She's dating a guy...Depressed venting

[Herbwoman39]

There's this woman I've sort of been long distance dating for a couple months. We haven't had any kind of exclusivity agreement between us. How can I ask for that when I'm married and not about to give up hubby? I can't and not be a total hypocrite.

For the last several days she's been very quiet and hasn't sent a single email nor has she been available on Yahoo. I thought that might be because I asked her why she never sent hugs in her emails. But it turns out that she has met a man and she wants to see where that goes. Odd thing is, she still wants to meet me.

I'm confused. I mean, good for her that she's seeing someone. I'm glad she told me. I'm just depressed that she didn't give me a shot first before seeing this new guy.

Like the tagline says, I'm depressed and I'm venting so reply or not as you like.

[CountryLover]

I'm a little confused? You have your husband - she can't have a boyfriend? You can't be monogamous, why do you seem to be asking her to be?

I don't mean to sound cruel, but the logic escapes me.

[flexuality]

I'm a little confused? You have your husband - she can't have a boyfriend? You can't be monogamous, why do you seem to be asking her to be?

I don't mean to sound cruel, but the logic escapes me.

That's the trouble with emotions isn't it? They never are logical. :cool:

[FalconAngel]

My wife and I read your post and we both agree with Countrylover on this one. What you seem to have created here is a double-standard. One for you and one for her.
If you want your cake and eat it too, then you must allow her the same thing.

If you have not set up some kind of exclusivity agreement between you, which would mean giving up the hubby, in your case, then you have no real right to complain about her dating someone else.

Not to be harsh here, but you need to buck up and look at yourself as to the real reason that you are upset about this. It is likely something that you aren't even aware of.

[flexuality]

My wife and I read your post and we both agree with Countrylover on this one. What you seem to have created here is a double-standard. One for you and one for her.
If you want your cake and eat it too, then you must allow her the same thing.

If you have not set up some kind of exclusivity agreement between you, which would mean giving up the hubby, in your case, then you have no real right to complain about her dating someone else.

Not to be harsh here, but you need to buck up and look at yourself as to the real reason that you are upset about this. It is likely something that you aren't even aware of.

I'm sure herbwoman is well aware of the logical side of this, and please herby, correct me if I'm mistaken here, but I see no need to invalidate her feelings.

Maybe I'm just seeing this from a different perspective. I see the logic you point out and it makes sense.....but I also see that herbwoman seems to be feeling hurt, sad and a bit down and depressed right now.

So what? She does have the right to feel whatever way she does. It has nothing to do with logic.

I think it's better to feel those feelings, rather than supress them and have them cloud the logic. The feelings will pass and the logic will remain.

Just my thoughts....

[deletetacount123]

There's this woman I've sort of been long distance dating for a couple months. We haven't had any kind of exclusivity agreement between us. How can I ask for that when I'm married and not about to give up hubby? I can't and not be a total hypocrite.

For the last several days she's been very quiet and hasn't sent a single email nor has she been available on Yahoo. I thought that might be because I asked her why she never sent hugs in her emails. But it turns out that she has met a man and she wants to see where that goes. Odd thing is, she still wants to meet me.

I'm confused. I mean, good for her that she's seeing someone. I'm glad she told me. I'm just depressed that she didn't give me a shot first before seeing this new guy.

Like the tagline says, I'm depressed and I'm venting so reply or not as you like.

Awww Maria :(

Countrylover does have a point tho, you have a husband so why can't she have boyfriend? Gotta be fair. But we're all allowed to have our feelings.... Im a bit jealous and depressed too.... that certain women on here that I LIKE and want a relationship with are MARRIED or DATING lol

Don't be depressed...... you still have your friends and "fllirt buddies" :)

Tasha

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

My wife and I read your post and we both agree with Countrylover on this one. What you seem to have created here is a double-standard. One for you and one for her.
If you want your cake and eat it too, then you must allow her the same thing.

If you have not set up some kind of exclusivity agreement between you, which would mean giving up the hubby, in your case, then you have no real right to complain about her dating someone else.

Not to be harsh here, but you need to buck up and look at yourself as to the real reason that you are upset about this. It is likely something that you aren't even aware of.
Maybe you werent trying to be harsh, but thats how I took it. Herbie already knows she's created a mess for herself emotionally. I swear sometimes people just over look the fact that trying explore your bisexual side is often times extremely hard to do. You find this person, like Herb has, and she's been so excited about this woman. Its been an ongoing relationship for her, a learning experience and its changed her. How dare anyone here tell her about having her cake and eating it too when shes hurting ! Yes, shes married, but she found someone that shes been nuts about. Granted this woman has found another person, which is the right thing for her to do apparently because she is single, but no one here needs to press it in Herbs face. Finding someone you connect with is so hard to do. Its natural to want to keep them single so know one else has there attn. Its not always the right approach, but it happens. Love happens.

Herb, Ive been there hunny, and im sorry your hurting. I hope some how the both of you can figure out where your relationship is going now. If she needs or wants to focus on this fella, I guess thats just what she'll do and somehow you just have to let her find out what she wants in life right now. I feel your pain tho babes. We love you, and were here for you ! Hugs babe !

[deletetacount123]

Im STILL SINGLE and free :)

I was told by a "psychic" that I would meet a woman before my 28th birthdat (July). lol

[Herbwoman39]

Okay, I'm going to take this one post at a time.

CountryLover: You're not the only one who is confused. That's no joke hon. This is the first quasi-relationship I've been in with a woman no matter how flurpy it's been. I have never once said that she *shouldn't* have a man in her life. *I* do so why shouldn't she? BUT I am still very new to this so I don't exactly know what I'm doing here. Therefor it's bound to get a little messy as I figure things out. Before her I had been monogamous with hubby. So on top of all this I'm new to being kinda poly.

It's just a whole lot of NEW to deal with. So, you see why I was a bit confused and felt the need to vent to my family.

FalconAngel: Please understand, I do not expect her to be exclusive or monogamous with me. It's a long distance relationship and we haven't met yet. I was just a little sad and am still not entirely certain what or why I was feeling those emotions. But again, I am not asking for exclusivity, I WILL not ask such a thing because it is destructive to her and I both. I'm in the process of learning something new and that can be trying.

Flex: You pretty much nailed it on the head. I still don't know exactly why I felt what I felt. I just felt it and allowed myself to do just that. Thanks hon :)

GEL: Thanks for the supportive words sweetie. I really appreciate it.
Funny thing is, she still wants to meet me next month when we originally planned to meet. So I'm just going with the flow. Who knows what's going to happen :)

Tashy: Honey if you only lived down here in Florida, I'd try my best to take care of that "single" issue :bigrin:

[anne27]

No insightful words of wisdom, but how about a cyber hug? :grouphug:

[Herbwoman39]

No insightful words of wisdom, but how about a cyber hug? :grouphug:

Thanks sweetie :) I appreciate the support.

<HUG>

[deletetacount123]

Tashy: Honey if you only lived down here in Florida, I'd try my best to take care of that "single" issue :bigrin:

Ummm :) I shall keep that in mind :)
Maybe some day but it depends lol right now Im scared to live in florida cause of the Hurricanes!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: But hey, theres always my florida trips :) hehe

[hudson9]

"The Heart has reasons that Reason cannot fathom..."

Sometimes we just feel something. Doesn't mean that we don't try to check ourselves w/ logic and reason, which may give us a perspective, and help us decide how to act -- but we may still, none-the-less, feel...

Jack

[happyjoe68]

Its not as if she's seeing another woman ...