need help figuring me out

[amika]

I am really unclear if I am bisexual or if it is just a moment of confusion. I am 35, divorced mother. For as long as I can remember I have been drawn to men and women. But I have only been with men. I know I have fallen in love with two men. And have fallen in love with one woman(when I was a teenager) Have only slept with 5 men, and no women. (Not that I havent thought of it.) I am madly in love with a female right now. But I am unsure about persuing it because I am unsure if falling in love with the person w/out regards to the sex makes me bisexual or not. What if I initiate something with her (more than our close friendship)and then realize I am not bi. These feelings for her are not disappearing! I dream of her, I write about her, I would be lost without her. I have known and loved her for three years and in love with her for the last year. I really do believe you limit yourself in love by 50% if you are attracted to the sex of a person rather than the person themselves. AM I bi or just confused. I dont want to hurt this other person if I am just simply confused. Has anyone any advice? Maybe someone has been there and knows my confusion? I want to take it to the next level as she does, but what if we kiss and I like say "sorry! i guess I was just confused. :confused: " HELP!

[DanyGirl]

Hmmm...from reading what you wrote I can't help but wonder if you might be able to share these feelings with this woman, especially since she is expressing a more-than-friendship interest in you. It's likely she has struggled with her sexual orientation at some point and may be quite understanding of your reluctance to be with her. She also may be quite willing to help you in your confusion.

[biwords]

I like DanyGirl's answer. If you kiss her and decide you're not bi, she'll still know that you cared enough for her to move far out of your usual comfort zone. And you'll deserve more than one pat on the back for your courage. If she responds, you'll both be soaring. If there's a downside, well, I'm too thick to see it. Very best wishes, whatever you choose!

[sailorashore]

You say you've known and been close with her for three years, and in love for A WHOLE YEAR, and you don't know if you want to take it to the next level "as she does" ? Wow, that's a long time to wonder! If you had said "...if she does," you might have a different problem, i.e. the fear of rejection. But, honey, if you're IN LOVE with this woman, and she wants to be physical with you, you're gonna drive yourself crazy with desire/doubt until you take some action to find out. If she is such a close friend, and cares for you, she will certainly understand when your explain your nervousness to her, and will give you all the room you need to find your "sea legs" in this new ocean of sexual uncertainty in which you find yourself.
I agree with the folks above--trust her, and trust yourself, and don't be afraid to feel your way along slowly. You'll sort it out. Good luck. :)

sailorashore

[Rhuth]

My first sexual experience with a woman was with a close friend who decided she was really straight the next morning. It never hurt our friendship in the least. We are still close friends.

I did have a bit of a fear that my tongue was inadequate! I went out and bought books on how to properly perform cunnilingus. I have since been reassured that my tongue performs just fine, thank you.

It sounds like your friend already knows herself sexually, and will not think her tongue is broken if you don't like it on your body. Really, I think our experience brought me closer to my straight friend. Instead of wondering and confusion at sexual tension, there is knowledge and self assuredness of where the line is.

If you want to break up your friendship you are just going to have to find something more than just falling in and out of love with her. ;)

For your reading pleasure, here are some

Other (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2762)

Confused (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2753)

Women (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2712)

I hope this helps, but if it does not, please do not hesitate to ask more questions! Welcome to the site!

/Rhuth

[Solomon]

i think your heart's not confused. :2cents:

[amika]

I want to thank everyone. I feel reassured that "M" and my friendship will not fall apart after reading the comments. That would devestate me considering all we have been through this last year. I am going to take the next step because I do know what my heart is saying.
P.S. sailorashore...I have been driving myself crazy with desire/doubt. :)

[trip1]

I think your sure of your feelings and what's in your heart so it that time in life when you either roll the dice or back off. I'm not trying to make this seem small by the roll the dice comment but sometimes you either go for it or keep it to yourself so my advice is life is to short so I would be honest and tell your friend how you feel about her...

[Majatti]

I say go with it :)

[greg232a]

sit down with her and open up your heart to her