Sex without Feelings

[2 NEEDS 1]

Can a man and woman have a good friendship with benefits? Can a woman understand that some men want stay tha nite with u for tha respect of tha woman he have at home waiting on him worried? Can woman understand that if a man is willing to help u pay a few bills,that doesnt mean he wants to move in? Can there really be a thing of having sex,friendship,fun and romance without feelings? Please let me know!!!!!!!

[TorontoGuy2007]

this concept certainly is not for me, but i do know many women out there who are into one-night-stands.. so yes, it is possible!

[biwords]

I know a woman (straight) approaching 50 who has a friends-with-benefits thing going with a Canadian celebrity. At the same time she says she just wants to find a nice guy and get married, something she's never been. She's neither very happy nor very unhappy. The weird thing for me is that the celebrity is never introduced to anyone else she knows, ever (& no, he's not imaginary!). And he's separated, so 'discretion' in the usual sense isn't the issue. I'll never live long enough to understand people.......
So, yes, any number of scenarios are possible.

[kitten]

Feelings are an integral part of it all. How can you be with someone and then not feel the passion,the pleasure and the afterglow...or the guilt, the pain, or the sadness from sharing intimacy.
It is a delicate balance and when disturbed makes much discord.

[Solomon]

i don't think it's possible to not have feelings... don't even think it's a good thing to try to not have feelings lol.

i get the impression that the question is more to do with types of relationships.

[darkeyes]

I have had my share of fleeting experiences but have never yet slept or had sex with someone for whom I did not at least have an attraction if not necessarily a liking. Maybe the experience was not a very satisfying one on every occasion but that can happen sometimes even in the most ardent love matches.That may sound contradictory but its not, because we can love and not like that much. An attraction is an instinct if not a concious feeling and on base instinct alone we can have the most fabulous sex. Even disliking a person can lead to terrific sex. I almost said love making but thats not quite the right thing to say there. But love or hate, like or dislike it is possible. What I have found impossible is to even consider sex with someone for whom I have a feeling of indifference and have never done so.

We are after all animals and maybe we are sentient, but we retain sufficeient of our primitive ancestors instincts to to commit acts of the most basic and primitive kind and enjoy it. The act of sex, whether with someone we like, love or loathe fits into that category.

[biwords]

Just out of curiosity, darkeyes, how can disliking/loathing someone lead to terrific sex? You lost me there.

Also, if I may say so, it's a pleasure to read you in 'standard' English once in a while.

[darkeyes]

If and when it happens hun you will know why. Attraction and dislike are not mutually exclusive. Passion is a very unruly mistress and extremely unpredicatble.

I often write in standard english. Something I can do and do well. How I write depends on mood and subject matter.

[yoyo4u]

.....I often write in standard english. Something I can do and do well.....

I applaud you when you do that, because otherwise I need a special dictionary and good luck just to read your postings :bigrin:

Now your "Lang may yer lum reek!" makes sense.....

:)
love,
yoyo

[biwords]

[QUOTE=darkeyes]If and when it happens hun you will know why. Attraction and dislike are not mutually exclusive. Passion is a very unruly mistress and extremely unpredicatble.

Perhaps there's a gender difference at work here. I have certainly known many women who were hot for guys they disliked, so long as the guys were alpha types. I and my guy friends used to call this the 'love-a-Nazi' syndrome. But as a guy (and please forgive the crudity), I'd rather stick it into barbed wire than into someone I loathed. So I'm sure the situation will never come up...

[darkeyes]

[QUOTE=darkeyes]If and when it happens hun you will know why. Attraction and dislike are not mutually exclusive. Passion is a very unruly mistress and extremely unpredicatble.

Perhaps there's a gender difference at work here. I have certainly known many women who were hot for guys they disliked, so long as the guys were alpha types. I and my guy friends used to call this the 'love-a-Nazi' syndrome. But as a guy (and please forgive the crudity), I'd rather stick it into barbed wire than into someone I loathed. So I'm sure the situation will never come up...

Love a nazi? Not on your Nelly! I have some standards. Racists and fascists of any kind I draw the line at no matter how Adonis like or scrumptious!

[bi-robin-calif]

Personally, I find sex without feelings to be less enjoyable than masturbation. If you don't want any kind of emotional involvement, why even bother? You're dealing with another human being, and if you can't show some respect and appreciation for her as a human being, you might just as well stay home with the KY and the latex gloves.

[biwords]

Not to beat this one to death, darkeyes, but if it's really true that (as you wrote) "passion is a very unruly mistress and extremely unpredictable", you may end up between the sheets with Nick Griffin yet!

[darkeyes]

God forbid..and if he doesn't I certainly shall!! :eek:

[arana]

Can a man and woman have a good friendship with benefits? Can a woman understand that some men want stay tha nite with u for tha respect of tha woman he have at home waiting on him worried? Can woman understand that if a man is willing to help u pay a few bills,that doesnt mean he wants to move in? Can there really be a thing of having sex,friendship,fun and romance without feelings? Please let me know!!!!!!!
By the way you have presented this circumstance it sounds a bit more seedy then an agreed relationship. You didn't really explain the situation completely, such as, is this "friendship" something the wife knows about and ok with or is it a cheating relationship? Does the "friend" know about the wife he wants to go home to? Does the man love the wife and if so does the woman know this and understand why he must go home at night?

Details always help...but to answer your question.....Yes a person can always find someone else that is willing to give you sex and only sex, be it man or woman. Couples find a 3rd party for fun all the time and if they are lucky it works but sometimes the 3rd party developes feelings for one and wants more. You always risk that when you involve people. Yes, you can find people for fun and pleasure, no strings attached, but you have to make sure that all parties know, agree and will assume the consequences.

As everyone has said, feelings are hard to control, even if you go into a relationship with full knowledge it will only ever be casual sex. After all isn't it some type of feeling for the woman that makes the man want to help her with bills sometimes or want to romance her (which is an act of showing love and affection)? Maybe you need to find a woman who has a husband she wants to go home to at night as well.

A question for you: Can a woman pretend to want, even love, a man more then she does for financial gain?

[Herbwoman39]

Personally, I find sex without feelings to be less enjoyable than masturbation. If you don't want any kind of emotional involvement, why even bother? You're dealing with another human being, and if you can't show some respect and appreciation for her as a human being, you might just as well stay home with the KY and the latex gloves.

Lust is an emotion :bigrin: I've had more than my fair share of one nighters when I was 19-20 and every last one of them was motivated by a desire to have my sexual needs met. That desire was fueled by lust.

I had more of an emotional investment in picking out shoes than in most of those one nighters. But from my perspective there was still an investment in looking after my own needs. The guys I slept with were also having a need met, so it was mutually fulfilling in that respect.

At that age I had the belief that when there's an orgasm involved, everybody wins :bigrin: