How to Choose?

[gay_lovey_girl]

I'm hoping to get some good advice or insight from this website. I have fallen in love with, and been in relationships with both men and women, though I have yet to be in a relationship with just a woman. I have been in two relationships with women, but I was also involved with their husbands. One of those relationships lasted 3 years. I now know that poly is not for me...I am definately a one person at a time t ype of person. Here is where my problems comes in. Is it possible to be in a relationship with just one person, just one sex....without feeling like you're denying yourself the other part of you??? I'm really having a hard time with this one, in fact it is keeping me from even looking for a relationship right now. Anyone have any thoughts on this matter???? Thanks.

[ElizabethJane]

anything is possible, its just whether or not you're willing to be patient and look for it, or let it come to you. Being involved here definitely increases your chances of finding something that suits you. Its not difficult to see that you like to put your all into one relationship, and have a little fun on the side. That fun on the side needs to be a friend that enjoys an occasional tumble just you and her, and goes back to her primary life after the rendezvous - these friends do exist it just isn't going to happen over night, you have to take the time to build the relationships, even minor relationships.

Otherwise you may as well just hire a hooker to get your kicks. :2cents:

[dans94]

I think there are two problems here. In the past, I too have looked for relationships and pretty much forced them to happen. By forcing, I mean doing what was necessary to attract the other person. I have realized that isn't the most honest approach and have tried to mend my ways. Isn't it best if you just live your life in a way that is open to new relationships? If a relationship becomes something where you want to spend the rest of your life with the person then great! If not then, great! You definately don't want to create more in a relationship than what is there because you might regret it for a long time.

As for denying yourself, why would you want to do that? Are you afraid of growing old and dying by yourself? From my personal experience (I have been with many people at their death-beds) you will be by yourself when you die anyway. I like to think that a life well lived is one that has left those you have known better off emotionally while being true and honest with yourself. If you find one person who makes you want to be monogamous then live that way. This is not a decission you have to make at any one moment.