fortyniner1
Mar 27, 2007, 11:07 AM
Like a lot of us, I have had to go down a road of self-discovery to find out that I am indeed bi. My upbringing was one where I was not supposed to question things unless I wanted to feel pain, mostly the pain of being ignored, the pain of being shunned and my least favorite, the pain of not belonging. There have been times in my life, a lot of them really, where I would be with people that I thought were my friends and it became quite evident that we did not share much in common, and so my journey would continue. For me, it led to marriage to a woman that I wanted more than anything. But as is true with many things, be careful for what you wish for. She has been without a doubt the absolute worst thing to ever happen to me, trouble is, I must take the burden of blame as I chose her to be my mate, or my ex-mate. During our marriage, my thoughts turned to what it would be like to be with a guy for times other than watching ball games or some outdoor chore. She told me to be honest with her as it would strengthen our marriage and being the gullible dope I was, I told her that at times I do think of men and what it would be like to be sensual with them. She said she understood. A day later, she snapped at me, and said she never wanted to hear stuff like that from me again, and so I retreated into my ever present and well worn shell and there I stayed until we finally divorced a few months later. She used the honesty I shared with her to portray me as a gay man and that I was not a fit father of our son, a developmentally disabled boy who really needed his dad. To further punish me, she moved 300 miles away. Over the years, I took the initiative to see my boy and spend time with him. So in that regard I did the right thing, and it was up to me to continue my journey and do the right thing more often. I started taking care of me. I saw a therapist, walked every day and exercised. I started to believe that I was a worthy human being, not just the empty soda can that I felt like when she left me. Fast forward, I have an unbreakable bond with my son, soon to graduate from high school. I re-married to the best friend I have ever had. A beautiful, intelligent, brassy, sexy woman who fills me with hope, love and joy. She is the one who bought this computer to allow me to chase my dream to become a published author. I know I will write about living in a small town and being bi and the inherent tribulations that being bi brings. Still, I would not feel the happiness I have today if not for the wonderful people that I have met through this forum of open discussion and ribald jokes. I have a true home here with you and I convey my thanks to all of you for accepting me as I am, and thanks to all of you for being who you are. . . . . . .my dear and trusted friends. May you all experience peace this day and feel the warmth of true love. :kiss: