bi or not?

[Gracy]

Ok, so I don't really have strong sexual attraction to people; I'm more attracted to people based on emotional connection and personality. I am in a relationship, but if I wasn't, I think I would be open to having a relationship with someone of either sex. I guess I just don't see why having certain body parts should play a role in whether or not I like someone.

Bisexual indicates that a person is sexually attracted to both sexes; however, I don't seem to become sexually attracted to either unless I have a deep emotional connection, romantic attraction, and am very comfortable with them. I can, however, be emotionally and physically attracted to someone by just knowing something about what they're like as a person. Hm... so does bi fit, but not bisexual? Is there a better label?

[Gracy]

Hm... someone on another site pointed out to me "pansexual." Maybe that works better.

[Herbwoman39]

Hi! I'm known around here as Herb or Herbie :) I'm what you might call part of the Welcome Wagon for Bisexual.com. So first, i'd like to welcome you to a wonderful place full of intelligent, fun, caring people.

We've recently had a Troll infestation so some folks might still be a little on edge. But generally this is a great group of folks.

Secondly there are a good number of people here, myself included, feel that you are who you are regardless of the label society sticks on you. Only you know for certain what terminology fits you best. Since you're working on defining what you feel, though, a name for it would probably be helpful, eh? :bigrin:

I'm going to defer to those who are better at definitions than I am. I just wanted to say Hi, bring you the proverbial plate of fresh baked cookies, and wish you all the best here.

[oralplus]

Regardeles the resson. Anyone can be atracted to another person. But when this person have a sexual relationship with another of the same sex....in my opinion that is bisexual. Is great that this intimacy is created by some form of conexion above the purely sexual. Yes ...you are bisexual ...dont ask the reassons just enjoy the intimacy.

[flexuality]

Ok, so I don't really have strong sexual attraction to people; I'm more attracted to people based on emotional connection and personality. I am in a relationship, but if I wasn't, I think I would be open to having a relationship with someone of either sex. I guess I just don't see why having certain body parts should play a role in whether or not I like someone.

Bisexual indicates that a person is sexually attracted to both sexes; however, I don't seem to become sexually attracted to either unless I have a deep emotional connection, romantic attraction, and am very comfortable with them. I can, however, be emotionally and physically attracted to someone by just knowing something about what they're like as a person. Hm... so does bi fit, but not bisexual? Is there a better label?

Welcome to the site! :)

I hear what you're saying and I find the same thing as far as attraction goes.

I believe that generally speaking most women tend to base attraction more on a "how would this person treat me" kind of basis, thus the emotional connection, the romance and comfort levels, while generally speaking most men would tend to respond on a more visual basis, thus be more inclined to base attraction on a physical level.

The above statement is obviously rather generalized but it does tend to be true. And I am only referring to the initial attraction, again, generally speaking.

I wonder if that's why some of these "labels" confuse me. (I hate labels! lol!) I wonder if something like bi-attraction might be a better word!

There seem to be a LOT of people who are attracted to the same sex, yet who haven't actually engaged in same-sex sexual activity, and still "identify" as bisexual. Like me. :tong:

Do people who call themselves "straight" only become straight AFTER they have had sex with the opposite gender? I think they base it on who they are attracted to. Whether or not they EVER have sex has nothing to do with it. :rolleyes:

[Long Duck Dong]

bisexuals are attracted to both sexes, it just doesn't have to be a sexual attraction or involve sex

there is no set bi criteria.....

if bisexuality was measured by having sex or sexual attractions with both sexs.... most of bisexual.com are non bisexuals.... lol

[Lorcan]

Hm... so does bi fit, but not bisexual? Is there a better label?

You know, i don't like the word "bisexual" either. I call myself just "bi" because being the way i am affects more than my sexuallity. And I DO have strong sexual attraction to people.

[biwords]

I believe that generally speaking most women tend to base attraction more on a "how would this person treat me" kind of basis, thus the emotional connection, the romance and comfort levels, while generally speaking most men would tend to respond on a more visual basis, thus be more inclined to base attraction on a physical level.




--If that's the case, how come most women won't date guys shorter than themselves? Just wondering.

--In response to the question posed at the beginning of this thread, I'd suggest that 'bisexual' applies because 'sexual' is itself a very broad term, and would certainly contain relationships where any degree of physical attraction develops, whether for emotional reasons or otherwise...I guess that's just another way of stating flex's position.

[candigirl]

Bisexuality is when you're attracted to men and women sexual and emotionally. If you're in a relationship with a man you'll have the "urges" to be with a woman. There will however be times where you'll be with a man for maybe 3 years and just not find yourself looking for the same sex as well. The way you can committe as being a bisexual is to be with one woman and one man. Maybe you'll be with a woman and want to date a man...

Okay, i'm a [what way can i say this without cause drama?], how you put it? True bisexual.... I'm looking for one woman to spend my life with and one mean to marry and spend my life with. She has to be one with the same understandings as me. Bisexual, loving, understanding, passionate, beautiful, femme, passive and open to sexual things. She has to understand that im looking to get married to a man, but have her there as a lover/best-friend/sister and partner. She should not be one to get jealous regardless is i do date men as well as woman. With that being said i tend to date REAL bisexual women. ones whome do not "change" their sexuality then look at me as confused or nasty......oh how i love society!! :female:

[Bi-ten]

Hi and welcome to the site,

I realize that there are a lot of words and definitions out there that tend to complicate things that should be rather simple. Human beings tend to draw comfort by defining labels and catagories for everything, this forms a frame of reference for comparison. With this framework we are able to separate us from them, he from she, this from that. In fact this is one of the biggest causes of intolerence, violence, hatred and war.

That being said, definitions can be positive when trying to understand what is going on in our brains and in our hearts. Personally I identify as bisexual or pansexual. I believe the latter is more accurate for me, because or my gender fluidity. Below is the wikipedia definition of pansexual;

Pansexuality (sometimes referred to as omnisexuality) is a sexual orientation characterized by a potential aesthetic attraction, romantic love and/or sexual desire for anybody, including people who do not fit into the gender binary of male/female implied by bisexual attraction. Pansexuality is sometimes described as the capacity to love a person romantically irrespective of gender. Some pansexuals also assert that gender and sex are meaningless to them. The word pansexual is derived from the Greek prefix pan-, meaning "all".

I hope this helps you bring your feelings into context.

Hugs, S/Al

[flexuality]

--If that's the case, how come most women won't date guys shorter than themselves? Just wondering.



Probably because a lot (not all) of "short" men have what we used to call "a short man attitude."

Before I go any further, let me say that I am not trying in anyway to be demeaning or anything. :rolleyes:

I think it has to do with the way men are "supposed to be" according to society, the media, etc. The old "tall dark and handsome" myth.

The world is full of these myths and stereotypes, and not only around a man's height, but many other things as well. But you asked about shortness.

I think that for whatever reason a lot of these so called "short" men have a tendency to over-compensate for what they feel is a short-coming. (Pun not intended! lol!)

***I really am trying to be diplomatic and nice here....honest***

When a person over compensates for anything perceived "less than", they can quite often become over bearing or obnoxious....or the flip side, very withdrawn and awkward.

Personally, I have met a lot of men like this and as a result, I tend to prejudge. (hey, I'm human....I know it's not good to prejudge....) On the other hand, there are some who don't over compensate. There just seems to be a lot who do.

So for women, I suppose, the over compensation and overbearingness doesn't always fit into the "would this person treat me well" thinking.

But that's just my opinion..... :rolleyes:

[flexuality]

Pansexuality (sometimes referred to as omnisexuality) is a sexual orientation characterized by a potential aesthetic attraction, romantic love and/or sexual desire for anybody, including people who do not fit into the gender binary of male/female implied by bisexual attraction. Pansexuality is sometimes described as the capacity to love a person romantically irrespective of gender. Some pansexuals also assert that gender and sex are meaningless to them. The word pansexual is derived from the Greek prefix pan-, meaning "all".


I like that! :tong:

I am still a bit confused....I thought that's what Bisexual meant, attractions regardless of gender. Does PAN sexual include something that BIsxual doesn't?

[DanyGirl]

Hi Gracy, welcome. I am fairly new here, too. If I may I would recommend you take a look at Wikipedia. It includes a in dept LGBT series. When I was struggling to find language to identify myself I found a section in there that offered a variety of words and definitions to describe ones sexual orientation. (I just looked for you and my apologies, I cannot seem to find it again so it may take some clicking around, I am sure it was either under "lesbian" or "bisexual" but I am just not seeing it). Reading your post the two that came my mind that you may find "fit" for you are asexual or fluid sexuality. Of course these are only possbile suggestions and I would never presume to impress a label upon you. For myself I initially found the terms fluid and heteroflexible to be comfortable language for me but wound up adopting bisexual as this term is more widely understood.

Now to answer the question of pansexual vs. bisexual. To my understanding pansexual encompasses all genders including women-born-women, men-born-men, women transitioned to men, men transitioned to women, lesbian identifed males, gay-male identified females, intersexed persons, etc. (I know I am leaving some identities out and my apologies for that but I hope the idea comes across) whereas some feel the term bisexual only encompasses attractions for the gendered definitions of the two sexes so, female-born-female socialized as woman internally self-identified as female/woman and male-born-male socialized as man internally self-identified as male/man.

[flexuality]

Now to answer the question of pansexual vs. bisexual. To my understanding pansexual encompasses all genders including women-born-women, men-born-men, women transitioned to men, men transitioned to women, lesbian identifed males, gay-male identified females, intersexed persons, etc. (I know I am leaving some identities out and my apologies for that but I hope the idea comes across) whereas some feel the term bisexual only encompasses attractions for the gendered definitions of the two sexes so, female-born-female socialized as woman internally self-identified as female/woman and male-born-male socialized as man internally self-identified as male/man.

Thanks!

Wow....I need 8 years higher education to decipher that! lol!!

What I have discovered about myself, is that I am attracted to PEOPLE and I don't really think about what package they're in all that much. (other than trying to get past previous programming and societal input etc)

Sorta like I said to Solomon (my hubby) the other night....that if for some reason he decided to become female I would still want to be with him. Not that he's even thinking that way....it was just a realization I had I guess.

'course I also think we have WAY too many labels! lol!! :tong:

[biwords]

Probably because a lot (not all) of "short" men have what we used to call "a short man attitude."

Actually, I think it's just biological.

1. Tall man = better protector for woman and babies, and
2. Tall man = tall babies.

And no, you needn't worry about being diplomatic! My aim was merely to question the stereotype that men respond to visual cues while for women it's what's emotional, spiritual etc. that counts. True in some cases, perhaps, but way oversold in my view.

As for 'short man attitude', the same behaviours in a tall man are considered attractive Alpha behaviour, IMHO.

[Solomon]

hhmmm not so quick biwords... actually they've proven that women do have their brains wired to their mouths.... an guys have their brains wired to their eyes in a nutshell lol...

so it's actually a processing event for women when they talk.... women not talking is not a good day!!! :eek:

and for guys there is alot more of a visuality probably because we don't need to talk things out unless we're stumped lol.... we just sorta sit in the room and solve the worlds problems in our heads lol.... which head is usually a great question :bigrin:

and solving problems in our heads involves pictures....

however, you do raise a good point in noting that these are in fact generalities, and not all or nothing rules :cool:

[darkeyes]

Thanks!


Sorta like I said to Solomon (my hubby) the other night....that if for some reason he decided to become female I would still want to be with him. Not that he's even thinking that way....it was just a realization I had I guess

Me an my m8 cleave can help Sol there Flex babes!!!! :bigrin:

[Solomon]

:eek:

[Bi-ten]

Danygirl,

Thanks for adding to the definition of pansexual, I too will go back to school to figure it out.

Flexuality...you rock.

Hugs

S/Al

[FalconAngel]

Actually, I think it's just biological.

1. Tall man = better protector for woman and babies, and
2. Tall man = tall babies.


Tall man = bigger, easier to hit target. :tongue: :eek:

That's a lesson I learned in the Army. :bigrin:

[flexuality]

Flexuality...you rock.

Hugs

S/Al
Hehe...I do?
thanx! :) .....unless of course you were calling me a rock.....lol!!

Text...gotta love it! LOL!
Hugs! :tong:

[DuskTillDawn]

hey

i didnt get a chance to finish reading other peoples replies to this so i apologise if its already been said...

im my opinioin a bisexual is someone with the ability to feel any kind of sexual attraction towards both men and woman.

i think if u have to make up ur own mind about what it is to be "bi" or "bisexual" and then decide whether or not it applies to u.

p.s. welcome to the site, its a gd 'un