Is anyone else in the same situation? [Archive]

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funkycat36

Feb 26, 2007, 12:19 PM

Hi, I was wondering if any of you are in the same or similar position to myself. I am a woman in a relationship with another woman who I love very much. I thought I was straight until the age of 25 and then thought I was lesbian until the age of 36. I have now realised I am bi. My girlfriend knows this and has been fantastic, its me that is struggling to come to terms with it. Whereas I guess most people struggle with their same sex side I struggle with my straight side. I don't want to fancy men and fight against it every step of the way. I know that the only way to be a peace with myself is to accept all of my thoughts and feelings but I am finding it really difficult. My g/f does not have any problems and is quite happy for me to fantasise about men etc as long as I remain faithful to her. Why do I feel so threatened by thoughts of men and why do they feel so wrong? Has anyone else experienced this?

Rocsteady

Feb 26, 2007, 1:39 PM

I have been in this situation, I struggled to answer this question a few years ago. I never liked being labled (gay, straight, or bisexual) because I am who I am. Then I realized why I wrestled with it. I always felt that bisexuals get the short end of the stick (no pun intended) when it comes to GLBT lifestyle grouping. I felt as though Gay and Lesbian did/do not take Bisexuals serious. I have been a member of different gay men's clubs and although they accepted bisexual men, I would get upset if I was referred to as a bisexual. Yes, it can be a mind spinner. My advice, be you and stop worrying about your title. Like who you like, enjoy who you enjoy, since you are in a relationship and your g/f accepts and loves you that is all that should matter. A friend once told me, who cares what you think about to get your motor running, once it is running you go where you take it. Do not feel threatened or that you are betraying a cause. Be you and the bisexual that you are. You like both men and women and your g/f accepts that and loves you. Great what more could you want? Oh... a man, well that you need to discuss with your g/f (because you are in a relationship) and figure out how much of a male "influence" you want while still in your relationship. I hope this helps. :2cents: :flag3:

FireRaven

Feb 26, 2007, 5:55 PM

Maybe you feel threatened because you are in a relationship that says you can't act on who you are if you should meet someone.

funkycat36

Feb 27, 2007, 1:39 PM

jamiehue

Feb 27, 2007, 1:54 PM

Yes I guess so, I don't want to split up with her so I guess I am scared to accept and explore my attraction to men (in fantasy) in case I find I want to act on my feelings.

I am finding it much harder to come out as bi-sexual than I did as lesbian.
I really can relate to that in fact my reeally close friends xcept for one all think im gay to open up that pandoras box would be...what a drag to be labeled again.I hate labels.

FireRaven

Feb 28, 2007, 5:14 PM

Tommy2020

Mar 1, 2007, 12:05 PM

Having finally completed the whole 'outing myself' process I can relate to Cat's statement about it being difficult.

It's funny (when it's not painful) that right away the Guys start to drool and the Women think I want them. Honesty is still the best way to go but at times I wish I had a double O license.

What I see in the.... 'start to drool...." is total lack of respect on their part. It's a damned shame when we, as souls, just can't respect the other soul's right to choose. I hate labels. I am a human being and I noticed all those years I was in the medical field, that we ALL bleed the same color of blood. There I go getting up on my soap box again. Fire Raven, have a great and peaceful day.
Tommy2020

but that's my name!!

Mar 1, 2007, 12:51 PM

Accepting yourself, coming out etc. AGAIN, 'tis not something anyone looks forward to the first time let alone a second.
Maybe you're afraid that you were wrong and that really you're straight and have been "confused" etc. as you've probably been told many a time.
Maybe this is also combined with a subconcious hetrophobia (very understandable).

Though I've never fealt comfortable with the term 'gay' (possibly due to social brainwashing) I too have struggled with my "straight side" going on and off women (sexually speaking) with a strange feeling of sickness/disgust, I think at myself, as if it's very wrong, wierd eh?
I had the same thing happen once with a boyfriend not long after I finally [decided?/accepted] that I was bi.
Emotoinal overload maybe?
Uncertainty, insecurity, yes.
I wasn't very sure of myself and thaught I might be gay but the fact is; I fancy people regardless of gender and always have, I do of course have certain preferences like being submissive and I prefer girls to be a bit on the butch side but that does not stop me from being bi.

So yeah, others do have similar feelings, you're not wierd to have them.

funkycat36

Mar 2, 2007, 5:08 AM

Thanks for all your replies. I have realised that I just need to go with the flow for a while and stop fighting things. I believe in monogamy so I guess that is why I feel so threatened by my thoughts of men. For the xx years that I thought I was a lesbian I did not allow myself to think about men at all, they just did not feature in my life. I am slowly allowing myself to just accept each thought and feeling as it arises. Its incredibly scary as I don't want to lose my g/f but I'm determined to try to find out who I am, whatever that might be :eek:

I guess my dream is that I stay with my girlfirend and that I accept my attraction to men but somehow manage to deal with those urges in ways that don't threaten my relationship. I hope that in this way I can be happy and faithful to her but also true to myself.

Any words of encouragement orcomments gratefully rcvd.