poll: would you knowingly have sex with an HIV+ person?

[teamnoir]

Would you knowingly have sex with an HIV+ person?

I'm not talking about if you did have sex with them and they happened to have HIV and told you this later.

But if a person who you were going to have as a sex partner told you that they were Poz, how would you react?

Would you have sex with them? Would you not have sex with them? Or if you did have sex with them why did you?

I don't know how to make a poll in a thread but if someone knows how to please do with the options 'yes', 'no', and 'I already have.'.

[flexuality]

No.

I don't know how to make a poll either....so thought I'd just answer.

[TashaSW]

No....

[tink1978]

No....
Life is to short as it is.

[Herbwoman39]

No. I have too much in my life to put it at risk that way.

[TaylorMade]

No.

*Taylor*

[Oh Yeah]

....no.

[kingofthejunglists]

I'd probably let them give me head, but I wouldn't fuck them.

[Long Duck Dong]

yes....... if it was gonna be a long term relationship
I have nothing to gain from trying to live forever and I could die from many things.....why throw away the chance to love and be loved and run the risk of growing old alone

I would rather die in love, than live without being loved

[siraussietosser]

OMG what a question, No way........ :eek:

[Lorcan]

It depends on how much i care for them.
if i love them, yes.

with condoms of course.

[Barejerrfla]

ahhhhh...NO, not even if we were best friends

[Tommy2020]

No...

[slipperybird]

depends on the who the person is. if i really loved him/her i might.
and if i was positive as well, then definitely.

[TashaSW]

It is a BIG RISK to take but these people are humans too... they probably already have it in thier heads that no one will love them again cause they are HIV Postive.

If you really loved the person, you could overlook that. There are other ways to make love to each other rather than actually doing it.
Afterall, HIV or not, the person's still the same inside.

[biwords]

There are other ways to make love to each other rather than actually doing it. After all, HIV or not, the person's still the same inside.

Kind Tasha! Yes, if I really cared about the person and (critically) there were 'other ways to make love' that worked for both of us, perhaps then; but if I honestly perceived that I was putting myself at risk, I don't think I could concentrate on sex at all...in which case, no.

[noostoo]

Yes....

Safe sex is called that for a reason. As others have said it would definitely involve an emotional commitment and it would definitely have to be a strong one.

[lilbitsva]

No i'm sorry but that is why you know someone before you sleep with them i'm really sorry but i won't have sex with anyone that i knew had something of that nature. I know that alot of people have it and i really feel sorry for them. But i just dont' think that i would lil bit

[12voltman59]

I have known of gay couples where one partner is HIV/AIDS + and they continue to have sex without infecting the negative partner-so it is possible to have such sex and be safe.

To be honest--if I really loved and cared for that person and we had already been in an intimate relationship when the disease was discovered--I would continue to have sex with him or her. Since there are techniques for safe sex even with an HIV/AIDS positive person--we would learn and practice such techniques.

The same would apply if I met someone who was in the same condition and we wanted to be sexually intimate.

[billy_campbell]

There are safe ways to have sex with a HIV+ person. If I loved the person then yes I would have sex. Am I knowing putting myself at risk - yes. But think about if the person you loved was in danger would you put your self at risk to save them. What is the diffence from putting yourself at risk to save a loved or to have sex with a loved one?
:2cents:

[DiamondDog]

It depends.

If it was a partner that became that way and then got put on meds so their viral load was "non detectible" then I would. But I'd use condoms/dental dams for giving oral sex. Or I'd just do safer things like mutual masturbation and making out, bondage/SM, WS, or other things that I'm into.

If it was someone who I didn't love who I wasn't in a long term relationship with, who I wasn't going to be in a LTR with, or just someone who I met who wanted sex then no I wouldn't.

[Jeff1229]

Nope.....sorry I just couldn't handle that...

[julie]

Yes, of course! We would have to play safe but why on earth not?

I'm truly shocked and dismayed at the number of folk on here who say no.... considering there must be more than a few of us who are living with HIV and have been safely sexually active for many years...

No wonder so many +ve stay silent with these kind of attitudes... fear and ignorance still reigns triumphant it seems... how very sad :(

julie.

[TashaSW]

My birthmother did sooooooooo many drugs when pregnant with me.... no wonder I was born with so many medical problems and conditons.

One of the conditons I was thought to have as a infant was I had HIV... at that time no one knew for sure but with everything I had and my birthmother's history, it just became a "possible HIV" thing and ran tests.

Cute little me came out HIV NEGATIVE so that was good news as it ruled out one thing.

I think this is why I hate one night stands so much as well as drugs and usually tell people they are being stupid.
Cause my birthmother did so many drugs when pregnant with me.... it didn't occur to her that the drugs may be good for her but deadly to the baby.
AND I have reasons to believe I was created out of a "one night stand"
(social agent told me my birthparents had a VERY BREIF relationship)

Kept my older sister (2 years older) but I was born with so many problems she "ditched" me after 1 week. (ok not ditched... she actually did the right thing when she realized she couldn't raise me and wanted me to have better parents who knew what they were doing.)

When it comes to HIV Postive... if I really love that person, it wouldn't matter to me.......
Why? Cause I could have been born with HIV myself and deep down I know how it feels to be rejected :( :) (not just that but other things....)

[Judas Imok]

I must admit... I thought when seeing this thread, I knew for certain I would respond with an emphatic "NO"... but reading through the posts here, and REALLY thinking about it, yes I would. Not a one-night-stand of course or someone I had only been dating a very short time. Yet if I really felt I loved the person and knew I would want to spend the rest of my life with them, how ever much time was left on this earth for us, you bet your sweet ass I would love them in every way known to man and woman. Especially if I was already in a committed relationship and the HIV developed later. What matters to me is LOVE. Again, I am not saying I would go sleep with anyone regardless of HIV, I am no idiot, but Love is what matters to me. I would be willing to die for someone I loved and loved me the same way.

just my :2cents:

*hugs*

[flexuality]

Yes, of course! We would have to play safe but why on earth not?

I'm truly shocked and dismayed at the number of folk on here who say no.... considering there must be more than a few of us who are living with HIV and have been safely sexually active for many years...

No wonder so many +ve stay silent with these kind of attitudes... fear and ignorance still reigns triumphant it seems... how very sad :(

julie.

I didn't read the words "love" or "relationship" in the original question. I only saw "a person who you were going to have as a sex partner" and I interpeted that as more or less someone I didn't really know very well.

A person I love and care about is a whole different question in my mind than just a "sex partner".

[biwords]

In part we're getting different answers here because we're in effect answering different questions. For example, whether the HIV-positive person was someone we were already involved with, or someone we just met, would probably be a distinction of some importance for many of us.

If it were clear in any given case that the right precautions would make sex with the HIV-positive perfectly safe, I don't imagine many of us would have a problem with that.

The real question is, what if you didn't have that degree of security? A couple of responses have focused on the cruelty of rejecting someone as a sex partner in such circumstances. However, most of us get rejected for all sorts of reasons at one time or another, and those reasons can be a lot less significant than one's HIV status ("I don't like beards", etc.). If someone can (legitimately) reject me for being less than six feet tall, say, why is it illegitimate to reject someone for carrying a virus that could kill you? I don't understand that.

And you can put the question the other way. If you were the HIV-positive one, and you knew that having sex with someone would expose them to a significant risk of disease, would you proceed anyway? Would you assert a 'right' to have sex with others?

Of course, the question is a little theoretical since, as others have pointed out, there are ways of eliminating the risk, depending on what one does and how one does it.

[Long Duck Dong]

mmm biwords.... I wouldn't have sex, unless it was with a long term partner and they were content with the idea of having sex, if I was HIV +

I am a person that doesn't see hiv/ aids as a big deal.....I am not downplaying it as a serious issue.... but its just not that serious to me
I am more at risk around a person with something like TB

I remember people saying to me at other times, that aids kills..... * shrugs *...life kills, people....unless people are immortal ...and I can shield myself from everything in the world, and I will still die.....or I can live freely.... and still die...

[biwords]

I hear you, longduck. No two people are the same when it comes to risk tolerance, & I was just uncomfortable with the notion that more cautious people are 'cruel' for being so.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol biwords....

I am rather *uncomfortable * with the fact that people that has said no, are being regarded as having fear and ignorance....

its getting interesting now that sexual safety and personal risk management is regarded as fear and ignorance, rather than personal choice

next we are gonna hear that its * insensitive and demeaning * to say we are bisexual

[TaylorMade]

lol biwords....

I am rather *uncomfortable * with the fact that people that has said no, are being regarded as having fear and ignorance....

its getting interesting now that sexual safety and personal risk management is regarded as fear and ignorance, rather than personal choice

next we are gonna hear that its * insensitive and demeaning * to say we are bisexual

It's the new PC bro, no one's feelings must be hurt. The right not to be offended has trumped free speech finally.

I mean, I've turned down people for something less severe than HIV status, where's the thread for that?

*Taylor*

[Domino]

mmm biwords.... I wouldn't have sex, unless it was with a long term partner and they were content with the idea of having sex, if I was HIV +

I am a person that doesn't see hiv/ aids as a big deal.....I am not downplaying it as a serious issue.... but its just not that serious to me
I am more at risk around a person with something like TB

I remember people saying to me at other times, that aids kills..... * shrugs *...life kills, people....unless people are immortal ...and I can shield myself from everything in the world, and I will still die.....or I can live freely.... and still die...


I have to say I totally agree with you, In fact I agree with everything you post :bigrin: .

It really would depend on the situation. If you looked at it this way. Say you were involved in a very loving relationship, the love of your life. This love of your life caught AIDS say through a blood transfusion or something that was not cheating.

Would you just dump them?. There is no way I would I would still have sex with them because I loved them, of course it would be protected sex, but I would take that risk. I would not care of the risk factor because life is not that precious. I smoke ciggies I will probably get lung cancer. We are all going to die at some stage and I never understand why people are so afraid of dieing

[Long Duck Dong]

lol... you wanna hear me behind the scenes..... I am cold, blunt and heartless at times.....absolutely downright cruel....and I have no concern for other peoples feelings or emotions..... * growls *

damm ps3 and Xbox 360 characters.... they don't deserve any rights

[Domino]

lol... you wanna hear me behind the scenes..... I am cold, blunt and heartless at times.....absolutely downright cruel....and I have no concern for other peoples feelings or emotions..... * growls *

damm ps3 and Xbox 360 characters.... they don't deserve any rights


You have a fantastic way of looking at the world. So what if you are a bastard :tongue:

[Tommy2020]

Out of context: There are other ways to make love to each other rather than actually doing it.
Afterall, HIV or not, the person's still the same inside. Out of context:

I would expect nothing less from Tasha. This is truly the most gentle and caring answer in this thread, including my own,

Tommy2020

[julie]

lol biwords....

I am rather *uncomfortable * with the fact that people that has said no, are being regarded as having fear and ignorance....

its getting interesting now that sexual safety and personal risk management is regarded as fear and ignorance, rather than personal choice

next we are gonna hear that its * insensitive and demeaning * to say we are bisexual

Oh please, i'm getting bored of this!

i dont think i or anyone else said sexual safety and personal risk management were the same as having fear and ignorance.. in fact if you read my post properly you will see that playing safe would be my top priority.

my 'fear and ignorance comment was reserved for those of us who stated an outright NO zero tolerance style. HIV is actually one of the more difficult infections to catch (hepatitis being 40 times more infectious) yet sadly the stigma appears to remain towards those of us unfortunate enough to live with a very treatable/manageable condition... yet are treated as lepars because of disturbingly outdated information surrounding HIV/Aids.

But hey, lets not let the truth get in the way of a good story....

Julie
:female:

[jedinudist]

A friend of mine is HIV+. His partner however is not. They are careful and seem to truly love each other. Since their devotion is to each other, then they do not see it as an unacceptable risk.

I am happily married, and so my answer as to whether I would personally engage in sexual activity with a person I know to be HIV+ is an emphatic no. I would never take that chance as a married man. Just as I would not knowingly engage in sexual activity with someone who had any type of communicable disease. My heart belongs totally to my wife, and I would not risk even catching a cold that could be passed on to her, and don't wish to suffer through anything myself either.

Safe sex practices can virtually eliminate the risk, but I still won't take that chance. Things happen. I'm here even though the sperm donor was wearing a condom and the egg donor was using contraceptive foam. That's two birth control methods failing simultaneously.

Risk is risk. And no matter how "small" the chances are, it is still possible for it to happen. Look at how many people buy lottery tickets (myself included once in a while).

I am in no way putting down anyone unfortunate enough to have contracted this or any other disease. I am still good friends with my HIV+ friend. Still go over to their house, eat, drink, watch movies, and swim. I am lucky in so much as I understand that HIV is a disease, not a "judgment".

Just not personally willing to take that chance, no matter how minuscule.

[TaylorMade]

I've partially rethought my answer after talking to a gay man whose opinions and life experience I respect like a father's. (He don't know it, but he IS almost old enough to be my dad)

He said this - -treat every partner as positive, even if they say they are not, because honesty only goes as far as what you actually know.

For me, if you want to call it "no-tolerance", fine. I just don't want to be intimate with a man who has HIV. If it is a long term thing and he got the virus through a surgical error or malicious intent, I would not break up with him. I just would have to restructure the relationship.

*Taylor*

[Herbwoman39]

After reading the posts that followed mine and considering the answers, I still have to say no. I have two children who depend upon me even though they will be out on their own soon enough. It's hard loosing a parent to old age. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult it would be to lose a parent t AIDS. I won't put my children though something like that. No matter how much I might love the HIV+ person, it is not worth wounding my children that way.

Now, if we were to address *other* forms of affection, that would be another animal altogether. Genital to genital contact even with a condom would be out, though.

[bitree]

Absolutley not.

[julie]

...i really respect the opinions posted since the last time i responded to this thread.

...this is because they appear to be well considered opinions, well most of them ;) , and i choose to imagine that the 'no' verdict would be reached no matter what the infection..

...because any risk taken would have an impact on others well being.. those others who trust their partners/ those who depend on them, to keep both themselves and them safe whilst they live out their bisexual needs and desires.

...decisions such as these are not, in my humble opinion at least, grounded in fear and ignorance but love.

for what my opinion is worth, i deeply respect your heartfelt decisions.

Julie :female:

[Long Duck Dong]

my 'fear and ignorance comment was reserved for those of us who stated an outright NO zero tolerance style.

Julie
:female:

thank you....lol...... " people that don't want to place themselves in a hiv+ positive situation, are full of fear and ignorance "....

now can you stop taking offend at what I am NOT saying
I said clearly
" its getting interesting now that sexual safety and personal risk management is regarded as fear and ignorance, rather than personal choice "

now, I lost my sister and her partner to aids.... I do not regard ANYBODY as ignorant for expressing their personal option as to their desire not to be involved in a HIV/AIDS situation......

it doesn't matter if its hard to contract or very easy..... its a persons personal choice to involve themselves in the situation

[Omnivore]

Yes, but only if we were in a long term committed relationship and we were very, very careful.

[12voltman59]

My yes answer was based upon a hypothetical situation---it would have to be in the context that the person was my sole intimate partner and by that I mean both sexually and romantically---the person would be someone I have a close relationship with I would do what is necessary within reason to make certain that I show that person some form of sexual intimacy---it might mean that I sexually stimulate them with a hand covered in a latex glove or something similar---as clinical as that might be--but one can always make the necessary adjustments for the ones we love---sexual contact might no longer mean intercourse or oral sex.

I really do not know what all of the means of techniques the medical experts recommend---I have read that they do have things they recommnend because I had known one gay couple where the one partner was HIV/AIDS + and even though they did not go into detail--they did say they still did engage in intimate behavior and the negative partner remained disease free --and once his partned passed--he did go on to find another disease free partner later---this was back in the early 90s when I was a member of a Unitarian Universalist Church---the couple was pretty well open about their situation and did that as a sort of educational excercise for our congregation and to others as well.