)

And that wouldn't be "leaving her behind", it would be dong what's best for her. :)

Herbie the witch? hehehehe! :tong: Brew me! LOL! :bigrin:

[deletetacount123]

Nope...my daughter needs a setting like in the movie Rainman. She's seen that movie and we've talked about how a setting like that would work....she LOVED the idea. :)

And that wouldn't be "leaving her behind", it would be dong what's best for her. :)

Herbie the witch? hehehehe! :tong: Brew me! LOL! :bigrin:

I have never seen that movie... what is it about and whos in it??
lol ok we'll be leaving her behind lol

Herbie the witch..... hmm nice tone LOL :tongue:
Flexie the vamp.... sounds good too.
Mines boring.... "Tasha the Vamp"

[Solomon]

truthfully, i think social skills are way over rated lol.

most of the people i know, i would NOT want to hang around with, cuz sorry but i'm just not into staying stuck with where i'm at lol

i'm not looking to offend anyone, but i like the way Walt Disney put it something like "when i have an idea, i ask my ten closest friends and if nine of'em think it's nuts i do it, 'cuz i figure that 90% of people are going backwards in life" :bigrin: :cool:

[Reprob8]

I think allot of has to do with confidence, if I am not comfortable I stutter and find it hard to talk but once I get to know someone I never shut up.

[Lorcan]

I dont have to much in the way of social skills either. It is physically and emotionally hard for me to talk. It takes me a long time to process what people are saying. It takes me a long time to think of what to say. As my kid says: i am an Ent. (lord of the rings) I couldn't hear conversation very well as a kid, so i didn't learn it too well.

It's easier to type what i want to say. I can take all the time i need. I can cut, copy, paste and rearrange what i want to say till it make sense.

I'm still trying to grow and learn by being around strangers occassionally.

[biwords]

A book in this area that has helped many people is Conversationally Speaking : Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness, by Alan Garner. I'm attaching a link to a page from Amazon.com that describes this and other books on the subject. I would imagine that many are available from public libraries, especially through inter-branch loans:

http://www.amazon.com/Improve-Your-Interpersonal-Intelligence/lm/UGWK3FSDEEGS/ref=cm_lmt_srch_f_1_rsrsrs0/104-3504717-9724702

[Solomon]

i never have a technique for talking to people, i just follow one simple rule for myself

as you speak from the heart, so you also speak to the heart

it really isn't what goes into the mouth... it's what's coming out that counts BIG :cool:

[Abbey Road]

I kinda get where your coming from Tasha - I`m hard of hearing ( I wear a hearing aid in my right ear - without it I`m deaf in that ear - but I can hear in my left ear) . I`ve noticed some people treat me differently when they notice my hearing aid - though I must admit I`ve got a great set of mates (not a large number) who it doesn`t bother that I`m hard of hearing. Those who it does bother I don`t bother with as I don`t have a problem with it. When I first found out I was going deaf I couldn`t believe it & it really bothered me for about a year but then I thought "why should it? I`m still me, I haven`t changed".
I`m sorry if this reply sounds like a ramble, whinge or me on my soap box - I didn`t mean it to. :flag3:

[meteast chick]

Tasha,

Believe it or not, I was painfully shy as a child and that lasted until my late teens. I'm now incredibly social and around guys and girl 'friends', I'm a hoot. Then, someone comes along (female) that I say 'wow I'd love to ask her for a drink', and suddenly I'm that girl all over again.

I know, there's a girl at the local hardware store that I'd love to ask out. She's funny and cute and every time I go in there (which seems to be alot lately lol), I say something witty and cute and cannot force myself to do it. I keep thinking if she wasn't a checker and was stocking the shelves I'd be saying 'hey, wanna go have a drink after work?', but in reality I'm just chicken shit.

I used to be the girl that everyone used to talk over, and now people actually listen(which is amazing because I have a slight lisp). How did that change come about? Confidence. I became confident in myself and suddenly people took notice (that could also be that when that happened I got boobs, but it's hard to say lol).

Anyway, I've hardly met someone who wasn't there at some point in their life, and I know one of these days I'm going to saunter into that hardware store and chat her up and ask her out. When? Who the hell knows, but I'm just building up the courage. Hopefully she'll not think I'm stalking her before that day comes LMAO!

luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxo
meteast

[Solomon]

ok, i admit it sounds great to say to speak from the heart an all, but it's not enough... much as i'm embarrassed to admit that

there is a skill set to relationships, like communication and negotiations, agreements, etc... and a thread that's dedicated to not only learning these skills but also practicing would be a great idea i think

would a thread dedicated to that exist? or should one be started?

truthfully, i could use it the most i think.... :confused: :confused:

[Herbwoman39]

Herbie the witch..... hmm nice tone LOL :tongue:
Flexie the vamp.... sounds good too.
Mines boring.... "Tasha the Vamp"

Well, if you think about it, Flex and I each end with "ie" So we have, Herbie, Flexie and...Tasha? Nonono my dear. You're Tashie when you're with us! Tashie the Vamp works :bigrin:

Okay, so it'll be you, me Flexie, Sol and Ken. That sounds like a nice little communal home on the beach, doesn't it? Two vamps, a witch, a spiritual advisor (Sol) and a healer (Ken) <sigh> Well, a girl can dream.

[Solomon]

phew! there's a healer... would definately need one of those after my spiritual advice lol! :eek: :bigrin:

[TorontoGuy2007]

i as a complete shy loner until i was 25. discovering the internet, and more specifically chat lines and forums like this one, were how i really learned to open up my life and learn to be vulnurable and learn to trust others.. once i realized that others out there had similar insecurities, i learned that maybe i wasn't such a different person afterall and that i had nothing to be afraid of.

sure, it's easier to chat online that to meet someone face to face, but the online experience can certainly help you develop confidence in yourself. and once you start meeting more people face to face and developing more friendships, it will eventually become easier each time.

[flexuality]

Well, if you think about it, Flex and I each end with "ie" So we have, Herbie, Flexie and...Tasha? Nonono my dear. You're Tashie when you're with us! Tashie the Vamp works :bigrin:

Okay, so it'll be you, me Flexie, Sol and Ken. That sounds like a nice little communal home on the beach, doesn't it? Two vamps, a witch, a spiritual advisor (Sol) and a healer (Ken) <sigh> Well, a girl can dream.

So when do we move in???? :bigrin:

[Herbwoman39]

LOL! Well, how soon can you, Sol and Tash get down here to Florida? Wanna live on the island or on the beach directly? There are so many choices!

[Solomon]

does the island have a beach? can we buy the island? even rent? :bigrin:

[deletetacount123]

I think myself lied to me :(

So last night at work we cashiers had a quiet period where no customers came to our till at work.
I just happened to look at the girl that was across from me and started a converstation.

:) ME?? The shy "don't wanna be the first" started a converstation?!?!?!

Ooooooooooh thats scary!! Where is shy little me going *looks around*
I haven't decided if thats a good or bad thing yet lol

But its nice to know I can be soical when I feel like it hehe

Tasha

[flexuality]

I think myself lied to me :(

So last night at work we cashiers had a quiet period where no customers came to our till at work.
I just happened to look at the girl that was across from me and started a converstation.

:) ME?? The shy "don't wanna be the first" started a converstation?!?!?!

Ooooooooooh thats scary!! Where is shy little me going *looks around*
I haven't decided if thats a good or bad thing yet lol

But its nice to know I can be soical when I feel like it hehe

Tasha

Hehehe!! I think that's a great thing! :tong: Way to go! :tong:

[stuporman]

Dear Tasha,
WEelcome to the club. I am bipolar, and have great verbal ability, but absolutely no social skills.....and I'm fat and non-studly looking to boot. As a result, I have been teased, tormented, and financially abused by women my whole life. Even the few women who liked me "Just wanted to be friends". I finally found a wife in the town drunk, who at the time I met her was living in a tent in the woods. She had been seuxally abused by ever jerkoff who came down the pike, so obviously my sex life has not been real great or copius, even though she loves me.
Tasha, you are beign tested every day, but you will eventually be
stronger for it........what that really means I have no idea, but Mom used to say that a lot. My advice is to start drinking heavily, or find a recreational or pharmaceutical drug that you like, and stick with it. You can't buy social skills or acceptance, but a case of beer only costs about $14 here in Tennessee. To some people its a case of beer....to me its a support group. Joke em if they can't take a fuck!
Also, I've found that playing bass helps a lot. "Get a second hand guitar chances are you'll go far if you get in with the right bunch of fellows". Its a good way to get invited to parties, and its one fuck of a lot easier than making conversation! Or in your case, become a painter or photographer. People will drool all over your work, and the fact that you're hearing impaired will make you seem exotic....
yes, I'm crass, rude, obnoxious, and drunk a lot, but I do have a heart.
"Honesty, Truth, Justice.........you could rattle off a hundred such words and each one would attract a thousand noisy little assholes, pompous jerkoffs who wave the banner with one hand and reach under the table with the other" -Hunter S. Thompson
:eek: :tongue:

[Solomon]

congrats Tasha! is good to see you started a conversation! :cool:

my hat's off to the booze... but there's gotta be a pool table too! i insist! lol!

as far as the medical communities concerned... personally i think too many people are just in it for the money and the status... it's very hard to find anyone who's in it because they genuinely care about people... most of'em just care about who's paying the bill so they can enjoy one of the two minutes off of work they get... it's sad, but it's becoming especially prominent as the medical community at large is being more and more stressed due in large part to demographics

back to the pool table.... it's gotta have a burgundy colored cover, 1" thick slate with cherry wood, and plenty of levelers, in the room with the HUGE window overlooking the beach! :cool:

[Herbwoman39]

does the island have a beach? can we buy the island? even rent? :bigrin:

LOL! Uhm, it's a really BIG island that ends at Kennedy Space Center. I don't think we can buy it. And no, the island doesn't have a beach. But there are plenty of places out on beachside for sale these days.

I've made mental note that there *must* be a pool table for Sol ;)

[TaylorMade]

Dear Tasha,
WEelcome to the club. I am bipolar, and have great verbal ability, but absolutely no social skills.....and I'm fat and non-studly looking to boot. As a result, I have been teased, tormented, and financially abused by women my whole life. Even the few women who liked me "Just wanted to be friends". I finally found a wife in the town drunk, who at the time I met her was living in a tent in the woods. She had been seuxally abused by ever jerkoff who came down the pike, so obviously my sex life has not been real great or copius, even though she loves me.
Tasha, you are beign tested every day, but you will eventually be
stronger for it........what that really means I have no idea, but Mom used to say that a lot. My advice is to start drinking heavily, or find a recreational or pharmaceutical drug that you like, and stick with it. You can't buy social skills or acceptance, but a case of beer only costs about $14 here in Tennessee. To some people its a case of beer....to me its a support group. Joke em if they can't take a fuck!
Also, I've found that playing bass helps a lot. "Get a second hand guitar chances are you'll go far if you get in with the right bunch of fellows". Its a good way to get invited to parties, and its one fuck of a lot easier than making conversation! Or in your case, become a painter or photographer. People will drool all over your work, and the fact that you're hearing impaired will make you seem exotic....
yes, I'm crass, rude, obnoxious, and drunk a lot, but I do have a heart.
"Honesty, Truth, Justice.........you could rattle off a hundred such words and each one would attract a thousand noisy little assholes, pompous jerkoffs who wave the banner with one hand and reach under the table with the other" -Hunter S. Thompson
:eek: :tongue:

I shouldn't find this post funny, but it's damn funny.

*Taylor*