How it evolved, anyone else like this?

[Cid87]

I'm 19 years and 9 months old male, it's been 4-5 years since I was questioning my sexual orientation and in 2003 I came to the conclusion I must be bisexual. 2004, 2005 and 2006 went by without any doubts about it.

Now I have re-examined my position. My sexual feelings still point towards both sexes, but mostly for the opposite gender and the same goes for my desire for relationships. And I know that this has been changing towards the current status these last years.

In rough terms, 90% of the people I like are female and 10% being male. I realise it is my choice which label I want for myself, but I already admitted some bisexuality in the past and the word spread faster than lighting to everyone. It's something I regret having done, not because I am ashamed but because people started to make their own conclusion about it.

I never outed myself, I don't consider admitting some bisexuality being "outing". There are probably a bunch of guys in my same position, and if anyone reading this finds this familiar I would like to hear their opinion.

Sexuality needs a wider scale, bisexuality and heterosexuality labels can be both right and wrong in my case.

[Cerealk]

Im 19 years and 7 months old, so i guess that makes me a bit younger than you =) Strangly, sexuality has not been an issue for me. I just go with what I feel is right.

Thought Id say the last 4-5 years when I grew up the most, I tended to be more heterosexual because of my environment I guess. I did have homosecual thoughts and desires, never really repressed them but I didnt feel like letting them express themselves. So I just let them stay there.

Due to personal and mental problems, Im kind of a discret guy, somehow anti-social. So I didnt get to adventure much with other people. I have only been with girls so far. I felt confortable with it, and I do have difficulties to not stare at some cute girls I meet =P

Im not "out" to anyone, but my best friend and ex (ends up she feels bi too) knows that I feel attraction to both gender. I dont feel the need to tel anyone else about it. Like I read here somewhere, would someone come out as hetero to the world? -"Hey guys, Im hetero!" Who cares? Its your own "choice", your own way of being sexually, and it doesnt belong to anyone else, unless said person has/wants/is interested into that sexual part of you.

Maybe thats why I feel more into guys atm. Maybe I just want to feel something different. I feel insecure because Im kinda forcing heavy changes on myself atm, changes that didnt happen in the last 5 years that needs to happen for me to become more mature (I wont say to become an adult, cuz thats just a physical typeto me) and to understand better who I am. All this towards feeling better with others and myself.

Sometimes I put % on my attraction, at other times I dont want to think of it that way. Its a useful way tho to show others that might not be able to feel it how I do. Id say, I went from (hetero/bi/gay) 100/0/0, to 33/33/33, to 20/60/20 and every thing in-between throught the last years. Thats perfectly normal since I was learning about it all, have to see what its all about to make my mind on what I am.

Suicidal thoughts, depressions, instable personality. Name it I probably felt it somehow. I dont want to receive medication, nor do I feel the need to see a therapist. I did have some meds back then, but I stopped it after a few months. Helped me be stable enough to do the work myself.

Sexuality is only a part of me, not who I am. Thus, I dont want to be labeled into any of the sexual categories. If anyone have interests into me sexually, then I may use some of those to describe myself to that person, and add to it how I really feel in this. Saying im bi, or 50/50/0 or 50/0/50 would never be enough, especially since theres is more in sexuality than sex, love and gender.

Ok, ok, thats should be enough for now. I dont think I answered any of your questions, but I felt the need to talk a bit =)

(Counting the amount of "feel" I used, I think I acheived one of my many objectives, thinking and talking more about my feelings. w00t!)

[Cid87]

Reading your post Cerealk I realise that my problems may not really be that big. I have no mental or physical problems of any kind, none official at least.

I know that trying to pinpoint your sexual orientation is futile, I rarely do it but my estimates are only rough and not meant to be indefinate. I'm fluid like anyone.

I saw in your profile that you were born August 19th, if I had been born when I should have it would have been August 19th... funny.

[DiamondDog]

Don't try to put your attractions into percents/ratios.

It's pointless, pretty much impossible, things can change over time, and even if you knew the EXACT ratio/percent what good would it do?

I see being out as bi as a good thing even if people do think I'm gay which isn't a big deal to me.

I can write more about this later if either of you want me to.

[Cid87]

I see being out as bi as a good thing even if people do think I'm gay which isn't a big deal to me.

I wouldn't like that, anyone of the opposite sex would not consider me if that was so...

I can write more about this later if either of you want me to.



Sure, write more...

[Cerealk]

There is no small problem. By that I mean that even if someone else's problem may seem way worst than yours, we all see them differently and have different tools to cope/work/bypass/resolve them. What may be trivial for you might not be for someone else.

So, if a problem is important for you, if its something you need to work on, saying "its not that big if I look at you" wont help much. In fact, my mental issues (that how I call them, for it I needed a label and im confortable with using this one, be it accurate or not) are becoming trivial to me, because Ive grown up to build tools against them and to use my issues to my advantage.

I kinda believe we are put up against problems that are meant for each of us, kinda adapted to our weakness (since anything we are strong with is no issue) to make us grow from there.

My biggest weakness being myself, any problem directly related to me, my personality or sexuality or (insert the others here) is always more draining than anything else. But that doesnt mean I cant change said weakness or fight for it. =P

[entropy]

I'm a few months away from being 19, so I'm younger than you both.

I think the most important thing isn't knowing what you are, but being ok with whatever it is and feeling your way through it.

I'd self-aligned as heterosexual for about 3 years because I figured if I could choose my desire than I could choose my sexuality. I was happy with that too, because it made sense to me. What happened inside my own head was my own business, and it came naturally easy for me to seperate that and lie about who I was.

Labels are what make sense to other people, which should matter very little compared to what makes sense to you. I like the idea of changing the term "sexuality" to "flexuality" because then it makes people understand that things change and people can be expected to be the same as much as they can all be expected to be right-handed.

If you've already identified as bisexual, then you're most of the way there. Just start caring most about what makes sense to you, and not other people :)

my :2cents:

:male:

[dans94]

All three of you are much more mature than I was at your current ages. How does your sexual preferences come up in your daily lives? Has the world changed that much in thirty years? We never talked about our sexuality back then . . . probably because everyone was considered hetero unless they swished when they walked or talked with a lisp. (That's no shit :))

There are many smart people here who recommend keeping your sexuality to yourself and those people who 'have' to know, ie. your partners. I agree with this, afterall, it is my sexuality to do with what I please. I also agree with the description of sexuality as being fluid. How boring to feel the same way everyday. It's natural, when first discovering same sex sex, to keep your focus there for awhile which puts you to one end of the invisible scale. Although I've never been asked, if I were, I'd just have to say that I'm very sexual. I love the pleasure of sex, both giving and receiving, with either sex. Therefor I'm not hetero-, bi-, or homo-, I'm very-.

[DiamondDog]

Originally Posted by DiamondDog:

I see being out as bi as a good thing even if people do think I'm gay which isn't a big deal to me.

I can write more about this later if either of you want me to.


I wouldn't like that, anyone of the opposite sex would not consider me if that was so... Sure, write more...

Will do.

[DiamondDog]

Ok, here's all of it, tell me what you think.
---
I've pretty much always been sexually and romantically attracted to both genders. I grew up thinking and hearing from my parents that all guys did sexual things with other guys and even before I remember hearing this, I was doing it with other guys. When I was 8 or 9 years old I had a crush on my best female friend and I was really deeply infatuated with a guy friend of mine at that age.

As for the sexual things I did most of it was stuff like getting naked and comparing erections, being naked together, watching each other masturbate but not touching, kissing by "accident", grabbing someone's penis through their clothing, watching someone finger themself, getting fingered by someone besides myself, putting a toy inside someone (it was a plastic toy thermometer), or watching someone piss. I didn't know about oral sex then but looking back I would have done that had I known about it. I also LOVED (and still love) to watch men piss.

As a teenager I got my het male friends to masturbate in the same room as me when we played truth or dare but they wouldn't let me touch them or in some cases even watch. I did get one friend to eat his own semen when we played truth or dare but he made me leave the room while he masturbated.

ALL of the guys I did this sort of stuff with turned out to be het later in life, and the one guy is really handsome but he doesn't know how I'm bi and I cruise him whenever I see him at XMas parties his family has. I used to be really infatuated with him as a kid and I even remember holding his hand a lot and my mom telling me how it was ok to do that in private if we wanted to but how if we did that in public people would stare at us and think that we're gay.

I remember being young in junior Highschool and getting aroused to various people I knew of both genders, and looking back I did have a crush on a friend but I didn't know that's what it was at the time; but everyone in school thought that we were gay but I didn't care.

As a teenager I was really into women but I knew that I'd be starting to have sex with men in college, I knew this at 16 or so. I had sex with one woman and that was when I was 19 and it didn't go so well as she wanted me to fuck her bareback and I didn't want to do that so I just masturbated her, gave her oral sex, and I was in a dominant mood so fucking her would have been giving her EXACTLY what she wanted which is what I didn't want to do. I did use a rider's crop on her in a sex toy store I visited with her and my friend. My friend watched us have sex and so did some other guy parked next to us but I dont care about that. I enjoyed having sex with her but
I just didn't like how she wound up stalking me and saying how we were going out after we had sex one time and we agreed before doing that, that whatever we did or didn't do that night would be it and we'd go our seperate ways. She did wind up fucking my friend who watched us have sex but I don't care about that. I enjoyed having sex with her but I knew that I still wanted to have sex with men.

I wanted my first blowjob to come from a guy. In college during the first two years or so I would masturbate in all the bathrooms on our small campus hoping that someone would join me and I could j/o with him or get head. The one bathroom was apparently really cruisy but I never did anything because when I would j/o there nothing was happening and it seemed rather dangerous, and I wasn't sure if my "type" of guy would ever come along.

Then when I turned 20 I transfered to another university and when I turned 21 I started going to a gay bar in town and became good friends with a bartender there and kept going there. I was out with friends at another bar one night drinking whiskey and I got cut off at this one bar so I said goodbye and went to the gay bar.

Long story short I picked up a bisexual man and we had sex in his car and I had him blow me and we masturbated each other. I didn't cum but that didn't matter. I did use a condom since there was a big syphilis outbreak in the area where I lived. I was drunk but not so drunk that I had no idea what or who I was doing and I knew I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. I always did want my first blowjob to be from a guy in public and that's how we did it. We were looking for a back alley to have more public sex in but we couldn't find one so we just went back to the bar. I kissed him and I felt so happy, that I'd finally had sex with a man and it was one of the most amazing things ever! I knew I was bisexual then and I wanted to kiss him outside in public in the street for everyone to see; but we didn't do that. I joke about this night being the night I officially became bisexual or when I discovered my bi-dar.

I went home and jerked off thinking about how much I loved touching him and kissing him and getting blown. The next morning I was kind of freaked out, not because I had sex with a man but because how I had picked up a total stranger while drunk. We met up one more time and I wound up getting blown and I wanted to do more but I was worried about STDs so we didn't. I did wind up getting a bit infatuated with him, and hoped to see him again but I never did. That summer I wound up wanting to fuck my friend's sister but then I'd think about the man who I had sex with and how I wanted romance, intamacy, and how I wanted to fuck his ass and make love to him since he'd like that.

When I returned to college I wound up picking up a bisexual man and doing some BDSM with him. I paddled him with a hairbrush, I flogged him with a light thuddy deerskin flogger I have, and I made him piss outside but that didn't do anything for him. I asked him if he wanted to be tied up or blindfolded but he said no to both. He originally wanted me to go to his dungeon but I said no since he was a stranger and a bit of an ass too.

For awhile I thought that there was no way I could fall in love or be anything but friends/sexual with a guy like I could fall in love with women. But then my last semester of college I became friends with this guy and we've only just kissed but if he ever wanted a relationship, even though he is a monogamist and just into vanilla sex, I would have one with him in a second. I realize that this probably won't ever happen but in some ways I am glad that I found the kind of person I am attracted to. The weird thing is, that I felt that way about him not for his gender primarily; but for his intelligence which isn't something that's associated with gender. I also looked back and realized how I was in love with most of my male friends and other men I met growing up or I had crushes on them, I was infatuated with them but I just didn't know that's what it was.

I had a MMM 3 way with a gay couple that I met and became good friends with at the bar too. I wanted to blow my friend but I didn't because I had been told that his then partner who I am friends with felt left out during sex and my friend did tell me how he hadn't been tested in 5 years and they had an open relationship and went to campgrounds and Key west. It was a lot of oral sex, some restraint/sensory deprivation (I put a belt around my legs and blindfolded myself as my friend blew me and licked my body), and some kissing. I fucked my friend's mouth/throat and he enjoyed it. I did want to make out with my friend when he offered but I was worried that his boyfriend would feel left out. There was even a part where my friend's boyfriend blew me and held me and my friend snaked around and kissed me and did some
nipple play and it was nice doing surrender like that. I used a vibrator on my
friend's boyfriend externally and I enjoyed that, and we did some mutual j/o too. I still stay in contact with both of them and they're both good friends of mine even if they aren't together anymore for reasons besides our 3 way. I joke about this being my university graduation party since we had sex on the day I was finished with all of my exams.

I had another MMM 3 way with my friend's now ex boyfriend and another friend of his at a party. That was mutual j/o, kissing, nipple play, and nobody came but it was still very hot and sexy. We were in a cuddle pile on the floor with other men that I knew and the guy's husband was across the room and we were watching a movie and it was very hot having sex like this in front of everyone.

I have had more men as sex partners and even had relationships/dating experiences with men. Also, I know that I do seem to get more infatuated with men. It's not that I don't like women but I relate better, I bond better, I feel more open, and I like how when I have sex with a man how we both know how to please each other to the best of our ability since we both know how everything feels. I find it weird that lots of men who are married to women say that their wife is their "best friend' as I can't really relate to the idea of that at all.

I do know that if I were to ever get deeply involved with a woman that I'd want an open relationship so I could have male partners as well, as the idea of just having sex with one person/one gender for the rest of my life is one that would be like chopping off my right arm. I wouldn't cheat on anyone I was involved in a closed/exclusive relationship with but I wouldn't be happy either.

I also enjoy checking men out in public. A few months ago I was in line at the post office and I saw a handsome rugged butch guy fumbiling with a package and he was wearing grey sweatpants that showed off his ass and he was handsome but didn't know it. He would reach into his pocket and I'd imagine him playing with himself or what his cock looked like and I'd imagine what it's like to kiss his neck/ears and lips and possibly blow and rim him. Later that night I jerked off thinking about having him blow me or plowing him.

I can’t really box my sexuality into a number, percent, or ratio; but I just know what I like and what I don’t like. I don't really see myself in ratios/percents in the whole gay/het dichotomy. I just go by the fact that I've been sexually and romantically attracted to both men and women. I've met people who think of their bisexuality in the whole het/gay dichotomy (i.e.-80% het, 80% gay as I've seen people do online) but I can't do this and I have absolutely no idea how people can come up with ratios like that with something so complex as human sexuality, let alone their own sexuality.

I can't really go by the Kinsey scale, because I've been at different points on it with different people. I don't really go by the Kinsey scale because it just
measures past sexual behaviour, not desire. I have been all over it, and fallen in love with both men and women. I have found that most people rate themselves too low.

For example in the original study if you were a "1" on the scale it just meant that you had sex with someone of the same gender while drunk, if someone was forced to do it (i.e. rape/molestation or prison sex), or just once out of curiosity and never again such as how lots of guys that grow up to be het are sexual with boys as a kid and masturbate together or "experiment".

I also think that the scale is out dated in today's fluid sexual society, where our definitions of orientations are changing and becoming obsolete; but I see just why the study had to be researched/published in a time when all sexuality was "in the closet" so to speak.

The Klein grid told me that I was mostly equal but a bit more into men, which I suppose is true in some ways.

I've also noticed that I can be fluid in my attractions. I want men, women, both at the same time, or even people who don't identify as "man" or "woman". I'll have dreams/fantasies about men, women, and I recenly had a lucid dream that involved both a man and a woman. Or sometimes in my dreams/fantasies I am having sex with a person of one gender and the person of the other gender is there watching or actively involved. I get sexually and romantically attracted to both men and women sometimes
at the same time, or I'll go through periods where I'm REALLY into one gender and I have almost no interest at all in the other one. But when I go through periods where I crave one more over the other it doesn't make me heterosexual or gay even if in the past I'd wonder if I was when that would happen.

Sometimes, to me a woman's body can be kind of "alien" or like I don't know it as well as a man's body and I'll sometimes get totally turned off and grossed out by the idea of vaginal intercourse or seeing women naked. Or the idea of a woman doing anything to my ass isn't something that I like since a woman isn't a man and doesn't have a prostate, doesn't know how it works or how it feels, and wouldn't know what she's doing like a man does.

I suppose I am probably more on the "gay" side since my attractions to men don't really go away and for the reasons I touched on in the paragraph about relating better to men than women. I also relate VERY well to gay men.

But then I will have dreams where I am with a man and a woman in a 3 way at the same time. So I guess that is when I go back to being equally attracted to both genders.

I have both gay and heterosexual friends and to the ones that don't get it I explain it like this, I tell them, what if there is an orientation where you could fall in love with the person for themselves, not their gender, and what if you were sexually attracted to people this way too?

I think that it's best to be out about your sexuality since you only live once and it's not worth living a lie, and why would I lie about something I've know about since I was 12 or younger and for sure at 16? Also, men who aren't out compartmentalize their lives and their sexuality and wind up doing some fucked up shit. I'm 23 now and no matter who I end up with I'll tell him, her, or them long before it gets to the point where it would be a secret or something that they wouldn't know about.

I also refuse to have anything to do with closed men or men on the "down low" who are married/partnered and want to cheat with me. I've had them do fucked up things like I mentioned earlier. Such as having them flip out at me, tell me I'm the one with problems not them, tell me how I'll become Poz/HIV+ [when closeted/married men take HORRIBLE risks such as barebacking or swallowing], or beat me up and call me a faggot, or want me to help them cheat on their spouse when I don't want anything to do with that. I've never had sex with a closeted guy or a guy on the down low but that's how a lot of them act and how some of them will react, and I know that they're jealous of me. Also, a lot of them are so in the closet that they don't even realize that they're queer when it's obvious to everyone else, even their spouses, and they flirt with and cruise you constantly.

I don't care if people think I'm gay since I know what I am and even if I were to become gay it wouldn't be a big deal, neither would being in a homosexual relationship with a man. Also, I'm out to my parents and my mom understands bisexuality but I told my dad I'm gay since he'd understand that a lot better.

I call myself queer and identify this way. I use queer as a way of meaning "not heterosexual" or as a political label like all orientations are, or to mean sexually fluid or not seeing sex/gender in binary terms, I don't think that sex has to equal oral/anal/vaginal penetration at all, and these among other reasons are why I identify as queer.

[Cerealk]

Woah, thanks a lot for sharing all this. Helped me a lot, and I hope it did you some good too! Althought I understand your reasoning under the coming out thingy, I dont feel like walking around with a cardboard on my forhead saying Im gay, or bi, or hetero. I dont want to be associated with any of those since Im, well, none of those. Im just me, and if someone is interested in me, they will know about me fast enough. Of course, that makes it harder to find guys, but I guess Ill work something out anyway =)

I hope you stay on the path of truthness to yourself you chose and live your life to your expectations (not sure if thats the way to say it, but... blah!)

[Cid87]

Yeah, that was quite a speech. Can't say I can relate to all of it but some...