The most offensive question to ask a bisexual person?

[izzfan]

Recently, I was with some LGBT friends and two of them were talking to each other and someone commented that they'd just asked the most offensive question that you could ask a bisexual person [one of the ppl there was also bisexual]. Out of pure curiosity, I asked him what the question was and he said: "Do you prefer men or women?". Now, my answer to that question would just be something along the lines of 'it depends on how I'm feeling'. I personally wouldn't consider the question to be 'offensive' as such, ignorant perhaps, but from what I gather, the question was asked out of curiosity rather than bigotry. I'm just wondering what anyone thinks is actually the most offensive question to ask one of us, personally I think it would be "are you gay or staright?" or "You're not bisexual, you're gay aren't you?" [ ppl have asked me the latter of these questions on several occasions and it has been somewhat annoying].

Izzfan :flag3:

[Lisa (va)]

Guess it depends on the person who is being asked as to how he or she reacts to it. Personally I don't take much offense in any question, I just see as the person being curious and not knowing. I try my best to explain to them, as it pertains to me. For those folks that are inquisitive about what being bisexual is like I have no problem in conversing with them, but granted though I take no offense to any particular question I may take offense in the manner in which it is asked.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

ps. I don't prefer men or women, I prefer the person.

[DiamondDog]

yeah I too don't take offense to any question people may ask me.

I have a male gay friend who once asked me "are you still bisexual" and I didn't get offended at all and we talked about it since he could understand if a woman is beautiful or not but he didn't understand the sexual attraction to women or the attraction to both men and women and I told him how the attraction to both genders never goes away.

He asked me if I relate more to the "gay world" or the straight world. I said how I relate a lot more to the "gay world" and homosexual men in general; but I don't always like the gay "community" (I put the word in quotes since for many there is not a sense of community, or as one gay friend says it 'I'm homosexual but I often feel like I have absolutely nothing in common with other gay men besides our sexualities') and how vapid people can be, all the promiscuity, the politics, the youth worship, or how some gay men can be very closeminded to the point of being racist, biphobic, transphobic, or mysogynistic.

[dans94]

haha, it has to be: "How can you justify your sexuality, it's an abomination in the eye's of God." Of course, no one has asked me this question, other than my wife (in a round about way). I just don't understand religeous people.

[biandu]

i do believe there was a question that sparked me a bit..
and was asked right here on this very site


Cock or Pussy?


I do believe i responded something like

bullshit!
to ask such a question on a bi-site

both of course!



BUT to be offended? nah.
questions about my sexuality don't offend me.

[jamiehue]

I recently had a lesbian girlfriend who at one time said i was "confused" say that since i was not at all like the many gay men she has known nor like any of the str8 men she had known.After a long pause she said is that what being bi is? Coming from her it was quite a breakthrough. Of course i told her im not a bi im a aquarian to further confuse her.

[TorontoGuy2007]

i would say any question that is asked under the presumption that i am promiscuous..

[glantern954]

To me, defiently this one:

Who would you draw the line with in having bi sex with? Would you ever consider step family as viable? (step Son/ step Daughters)

[sexybicplinwv]

Female here. I would have to say both. For i love both sex's :bibounce: :three:

[innaminka]

haha, it has to be: "How can you justify your sexuality, it's an abomination in the eye's of God." Of course, no one has asked me this question,
I just don't understand religeous people. (my emphasis) - neither do I!!!

I haven't been asked that question, but certainly last year I was at a dinner party, and one of the guests, (semi-intoxicated) when the discussion got around to being gay used that word. And suggested that all gay people should be done away with.
....... I kid you NOT

Great embarrasment was shown, (he at least had a few social graces) when i quietly informed him that i was a bisexual and did that mean I was also an abomination????

As far as qustioning goes, I don't get offended when somone is a bit curious about how I relate to both sexes and how can I both be happily married and be attracted to women?
I answer as best I can.
The enquiry I won't answer is bedroom secrets. I normally just ignore those questions .

[canuckotter]

I don't see how "Do you prefer men or women?" is insulting. It's not like bisexuals are exactly equally attracted to both sexes (most of us, anyway). It's no different than asking if I prefer skinny people or more solid people, IMO.

[DiamondDog]

I don't see how "Do you prefer men or women?" is insulting. It's not like bisexuals are exactly equally attracted to both sexes (most of us, anyway). It's no different than asking if I prefer skinny people or more solid people, IMO.

I agree.

Not everyone is equal in their sexual/romantic attractions, stays that way, or prefers both genders for all types of sex acts that they are into.

Torontoguy-If you're not a virgin, you're a slut... So, all of us are sluts. ;)

[NorthBiEast]

My mom saw a FF couple on tv and commented "I don't get how two women can have sex. The parts don't even go together! It gross!" Unfortunately, I was so offended that I told her "You must be pretty boring in bed!" That ended the conversation :eek:

[Long Duck Dong]

i guess the most offensive remark I have ever heard, was not just aimed at bisexuals, it targeted gays and transgender as well

my friends and I were in a pub, and a guy came up to us and said that we were not a LGBT group at all, we just used that name to hide the fact that we are kiddie f####rs

I have 4 broken bones in my hand the next morning... and the guy has had 3 surgeries to rebuild his jaw and cheek bones and I still don't recall hitting him

[Lorcan]

I don't see how "Do you prefer men or women?" is insulting. It's not like bisexuals are exactly equally attracted to both sexes (most of us, anyway)..

Yes. WE bis know this. However...

to the person asking the question, the answer we give them often gives them the idea that we are actually straight or gay. That's what they are REALLY asking in a cloaked way.

I don't take any offense at people asking questions to learn... even stupid questions! But i do get offended when people don't believe me. Like if they ask me a lot of questions about being bi, and when i'm away they say "she not bi;she's just looking for attention". Stuff like that. I could kill. Why did i even waste my breath aswering your questions. :mad:

[softfruit]

The most memorable "WHU!?" question about being bi I ever had was...

"So, when you get out of bed in the morning, and you see yourself in the mirror, don't you, like, see a naked person and need to go for a wank? How do you ever get out of the house in the morning?"

Eventually I worked out the answer to give him was, "your sister's good looking, right? So when you see her coming out of the shower with just a towel wrapped round her..."


My mom saw a FF couple on tv and commented "I don't get how two women can have sex. The parts don't even go together! It gross!" Unfortunately, I was so offended that I told her "You must be pretty boring in bed!" That ended the conversation :eek:

*chortle* Actually I think that's a damn fine comeback - I must borrow it sometime :)

[spartca]

The most offensive thing lately was when a professor of mine asked the class why "The Down Low" was such a big deal, and she explained, "Because these men are really *gay* and giving their wives *aids*." Jeez.

[mikeiam4]

The most offensive question I ever got was when I was talking to a bi guy and telling him about me. I informed him that in the past I have been with a couple of gay guys, and yes, we did some anal. He freaked... first question was 'Have you been tested for aids?' He went on to tell me that he knows some gay people and they dont care about aids, and to have anal sex with a gay guy puts you at a much higher risk for aids because there are some out there who dont care. 'Not to say your friends are like that, but they may have met someone like it in the past.' I didnt hang up on him, though I shoulda... also havent met him since then either!!

Another bad one from a friend.. She is lesbian. She and some friends and I were setting up at an organization fair when a guy comes and starts to hit on her, big-time. After about 30 mins (during which time we were all amused, including her), she came out and told him that she was lesbian. Without even missing a beat, the guy asked if he could watch. That pissed ME off, and it wasnt aimed at me!

[allbimyself]

THE most offensive I've been asked:

Why don't you just admit that you're gay?

[LoveLion]

I dont mind that question. It seems like the kind of question someone would ask out of general curiosity or because they dont understand what bi really is. If we say this question is offensive and refuse to anwser, then that prevent the understanding and awareness of bisexuality being spread.

I think the "Why dont you just admit you are Gay?" is an offensive one. But the most offensive thing to me is when a person thinks they know more about your sexuality than you do. When people say "Oh, your just going through a phase." or "Bi doesn't really exist, you just confused and you will choose eventually" it really gets me angry. As if these people know anything about you sexual orientation.

[DeafF2M]

How about .... "why can't you pick one over the other. ... Men or women.. pick one... stop hopping back and forth!" "Be gay or be straight, make up your mind!!"

I always say, "my mind is made up. I'm bisexual -- I'm attracted to men and women.... get over it. I'm not choosing one or the other, because it's easier for YOU to deal with. hmmf"

Heh.

:flag2:

[Herbwoman39]

LoveLion nailed it right on the head for me.

The initial question isn't offensive to me. What IS offensive is those who tell me that I'm just going though a phase or that I simply don't exist. I've actually had a lesbian tell me once that I'm going though a phase.

I must have given her some sort of seriously murderous look because after a moment she paused and said "Or maybe you are Bi after all." :bigrin:

[Seeker72]

I don't find any questions offensive, strange maybe but not offensive.

The strangest one was from a friend who wanted to know if guys shit themselves every time they have anal sex, and whether I had shit myself or made some else during sex.

I coughed my drink all over them and told them to grow a brain.

[JohnnyV]

The only offensive questions are the ones people don't ask.

I would much rather a person ask me a dumb question than have the person stew in silent assumptions that I never have a chance to correct.

J

[jaglvr]

I wouldn't say I find any question offensive. I would be offended if I were discriminated against in some way or treated badly just for being bisexual but questions can't really be offensive. You more or less choose wether it offends you or not. To me it is usually just ignorance, which may or may not be forgivable depending on who you're talking to, and I normally will patiently explain the reality of bisexuality but they will get what ever they choose to get from it since, as you all know, you can lead a horse to water...

[Nara_lovely]

I'll agree that the question isn't as much of an issue, but the response or assumptions can be harder to take.

I am Bi...doesn't mean I will screw anything.

As for 'religious' responses. Most have been incredibly accepting.
Unfortunately, not all.
The 'love thy neighbour' doesn't apply when they have a massive log in their own eye...or when they feel so holy, that they are able to judge another person's faith, and condemn it according to their own beliefs.

Guess that may raise the eyebrow of the big-person-upstairs.

[deremarc]

Just a thanks from me to all of those who have answered my many questions that are sometimes very personal. I wanted to learn about bisexuality and being straight myself had difficulty understanding it.

So, I have asked a lot and hope I have not offended anyone by my questions and endless curiousity.

So, I have asked the questions like:

Do you prefer men or women?
Do you feel "celibate" if you don't have sex with both?
Can a bisexual be monogamous?
How did you know you were bisexual?
Did you hide it from the person in your life?
Is it possible to just want sex with the same sex and not romantic/emotional connection?
Is there a difference in level of bisexuality between a guy who is a top and a guy who is a bottom?
For the guys-do you think guys give better head?

And maybe the hardest question of all--how is sex with the same sex different?

And, have asked people to share their stories of struggling with the issue of bisexuality and being in denial about it. How they came to accept it. What they do to relieve their same sex urges if they are monogamous. How to know if someone is bisexual, or in denial about being gay. How do you deal with sex outside the primary relationship and how do you deal with jealousy. If you are poly or swing, how does that work-how do you deal with it-does it cause problems.

And, I have to say-people have been very open and forthcoming. So, to all of you guys who answer my questions-thanks!

[SLIMES]

It's not what the question is. It's how it's asked. We've all incoently said some stupid things at times, so often it's the tone and intention of the question that matters.

[G.T.O]

I hate it when people say "Oh Bisexuals are just denying themselves" and a few gay people have said to me before "I went through the same thing, you are just denying it" Morons :rolleyes:

Even still, I'm certain I'm just going through a phase, but that's a different story.

[DiamondDog]

The most offensive question I ever got was when I was talking to a bi guy and telling him about me. I informed him that in the past I have been with a couple of gay guys, and yes, we did some anal. He freaked... first question was 'Have you been tested for aids?' He went on to tell me that he knows some gay people and they dont care about aids, and to have anal sex with a gay guy puts you at a much higher risk for aids because there are some out there who dont care. 'Not to say your friends are like that, but they may have met someone like it in the past.' I didnt hang up on him, though I shoulda... also havent met him since then either!!


I personally don't see this as being offensive but I ask mostly ALL of my sex partners if they've been tested/their disease statuses, if we're taking it to the next level after making out and mutual masturbation/other pretty much gaurenteed safer sex acts, or if we're dating or I want a relationship with them. Or I'd even get tested with someone if they wanted me to or I'd even use condoms/dental dams with someone, if they wanted to or if I didn't know them at all (not that I hook up a lot or all that often; but if I'd consider giving a stranger oral sex I would use a condom/dental dam, especially if I know I'll never be seeing them again, and sometimes I do get cuts in my mouth).

I'm honest with my every 3-6 month test results and I don't think it's being offensive if you ask if someone is Poz or not, if they have any STDs, or get tested often.

I have friends that didn't ask the men they were casually dating or even hooking up with, if they were Poz or not or if they had any STDs.

Some of them did wind up having sex with poz men and they had unprotected sex too; but thankfully they were VERY lucky and didn't become HIV+ too, even when they did bareback receptive anal sex with an HIV+ man a few times or swallowed HIV+ semen. I should add that this was long after the early 80s, before safer sex wasn't practised and we didn't know a lot about the virus.

But on the flipside, ANYONE can get the virus and my heterosexual friends do A LOT more risky sex than I do.

[ldybttrfly71]

Someone once asked me "How could I love both men and women?"
Well that's easy enough to answer....I feel a connection to the person, not the sex.
I grew up in a household with parents that didn't discuss the possibility of their children being gay/lesbian. I grew up with the belief that men belonged with women and vice versa...there was no in-between, or anything else.
In my late teens I found myself attracted to other girls, but never acted on the feelings, because of my upbringing....but by my 20s I really felt the attraction for women. Of course by then I had been married once already and divorced. A few years later, married again and had my first child. Now I'm in my 30s and have been divorced a 2nd time for the last 6 years, and in that time I have had an on again/off again long term relationship with a man, and had another child. I believed that he was opened minded and that I could explore my curiousity for the same sex...but I found out differently. It took being apart from this man for two years to fulfill my fantasy...that fantasy took the form of a 3some with an old friend and his wife. However, nothing panned out with this relationship; unfortunately jealousy played a big part. I am now single again, and have a strong desire to meet a really special lady and build a friendship first and see what transpires. I don't consider myself a full-on lesbian, but I could very well see myself enjoying only women for quite awhile. No, I don't have negative feelings towards men....because no matter the sex of the person...if they are an asshole, they're an asshole. We are human that way. I am content in who I am and want only to love and be loved.

[Cowan]

I'm bi and my friends know it as I have gay liz and straight friends and don't hold anything against any of them. And anyone can ask me any question they like and I don't get offended. I konw where I am with my sexuality and hope you do to :rolleyes:

[JLR1976]

its something people do not understand and never will. a gay person likes people of their own sex, a str8 person like opposite sex.

in the case of bisexuals its both, but some people are more gay than straight as bisexuals and others are more straight than gay as bisexuals.

i never ever thought of myself as bi until i was 17. I never ever fancied a single bloke nor did I crave sex with a bloke. but i did meet a stunning girl who introduced me too a group of friends who where all bi. i did have sex many times with males in an MMF situation and totally enjoyed it, but i will always prefer to have sex with women and i would never ever have a serious relationship with a male. I have very rarely had one on one sex with a male, probably three or four guys thats all but there was a guy many years ago who was gorgous and i did fancy the pants of him and I enjoyed a great secret sexual rerlationship with him over the course of a year or so, but that was 10 years ago now and i have never felt the same about another bloke as i did him. I just want to be with women, but i enjoy sex with the right man.

[IanBorthwick]

To the question,"Do you prefer men or women?"

I would reply,"Yes."

The question is one, to my mind, that leads into a spiral trap like a rainforest bug-catching plant. It's uncool, but for the most part a natural attempt to rationalize you in their minds. An effort to find a way to slot you neatly in their understanding into preconceived categories.

Just my :2cents:

[gentlepen9]

I won't say that this is offensive but rather a bit annoying. It's when in the absence of any same-sex experience you are asked "Well, how can you be bi when you haven't had sex with someone of the same sex?"
I usually answer this question by asking "Did you have to have sex first before you figured out if you liked men/women?"
I find this question annoying because it places the validity of a person's sexuality on who they have sex with rather than on their inner feelings and desires.
Not everyone has had the opportunity or have been put in a situation where they feel comfortable expressing and exploring the full extent of their sexuality. The lack of opportunity shouldn't nullify or discredit a person's feelings and claim to being bisexual.

[darkeyes]

Not asked of me but me best m8. "Do u really sleep with anything?" Wont tell ya wot her ansa wos suffice 2 say its a question he will never ask ne 1 again!

[TashaSW]

My mom has told my sister and I:

"There is NO SUCH THING as bisexually, you're either in love with a man or a woman. So you're either gay or straight"

My sister and I gave each other weird looks lol We both wanted to say something but one thing we know.... don't ever aruge with mom cause to her, shes right and your wrong. *rolls eyes*

She has said other offensive stuff too..... one which bothers me big time but my sister tells me not to worry about it cause she knows its not true. :)

[but that's my name!!]

I don't find any questions offensive, strange maybe but not offensive.

The strangest one was from a friend who wanted to know if guys shit themselves every time they have anal sex, and whether I had shit myself or made some else during sex.

I coughed my drink all over them and told them to grow a brain.
I've had a similar question but it involved a discription of shit "spraying" all over the place. Wierd eh?

[ambi53mm]

" Hey I'm straight, but I really need a blowjob, ya wanna suck me off "?

Ambi :)

[Barejerrfla]

" Hey I'm straight, but I really need a blowjob, ya wanna suck me off "?

Ambi :)

One of the worst ones I recall being asked was " how does your wife feel being married to a faggot" I replied, " probily the same as your wife feels about being married to a asshole"

[pcrunchy]

I rarely get offensive comments or questions, but I've gotten a few ...memorable ones:

"What's the psychology of being bi? I just really want to know."

"So you've had anal sex with a guy before, right? Can you, like, 'poop' out his dick?"

"But I mean, you only ever went with guys in the first place because you weren't getting laid, right?"

"Of course YOU'VE had a threesome though?"

"So... do you ever date girls, then?"


I gotta just laugh, because I would have never thought that bisexuality would be such a difficult concept to grasp. But then again, I guess I don't really get straight people. (Or gay people, while I'm at it.)

[Resurrection]

None of these questions offend me at all.

[the sacred night]

I gotta just laugh, because I would have never thought that bisexuality would be such a difficult concept to grasp. But then again, I guess I don't really get straight people. (Or gay people, while I'm at it.)

I don't think anyone ever really 'gets' anyone else's sexuality. I don't get people who are attracted to just one gender either, and they don't get me, but that's ok as long as we don't hate because of it.

The most offensive question I've heard about sexual orientation, although it was asked of a gay person: "Do your people feel sad when a partner dies?"

[Domino]

It takes a hell of allot to offend me, but the other night my good friend of 5 years was asking about my love life, I took this moment too let her know It consisted of me sleeping with a few gals. Her response. " There is no way you are Bi, you are so not the lesbian type, it is just a stage"

She still would not accept it.

[Enoll]

" Hey I'm straight, but I really need a blowjob, ya wanna suck me off "?

Ambi :)

You know, I've had that pulled on me before, not in those exact words, but similar. It ended up with a confrontation and something like "you're bi you people fuck anything" being said and someone being beaten stupider.

That's the worst line of questioning/discussion for me, that whole stereotype bit.

[TaylorMade]

"Do you have a girlfriend so we could..?"

Yeah, buddy, like I have a 'girlfriend' on call just for three somes with skanky guys I barely know. This assbasket had the nerve to ask me this after having a bad blind date in which it turned out he looked nothing like his picture and he couldn't keep his eyes off my tits. I tried to look on the bright side and say that maybe we could go to lunch again. He said no, but he asked me the offending question.

:rolleyes:

*Taylor*

[thecowboyway]

I like girls for one thing and guys for some thing a little different-If I have a choice it would have to be both at once.

[tell_no_one99]

I hate that "well you're just lying to yourself" Bullshit

I mean If I like both sexes let me be

[bi-robin-calif]

it is just a stage

If it's just a stage, where can I buy a ticket to ride? ;)

Yes, it *is* a stage, and it's a stage that the *world* is going through--not just "bisexuals." Eventully, the rest of the world will evolve to the same "stage" and realize that the only thing that was a stage was their ignorant assumptions about people.

Why won't people just accept the reality of us? If I, the son of a Lutheran minister and raised in a very conservative household, can accept who I am, why can't anyone else? It's not as if I *asked* to be this way, or *chose* to be this way, but it's who I am anyway.

I'll shut up now--I just realized I'm preachin' to the choir! :bigrin:

[itsmejack]

I get asked a question here on this site a lot, and I don’t get offensive but I don’t really understand it. The question is… what are you into??? To me that is a silly question, we are on a bi site. The only bi relationship that I have had is with a married couple that went on for about a year until they moved 600 miles away. We do still see each other when one or the others make the trip. But I don’t know what I am into. I am into finding a bi friend where we click. What do you tell people when they ask this?

Jack

[gjmwbimale48]

to me its... why aren't you "just" gay?

the answer: I am bisexual, but hetro-amorous.... i enjoy sex with both genders.... but i only fall in love with women.

[biwords]

In deciding whether or not to be offended by a question, I pretty much disregard the words and consider only tone and body language. If the intention isn't malicious, what's the point in becoming angry?

To take an extreme example, a friend of mind went to a dinner party and found himself sitting next to a woman who had recently immigrated from a conservative Arab country. When she heard that my friend was Jewish, she turned to him and quite innocently said, "Can you tell me -- is it true that Jews mix the blood of non-Jewish children into their bread?". Instead of responding angrily he asked her where she heard that; she said, from her mother, but pretty much everyone she knew when she was growing up agreed that it was so. He then explained to her that no, it was not true. I never met the woman and don't know what she thinks now; but I'm confident that my friend was correct in his perception that, as she was not malicious, she deserved a civil answer. And to my mind, a question like "aren't bisexuals really just gay?" could be asked either innocently or maliciously, and our answer should take this into account.

[Solomon]

the correct answer to the question on this thread would be: any question.

it's a matter of perspective, taking offense at anything is a personal decision. some things it makes sense and is entirely appropriate to take offense with.

but it really is a personal decision for everyone to make for themselves. :cool: