J/O and S/O Buddy only

[fredrickman]

Why is it hard for me to find a guy for just some j/o or s/f without holding or kissing and all that stuff. It is great for females to do all that I think but i just want a suck and j/o buddie. Is this uncommon?

[bi-robin-calif]

Well, that's hard to say. It may be that men are more open to casual, impersonal sex. There's also the idea that men equate sex with intimacy, and don't want to get intimate with their sex partner.

And then there's the old, "I'm only queer if I kiss him, not if I suck his cock" theory.

Or maybe it's just that you prefer unemotional, impersonal sex?

I can't answer fo anyone else, but I know that for me, I can't have sex with someone I'm not intimate with.

[DiamondDog]

Actually it's really easy.
It's called dating a man or having a boyfriend.

Real men cuddle and kiss and I personally wouldn't want anything to do with a guy who won't.

[krrptyc]

Why is it hard for me to find a guy for just some j/o or s/f without holding or kissing and all that stuff. It is great for females to do all that I think but i just want a suck and j/o buddie. Is this uncommon?
I don't think it's that uncommon. I share your feelings and I have seen quite a few posts on this site from other men who feel the same way. I just do not feel the same love and tenderness towards other males that I feel for women. I have had relationships with male friends that were similar to my relationships with women in that I really enjoyed being with them, felt protective of them and protected by them, and cared deeply that they were happy and healthy. But I never felt the desire to cuddle or kiss them. As weird as it is, to me kissing is more intimate than sucking cock. :bigrin: So good luck in your search Fredrickman.

[willbeyours2]

Just my thoughts..... Have you ever kissed and been held by a man ???? If not maybe you should try it.... Intimacy with another man just heightens the whole expierence. I guess I want it all!!! Just my thoughts, You take it for what it is worth.


Bill

[BiDallasCouple]

It IS hard to find but they're out there. Me for instance. I save my cuddling and kissing for my Girlfriend. With a guy, I just want sex, so no cuddling and kissing. I HAVE been in relationships where I DID kiss and cuddle, though, so it just depends on the situation and who the MAIN relationship is with. I hioe that wasnt confusing. lol

[biwords]

Fredrickman: This is selfish of me, but I was glad to hear that you're encountering difficulty in finding a guy who won't kiss, cuddle, etc. I take that as a sign that my own search for one who WILL is not loony. And for that I thank you (bows). As for you: I see that some posters here whom I respect have flamed you a bit for wanting relatively 'impersonal' sex. On this one point, ignore them. At least in the sense that your desires are as legitimate as anyone's, and hey, what's wrong with a good J/O? But be warned: it is just possible that if you find a really good J/O, S/O buddy that you may reach the point of thinking that kissing a guy is more than "all that stuff". Or not. Whichever way, I wish you joy. Or in real-man terms: good hunting!

[pacific_waters]

The first time a guy kissed me i found it troublesome. now i'm looking forward to some major tongue action with another guy.

[DiamondDog]

Fredrickman: This is selfish of me, but I was glad to hear that you're encountering difficulty in finding a guy who won't kiss, cuddle, etc. I take that as a sign that my own search for one who WILL is not loony. And for that I thank you (bows). As for you: I see that some posters here whom I respect have flamed you a bit for wanting relatively 'impersonal' sex. On this one point, ignore them. At least in the sense that your desires are as legitimate as anyone's, and hey, what's wrong with a good J/O? But be warned: it is just possible that if you find a really good J/O, S/O buddy that you may reach the point of thinking that kissing a guy is more than "all that stuff". Or not. Whichever way, I wish you joy. Or in real-man terms: good hunting!

Let's just say if you had the experiences I've had with closeted/down low men you wouldn't want anything to do with them either. I've written a bit about it before on here.

Plus for myself intimacy/cuddling/kissing is necessary for me.

[wolfcamp]

fredrickman
I understand your reluctance to kiss and cuddle. With one or two exceptions, I have always been a little hesitant to kiss a man. However, those few exceptions were, I have to say, a huge turn-on. The first time a guy tried to kiss me, I was too uptight to let it happen. Later when another guy tried to kiss me, I gave myself permission and it did finally happen. I found the whole thing a little weird, but very erotic. I find that a man's mouth is stronger and more forceful than a woman's. The effect can be very pleasurable in the right circumstances.

That being said...

Everyone has their own motivations for seeking companions. Everyone has their limits, and those limits should be respected. Everyone tests these waters in their own way. You should do what feels right for you. There are other guys out there who feel like you do.

[sheetmetalzippper]

all i want from a guy is a hard cock,were it goes is up to him,im not into cuddleing or kissing,yet,i just love giving deep throat till it splashis mt tonsells,love a guys cock,esp,married men

[biwmtrucker44]

I like to spend time with some 1 I dont like suck and run I hook up with a lot of truck drivers most are suck and runners

[genera101.2]

For me there have been some guys that I didn’t want to kiss or cuddle with and there were those where it heightened the sexual experience. If a woman is present, most of my kissing and cuddling will be spent on her. If it’s me and man, if he’s super hot I would consider it otherwise it’s just a jack and suck session.

[furmanlong]

I can find sexual satisfaction sucking and masturbating just about any body, but when it comes to kissing another face I need to have some kind of physical attraction going on. I've rolled around in the sack with a guy rubbing our cocks and our bodies together while tongue kissing like crazy. That was hot. It just all depends.

[krrptyc]

Let's just say if you had the experiences I've had with closeted/down low men you wouldn't want anything to do with them either.
Gosh, I thought my Cravings for cock just made me a low-life outcast of hetro-society but it seems that I'm a low-life outcast of bi-society too.

[DiamondDog]

Gosh, I thought my Cravings for cock just made me a low-life outcast of hetro-society but it seems that I'm a low-life outcast of bi-society too.

You'd feel the same way about closeted men if you had closeted guys tell you how you've got problems not them, how you have mental problems since you have sex with men, how you'll become Poz/HIV+ (when it's been proven that guys who are closeted/on the down low take HORRIBLE risks like unprotected anal sex [barebacking], swallowing, or having high risk sex like this with just anyone), have closeted guys beat you up and call you a faggot, or criticize you because you don't want to help them cheat on their spouse.

I've never had sex with a closeted guy or a guy on the down low but that's how a lot of them act and how some of them will react, and I know that they're jealous of me. I also see people who want to be discreet or furtive as being closeted too.

Also, a lot of men on the down low are so in the closet that they don't even realize that they're queer when it's obvious to everyone else, even their spouses and they flirt/cruise with you constantly which while it's a sort of compliment I'm nobody's piece on the side.

I'm perfectly fine with open relationships/marriages where there's communication and no secrets; but I'm not ok with cheating and being a home wrecker for a closed/exclusive relationship/marriage.

[bisubbie]

I don't understand the aversion some bi men have to kissing another man. I always found it exciting, possibly because it might be taboo.

Also, kissing a man and sucking his cock are equally intimate activities. To say sucking another man's cock is not intimate is like Clinton saying oral sex is not sex. Huh? Excuse me, but I don't get it. 30 years ago when I had a boyfreind and a girlfreind at the same time (They both knew, we had fun threesomes), I told her that if more men would forget societies taboo on men sucking cock and try it, they'd love it. I think the same about bi men and kissing men. Try it, you'll like it.

Bisubbie

[yoyo4u]

My realtionship spanned over several years with one married couple.

We, the two guys, never wanted to get together "on our own". When all three of us were present we were very much intimate. There was plenty of touching, caressing, whispering and more.

She was tongue kissing both of us, while we (guys) never kissed eachother on the lips. None initiated, none refused!

I guess we got together for sex and we got it!

Aaahhh, those good ol' days...

yoyo :cool:

[jem_is_bi]

I suspect your avoidance of intimacy with men may be because (in your situation) you can never have an open relationship with a man. If this is the case, it is unfortunate but reasonable adaptation.

JEM

[jedinudist]

Also, a lot of men on the down low are so in the closet that they don't even realize that they're queer when it's obvious to everyone else, even their spouses and they flirt/cruise with you constantly which while it's a sort of compliment I'm nobody's piece on the side.

I'm perfectly fine with open relationships/marriages where there's communication and no secrets; but I'm not ok with cheating and being a home wrecker for a closed/exclusive relationship/marriage.


I've seen the same thing countless times. Guys that are married but are constantly cruising other guys, looking for quick, anonymous, and unsafe sex. But they don't see themselves as Bisexual or Gay. I am always getting propositioned by this type of guy. They want me to meet them somewhere for a "hook-up", and if asked they always bitch about condoms in so much as they don't like them. I never meet these guys, and in fact have yet to meet anyone at all since I got married.

And yes, many of these closeted guys will say that everyone else has an problem, not them. Even though they are cheating on their wives, having unprotected sex, etc. And they are quick to start cussing and hurling insults if you wont help them cheat on their wives. Some of them have even bragged about how good they are at getting away with cheating or how "stupid" their spouse is because she doesn't know. Seems to me like they are the ones with the problem, and an innocent person is being hurt... their unsuspecting wife.

If a relationship/marriage is good and strong, and both people in it are accepting, understanding, and ok with it, then I also see a relationship where one or both partners are "allowed" to have sex outside the confines of the marriage bed as fine. The key here (as you pointed out) is that there are NO SECRETS. Cheating signifies deception. If both partners are aware and are ok with it, then it is not cheating. It is their business, and it is up to them to set their own boundaries of what is and is not acceptable. I have permission to have a male friend "with benefits" if I wish. Just haven't done that yet.

One of the reasons I have rambled on here a bit is to give a little background so I could address this:

My wife has given me her blessing to have that male friend with a few boundaries. The first one was No Kissing. There are others that I won't go into because there are only 3, they are private, and they are really common sense things that seemed automatically understood to both of us, but the first one she asked of me was - No Kissing.

Different people see different things in different ways. My wife (and I) see my attraction to other guys as being sexual in nature. I can care about another guy up to the friendship level but can not get past that. I can not fall in Love with another guy. For us, kissing is part of our romantic relationship and will remain exclusive to my wife and I. I don't judge what someone else is comfortable or uncomfortable in doing with another person, but I do feel a little judgmental when it comes to being above board and honest, getting priorities straight, etc.

just my :2cents:

[bi-robin-calif]

Well, everybody knows that it's okay for men to suck cock, but a man kissing a man? No way! Only queers do that!

Sadly, too many men believe that.

[DarkwaterUK]

Hell, I'm sure there are loads of guys who feel as you do about sex with other men; that it should have restrictions on intimacy. I'd say that would include about ohhhh lets say 100%. It all depends on what intimate acts we are comfortable with! Oh, did I say 'other men', I actually meant other human beings! I think though the important thing to keep in mind about the decision you make is based not just on the sex of the person, but the person themselves!

I often go to chat rooms hoping to find a potential sex partner (male) which isn't that easy to find amongst the zillions of time waster! One question that comes up every single time is 'what are you in to?' My response is usually 'Anything that doesn't involve pain or act that would usually require one to go to the loo to do.' Ok, so my response is the definite taboo in my sexual menu, it doesn't mean however that I will do just about everything else that they might have in mind. I will take in to account: age, body hair, height, weight and more important than anything their general attitude. When it comes to the 'kissing question' I will give a man, the same as a woman the same response; it depends on the person!

I've just sat here for a moment thinking about the people I see regularly and considered whether I would kiss them or not if I had an opportunity to get involved with them sexually; both men and women. I can tell you for certain some I wouldn't kiss! Some however I would; some in fact I could get off on by just kissing! :tongue:

In many ways people are like cars; some you really like the look of but you wouldn't drive one! That's why we do test drives in cars! LOL

[Handoff5]

Of course, getting naked with someone and having contact with their genitals is already intimate; but I think we can also use the word another way if we're trying to distinguish between types of encounters. In general, I think there is a certain percentage of people (and I'd say more guys than girls) who are fascinated by bodyparts, and not necessarily looking for emotional or otherwise 'intimate' connection with another. There are clear reasons why someone is not attracted to a person, but still is aroused by their form or bodyparts.

It's quite obvious that many guys who self-identify as straight or mostly straight are still interested in viewing or playing with other guys' cocks.

The higher response that men have to visual cues likely contributes to this stance. But mostly I'd say it's an example of narcissism: Fascinated by our own sexual equipment, we look to other examples of sexual equipment that reflect qualities that we desire — strength, potency, control, threatening size. If the desire (or indeed, need) for feminine qualities also enters the mix, you might find a curiosity about transsexual/transgendered forms. Quite often the man is turned on by, or interested in intimacy with, women; but also subconsciously seeks external reflections of his own genitalia.

It's as if you're looking to suck your own cock. And this in itself a reflection of our desire to consume or digest our own whole being — to swallow our own power, and to be self-accepting and complete. Externalizing that motive toward others' penises is just another strategy toward experiencing completion, however unconscious that strategy may be.

[Omnivore]

In swinging with other bi men I have the opposite issue - finding another guy who actually want to kiss as well, it is such a huge turn on for me.

Most of the bi guys who proposition us strongly do not want to kiss with me

:(

[lickitall]

Being very early in my curiousity, I must agree that the thought of kissing/cudling is not at this time a turn on for me. Must be a part of the general progression of things I would assume. I don't even know that a guy touching me, oe me him, would turn out to be a turn on. I think so, but since I haven't experienced it I can not say for sure.

[Omnivore]

Being very early in my curiousity, I must agree that the thought of kissing/cudling is not at this time a turn on for me. Must be a part of the general progression of things I would assume. I don't even know that a guy touching me, oe me him, would turn out to be a turn on. I think so, but since I haven't experienced it I can not say for sure.

Perhaps, but I think really just do what you're comfortable with, otherwise it's not fun.

[diamond_tether]

Kissing/Hugging represents a kind of intimacy that not everyone else wants, honestly. I wouldn't call it any more or less common than guys who do want to kiss/hug other guys intimately. I think men just have a tendancy to be more openly outspoken about this concept and in the meta sense, it's just more 'acceptable' for them to only want the physical side of a bisexual or m/m interaction. It's probably due to the standard social ideology of being able to touch a man's naughty bits and not be gay, but if you kiss/hug that's 'intimate' and a hard sign of homosexuality. Either way, if people can be emotionally bisexual then logically some others will only be physically bisexual.

Personally, I'd at least prefer to have the option of kissing/hugging there and wouldn't seek out a partner who'd ruled it out. For me, it implies there's a kind closeness I'll never be able to attain with that person, which would make me feel that any interaction I had with them was more like a 'hook up' than anything else and I'm not into that.

I've always been interested in the kissing/hugging type of intimacy with other males and have done it since the beginning. After marrying someone (in my case, a woman) I found my desire to kiss others decreased. I've just got a stronger emotional connection with my wife than I do with others - so I would prefer to kiss her regardless of the gender of any other partners. A lot of folks just don't kiss well in our experience, so I don't really feel like I'm missing out but, if I was comfortable enough and had some kind of emotional depth with the person I'd do it, no problem.

[Biboz49]

fredrickman
I understand your reluctance to kiss and cuddle. With one or two exceptions, I have always been a little hesitant to kiss a man. However, those few exceptions were, I have to say, a huge turn-on. The first time a guy tried to kiss me, I was too uptight to let it happen. Later when another guy tried to kiss me, I gave myself permission and it did finally happen. I found the whole thing a little weird, but very erotic. I find that a man's mouth is stronger and more forceful than a woman's. The effect can be very pleasurable in the right circumstances.

That being said...

Everyone has their own motivations for seeking companions. Everyone has their limits, and those limits should be respected. Everyone tests these waters in their own way. You should do what feels right for you. There are other guys out there who feel like you do.

Just to add my :2cents: I was the same as a few others have said here. I was hesitant at first and didn't think it turned me on even though I love kissing and holding women. Kissing turns me on very much. So I too gave myself permission to try it out. Now I love kissing men as much as I do women. For me it's nothing to do with intimacy, it's just that it adds so much more to the experience.

[spartca]

Casual sex is like fast food - it's fun once in a while but a steady diet will kill you. I find that this is the same with both men and women.

While I can and do enjoy casual hookups where everyone knows it's not about kissing, it's about getting off, I try to limit my consumption so as not to malnourish my soul.

My experience is actually that it's a lot harder to find a real boyfriend who I can kiss and cuddle. Good men can be hard to find. In the meantime I settle for the occasional Mr. Right Now happy meal :)

[Omnivore]

Casual sex is like fast food - it's fun once in a while but a steady diet will kill you. I find that this is the same with both men and women.

While I can and do enjoy casual hookups where everyone knows it's not about kissing, it's about getting off, I try to limit my consumption so as not to malnourish my soul.

My experience is actually that it's a lot harder to find a real boyfriend who I can kiss and cuddle. Good men can be hard to find. In the meantime I settle for the occasional Mr. Right Now happy meal :)

This is an excellent way of putting it, a fast food analogy for casual sex is very good. ;)

[spartca]

This is an excellent way of putting it, a fast food analogy for casual sex is very good.


Hey thanks Omnivore!

Stick with me, I've got a million of 'em ;)

[acedog05]

I won't kiss a man on the mouth. That is one of my rules.Some men say that they can fall in love with each other. That is just not me. I like to have fun. Jerking off and sucking sounds good to me

[54901]

Why is it hard for me to find a guy for just some j/o or s/f without holding or kissing and all that stuff. It is great for females to do all that I think but i just want a suck and j/o buddie. Is this uncommon?
It works for me.

[pa_hdbiker]

I feel the same ... just looking for a friend to enjoy some suckin' and jerkin' with. Nothing else.

[DiamondDog]

Just curious, why don't you guys like to kiss men but you'll think nothing of blowing a guy or swallowing him? As I've seen in some posts here, lots of guys who don't kiss men will swallow. I'm not juding all men who don't kiss and who do swallow. I just find the whole "no kissing men at all" to be weird.

Personally I NEED kissing with men and I crave it and intimacy with men and it can range from stuff like: holding hands, body contact, hugging, staring into each other's eyes, full out making out for well awhile, showering together and washing each other, just talking and spending time together, cuddling, and sleeping together.

I think it's OK if you're not into kissing men but I personally don't understand it and I avoid men who aren't into kissing during sex or on a date. Since as I wrote above I need it. I avoid closeted men, and men who don't kiss at all for homophobic reasons (i.e. kissing is something only to be done with a woman, if we don't kiss it's not really gay sex or sex with a man, and my favorite "Oh I don't kiss because I don't want to give my wife AIDS but I'll swallow you or bareback!").

[ambi53mm]

I've posted this in regard to another question posted but feel it might be applicable here as well..Ambi :)

I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that maybe I'm just a straight male who had an occasional cock sucking fetish...that I find/found excitement in engaging in mutual oral sex because of the adrenaline rush I derived from doing something so contrary to my hetero orientation. Kissing or making out with a guy was just never a part of the equation. There has never been a craving and the few times I’ve let myself open to the experience found that it just plain and simple wasn’t me. For that matter neither is anal sex giving or receiving. Weird LOL yea I suppose but, being honest with someone about what I enjoy and don’t enjoy or prefer or don’t prefer seems more honorable than pretending to be something I’m not. If that makes me less desirable to someone with conflicting wants and needs then pass me by or I’ll move on.
Some may see this as a self-centered position to take but seriously that’s not my problem. If we are not here for self-centered reasons whether to hook up or not hook up to learn from others or not learn from others. To accept our differences and celebrate our similarities under the banner of Bisexuality in all it’s various forms, fluctuations and manifestations, then why are we here?
LOL One of my favorite lines from my era the 60’s was “Do your own thing”
I’m doing my own thing…..because I can.

Ambi :)

[bob johnson]

I can find sexual satisfaction sucking and masturbating just about any body, but when it comes to kissing another face I need to have some kind of physical attraction going on. I've rolled around in the sack with a guy rubbing our cocks and our bodies together while tongue kissing like crazy. That was hot. It just all depends.

Hello , and know what you mean about kissing so write me back and lets talk. Robert

[anteak]

I'll play with his cock, suck his cock, let him cum in my mouth and sometimes swallow. The idea of kissing a man almost makes me puke. This just proves we may all be human but have many varied wants and desires.

[laloo3]

there seem to be two sub communities here. One is more gay oreinted and likes sex in the context of romantic feelings, tenderness, kissing etc. The other is more like me. However i don't think of the sex Timmy and I have as impersonal! we are good friends - pals, so to speak- enjoy chatting on lots of things before and after sex. But neither of us want tenderness in the mix when it comes to arousal and satisfaction. What we both like is stroking cock and sucking.
I have not had difficulty over the years in finding men who like it this way.

[jaysunation]

Maybe you have had a limited search, but I find most experimenting, bi/bi-curious guys would prefer to only have a J/O S/O partner. For the most part, I'm not really into making out with a guy but there are a few really hot guys that I do like to make out with.

We all have different levels of attraction to members of the same and opposite sex. I guess for me bisexuality is more of a middle ground between being a heterosexual or gay person so I'm attracted to and have relationships with people who are similar. I've never had a "boyfriend" and I 've never really had a strong desire to do so. The women I have dated have either experimented bisexually in the past or define themselves as bi. My sensibilities and personal tastes reflect bisexuality as well.

Most people have a difficult time figuring out my sexuality and some assume that I am gay which is the same for the women I date. The girls I date tend to look more "dykey" and though I find girly-girls physically attractive, I don't feel I can really relate to them or that they can understand me.

I thought that only being attracted to a certain type of guy was more of a bi-characteristic but I've found that this is also true for most of my gay friends. I personally don't find "men" attractive: big, bulky, hairy, facial-hair laden, sports loving, etc. I've masturbated with a few manly-men to straight porn and have enjoyed it, but have never had the desire to be physically intimate with one. However, I have found myself incredibly turned on by, slender, boyish, pretty, petite, androgonous boys.

Sorry to digress...back to the point of this thread. Keep searching, most men enjoy the lack of emotional intimacy in an anonymous sexual encounter.

[AdamKadmon43]

.......... The idea of kissing a man almost makes me puke. This just proves we may all be human but have many varied wants and desires.
I really like kissing men (and women).... Maybe I have some sort of weird mouth fetish or something.

Adam

[Azrael]

I really like kissing men (and women).... Maybe I have some sort of weird mouth fetish or something.

Adam

I don't know that it's that. I've loved kissing guys since I was like 14 and girls since I was 16. I personally think the kiss is one of the most critical elements. Something so magically intimate and disarming about it. Damn, now I need a kiss :(
Seriously, out of all of the messed up shit my ex-fiancee brings to mind. I still think about that first kiss, and say, "it was worth it". And that's enough *sigh*