a question

[scatcatkitty]

ok, first, im new here, so hello everyone!
next im gunna go ahead and apologize for my awfull spelling...its just not going to get anybetter, sorry.
anyway, i am a 19 yearold bisexual girl who is ingaged to a wonderful straight man. almost a year ago we made friends w/ a girl on the net who is also bi, and our long term plans are for her to move here and be a permanent part of out family. i cant seem to find any articles or anything to help me know what to expct from a relationship like this. does anyone here have experience in this sort of thing? or maby know where i could find some info on it? thanx! :three:

[BiCpl69]

No direct personal experience but have seen this tried...you need a VERY STRONG relationship with your fiancee to make this work. IMHO I would focus on building that relationship before I brought in a third person.

[Lorcan]

try searching for polyfidelity on the web. there are a lot of good places. Lovingmore magazine. Polymatchmaker.com

With a couple, there are two relationships: person A's feelings towards person B, and person B's feelings towards person A. With a Triad there are SIX relationships. Much more complicated. You have to be completely open and honest with your feelings both to yourself and to the other two people. And you have to trust alot.

Good Luck.

[Sex in Words]

There will definitely be an article on polyamory on this site in the next couple of months.
In the meantime, I've been in poly relationships for the past ten years...but never to the extent that you're thinking of trying. And my only advice is that you need excellent communication between the three of you, and you all need to be very understanding and accomodating of each other's needs. Its a very hard thing to manage...

[csrakate]

I agree with bicouple that you might want to work on the marriage before bringing in a third party. Marriage is not an extension of whatever relationship you two may have had before. You might think you know everything about one another but once you're married, it can be rather surprising how people can change, not out of deceit but out of comfort of living 24/7 with someone with the addition of the safety net of the marriage license. Take your time and like the others said, keep the lines of communication open so there will be no surprises.

Kate

[IceLion]

I've never personally been in a triad, but know plenty who have. In the five or six examples I've seen only one worked out. And the others did not end well, not at all. If you're married and thinking about this I'd say be really, really careful as to whom you choose and take a lot of time deciding the rules and boundaries.

Some questions I would ask myself if I were thinking about this are:

Could I handle them being intimate without me?
Seperate rooms or same bed?
Life comes with responsibilities, are they equally responsible for the life you're going to share?
BIG ONE FOR ME: What about children and how would you share that responsibility?

Not sure if this is much help and I really wish I had more experience to draw upon for you. Wish you the best of luck!

-IceLion :bipride:

[APMountianMan]

try searching for polyfidelity on the web. there are a lot of good places. Lovingmore magazine. Polymatchmaker.com

With a couple, there are two relationships: person A's feelings towards person B, and person B's feelings towards person A. With a Triad there are SIX relationships. Much more complicated. You have to be completely open and honest with your feelings both to yourself and to the other two people. And you have to trust alot.

Good Luck.


Here's where you can find Lovingmore magazine: http://www.lovemore.com/ a good place to start looking for information. Good Luck!

[wanderingrichard]

hon, what you're looking for is articles on polyamory and swinging.. do google searches on those articles and be ready for a lot of information overload.. some of it is absolute trash but ther are some pretty decent ones in amongst the junk.. you just have to weed them out. also, contact me via regular email and i'll send you two links i have found that might help, from other venues i'm engaged in.
and, good luck. sometimes these relationships dont work due to hidden jealousy issues that surface after a few months of all three of you living together. the ones that do work, i've seen be rock solid even after as much as 30 years.
rich

[scatcatkitty]

thanks so much for all of your replies. you all have helped alot already. i've gone to the site that was put, and im reading alot there. my fiancee and i already live w/ eachother 24/7 so we have that covered, but i do think that this kind of thing does take some carefull planning.