Convo me and my girl had

[james1715]

We were laying in bed and this conversation kind of came up. She was saying how she would have sex with a girl but did not find effeminate things attractive in a relationship; i.e. she would not want a relationship with a girl. I couldnt see it in her either. i felt pretty open at the time and so i said what was on my mind, which is that i get curious/interested in guy on guy sometimes and then sometimes i dont care about it at all. i also said i didnt think i would be interested in a relationship with a guy.

She thinks about these things with such lucidity and ease whereas i on the other hand have difficulty. i find difficulty in it because i also derive confusion with the same sex from my father who may or may not have abused me and who was a big prick most of the time. i dont really trust the same sex or find a real need for friendship. so when i am put in a same sex situation, like at a party with lots of members from both sexes, the way i feel is confusing. i want to get to where my girlfriend is where she can just talk easily and feel no shame or guilt in how she feels, which is why she is able to even discern how she feels. whereas i do not have a clear mind to make correct decisions on how i feel. so i just usually stay paranoid.

[dans94]

Hi, good post! It sounds like you just haven't had any positive relations with men. That's too bad because most of us are pretty sane and considerate. It will be difficult for you to build a trusting relationship from what you've said. All I can say is there are places you can go that work on this. Try talking to a psychologist/psychiratrist to see if they know of such a place.

Your situation is very sad because there is nothing to compare to a good same sex friend. I still have three high school friends that I keep in contact with. I can trust them with anything I have to say.

Good luck.

[flexuality]

We were laying in bed and this conversation kind of came up. She was saying how she would have sex with a girl but did not find effeminate things attractive in a relationship; i.e. she would not want a relationship with a girl. I couldnt see it in her either. i felt pretty open at the time and so i said what was on my mind, which is that i get curious/interested in guy on guy sometimes and then sometimes i dont care about it at all. i also said i didnt think i would be interested in a relationship with a guy.

She thinks about these things with such lucidity and ease whereas i on the other hand have difficulty. i find difficulty in it because i also derive confusion with the same sex from my father who may or may not have abused me and who was a big prick most of the time. i dont really trust the same sex or find a real need for friendship. so when i am put in a same sex situation, like at a party with lots of members from both sexes, the way i feel is confusing. i want to get to where my girlfriend is where she can just talk easily and feel no shame or guilt in how she feels, which is why she is able to even discern how she feels. whereas i do not have a clear mind to make correct decisions on how i feel. so i just usually stay paranoid.

Sounds kind of like the confusion I go through except that I am female. I was also abused by my mother (among others), but what I find hardest is the same-sex abusive parent that uses sex as part of thier abuse. It majorly f**ks with my head!

It took me a long time to figure out that , for me, whenever I felt attracted to the same sex, it ALSO felt (at some level) like I was condoning what my mother did. Talk about feeling confused!

Thank god that association is fading! :)

[Rocsteady]

I agree you may consider some professional help just to assist you with opening up about your past and the relationship with your father (whether abusive or not). Since you use the word paranoid it would seem as though the strong feelings you have on the subject of same sex encounters may be bothering you more than you realize or are willing to accept. Your girl may be able to open up on things because she does not have the experiences (you have had) in her past, preventing her from being at ease/comfortable when it comes to certain topics. I hope you are able to open up to the level you are comfortable with soon. :male:

[Herbwoman39]

I think it's wonderful that you and your gf can have such open, honest discussions. You're luckier than many people I've seen on this site. So many folks are here on the DL from their spouses because either a) wife/husband will blow a gasket and immediately bring out the "D" word or b) the spouse has given signals that indicate that they aren't even vaguely receptive so rather than talking to that spouse, people live in fear and secracy.

Trust me, you're one of the lucky ones.

[james1715]

Thanks for the kind words. I am feeling a little better about just being ok with who i am, whatever that is i dont necessarily know, but i feel better by being able to say what i like/do/am is normal....even if i like to watch seagulls mate, its normal because its who i am. So i dont want to label myself, i want to say i am who i am, im happy with where i am with my girlfriend, and the rest doesnt matter. i only have to do what im comfortable with anyway, and fantasies can safely stay as fantasies. :cool:

[Fresia]

Bump it up!