So I messed up

[miamiuu]

This guy I do like some i last heard has a fiance and he is a bartender. Now with this info I usually drop in a few hours at the club he works cus in the past I had a good time while he was around and he gives me free drinks. Well I've known him a little bit from june of last year. The past week he just goes and straight out asks me if i like men, women, or both, at the bar and I was slightly shocked he said that at the time so I said I dont know and it created an awkward moment. I didnt say I was straight and I didnt commit to the others. Just I felt it was weird and it was a slight invasion of my privacy that 9 months after ive known him he kind of pops this question out while at the club. Also what bugged me is this person never tells me personal info of himself. He seemed okay the next day. I'm just trying to do damage control lol. Any advice would be appreciated.

[biChris_m]

Sounds like he's interested in knowing more about you so its your turn to ask him questions.

[sailorashore]

Miami, I heard you in the chatroom one night going on and on about this bartender guy till everybody in the room was telling you to be out front with him. Invasion of your privacy!! Hell, you've been flirting with the guy for months! Time to shit or get off the pot, boy! He's obviously picked up on your attraction to him, and is trying to make sense of your mixed signals. Either hit on him, encourage him to hit on you, or go mooch your free drinks off some other poor soul and leave the guy alone. This game you're playing is high-school girl stuff.

[miamiuu]

Yeah, well it isnt like that person has been completely open and honest either if in fact he is flirting versus just being nice.

[biwords]

How did you mess up? You were fine. If you want to, there's nothing to stop you from going back and saying something like "your question caught me a little off guard, but anyway, the truth is that.....". Don't be so hard on yourself!

[TorontoGuy2007]

i don't think you messed up at all. telling this guy that your sexual orientation is "confused" is perfectly acceptable. if you aren't ready to reveal your bisexuality to him, then there's really no need to do so.

however, if your goal is to get into some sort of relationship with him, then obviously, you are going to have to reveal your true feelings to him at some point...

[entropy]

I think it's unclear to him how you define your interaction with him if you didn't disclose your sexuality... depending on where on the scale you're at, you could be somewhere between flirting and using him for drinks.

I agree with sailor, you need to let him feel comfortable thinking you're interested. Whether you're ready to disclose your sexuality is your own business.

my :2cents: :flag3:

[Avocado]

To be quite frank if he's planning on cheating behind his fiancee's back he deserves to be used for drinks. I can't see how he isn't being used for drinks if he's not planning on cheating either.

[DiamondDog]

Just tell him how you're bi; but how it's your thing to tell people and not his.

Don't get involved with a guy that's closeted and keen on cheating on his girlfriend/partner since nobody deserves to be cheated on, it's really not fair to his girlfriend/partner if she thinks the relationship is closed/exclusive and he cheats on her, and you don't want to be a homewrecker.

You've known this dude for 9 months, it's not like he's a random stranger and you're not friends with him.

I don't think that you're "using" him for drinks since lots of times bartenders will give their friends/frequent or favored patrons of theirs free or discounted drinks. One of my friends should have been banned from a bar but he is so young and handsome that the manager lets him go there but not drink since she knows he'll get people to drink/stay in the bar so they'll talk or show attention to him.

Why not ask him about himself? Or next time he asks about you just say "yeah I'm bi. Why are you interested?" ;)

[miamiuu]

I really am questioning my sanity here. I have yet to mention to the previous guy mentioned that I was bi because he is behaving a little more distant than he did 2 weeks ago. Thing is the other night I met this great looking woman, awesome personality, and energy, and she seems so open. None of the closed ip hassleness from the other guy so I flirted with her got her number and groped her in front of the other guy. I'm thinking its time for me to move on. I still see how he reacts to some of the patrons that go there and he acts pissed off when the guys try to touch him and stuff.

[TaylorMade]

I really am questioning my sanity here. I have yet to mention to the previous guy mentioned that I was bi because he is behaving a little more distant than he did 2 weeks ago. Thing is the other night I met this great looking woman, awesome personality, and energy, and she seems so open. None of the closed ip hassleness from the other guy so I flirted with her got her number and groped her in front of the other guy. I'm thinking its time for me to move on. I still see how he reacts to some of the patrons that go there and he acts pissed off when the guys try to touch him and stuff.

Sounds good to me, Miami... sometimes a solution presents itself in situations like this.

*Taylor*

[Omnivore]

If you're still asking the question after having met this woman siunds to me like she's just perhaps a distraction?

The question to ask yourself is this - if you do nothing will you regret it later and wonder what might have been?

[imtiffanys]

I agree with everyone else... I would tell him that you like him. Start asking things about him uhh make sure to put him in the spot light make him feel like he's worth your time.. I would go for it.. love tiff :female: