Does anyone else find their bi side "comes and goes?" [Archive]

midwestseeker

Feb 17, 2007, 3:15 PM

DiamondDog

Feb 17, 2007, 3:55 PM

I'm either usually equal in my attractions or I'm so into men that I think I'm homosexual and I have absolutely zero desire for a woman.

During this period of time women's bodies will ick me out and het porn bores me and I'll have tons of sexy dreams about men and desire men even when women are throwing themselves at me.

I don't go by the Kinsey scale or the Klein grid since they're too binary, static, and outdated and I've been all over them.

I can fall in love with both genders; but if I were to ever get involved with a woman I'd need an open relationship or else I'd cheat since I get A LOT more infatuated with men than with women.

So I just call myself queer.

buddyk

Feb 17, 2007, 4:43 PM

Im married to a bi man. His desires for men definitely come and go. He says his desire for women tho (me) is always there.... I'd have to say we're pretty active so I don't doubt his honesty.

But some days hes on the web seeking men and some weeks going out to meet with his gay and bi 'friends' every night. Then nothing for a few weeks, then maybe a couple nights. He says he doesn't understand it either.

He's 48, been married to me 24 years, and has been seeking men only the last 3 years - so I guess he's still new to whole experience. but he tells me that after he's been out wtih men and the desire ebbs again, he tries to understand this need that overtakes him but he's just so caught up in the need at the time. Like a giant magnet.

I don't understand - I dont pretend to, but short answer to your questions... for him it definitely comes and goes.

TorontoGuy2007

Feb 17, 2007, 4:54 PM

yes i can relate to this a bit. i suffer from depression and go thru strange mood swings every day. some days i have no interest in sex, other days i seem to desire it from everyone. other days, it's just hetro thoughts.. only contant i seem to have is my trangenderist thoughts..

bigirl_inwv

Feb 17, 2007, 5:35 PM

I can relate. I'm always attracted to males but with females, it takes a very special woman or a very special mood for me. With me, I've always been a bit of a tomboy I suppose. I relate better to men than women and I act more like a guy most of the time than a girl. It seems to me, that on the rare occasion that I am feeling girly, that's when my attraction to women is at it's strongest.

innaminka

Feb 17, 2007, 6:31 PM

I don't know if my bi-ness turns off, or swings, but yes there are definite times when I'm almost asexual.
Maybe that's just part of being a woman.
I can go for quite long periods when sex is really not an issue - the pressures of living; two daughters, job, husband, home blah, blah blah!
ATM I think I'm in one of those phases. (Yet I also find it esay to write here... :bibounce: )
My husband is away, yet I have no interest in things carnal.
But next week, i may be crawling from the walls.

I don't know if this is what was meant by the thread.

meteast chick

Feb 17, 2007, 7:19 PM

Funny I'm the opposite on this one, which is why I keep announcing myself as bi and then gay the next day. My same sex attraction is always 100%, but my hetero attraction is mmm...select, at best. About the time I think I'm definately lesbian...BOOM...I get close to a man with the best scent and think, Damn, do I really want to rule this out?

You are definately right about there being no rules for being bi. If there was I'd be screwed.

luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxox
meteast

Bicuriousity

Feb 17, 2007, 10:28 PM

I experience the same thing. It's kind of wild. I think when I get real stressed at work or in my life I kind of get the submissive bi side that wants to be dominated by a man to come out.

Then when I'm well rested and not so stressed out, my dominant side comes out which normally prefers women.

Lately I've had a much more scary phenomenon. Being too tired and not interested in sex. This just shows sometimes I work too much and sleep too little!

whattodo

Feb 17, 2007, 10:29 PM

I have noticed since I came out, that I think more about women, than I do men. I think that is because it is a new experience for me and I am so used to the whole guy thing that it is not exciting anymore. I do have my guy friend and I can get into wanting him as we start playing around, but just to sit and think about it; it usually involves only a woman or a 3some. I seem to want woman most of the time, and if I dont want a woman I dont really want anyone until my interest gets peaked. I guess the biggest thing is to get me turned-on and I will enjoy my boyfriend and/or girlfriend equally.

:bipride:

FerociousFeline

Feb 17, 2007, 11:30 PM

[QUOTE=Bicuriousity]I experience the same thing. It's kind of wild. I think when I get real stressed at work or in my life I kind of get the submissive bi side that wants to be dominated by a man to come out.
Then when I'm well rested and not so stressed out, my dominant side comes out which normally prefers women.
[QUOTE]

I have been on this fence for years. It's why for years I wouldn't really even consider that I might be bisexual. The urge can be SO EXTREME when it hits though, and then just as quickly, will vaporize. I have also noticed that there is some kind of corrolation to how "beat up" you feel in your life at the moment. I wonder if it is intimately associated with a desire to be submissive? Purrhaps a way of making giving in as pleasurable as possible?

FF

nu2bi

Feb 18, 2007, 1:51 AM

I know exactly what you mean! My bi side definitely ebbs and flows. I can have no interest in men what so ever for several days, and then I will have a dream or fantasy about having a beautiful cock in my face and imagining what it would feel like to have it cum in my mouth. Then it will go away (usually post orgasm :rolleyes: )and I will think, 'I sure am glad that I didn't really act on those feelings' I find that my bi thoughts tend to happen more if I am stressed, and/or not getting any. I am so glad that I found this forum! :tongue:

johnny5

Feb 18, 2007, 3:42 AM

I like you guys! It's so nice to hear such bi experiences. I haven't posted here before now, but I've been struggling with my biness for about nine years without having told anyone, even an anonymous message board such as this. I think I veer from around 100% straight to about 40% straight (or 60% gay), but it really does swerve all over the place over the year. Sometimes I feel so straight, but other times I feel like I'm more gay than straight. What a frustrating way to be! But it's kind of hot, too. :) So I don't know if I'd trade it if I could. Anyway, nice to meet y'all!

flexuality

Feb 18, 2007, 3:51 AM

wondering56231

Feb 18, 2007, 9:13 AM

I am so glad I found this website. I have struggled with this very issue for the past several years thinking I was crazy. I can't really see a pattern as to when I have Bi "tendancies". I am sooooo glad to hear that I am not the only one.

G.T.O

Feb 18, 2007, 9:49 AM

Yeah I go through this on a daily basis. One day I think "Oh shit I might actually be gay" then a few days later I think "God, I was stupid to think that, I like women".

It's kinda annoying, everytime I think of a guy I seem to automattically think I'm gay. Guess I need to learn how to chill out.

deremarc

Feb 18, 2007, 10:14 AM

Thanks for the post. It makes my guy make more sense to me. He is struggling and still won't talk much about how he feels and so I tend to go by what he does and try to figure it out myself. (never a good idea I know).

But, he will go through phases where he joins male sex hook up sites and watches gay porn, and seems depressed and all (and I think then he is wanting it), but sometimes after he cybers with guys for a few days, total turn around and he doesn't want it, he swears he is straight...yada yada.

He has told me "my worst fear is that I am gay, but if I like sex with women and you I can't be right?" And, I am thinking well, no, you are probably bi.

But, I have been so confused watching him go through this, and by the sounds of the posts he is probably completely confused as well. I was assuming that when he says he isn't interested in men, it was just denial of a sort...but, reading this I realize it just may be the natural ebb and flow of life. He constantly wants women (me) and we have amazing sex, and then every so often (and I can see it coming when he is down, depressed, becomes angry more easily) he is back to the guy thing.

I always thought that if he could get to the place where he was happily bi (just admitting I love women and sex with them, and like sex with men too (since his is purely physical with men) that life would calm down. But, maybe not! :cool:

Anyway, thanks for the post!

commonman

Feb 18, 2007, 12:58 PM

I always thought that if he could get to the place where he was happily bi (just admitting I love women and sex with them, and like sex with men too (since his is purely physical with men) that life would calm down. But, maybe not!Well, maybe so, with a couple minor adjustments.

Probably, for lots of men (including myself), one element of being bi is that as you said, it's a physical thing, the thing being a momentarily powerful urge to suck another man's dick. To jack off at the fantasy usually relieves the urge, but not always. It might take more than one go, then things are pretty well back to normal, whatever that is, and emphasis on the coming and going thing.

Although I've never had an opportunity to *be* with another dick, which is how the desire goes, being in a solid, honest and open relationship with an understanding woman is a life saver. A man can get off with his wife and go on with his life without the often horrific distraction of being horny for a dick.

This is when a man can fantasize about sucking a dick while getting a BJ from a wife who enjoys doing it. Otherwise a man without an understanding women will go cruising all hours of the night and is driven to find and suck a dick. He might do that several times and never get off himself. So he is trapped in his desire.

Being up all night, plus putting up with the constant distraction of the desire can really fuck up a man's life. It could certainly affect his job. So a bi man really needs a good woman. Your man has one. It would be nice to meet you. But such a thing seems so far away and a little bit spooky, I guess. That's how it goes in this crazy world.

commonman

Feb 18, 2007, 1:26 PM

To Deremarc,

Forgot to mention.

Another important part of this is that the "physical side" of the thing means that in a committed relationship the emotional, intellectual and spiritual connections between a man and woman aren't necessarily disturbed by a man's bi tendency. That's assuming the situation you mentioned isn't allowed to smolder to the point of becoming a problem. Even if a man did the deed it wouldn't mean he had gone off and "fell in love" with another person. Yet that old guilt trip thing can be a serious theat.

FerociousFeline

Feb 18, 2007, 1:58 PM

But, I have been so confused watching him go through this, and by the sounds of the posts he is probably completely confused as well. I was assuming that when he says he isn't interested in men, it was just denial of a sort...but, reading this I realize it just may be the natural ebb and flow of life. He constantly wants women (me) and we have amazing sex, and then every so often (and I can see it coming when he is down, depressed, becomes angry more easily) he is back to the guy thing.

I always thought that if he could get to the place where he was happily bi (just admitting I love women and sex with them, and like sex with men too (since his is purely physical with men) that life would calm down. But, maybe not! :cool:

!

I assure you he is leveling with you. The pain generated internally for a man trying to come to grips with his desire for other men is off the charts. For women, while it may be taboo, it won't ruin you socially, or necessarily destroy your career, and it is unlikely that you will lose all of your friends over it. For a man, all of these things are possibilities. So to make a step like this when you aren't even able to get a consistant read on what you yourself desire or need.........sheer madness. You know, if more women could sense and learn how to DOMME a guy when he really needed to be "taken", I think a great number of relationships could be saved. I would assume that the opposite would also be true of women....but I am not female so I can not speak for women.

My suggestion, ask your man if it would be alright for you to try an experiment. Talk about it in advance so he understands your intentions, and then the next time he swings passive, take him by the scruff of the neck and nail him. (or however he has expressed a need) Partners need to teach each other how to experience, and revel in their other sides. Only then can we all really learn to be fully accepting and loving of both ourselves, and our partners.

FF

midwestseeker

Feb 18, 2007, 3:57 PM

thank you everyone for all your posts! Im so glad I was able to hear from people from all over the spectrum on this one.

Like I said before, for the longest time I wondered what all this meant about me, but to paraphrase an eailer reply here, this flux in terms of sexual attraction is what it means to be human.

I wish sometimes those people who classify themselves in the Gay or Lesbian world would be more open about their own sexual fluidity, but hey, perhaps that's a subject for another post.

Once again, thank you.

deremarc

Feb 18, 2007, 5:00 PM

Thanks to FerociousFeline and commonman for your replies. My situation (at least sexually) is a little different. If what my man tells me is true-for him it is purely sexual...AND he likes to top and to receive head...and has no desire to bottom or give head.

I honestly have no clue how to do roleplay for that-and he is not being forthcoming.

I talk quite dirty to him and spin fantasies while engaged in sex-and in the act it sends him over the edge. After we are done though, he expresses no desire to talk about it. It is like, he likes it right up until he cums and then he wants to distance himself from it as far as he can get.

2senual57

Feb 18, 2007, 7:25 PM

krrptyc

Feb 18, 2007, 8:14 PM

After we are done though, he expresses no desire to talk about it. It is like, he likes it right up until he cums and then he wants to distance himself from it as far as he can get.

Oh yeah! I remember getting very hot and cumming strong while fantasizing about sex with another man followed immediately by guilt and shame for getting very hot and cumming strong while fantasizing about sex with another man. I feel his pain and envy him for his partner.

clubber

Feb 18, 2007, 8:23 PM

Midwest - I have to agree, there are days when all I think about is spending some quality time with another guy and then other days, no interest whatsoever. Even to the point of not visiting my favourite bi site....(just kidding, of course). Anyway, I only began to explore this side of me a few years ago (53 now) and still learning something new every day including, how much or how little I am enjoying this new world.

Matelot21

Feb 18, 2007, 9:38 PM

Well, maybe so, with a couple minor adjustments.

Probably, for lots of men (including myself), one element of being bi is that as you said, it's a physical thing, the thing being a momentarily powerful urge to suck another man's dick. To jack off at the fantasy usually relieves the urge, but not always. It might take more than one go, then things are pretty well back to normal, whatever that is, and emphasis on the coming and going thing.

Although I've never had an opportunity to *be* with another dick, which is how the desire goes, being in a solid, honest and open relationship with an understanding woman is a life saver. A man can get off with his wife and go on with his life without the often horrific distraction of being horny for a dick.

This is when a man can fantasize about sucking a dick while getting a BJ from a wife who enjoys doing it. Otherwise a man without an understanding women will go cruising all hours of the night and is driven to find and suck a dick. He might do that several times and never get off himself. So he is trapped in his desire.

Being up all night, plus putting up with the constant distraction of the desire can really fuck up a man's life. It could certainly affect his job. So a bi man really needs a good woman. Your man has one. It would be nice to meet you. But such a thing seems so far away and a little bit spooky, I guess. That's how it goes in this crazy world.

I was pleased to read this. Thanks!!!

DiamondDog

Feb 18, 2007, 11:12 PM

siraussietosser

Feb 19, 2007, 12:27 AM

My bi side only shows when I am horny. And only when Im horny. When I am with my wife and any other time I am not working up a hardon, I am very st8 and only attracted to women. So.... Yeah I can say that it comes and goes.

mcliff128

Feb 19, 2007, 12:51 AM

mine used to come and go alot, but as of the last 3 years or so, it's always there. There's not a day that goes by I don't think of cock now, I've been in kind of a relationship with a guy for about 3 months, and during this time i haven't really even thought of women. All i know is not to worry about, have fun and enjoy it.

DuskTillDawn

Feb 19, 2007, 8:13 PM

I definatly go up and down. Some days I'll wake up and it'll be guys and girls just don't seem all tht gd and I wonder wat the hell yesterday's fantisies, but then other days it'll be the opposite. Until of course a nice guy/girl walks past and I realise wat yesterday's fantisies were all about and gt confused again.

I just got used to the whole bi thing recently, since i was quite wee I had known my dad didnt believe in bisexuality and the daddies girl tht I was took his word on that so for a long time I thot I was just "open-minded" untill I did a bit of research (and stumbled across this site) and I started to relate to other peoples feelings and experiences. Recently I've had alot of "girl" days so I wonder if I mite just be gay and kidin myself but I'm always prooved wrong.

Anyways. I've rambled enough. Basiscally in answer to the question, I am another of the many people agreeing that this is how it is for me. very "fluid" hehe, I love tht word.

BiTadrith

Feb 19, 2007, 8:35 PM

Hi everyone
I can say that this is a major deal with me as well, I have gone days even weeks without thinking about another guy. Then bam the feelings return and may stay like that for weeks. Thats how I found this site which I have found very enjoyable and insitful. I don't try to understand it, I just go with the flow.
The more I think about other men the more it seems to hang around. :).
And the more information I try to get hoping that these feeling stay, I do find that if I talk with my wife about my feelings they seem to be easier to deal with. So enjoy the times weather they come or go or stay *S*

G.T.O

Feb 20, 2007, 9:04 AM

I'm having one of those days now, where all I'm interested in is guys and the question "Maybe I am gay and just kidding myself" looms over me. I still like girls(on some days mind), but I prefer guys with the sexual stuff. I don't know why but the thought of being with another guy turns me on alot more then being with a girl. Being with a girl to me is normal but not disgusting or anything.

Any help? Is this normal?

commonman

Feb 20, 2007, 8:21 PM

I was pleased to read this. Thanks!!! Thanks for your own reply, Mr. Matelot21

commonman

Feb 20, 2007, 8:33 PM

If what my man tells me is true-for him it is purely sexual...AND he likes to top and to receive head...and has no desire to bottom or give head.I'm not sure what "to top" means in the purely sexual sense, but as for receiving head it seems to me that that would be the simpliest problem of all. I'm sure that there are way more men out there who would like to give head than to receive it.
I honestly have no clue how to do roleplay for that-and he is not being forthcoming.What's the difference between roleplaying and a purely sexual fantasy? Can't he simply imagine that it's a man sucking his dick instead of a girl?
I talk quite dirty to him and spin fantasies while engaged in sex-and in the act it sends him over the edge. After we are done though, he expresses no desire to talk about it. It is like, he likes it right up until he cums and then he wants to distance himself from it as far as he can get.I must be missing something here that results from my ignorance about it all.

Bicuriousity

Feb 20, 2007, 8:40 PM

It is kind of true that my bi side doesnt' show up much during a regular day.

I can see a guy and know if he is attractive or not, but I think the repression makes me only lust after women during the day.

But once I'm horny or alone with my fantasies, the thoughts of guys come back. Bigger than ever.

In fact I fantasize about guys more than women. Probably because it's much rarer for me to be with a guy than a girl.

commonman

Feb 20, 2007, 9:01 PM

Oh yeah! I remember getting very hot and cumming strong while fantasizing about sex with another man followed immediately by guilt and shame for getting very hot and cumming strong while fantasizing about sex with another man.Yeah, I used to do that to myself. The wife made all the difference in the world.
I have had one bi experience as an adult and would like to have more.Not sure whether to say it was a bi experience, but the only mm episode I ever had was back when I was 18. A guy gave me a bj in his car. It's as vivid now as then, except that it never crossed my mind to return the favor or purue it beyond that point. It was just a chance encounter late at night. These days, after all those years, there's this strong curiosity about what it'd be like to return such a favor. I'll doubting it will ever happen, as you relate in your profile:
The thought of giving another man head turns me on but the thought of kissing or being affectionate with another man is not appealing.That's where I'm at.
I have never really been into anal anythingSame here as well. The main problem is those idiosyncrasies surrounding the man attached to the dick. What are the chances of finding a man friend whose mind works the same as my own? Not very likely. I get way too deep into things, or so I'm often told. Human nature is a strange creature.
I’m not too concerned about age or appearance but would prefer that you are cut and not grossly obese.Ditto.

commonman

Feb 20, 2007, 9:24 PM

To DiamondDog:
Speak for yourself.In fact I was. Can you explain to me how I came across otherwise? If I'm not able to correct such an error I'll gladly bow out.
I'm not that way at all.But it's not as if I said you were, or that I even inferred such a thing.
I don't always relate to women in romantic terms and there's no way a woman could be "trained" to be like a man, even for basic things like kissing, or being held by a man, or holding hands feel completely different than it does with a woman.For somebody trying to test the waters, however nervously, your manner isn't much help to my comfort zone on this plane. My problem, I know. So I'll give some thought about whether to proceed.

DiamondDog

Feb 21, 2007, 2:02 AM

To DiamondDog:In fact I was. Can you explain to me how I came across otherwise? If I'm not able to correct such an error I'll gladly bow out.But it's not as if I said you were, or that I even inferred such a thing.For somebody trying to test the waters, however nervously, your manner isn't much help to my comfort zone on this plane. My problem, I know. So I'll give some thought about whether to proceed.

Commonman-All I meant is that not every guy that's bi sees sex with men as being purely physical or just a "sexual" thing.

For myself I get easily infatuated with men and I fall in love with them. Also sex with men is so amazing and It's not that I don't like women but I relate better, I bond better, I feel more open, and I like how when I have sex with a man how we both know how to please each other to the best of our ability since we both know how everything feels. I find it weird that lots of men who are married to women say that their wife is their "best friend' as I can't really relate to the idea of that at all.

The first time I had sex with a guy as an adult it was so AMAZING and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me and I felt so happy and I kissed him back at the queer bar and I wanted to kiss him in public.

IMO you can't compare sex with a man to sex with a woman because they're that completely different, and biological women don't know a man's body as well as a man does.

Also, for myself fantasy wouldn't cut it. I need the real thing. If I were to get involved with a woman it would have to be an open relationship, and of course she'd know about me long before it got to the point where I'd be cheating and hiding everything from her or whoever I get involved with.
---
G.T.O-Just go with it. What else can you do?

I go through periods where I have almost absolutley ZERO desire for a woman (though I wouldn't say no to a MMF 3 way during these times) and women's bodies well, let's just say they don't turn me on; but I'm pretty much always checking out men or thinking about them in terms of romance/sexual attraction.

commonman

Feb 21, 2007, 12:13 PM

All I meant is that not every guy that's bi sees sex with men as being purely physical or just a "sexual" thing.Of course not; and who doesn't know that? It's been mentioned more than once that the matter is all over the human map in regard to sexuality -- and, in the same sense, pretty well everywhere else. That being the case, every contributor is speaking for themselves as it follows from the idea. There's no need to take exception to a given.

It's about what we put into the mixing board -- as an astute individual just wrote to me privately. I'm thinking that what we have here are the same sorts of opportunities we might have on the physical plane. What makes this kind of orgy so potentially good is that it's about as bisexual as it gets.

Intellectual intercourse has no boundaries. The waxing and waning of sexual preference, the vagaries of age, weight, height, skin color, or whether my warts are prettier than yours, isn't of much consequence. In fact it's probably true that successful intellectual intercourse transcends everything else in human correspondence. Once two people are mutually engaged intellectually, then sexual attraction is likely to follow, provided social taboos don't interfere.

For myself I get easily infatuated with men and I fall in love with them.My position differs. To me, one good friend is worth more than ten thousand lovers. So I'm not much on the transitional nature of infatuation. In fact I don't see love as something a person just 'falls' into. It takes a lot of doing just to build it a home, a place to get, so to speak.

Also sex with men is so amazing and It's not that I don't like women but I relate better, I bond better, I feel more open, and I like how when I have sex with a man how we both know how to please each other to the best of our ability since we both know how everything feels.That sounds too performance oriented and sort of enslaved to the physical plane. Just my opinion, of course.

I don't see sex as a validation of love, or its instigator. For me it's the other way around -- while sex is pretty well just sex. It can exist on its own plane without having anything at all to do with love or the solid intellectual and emotional connections that go with it. In other words, love stays put. Sex, even within the confines of a committed relationship, is all over that map we're talking about. Sometimes it's very good, sometimes very bad, sometimes often, sometimes so seldom the busyness of life needs a good rap on the head.

Along the same lines, I don't see love as having boundaries or that it should bow to social definitions in terms of quantification. When I've lived with two women I was never able to say I loved the one more than the other. The only difference was which one I had loved the longest.

For me, love is indivisible; it can't be divided in terms of one being loved more than another. It operates at one hundred percent. If one percent less or one percent more it isn't love. It's merely a romantic counterfeit serving its own interests. And the world is quite obviously full of those, which is why I'm still with the one I've loved the longest. She loves me. The others only thought they did. It's not a bit funny why that is.

I've never had intellectual intercourse with a man because men are too guarded about their sexuality, or if not, they're unwilling to separate the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual elements in order to find out where they fit in the equation. A smart woman, on the other hand, whose feminine intuition allows the power of her 'left hemisphere' to engage a man's 'right' within the natural turnarounds of mental exchange, is interesting beyond description. If that's successful, sex comes along in due time with a whole different type orgasm.

I find it weird that lots of men who are married to women say that their wife is their "best friend' as I can't really relate to the idea of that at all.That's probably because having a woman as a best friend is so rare. Most men don't know how to approach a woman who is willing to be known, should he happen upon such a desirable creature. One has to wonder whether some men who claim a wife as best friend aren't confused about the various shades of another phenomenon:

DEFINITION OF MOTHERFUCKER
"A man who marries a woman whose pussy is used as a club by which he's turned into a little boy married to his mommy."I'm aware that may be a sensitive issue and that there's always the other side of the same coin.

..., and biological women don't know a man's body as well as a man does.If a man and woman know each other's minds why wouldn't they know each other's bodies?

Anyway, sorry. I do realize that was too much pontificatin'. If you've scrolled on by it's not a problem.

DiamondDog

Feb 21, 2007, 4:27 PM

Of course not; and who doesn't know that? It's been mentioned more than once that the matter is all over the human map in regard to sexuality -- and, in the same sense, pretty well everywhere else. That being the case, every contributor is speaking for themselves as it follows from the idea. There's no need to take exception to a given.

It's about what we put into the mixing board -- as an astute individual just wrote to me privately. I'm thinking that what we have here are the same sorts of opportunities we might have on the physical plane. What makes this kind of orgy so potentially good is that it's about as bisexual as it gets.

Intellectual intercourse has no boundaries. The waxing and waning of sexual preference, the vagaries of age, weight, height, skin color, or whether my warts are prettier than yours, isn't of much consequence. In fact it's probably true that successful intellectual intercourse transcends everything else in human correspondence. Once two people are mutually engaged intellectually, then sexual attraction is likely to follow, provided social taboos don't interfere.

My position differs. To me, one good friend is worth more than ten thousand lovers. So I'm not much on the transitional nature of infatuation. In fact I don't see love as something a person just 'falls' into. It takes a lot of doing just to build it a home, a place to get, so to speak.

That sounds too performance oriented and sort of enslaved to the physical plane. Just my opinion, of course.

I don't see sex as a validation of love, or its instigator. For me it's the other way around -- while sex is pretty well just sex. It can exist on its own plane without having anything at all to do with love or the solid intellectual and emotional connections that go with it. In other words, love stays put. Sex, even within the confines of a committed relationship, is all over that map we're talking about. Sometimes it's very good, sometimes very bad, sometimes often, sometimes so seldom the busyness of life needs a good rap on the head.

Along the same lines, I don't see love as having boundaries or that it should bow to social definitions in terms of quantification. When I've lived with two women I was never able to say I loved the one more than the other. The only difference was which one I had loved the longest.

For me, love is indivisible; it can't be divided in terms of one being loved more than another. It operates at one hundred percent. If one percent less or one percent more it isn't love. It's merely a romantic counterfeit serving its own interests. And the world is quite obviously full of those, which is why I'm still with the one I've loved the longest. She loves me. The others only thought they did. It's not a bit funny why that is.

I've never had intellectual intercourse with a man because men are too guarded about their sexuality, or if not, they're unwilling to separate the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual elements in order to find out where they fit in the equation. A smart woman, on the other hand, whose feminine intuition allows the power of her 'left hemisphere' to engage a man's 'right' within the natural turnarounds of mental exchange, is interesting beyond description. If that's successful, sex comes along in due time with a whole different type orgasm.

That's probably because having a woman as a best friend is so rare. Most men don't know how to approach a woman who is willing to be known, should he happen upon such a desirable creature. One has to wonder whether some men who claim a wife as best friend aren't confused about the various shades of another phenomenon:

DEFINITION OF MOTHERFUCKERI'm aware that may be a sensitive issue and that there's always the other side of the same coin.

If a man and woman know each other's minds why wouldn't they know each other's bodies?

Anyway, sorry. I do realize that was too much pontificatin'. If you've scrolled on by it's not a problem.

Please don't psychoanalyze me, you don't know me better than I do, and it's too much mental masturbation to read that I really don't care about.

Considering you haven't been with a man sexually you shouldn't paint most men with such a wide brush or say how they're guarded about their sexuality or say how men "don't seperate physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual elements".

Norvaya

Feb 21, 2007, 5:05 PM

I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Most days it's equal, others I'm feelin' one more than the other. I've yet to have a day when I don't find women attractive. Like someone said b4 me, I think I'm a lesbian until I see an attractive male, it's almost like that.

dans94

Feb 21, 2007, 6:30 PM

I think about cock, not men, almost every day. Probably because that need isn't being met. In that vein, I see a guy as a very sophisticated toy. (No offence but, the kissy, emotional, clingy aspects of a gay relationship just turns me off.) If you'll let me play with your cock I will worship, honor and enjoy it to the fullest.

At the moment though, I'm very infatuated with the prostate. I fantasise about massaging, milking, stroking the prostate all the time. I guess because I know how good it feels and want to be part of a guys most fulfilling orgasm.

I guess the first paragraph can be explained by my being married. My wife fulfills my every need except one.

I'm very thankful you are here. This is a great community that gives me insight to my bi side every day.

deremarc

Feb 21, 2007, 7:57 PM

I'm not sure what "to top" means in the purely sexual sense, but as for receiving head it seems to me that that would be the simpliest problem of all. I'm sure that there are way more men out there who would like to give head than to receive it.What's the difference between roleplaying and a purely sexual fantasy? Can't he simply imagine that it's a man sucking his dick instead of a girl?I must be missing something here that results from my ignorance about it all.

I don't think it is that easy. My guy and I are struggling because he does not want to accept being bi, even though he enjoys sex with men (that's where the "purely physical" comment came from-he meets them, has sex-doesn't touch and leaves-no kissing, no bottoming or giving head.)

And, of course he can get head from men if he wants to-there are plenty of opportunities-but, right now for us-he rarely succumbs to his desire for men-partly because he is trying to escape his desires and partly because I am monogamous and it could cause problems for us.

When I was talking about roleplaying it was because people suggest that you can fulfill a man's sexual desires by penetrating him anally (which he has no interest in). It would be easier to "role-play" that. To me role-play would be me pretending to be a man and satisfying a man's desire to be penetrated or submissive. Fantasy is what is in our heads, and in what we verbalize about those thoughts to each other.

I was just trying to say that for my partner-I don't think there is anything I personally can do to satisfy his same sex urges-I am female. I give him head and we have anal sex-but I am still female. And since he can have (and we both enjoy) anal sex and blowjobs from me...and he still wants men (and the same type of anal sex and head-with him being a top and him receiving)...then other than him fantasizing in his head that I am a man-I'm not sure what else I can do.

And fantasy only seems to take him so far-and I understand that-I am soft, smooth, hairless and much smaller than him. He also thinks men give better head as a general rule than women do. Probably because they understand a man's body better and also, as someone pointed out months ago, they have bigger mouths and throats-and he is quite thick. Plus, when he is having sex with me-he is turned on of course-but it is also about love and connection. When he has sex with a man-I think for him it is purely animalistic physical pleasure. I think with me he is more gentle, more worried about me having an orgasm too-and that makes making love great between us...but, sometimes might not measure up to what he has with a guy.

I think sex with me is important, and both types of sex are special to him (hence the bisexual issue), but I don't think either one would be able to satisfy all of his desires.

Not trying to muddle the issue. And, these things are just what is appearing to be true for the two of us. Not necessarily true for others.

dans94

Feb 21, 2007, 9:14 PM

Excellent post deremarc!!!
At least from where I'm coming from, you hit the nail on the head. Thanks

Plus, when he is having sex with me-he is turned on of course-but it is also about love and connection. When he has sex with a man-I think for him it is purely animalistic physical pleasure. I think with me he is more gentle, more worried about me having an orgasm too-and that makes making love great between us...but, sometimes might not measure up to what he has with a guy.

commonman, thanks for giving me the oportunity to work on my patience. :)

self88

Feb 21, 2007, 9:29 PM

Yes!!! There are days when my desire to give head to ANYONE are overpowering. On other days, the thought of it completely repulses me. It makes for a very confusing life.

I just wish my hormones would make up their mind.

CountryLover

Feb 21, 2007, 11:30 PM

My position differs. To me, one good friend is worth more than ten thousand lovers. So I'm not much on the transitional nature of infatuation. In fact I don't see love as something a person just 'falls' into. It takes a lot of doing just to build it a home, a place to get, so to speak.

I don't see sex as a validation of love, or its instigator. For me it's the other way around -- while sex is pretty well just sex. It can exist on its own plane without having anything at all to do with love or the solid intellectual and emotional connections that go with it. In other words, love stays put.

Commonman, you expressed that so eloquently! That's exactly how it works for me also. Sex is a lot of fun, love is great, and the combination of the two is the very best - but they are still two different things in my opinion.

I've never had intellectual intercourse with a man because men are too guarded about their sexuality, or if not, they're unwilling to separate the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual elements in order to find out where they fit in the equation.

Personally I've seen this too, but I've also been blessed with the kind of trusting friendship that allows a man to be unguarded with me. So, I just don't think this is a fair generality. It's about trust and letting down our barriers and that's not necessarily a gender issue.

If a man and woman know each other's minds why wouldn't they know each other's bodies?

This I DO agree with - and again I don't think it's a gender issue. Learning what pleasures your lover and adapting to their needs as much as humanly possible is the hallmark of a terrific lover. HOWEVER, it has to be a two way street for it to work, regardless of the genders involved.

Back on topic, I had an incident today - since my husband and I married last July, my bi side has pretty much been overshadowed. Today it came roaring back! Whew!

And it was such a joy to lean over and whisper in my husband's ear, "she makes my mouth water!" and know I could share that with him, and he understood!

commonman

Feb 22, 2007, 11:24 AM

Please don't psychoanalyze me...,I went back and read my post to see if I could determine what would make you think I was playing shrink with your psyche. I found nothing. You'll have to explain your objection.

..., you don't know me better than I do...,I'd say that's a good thing.

...and it's too much mental masturbation to read that I really don't care about.There's nothing to keep one from scrolling past whatever opinion offends or is of no interest.

Considering you haven't been with a man sexually you shouldn't paint most men with such a wide brush or say how they're guarded about their sexuality or say how men "don't seperate physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual elements".Hell's fuckin' fire, already. I'm speaking from my own experience. Wasn't that apparent?

commonman

Feb 22, 2007, 12:30 PM

...he meets them, has sex-doesn't touch and leaves-no kissing, no bottoming or giving head.)Over the years, more or less at random -- and as one born and raised in the very rural bible belt -- I've noticed those terms, topping and bottoming, often enough, mostly virtue of the Internet. As a matter of clarification am I right to understand that topping means to fuck another man in the ass and to bottom means to get fucked? I realize I'm a long time in asking that question. After joining this forum it seemed about time.

I should mention that, whatever the reason, I don't have any anal fixations. My interest is more along the lines of what it is that drives and influences human sexuality in such myriad manifestations. No one denies that the various urges are powerful indeed while the basic procreative urge is mostly backseat to the majority affair. It takes on an almost recreational surrealism, an aura, something of an addiction to pleasure where enough is never enough.

That reminds me that fear is also something of a drug. Kids want to ride faster and faster roller coasters. Men climb mountains, risking their lives. People go to churches to hear the gospel of God Damnation over and over again. Insatiable.

And then there's the titillation factor, the empty promise of getting something for nothing, or almost nothing. People are damned strange creatures.

Where does the prick tease end? With it's beginnings in romance it shows up big time in religion. And when it moved to commerce during the Industrial Revolution, the shit was in the fan. But it all turns to bloodlust when romance, religion and commerce all get into bed with politics.

Sex not only sells, it buys. And it can buy the soul.

But never mind. I now realize I'm prolly a distraction here and should move on.

...and he still wants men (and the same type of anal sex and head-with him being a top and him receiving)...then other than him fantasizing in his head that I am a man-I'm not sure what else I can do.Thanks for the clarification. I understand your dilemma, and I'm thinking it's unusual. So I'm not disposed to comment, since any semblance of psychoanalysis is a no-no.

(Why don't I just shut up...?)

Plus, when he is having sex with me-he is turned on of course-but it is also about love and connection. When he has sex with a man-I think for him it is purely animalistic physical pleasure.Personally, I think it's always been a mistake to try and make a 'marriage' between sex and love. To me they exist on two different planes. Love is a solid grounding of the logical intellect. It shouldn't head south to have a head-on collision with the sacral plexus. The sacral plexus should be brought north to have a conference with the thinking mind and to seek a working compromise.

The sentient rage of the procreative urge, as in a stud horse and mare, is to get off, a purely self-centered act. Under normal circumstances what the stud wants is also what the mare wants, and more than that, needs. Otherwise she gets crazy with desire, a fact well known to those raised on a farm or out in the country. So that's the natural workings of the deep woods. Most people believe that human sexuality is the superior proposition. I don't happen to share that philosophy. But I've said too much, haven't I? One ought not go against the grain, and all that.

..., but I don't think either one would be able to satisfy all of his desires.Isn't that the basic essence of the human paradox, that such desires/needs can't be met, not even when the silver cord is severed?

Okay. So here I am with another can of worms. Guess I'll wait and see....

commonman

Feb 22, 2007, 12:35 PM

commonman, thanks for giving me the oportunity to work on my patience.Hopeful that I'm not knee-jerking, I'm fairly confident that nobody forced you to read what I wrote.

commonman

Feb 22, 2007, 1:58 PM

Sex is a lot of fun, love is great, and the combination of the two is the very best - but they are still two different things in my opinion.Well, in spite of that sounding a bit contradictory, I take your point. (smiles) I mean, it's like peaches and cream. They go well together. The question, I suppose, it just how they should go together, come together, or what's the proper fit? Failures are rampant. Things look good today and tomorrow they go to shit. Longevity isn't so easily had on the good side of things.

I wrote that, "I've never had intellectual intercourse with a man because men are too guarded about their sexuality, or if not, they're unwilling to separate the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual elements in order to find out where they fit in the equation."

And you?

Personally I've seen this too, but I've also been blessed with the kind of trusting friendship that allows a man to be unguarded with me.Maybe that's the same thing from a feminine standpoint as my experience about women not wanting to be known, at least not by yours truly. And it wasn't like I was exactly ugly, or anything. But few there have been.

So, I just don't think this is a fair generality.I didn't intend it as a generality. I was talking about my own experience in the matter.

It's about trust and letting down our barriers and that's not necessarily a gender issue.You're right. Most people apply themselves to a facade they think (or believe) others will find acceptable. In some cases they're more comfortable being unacceptable.

About body types, and all that:

This I DO agree with - and again I don't think it's a gender issue.Yes. It's more an intellectual issue, at least for those who connect with that venue pertinent to a management of sexual issues. It probably accounts for my immediate attraction to your words, which would naturally be followed by a physical attraction, body type aside.

Human sexuality is a wayward expression of the basic procreative instinct, the most powerful physical entity in the universe, and for humans, influenced in turn by powerful external stimuli.

..., I had an incident today ...Yeah, and ain't it strange how that happens with such a rush?

And it was such a joy to lean over and whisper in my husband's ear, "she makes my mouth water!" and know I could share that with him, and he understood!When one thinks about it, is there a greater joy then being able to be honest? Isn't that what love is all about at it's most basic essence? Being honest out in public can have dire consequences. There have been all kinds of witch hunts, usually because of the lies of religion and the fucked up realities of socioreligious and religo-political constructs.

DiamondDog

Feb 22, 2007, 9:56 PM

I went back and read my post to see if I could determine what would make you think I was playing shrink with your psyche. I found nothing. You'll have to explain your objection.

You're psychoanalyzing things way too much. With your quote about the outdated Oedipal complex talking about married men, to assuming that I'm "too performance oriented and sort of enslaved in the physical plane" when I describe sex/relationships with men.

I have better things to do than waste my time arguing with a closeted married bi guy on the internet. If I wanted to do it in real life I'd just go to an adult bookstore.

commonman

Feb 23, 2007, 1:17 AM

You're psychoanalyzing things way too much.What is it they say, "Oh, my achin' ass"?

For the record (again), what I said was, "That sounds too performance oriented and sort of enslaved to the physical plane. Just my opinion, of course."

That's the context, and more specifically, that what I was addressing was the difference between the after-glow of sexual feelings and the exchanges that take place beyond that and on the higher plane of the intellect.

With your quote about the outdated Oedipal complex talking about married men...,Aside from Freud's premise, which is a serious stretch from the context of what I said, I take it you don't agree with the notion of a man being 'pussy whipped.'

..., to assuming that I'm "too performance oriented and sort of enslaved in the physical plane" when I describe sex/relationships with men.Where'd you get the "I'm"? Perchance you should try and get over yourself and not be so thin-skinned and personally fixated.

I have better things to do than waste my time arguing ...You aren't. You're doing something else. And I'm working at keeping the record straight regarding your accusations.

... with a closeted married bi guy on the internet.You should also try and hone your reading skills. I've made no statements about whether or not I'm out, merely that I've never been "romantically" involved with a man. For that matter, not with a woman either. I don't do romance, which is a God damned kissing cousin to religion. The same romance drives the sales gimmicks of commerce. I've mentioned the blood-stained beds of politics; and granted indeed that there's little interest in the possibility of such connections.

If I wanted to do it in real life I'd just go to an adult bookstore.C'ya, Buckwheat.

rocky

Feb 23, 2007, 1:50 AM

I believe that it is a hormonal or chemical thing going on. I could be wrong, but I would be willing to bet that a majority of people (even heterosexuals) fantasize about same sex relations from time to time.
What interests me is the number of people that struggle with these feelings.
If you have these desires, could there really be anything wrong with it. I think that most people, that are bothered by these feelings, are mostly concerned with public perceptions. :cool:

commonman

Feb 23, 2007, 2:23 PM

I believe that it is a hormonal or chemical thing going on.Yeah, plus electrochemical and hormonal electrical. We have some 30,000 feet of neuronal wiring. For those with trained eyes the human carcass has an aura that sparkles like a dozen diamonds in a goat's ass.

I could be wrong, but I would be willing to bet that a majority of people (even heterosexuals) fantasize about same sex relations from time to time.I don't think there's any such thing as a heterosexual. Besides hard-core observations, there's other evidence that sexual origins were hermaphroditic, which would be why men and boar hawgs have nipples and women have a little peter situated at the top of the place of the slippery hilt.

If that's the case a so-called straight man who eats pussy is no less a noble cocksucker than a so-called homosexual. Or maybe it'd be cocklicker.

A FUNCTIONAL HERMAPHRODITE
http://www.lodebar.org/docs_battle/sex/sexual_ID/images/images/hermaph.jpg

IN THE MIDDLE OF FUNCTIONING
http://www.lodebar.org/docs_battle/sex/sexual_ID/images/images/shemale.jpg

What interests me is the number of people that struggle with these feelings.That would, I submit, be most

If you have these desires, could there really be anything wrong with it.Well, if everybody was hermaphroditic you could fuck awhile and then suck awhile.

I think that most people, that are bothered by these feelings, are mostly concerned with public perceptions. :cool:Speaking of perceptions, if given a chance, they'd prolly wanna watch.

PolyLoveTriad

Feb 23, 2007, 3:32 PM

My husband and I are both bi. For him, he very equally is all the time attracted to both sex's.

For me, Im all the time attracted to men, and sometimes attracted to women. Dont get me wrong, I consider myself completely bi-sexual. But with women, I find myself attracted to certain types of personalities instead of it being more physical. Unless theres a woman I come across that has the personality that gets my attention, Im not thinking anything other than shes just another person.

I guess theres a lot more to being bi than even I thought lol Someone do a study and get back with me! lol Have a great day everyone!

Oh Yeah

Feb 24, 2007, 2:38 AM

Recently I have been incredibly gay. Other weeks I forget I'm bi. To me, gay sex is more sexual. I'd like to think that women are more romantic for me. I can imagine having a girlfriend, but a boyfriend is harder to imagine.

G.T.O

Feb 24, 2007, 11:27 AM

nwmscurious

Feb 24, 2007, 12:17 PM

Actually, I find that my urge seems to be related to how recently my last experience was. Perhaps it's the forbidden fruit syndrome, but the farther in the past the more I think about bisex.

wantus269

Feb 24, 2007, 1:55 PM

There'd be a day or two where that is all I could think about, followed by three or four days where the idea just didn't appeal to me.

It would be during those "off times" where I'd say to myself, "gee, I guess im not bi. Glad i didnt do anything stupid!" And then right on the money, several days later, Id be right back where I started.

Long story short, I finally realzied there is no set rule about how to "be bi". Being bisexual can take many many forms, all depending on the person. I hope im on the right track here, just keep in mind that this is my opinon only.

But I was wondering if anyone else, male or female, find that their attraction on the hetero side is always 100 percent, while their same sex attraction ebbs and flows. Im certian this is common, but still, I just wanted to know if anyone out there feels the same way.
I'm the exact same!! Some days I cant help myself! I get so worked up and want to get with a guy sooo bad and all day long all I can do is stare at hot guys! Then other days I dont even think about it and all I can do is think about girls and stuff and guys arent appealing!

shybiman

Feb 24, 2007, 2:10 PM

Great subject guys. I have to admit that I’m not as bi all the time. I sometimes just want to be with a guy and sometimes can’t even think about it. In my case if I’m with a couple (m/f) I will almost for sure feel bi. The view of a woman in front of me (specially is it is my woman) with a man drives me crazy. I want to join, and although I like women and I will be with her also, I feel the need to be with the guy and share him with her.
:2cents:

matterinhand

Feb 24, 2007, 3:13 PM

I found, before I admitted to myself that I was bi, that I could go for months without thinking of other men (after my hormones had settled down after puberty that is, during puberty I'd have been happy with a knot hole in a tree.)
Since I realised and became honest with myself I do find that I'm more looking at days rather than months.
But I do find that emotionally its definatly females I prefer 99% of the time.

As for "This is when a man can fantasize about sucking a dick while getting a BJ from a wife who enjoys doing it", no, sorry, it doesn't work that way for me.
My wife enjoys giving head, I like getting it from her, but its got to be with masturbation.
If I get head from a man I find it a lot more sexually intense, and can cum very easily.

RaineK

Feb 24, 2007, 6:53 PM

But I was wondering if anyone else, male or female, find that their attraction on the hetero side is always 100 percent, while their same sex attraction ebbs and flows. Im certian this is common, but still, I just wanted to know if anyone out there feels the same way.

Um, yeah I'm the same and when I went to a sexologist a few years ago to help me deal with my bi-sexuality. Its actually as natural as any sexual desire, it is all related to hormones. Yes, males also have hormones and in fact all males also have ferimones!

As our hormones change over time, bisexual feelings like any other sexual desire will also change. If it bothers you there are hormone treatments available to help you level the "swing" out and help you cope emotionally if need be. I took treatments for a while when I found I was not coping very well at certain times. Now I deal with my swings by accepting them and realising it's part of my natural cycle.

I know I have a big swing sexually and emotionally, so I'm on the extreme but I'm not suprised your bisexuality comes and goes.

garda_600

Feb 24, 2007, 7:55 PM

I kinda have the same thing. I will go weeks where I am as straight as an arrow, wanting women only. But then I'll go weeks where I am a gay slut. During each, I have no desire for the other, meaning when I am with women, I don't want to have anything to do with men, but when I am with men, I am totally into men.

I know I am bi, but I love it when I am in these diffenent times because I can call myself different things. I am "staight" when I am with the women, and I am "gay" when I am with men.

littlej1019

Mar 3, 2007, 9:49 AM

I have days where all I want is another man's dick, or several men's dicks, and that's all I think about all day. Today is one of those. Then I have days where pussy is all I want. Its kind of random.

biwords

Mar 4, 2007, 9:01 AM

In my own case, I went from experiencing sexual (and romantic) feelings for guys about once a year to about once a week. Then I discovered this site, and it became about once every half-hour. :) But yes, I have experienced the coming and going of MM desire. I suspect, though, that it will be a more permanent part of the landscape now, that a true bi identity is at last forming, with my attraction to women remaining as strong as ever.

The thing is, though, that the desires are of different kinds even though both are expressed sexually. It's a pretty subtle thing. I thought DiamondDog put this brilliantly a little while back on this thread:

"... there's no way a woman could be "trained" to be like a man, even for basic things like kissing, or being held by a man, or holding hands feel completely different than it does with a woman".

I'd only add that the romantic (as well as more narrowly sexual) feelings I'd have for men and women are very different. For example, I don't feel protective of a man (though I might feel that way about someone transgendered). I'm not submissive with a woman, I am with a man. The overall feeling is that to have only one or the other is to leave a gaping hole in one's life.

Some of the earlier posters here got very harshly judgmental at this point and said, well, if -- just to take one example -- you are a man who married a woman and now have feelings for men, tough luck. Bite the bullet. Your wife can go down on you and you can imagine it's that guy you saw on the bus this afternoon. Nobody has a right to sexual satisfaction where this holds the potential to hurt others, so give up the idea of experiencing man-on-man sex.

That view has a lot going for it, but what about the wronged spouse's selfishness? To hold to the terms of the contract and say in effect, "I require absolute fidelity and if that means part of your nature goes unexplored or unfulfilled, tough luck, suck it up" seems to smack of selfishness to me. Especially if children aren't at stake. As we've seen on this site, some couples have negotiated compromises that seem to work for them. No, no-one has a 'right to cheat', that's clear; but on the other side, love should be about more than insisting on the performance of a contract, shouldn't it?

hardnwolf

Mar 5, 2007, 1:09 AM

Oh. most definitely. Our sexuality is part of the great mystery, the elements and circumstance can affect it beyond calculation. My outness is constant but mostly political, just have always got off on bein in the face of the anal, homophopic, Christo and Islamo Fascist. As far as actually gettin off, the sex has never been better though for some time a solo experience and when I think of actually being with a another person, man, woman , couple, it's kind of repulsive, enjoy the fantasies and attractions, but it's nice now when I'm done fucking and getting fucked to be able to just go on, not have to talk or make breakfast or figure out what to do with this person(s) It's a big break thru for me as for so much of my life my good feelings bout myself were much rooted in how much and often I was gettin it. Ready now to sign on as a missionary of masturbation , and I think having finally come to really love myself will be more there for whoever if ever I'm with someone

Cowan

Mar 5, 2007, 1:24 AM

I find my self looking at both men and women at anytime at all. My girlfriend is straight and when I see a hot guy I let her know or if I see a hot women it's the same. She wants me to stay with her as women goe but likes seeing me eyeing up a guy and she knows when I am. :bipride:

stillconfused

Mar 5, 2007, 2:54 AM

Very good topic, I seem to have almost seasonal changes. I'll go three months only thinking about pussy and then like flicking a switch, I'll be cock thirsty for 2 or 3 months. Sometimes the intervals are shorter and sometimes I feel either totally straight or totally gay. I even have mens and womens underwear to fit the schedule. It's awful, I'd rather be one or the other. My bisexuality has made it impossible to have that life-long relationship thing work. I have only actually had sex with one guy, and do prefer women, but when I'm in a LTR with a woman, I can go into full cock mode and the result is a lack of interest in sex with her, which isn't fair or honest. I have been a serial monogamist, even married for three years, and the result has always been the same, hit the road Jack. I tried the 'honesty is the best policy' with my last girlfriend and that didn't work out so well so it's back to the closet forever. Sorry, Lynn, Kathie, Ingrid, Monica et al.

Cid87

Mar 5, 2007, 6:43 PM

Yes, my heterosexual side is dominant, never changes.

I don't bother in changing labels because my homosexual desires do come up eventually, few or many they never disappear entirely.

I guess hetero-bisexual is my best label...

Tommy2020

Mar 5, 2007, 9:57 PM

I was labeled by my marraige counselor as Hetero-Flexible during my divorce. I have since found the term in Wickepedia along with several other labels dealing with str8, bi, and totally gay orientation. But, I still don't like labeling people and lumping them into a barrel of parts.
Getting back into the original string, I do have times when m2m doesn't appeal in the least. But, it will always come back if I concentrate on it enough. I have never tried to disregard it for a long period of time (like several years) and I don't think I could. Let's face it, it simply is too much fun. And as long as someone doesn't have to say they're sorry in the morning, then nothing is hurt.
Tommy2020

NudeDen

Mar 5, 2007, 10:15 PM

Hello all. Ive been a memeber for a while now, and Ive promised myself to post more and chat more and all that; to at least try to be a part of this great communty you have here! Check my ad if you want to know more about me, of course!

Anyhow, back in "the day" when I didnt really think I was bi (I just thought i was an open minded guy), one of the reasons that I didnt think I was was that my attraction to men wasn't always there. There'd be a day or two where that is all I could think about, followed by three or four days where the idea just didn't appeal to me.

It would be during those "off times" where I'd say to myself, "gee, I guess im not bi. Glad i didnt do anything stupid!" And then right on the money, several days later, Id be right back where I started.

Long story short, I finally realzied there is no set rule about how to "be bi". Being bisexual can take many many forms, all depending on the person. I hope im on the right track here, just keep in mind that this is my opinon only.

But I was wondering if anyone else, male or female, find that their attraction on the hetero side is always 100 percent, while their same sex attraction ebbs and flows. Im certian this is common, but still, I just wanted to know if anyone out there feels the same way.

I'm very much like this. For a while i'll be into guys and then after i've played with a guy i just loose all interest. Sometime i just loose interest without playing. Though i never loose interest in the opposite sex. :male: :female: :flag1:

Dennis

Domino

Mar 5, 2007, 10:40 PM

I don't find it comes and goes. But I am someone how is very particular, so I am not really sexualy attracted to lot's of people, I don't come accross many woman that make me drool, but not many men either. So it is once in a while when I do find myself sexually attracted to someone.

2senual57

Oct 7, 2010, 4:03 PM

I just happened on this discussion and found a lot similar thoughts to mine. I had one M/M experience some time ago, same guy several times, but repressed all that for years. I was fortunate to find a wonderful, enlightened lady recently, who we discovered was bicurious as well, having had a little experience also. She helped me open up and be able to talk to her about my bisexual thoughts. Still, there are days between me having M/M curiousities, but they seem to come back much more frequently now. And I am glad for that. We are hoping to find the right man to help me explore more but no luck so far.. Great forum
Update
My wife and I have been loking for the right couple who is also both bi to explore with but so far all we have found were fakers ust wating to chat and get of I guess.. they make plans with us to meet and never show..
Are there any couples out there that are for real??? We are beginning to wonder.... If so and you read tis be aware, distance is no issue as I fly corporate charters alll over the US.. And lasltly we both are sooooooo ready for some couple sex. lol

dafydd

Oct 7, 2010, 4:08 PM

YES YES absolutely comes and goes with my homo side taking dominance, which is a kind of worry in the back of my mind with the new girl, as we don't know each other too much yet....

BfloBiFun

Oct 7, 2010, 5:09 PM

Its been said here before . . . Yes it comes and goes, but not for very long . . for me . . .

Jessicaknight

Nov 5, 2010, 10:10 AM

I'm not only Bisexual.
I also enjoy being top and bottom.
And that's what changes with me. Sometimes I want to be top, Other times I want to be bottom.
Love to top both guys and girls.
But most of the times I love my butt worked and bottom for my wife.

It's been a while since I topped my wife. I just don't feel the urge. I know she wants it because she's been hinting. She's patient cause she knows when I do shift to top, she's going to enjoy it. (And so am I)

Paragon

Nov 5, 2010, 1:51 PM

I cannot fathom not being attracted to women. That is mind boggling to me. However, despite my insane attraction to women, it doesn't stop me from being bi. And its not where a woman has to be present; most of my bi experience has been one on one.

There are times when I think that I can go without but, other times when my desires are juggernautical (My new word).

IndyBiFun

Nov 5, 2010, 3:29 PM

Hi everyone. Nice question.

I do indeed consider myself to be bisexual but yes, I do find myself ebbing in and out with my bi side and hetero side.

I guess like most people I like a certain kind of guy and if I don't notice someone that tickles my sweet spot my bi desires don't kick in. But, if I do spot a guy that I think is attractive or cute I certainly do notice and look and wonder.

When I am out I notice women first but I also look for my kind of guy too.

open2both

Nov 5, 2010, 4:14 PM

Hi.
Most things are SITUATIONAL, ya' know?
If it's food or favorite color or...
Attraction hits on its own terms and times.
Why STRESS over it?
ENJOY the journey!:flag3:

eddievb91

Nov 6, 2010, 12:19 AM

i go through the exact same thing throughout my weeks, theres times when i lean to one sex more than the other but the attraction to boths always there. its just a part of who you are =]

jabor60

Nov 7, 2010, 8:58 AM

Glad to here I'm far from being alone with these feelings. When the desire for MM sex becomes too intense I'm lucky to have a couple of "suck buddies" that I can get together with and satisfy our needs. I never feel guilty afterward-just satisfied until the feelings of homosexual desire build up in me again. My only problem is how to come out to my gf-a very sweet and wonderfully loving woman that I don't want to hurt or loose.

Marks Theory

Nov 7, 2010, 7:03 PM

WOW I stumbled on this site today trying to understand why I feel the way I do and not being able to identify as straight or gay.... This topic is the reason I struggle with it. Ever since I can remember I have had sexual feeling for both men and woman and they definitely come and go in waves. Sometimes its strong and other times I feel more asexual then anything else....I know I was not the only one but could never really connect with anyone who was willing to open up about it...This has helped tremendously and thank you for the post...

Realist

Nov 7, 2010, 8:51 PM

Mark,

Welcome to the site. Hang around, ask questions, read the file of posts...especially the ones that interest you. This is mostly a great place, where you can learn and grow.

Believe me, you are not the only person in the world with these feelings. Seek out the ones with whom you can relate. You may find a friend, who lives close- by, you may even find a lover, I DID...but you will certainly grow and learn!

Like society, there are trolls here, detractors, and people who will antagonize you, too. But some fine folks dwell here, too. Take what you need and ignore the rest.

Wailanarose

Jan 2, 2013, 12:20 AM

Absolutely! I always thought it had to do with the moon and my hormones. I'm a woman though,so that doesn't really apply to you now does it? All I know is that I notice at a certain time each month that I am really annoyed by men and also really unattracted, and super turned on by all things feminine. And then there is a time when the female attraction is way less and I am super into men. I think it has to do with feelings of being more feminine or masculine in any given moment.

hard man

Jan 2, 2013, 9:41 AM

I know what you mean. I am middle age (55) and I have just had one experience with another man when I was in college and loved it. I did it several times with just the one man. Then went on through life liking women but at times and was never out of my mind was turned on by having sex with another man. I tried to deny it but it always came back and now I realize that while still like women I know I am bi maybe just in thought. I am married now and would love to have a regular play buddy that is clean and discreet someone that is just like me. But at some point I realize that I would have to say I am bi. Like right now I crave being with another man. And now I want to try kissing and other stuff that I didn't want to before. Sometimes I think I may be gay. Like all middle age men and not getting any from the wife i find men very hot. What does anyone else think. I would love to find someone other man like that I could tale with... Any ideas?

Brian

Jan 2, 2013, 12:47 PM

"Does anyone else find their bi side "comes and goes?""

Yes, yes, yes. Big time for me. I swear there are times I am nearly 100% gay and other times I am nearly 100% straight. Tying this into the active thread right now about different KINDS of attractions to the two genders... I think I go through phases where I am more into a simple physical attraction to cock (attraction to men); and other times I am looking for something much more, an emotional attraction, a more complex supporting relationship (attraction to women).

- Drew :paw:

Bi_Druid

Jan 2, 2013, 2:01 PM

Back to original post, yes.
I'm swinging up and down the proverbial kinsey scale all the time. Sometimes the change can go from prefering one gender in the morning to lusting after the other by lunch time and then back again. Or not. It's all a bit crazy like that, but I guess I've just learned to take it in my stride and run with it.

bibiboy

Jan 2, 2013, 2:22 PM

I came to grips with my bisexuality through the insight, wisdom and assistance of my girlfriend. She explained to me early on in our relationship that her "degree of bisexuality" was a bit fluid and that it would be stronger at some times than at others. As I have moved forward in my own exploration I have figured out that she's right, at least as far as she and I go. It comes and goes a bit. Currently I am much more "bi" than she is, which is a little frustrating but I totally get where she's at.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jan 2, 2013, 4:19 PM

Yeppers. It comes and goes. No pun intended. And with me, its Bi-Select anyway. it just happens that'a way. Sometimes ya feel like a nut, sometimes ya dont...(Snicker)
Silly Cat.

ckman314

Jan 2, 2013, 5:00 PM

When I was younger absolutely it would come and go each time I felt the urge it stayed with me longer and longer, now its a constant feeling I have especially since I told my wife I have really excepted being completely bi and comfortable in my own skin its a great fealing

cbj4162

Jan 2, 2013, 6:50 PM

yes indeed, my desire for a man comes and goes.... my desires focus around mutul oral, it is a good start in my opinion.

bbuilder

Jan 3, 2013, 5:14 PM

I know exactly what you mean and I am the same way!
I also agree with you on there not being any set "way to be" in terms of attraction.

Hello all. Ive been a memeber for a while now, and Ive promised myself to post more and chat more and all that; to at least try to be a part of this great communty you have here! Check my ad if you want to know more about me, of course!

Anyhow, back in "the day" when I didnt really think I was bi (I just thought i was an open minded guy), one of the reasons that I didnt think I was was that my attraction to men wasn't always there. There'd be a day or two where that is all I could think about, followed by three or four days where the idea just didn't appeal to me.

It would be during those "off times" where I'd say to myself, "gee, I guess im not bi. Glad i didnt do anything stupid!" And then right on the money, several days later, Id be right back where I started.

Long story short, I finally realzied there is no set rule about how to "be bi". Being bisexual can take many many forms, all depending on the person. I hope im on the right track here, just keep in mind that this is my opinon only.

But I was wondering if anyone else, male or female, find that their attraction on the hetero side is always 100 percent, while their same sex attraction ebbs and flows. Im certian this is common, but still, I just wanted to know if anyone out there feels the same way.

lillian09

Jan 4, 2013, 1:48 PM

I know the feeling. I am the same way. I get into these moods where it's like I just want a woman to take me..I'm primarily straight, but have 'bi-tendancies' as my friend once said..lol! It seems to come and go, as well as being sexual and wanting sex. I think that's just a woman though. Our hormones tend to get our of whack at times, I know mine do anyways. I have this tracker for my menstrual cycles, and I noticed that on certain days during the month, I am hornier, because I keep up with that as well as when I masturbate, have sex, or do oral. :) I think it's normal though for women, and for men, to feel like they are topsy turvey at some points in their lives, whether that be weekly or monthly or yearly. :)

Dead Account

Jan 4, 2013, 2:30 PM

lillian09

Jan 4, 2013, 3:01 PM

I'm quite a bit like this. It comes and goes a lot. Makes me extremely cautious about the decisions I make. I've had plenty of interested folks, only to let them down because I'm afraid of making a horrible mistake emotionally speaking. Sorry to those who w been affected, I'm just a lousy risk taker.

I think I'm the same, Bi-CuriousDoogie. It's hard for me because I look back on how I was braught up, and what I was told, versus how things really are and can be. I don't blame my parents for anything, they just wanted to keep me safe. Unfortunately, that stopped a lot of my 'tendacies' and wants/needs for a partner in life. Now that I'm older, I'm seeing things in a light I never thought I could or would. :) I wouldn't ever hold that against someone if they (at first) said yes, then turned around and said no. I can understand the cautiousness and the 'I think I want this' type of mentality. I think a lot of people are that way. I know I am. :) Have you tried maybe writing a short story on a fantasy you would like to have? I do that sometimes...I will sit at my computer and just write, or type, what I am seeing in my head. :)

Dead Account

Jan 4, 2013, 4:45 PM

Good lord, no, my wife would think I'm chatting to some stranger because I'd have a woodie... :D

lillian09

Jan 4, 2013, 8:02 PM

LOL! I understand that. I share my stories with my husband, sometimes, and he loves them. Writing is such a freeing experience sometimes. I know a friend of mine who will write some pretty steamy stuff and has admitted that it turns her on sometimes to the point of orgasm...lol! :)

gen11

Jan 5, 2013, 12:28 AM

I've been actively bi for about six years. I'm married and in the closet with no chance whatsoever of coming out of it, even/especially to my wife. After wrestling with the moral issues involved in being ten years marriend and very suddenly finding myself wanting sex with a man, I have come to terms with "playing the cards life has dealt me, as carefully as I can."

In that context, my desire for men comes and goes, too. I'm retired with too much time on my hands, and am afflicted with depressive illness. That affliction influences me to waste a great deal of time in idleness and extended naps. When I am thus idle, my desire for men is strongest. When I become active, mentally or physically, with the routine tasks of life, it fades and usually becomes absent for the duration of my activity. This phenomenon I have noticed with curiosity and confusion. It is very reassuring to find through this thread that it seems to be a very common phenomenon amoung bi men (sorry, ladies, I skipped all your posts).

SeekingSimilar24

Jan 5, 2013, 6:24 PM

I consider myself pansexual... OMG, what a mess when it swings. Usually a couple days every two and a half months I even feel asexual. I just don't feel like being sexual with anyone. Some days I find myself totally into manly men, then others more feminine men or transgendered women. While I still am attracted to both sexes, the role I feel like I need to fill changes. It really doesn't hinder my interest in men or women, but it does influence things like what kind of porn I am interested in and how crazy sex will be.

Realist

Jan 5, 2013, 8:11 PM

Lillian wrote: "I get into these moods where it's like I just want a woman to take me.."

Last week, my GF said almost the same thing. There are times she wants to be with a woman so badly it hurts! She wants to touch a woman's body, smell, and taste her. It's been some time, since she had a female lover, and I can tell the frequency of that entering her conversations, is more often.

She's so busy with a hectic job, going back to college, and two active kids.....so I doubt if she'll meet anyone, soon. There's just so much I can do for her, when it's a woman she wants!

amorous945

Jan 5, 2013, 8:41 PM

The bisexual desires that I have definitely come and go, and sometimes they are completely absent. I have come to the conclusion that with me the desire "seems" to be completely in the physical realm. I say that because my desire and feelings for women never change. My first sexual experiences were bisexual and lasted for a period of about 4 to 5 years. I know that had I not moved away from those with whom I was having these experiences, I would have no doubt continued in them. These experiences, though very pleasurable, were completely physical. At the time, it "seemed" to be only a substitute for what we really wanted, a female. After I moved away and eventually married, I chalked all those experiences up to just "normal teenage experimentation and raging hormones," and relegated them to the past, seldom thinking about them. I was 16 or 17 the last time I had a bisexual experience. I'm 53 now and have been married for over 30 years. However, in the last decade or so, those feelings and desires have resurfaced. At times when my desire has been the strongest I have placed various ads, only to back out at the last minute for a variety of reasons, but mainly because it is the female "energy or essence" that I love, and the thought of meeting a complete stranger (male) for sexual purposes suddenly becomes very unappealing to me. The bisexual experiences that I had in the past took place between friends and just evolved over time. I have no doubt that given the same scenario I would "play" again. Obviously, I'm here at this site for a reason, but just not sure where I am in all of this.

Dead Account

Jan 6, 2013, 12:55 AM

I often find out that my attractions are affected by my schedule too. Usually, if I'm not attracted to men, I'm not attracted to women either at the time sometimes, especially if I'm distracted by whatever I'm dealing with at the time.

2intheflow

Jan 7, 2013, 11:39 AM

Hi everybody. Great thread. I am a hetero living "Bi" guy and I also am confused sometimes as to why it cums and goes. I have awesome sex with my live in girlfriend but have extremely strong desires for sex with a man regularly, "cock desire" really. She loves that I am Bi and enjoys it when we hook up with a Bi guy and she not only gets to watch but usually ends up getting 2 cocks at the same time. When I really need some cock, I usually go to a spa and enjoy some MM fun. She actually encourages me to do this when I get the urge and It's one of the things I love about her. She has even dropped me off at the "Spa" and gone shopping for a couple hours while I have some MM sex! We have had some great MFM, MMFMMM encounters at M4 but I want some balance! How about a FMF for a change? LOL. I am going to M4 this Wednesday night the 9th of Jan Bi myself to hopefully enjoy some hot Bi and mixed F/M/F/MMM etc fun! Hope to meet some sexy cool Bi people both M and F! Cheers.

SOFLMan

Jan 7, 2013, 12:04 PM

I also defanitaley find that my bi side comes and goes. It makes me crazy.

bisexualman1980

Mar 4, 2013, 8:59 PM

Hey Midwestseeker. Sorry to add to a post something like this, but your inbox is full. I can't send you messages until you delete a few old ones. Let me know if/when you do! Thanks!

like2bepegged

Mar 4, 2013, 9:25 PM

I can relate to deremarc, that is me to a T. Only I fantisize being a bottom and giving oral. But after orgasm I dont want to know about it.

pepperjack

Mar 4, 2013, 10:28 PM

I also defanitaley find that my bi side comes and goes. It makes me crazy.

I agree with this comment but am a tad less crazy 'cause I can spell difinitely.:smilies15

tenni

Mar 4, 2013, 10:47 PM

"cause I can spell difinitely"

One of the things that I've definitely learned is that if you are going to correct a spelling error, you need to double check the spelling in your own words. (hmm wonder if I'm going to make a typo spelling error ;)

As far as bi side...really "same sex" attraction coming and going is that I notice that as I "mature" that it has been less sudden and frequent. It still happens though..the swing attraction. I think that you learn how to cope better as time move on.

Now did I spell a word wrong?

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Mar 5, 2013, 12:10 AM

Oh Boy. Here goes hell freezing over again, but I have to agree with Tenni-Dumplin. With me..just getting back into the swing of things, it seems my sex drive is in Park as far as a female lover. For now. It comes(or cums) and goes. It'll be back eventually, when the right lady comes along..:}
Picky Cat

reluctantcocksucker

Mar 6, 2013, 7:29 PM

I can say that my urge only arises a few times a year. I never have it when I'm in a relationship with a woman. However, I get this urge to suck about 3 times a year. I have no other interest in men except nice looking cut cock.

ohbimale

Mar 7, 2013, 2:10 AM

Yes it does. My bisexual side does come and go. However the older I get the more prevalent my attraction to the same sex becomes. I have always had a stronger attraction to guys. I suppose that is why I have been sexually involved with 4 women and 5 guys. There is something more satisfying about a man to me. I have always found cock more satisfying to play with, especially orally.

Gearbox

Mar 7, 2013, 4:08 AM

I don't view myself as having a bi side, coz it's one thing. BUT my attraction to males has vanished a few times. It goes after a bad sex experience with a man. It only lasts about a week, but in that time I get no sexual joy from ANY man. I look at pics&vids of 'my types' and feel nothing even though I want to. I can be literally turned off men. Then suddenly I'm back on track, I don't think it's fluidity in my case, but a self imposed rejection, much like going off ALL lasagne coz you hear theres horse meat in it.lol Soon I'll like lasagne again when I don't FEEL it's tainted by horse meat. Maybe fluidity has a cause?

liberlib

Mar 7, 2013, 12:25 PM

I fully in the 'me too' group. I love my wife deeply and there are times when I can not believe I am trying to meet men on the side (see knows that I want to and may but wants to live as if I am not). Especially when the experience is not particularyly fulfilling but is more casually physical. But if I cut off contact and walk away, I go through some extreme depression after a time and can't seem to shake it until I start meeting wtih men again. But I have noticed that, when I seem to have a regular contact with a man and we can sit and talk or do other things, I am not inclined to seek others and I seem to acheive a balance. When I don't have a regular FWB, I tend to be desperate and make connections that I regret.

firebird19

Mar 7, 2013, 12:49 PM

OOOO BY THE WAY !!!!!!!!

I have seen him cum and then go ! ! !

pepperjack

Mar 7, 2013, 9:29 PM

elian

Mar 8, 2013, 2:30 PM

I've always loved both, when I became an adult I had adult thoughts about both. I've fought with myself over admitting my same sex desire but I've always loved both. Some times I find that it seems to be "that time of the month" - I just find myself fantacising more about being taken by a man.

jonibotom

Mar 9, 2013, 12:39 AM

Think the bi feelings are more often now that I have admitted to being bi.

cuttin2dachase

Mar 9, 2013, 1:57 AM

I have spent over half my life married, 23 yrs once and 11 the 2nd time. I am 59 now. At age 32, I discovered I enjoyed bi things in mfm 3somes with my 1st ex-wife and other men and it came naturally, no pun intended. I never cheated on either of my ex wives with other women or men, but I did secretly fantasize about being with men. I had a lot of fun with men while legally separated before and after my divorces. In the absence of being in a committed relationship, I tend to look or fwb fun with bi married men and mf couples with bi men more often than I seek it with women. I do not look for love or anything longterm with men and couples. My ideal mate would be an older mature str8 or bi woman who approves of and supports my bi desires. I have been with many more women in my life than with men and men seem to be on my mind more than women now, but were I to meet that special woman I'd probably be less bi or man-oriented than I am right now.

dabsbi

Mar 10, 2013, 3:46 PM

Interesting reads above. For me, I have always had an attraction to being bi. I am married, (46 years) but truly prefer sex with men.

pepperjack

Mar 10, 2013, 4:08 PM

Interesting to me how this thread is at the top right now because my dormant desire has currently resurfaced in full fury! :devil:

angiebi6

Mar 10, 2013, 4:19 PM

I'm pretty much the same. I can be attracted to another woman very quickly and that never wavers. For me to be sexualy attracted to a guy, he must be very special and it takes a while

BiDaveDtown

Mar 10, 2013, 7:00 PM

No I am always sexually attracted to both genders but I do not need to act on this. I am married and my wife and I are monogamous. I can fall in love with both genders as well but again I am married and we are monogamous since that is what works best for us.

d_alien

Mar 11, 2013, 12:00 PM

Damn, am I the only one that thinks dick and pussy are both all good, all the time?

a2smith09

Mar 12, 2013, 12:53 PM

Yes I find that my same sex desires waxes and wanes too. I'm more heterosexual than homosexual but I am attracted to and enjoy sex with both sexes. My first sexual experiences were with a same sex friend. I find that my desire for male to male sex cums and goes however it can get overwhelming at times even when my SO and I have frequent sex.

12voltman59

Mar 13, 2013, 11:24 AM

As pretty much everyone else has said--my bisexuality surely ebbs and flows, comes and goes. I do find that sexually---I want to be with guys more at this point---but would rather be with a woman for a partner, emotional, romantically/mentally intimate with a woman more than a guy.

It is all kind of confusing and perplexing for sure---I think we are all examples that prove that human sexuality is far more diverse and hardly is some kind of set point of being either totally "gay" or heterosexual---that we can fluctuate from one point or another.

I know that for many of those on here who identify as being bisexual----they want to have three ways--either mfm or fmf---I would like to try such a thing just to say I did try--but actually---the way my bisexuality plays out---I really would just prefer to either just have sex with a woman or another man on a one-on-one basis---not necessarily doing so on a regular basis.

Wolf_Sr

Mar 13, 2013, 3:01 PM

For me it is always around, just slow down and when I think I got rid of it, just comes back strong and stays for several months again. I believe once you acknowledge you are bi, it just stays, no matter how hard you may try to fight it. I think I finally acknowledged that it is part of me and accepted. Acting on it is something else, but eventually will happen.
Hugs

chapsmccall

Mar 22, 2013, 6:58 AM

i have found for myself ,when i git the "itch"to have my buddy over and get that"itch" scratched is about 6 times a year. i am a bottom i dont suck ,or rim i just like recieving a nice hard one
chapsmccall@clearwire.net

Chris_t_boston

Mar 22, 2013, 10:24 AM

I find the less sexually active I am with my wife, the more my bi side comes out.

hornytampaboy22

Mar 22, 2013, 9:53 PM

I agree with ChrisTboston!! The less i get it at home or beat my meat the more i want to play with a dick!! Esp when my wife goes on a business trip it really comes out and I tend to act on it. Sometime i can jerk it and it goes away and sometimes it just hides and comes back couple hours later.

mrheem

Apr 4, 2013, 2:15 PM

I would agree about the urge waxing and waneing. Thanks for starting the thread...very interesting.

cmmss

Apr 4, 2013, 6:56 PM

I used to feel more straight for many years. Then I became curious and then acted upon it about 6 yrs ago. Since then it has come and gone some but always comes back. I have feel I have accepted this part of me now. So I am beginning to feel attracted both ways often. I good looking gal always gets my eyes but I know guys have a nice hard one similar to mine. MMMMMMM....good times

Rob1863

Apr 13, 2013, 2:58 PM

whispering

Apr 19, 2013, 3:33 PM

I don't think that my desire comes and goes...that was established strongly before puberty, and then as a mid-teen. What comes and goes is how I feel about my desires. I've spent years only masturbating with those desires, avoiding my socially awkward feelings. Gradually, as I meet and spent time (like here) with other guys who feel as I do, those inhibitions are waning.

Sirramm

Apr 22, 2013, 8:09 AM

GREAT QUESTION! I've been orally bi for many years. I don't kiss or have sex with guys and to be honest I've never looked at a guy, and said to myself or my wife, "Gee! I'd like to fuck him!" With that said I and my wife, and anyone else we talk to that knows about either of our bi-sexuality finds it odd that I don't have an issue with her having sex with other guys/girls, I don't have an issue sucking his dick after he's had sex with her or blowing him from start to finish and swallowing his cum, and I especially don't mind eating his cum out her right after he's royally fucked her. BUT! Like you that feeling for me waxes and wanes. I can go for weeks on end without the urge to suck a guy or taste cum and then out of the blue WHAM it hits me and I go through several days of absolute crazed desire for it!!! I mean to the point that I can't sleep, I can't function (thank God I'm self-employed and just take office days, usually watching porn! LOL). During those 'off times' we general vanilla hetero sex, which is GREAT and I still usually eat her out after I cum, but even then don't think about another guy in any other way. I can't figure it out! It is what it is I guess...and it works!!

Zippak

Apr 22, 2013, 10:31 AM

It is a good question. I have wondered over the years if I have these male desires due to my wife not being sexually active. Then several years ago I had am-m oral experience give and take, and I felt amazing, like pressure had been lifted. So, to echo the others, I find I am most bi-curious, enjoy the females, but, want more m-m experiences with the right person.

James000

Apr 22, 2013, 12:34 PM

yes midwest seeker im like you the desire comes and goes

switchitter2

Apr 24, 2013, 2:57 PM

Before sex.."can`t wait to suck cock and get sucked"..after sex, just wanna go to sleep.."who"...ME..."bi"? oh "never"...(till I`m horny for dick again that is,which is often)....love pricks:tongue:

Man in panties

Apr 25, 2013, 11:50 AM

Mine comes and goes, I like to keep under cover so the wife doesn't find out

Sepher

May 2, 2013, 3:12 PM

There is a definite ebb and flow to my sexuality, absolutely, it's all quite fluid. I'm emotionally straight, I could not contemplate a loving relationship with a guy no matter how much I fancied him or how close we were as friends, my attraction to some man is entirely sexual. I just like to suck cock and get fucked now and again. But, I can go through phases where for months at a time the thought of fucking a guy barely enters my head. When it does it does next to nothing for me as sexual fantasy, it's just the last thing I want. At other times it's all that I want, the need for a guy is urgent, and demanding. I'm almost gay at that point, excepting emotionally, with heterosexual sex being relegated altogether as something not really floating my boat. Bit of a problem when you're in a relationship that one sometimes, it can be difficult, the sexual attraction to and desire for my (ex)partner just vanished into the ether.

As it happens I've not slept with a guy in years, opportunities have been thin on the ground and I'm not active on the gay scene, being closer to the heterosexual end of the line ordinarily. My fantasy life then is almost entirely bisexual in character. Any porn I watch is bisexual porn, websites I'm on catering to casual meetups are used entirely to look for guys and social opportunities to meet guys that might lead to something more. The longer I go without a guy the stronger the desire for one gets, I'm in something of an extended period of it. That could change overnight though and I'll wake up tomorrow very nearly straight with no desire at all for M-on-M sex and the whole cycle will start over again.

bifemme

May 8, 2013, 3:01 AM

I am so happy that I found this. I thought something was wrong with me. haha. Recently, I've been wanting to explore my dominance side bdsm-wise and that exploration is only with males. Like I've only fantasize about having sex with men. Then one day, just like always, I come across lesbian centered stuff and end up wanting to be with a woman. One may think, by just reading what I've just stated, that I swing more on the heterosexual side. But that's not correct. Now, I'm thinking that I'm a lesbian. Even though most of my sexual partners are men, it's because I'm used to them and they are so available. But when I think about women, I get butterflies and want to kiss, smooch, snuggle...all that jazz. I don't want to do that with men unless they are really, really, really attractive. Like getting-deported-from-Dubai-because-the-guy-is-smoldering-hot kind of sexy. Mmmmm.

MisBC13

May 8, 2013, 10:52 AM

Deremarc, maybe he should try it once with a man, could be even a kiss. If he doesn't like it, then he has his answer. If he enjoys it, then he is bi-sexual. He needs to come with terms with it on his own and I think he might be more scared of societies views about gay people. I think you are awesome for supporting him, there are not many women that could be able to do this. :-)

toyboy70

May 9, 2013, 12:49 AM

When I'm having fun with another guy and if I cum first I'm just not into it anymore. But if I cum afterwards it's all good.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

May 11, 2013, 4:51 PM

This past weekend I did a Heritage festival with a friend/playmate. There were Tons of great looking eye candy around, and as always, I am discreet about my looking and musing. One young lady came to my tables and was leaning over, looking at the pins and patches on the boards. She was nearly Popping out of her scant top, and for once in a long while, my libido perked up and took notice. She looked up, caught my eye, smiled prettily and says "Hope you arent offended by my boobs showing a little?"
I just smiled and replied, "No, that's fine, Honey. Not a prob here"
My male friend popped off and grinned, "Not a prob Here either"
She took a peek at these big ole things of mine, and said in a low voice, "Well Ma'am, you have some nice big titties too I see"
I nodded and said, "Well thank you, Sweetie. Glad ya like"
She grinned and says, "Very nice"
She bought a couple of items, and sauntered off, giving us a view of her cute, tight, young ass in Daisy Duke short-shorts.
My friend was almost drooling, so I grabbed his leg under the table and chuckled, "Dayum. That was Very cute!! Buy me that when I get better, will ya??"
He says "Only if I can share!" lol
Sometimes the libido creeps out, other times its still on Haitus, but the once in a while is nice when it happens..lol
Silly Cat

Young pussy and dope

May 12, 2013, 1:00 PM

This past weekend I did a Heritage festival with a friend/playmate. There were Tons of great looking eye candy around, and as always, I am discreet about my looking and musing. One young lady came to my tables and was leaning over, looking at the pins and patches on the boards. She was nearly Popping out of her scant top, and for once in a long while, my libido perked up and took notice. She looked up, caught my eye, smiled prettily and says "Hope you arent offended by my boobs showing a little?" I just smiled and replied, "No, that's fine, Honey. Not a prob here" My male friend popped off and grinned, "Not a prob Here either" She took a peek at these big ole things of mine, and said in a low voice, "Well Ma'am, you have some nice big titties too I see" I nodded and said, "Well thank you, Sweetie. Glad ya like" She grinned and says, "Very nice" She bought a couple of items, and sauntered off, giving us a view of her cute, tight, young ass in Daisy Duke short-shorts. My friend was almost drooling, so I grabbed his leg under the table and chuckled, "Dayum. That was Very cute!! Buy me that when I get better, will ya??" He says "Only if I can share!" lol Sometimes the libido creeps out, other times its still on Haitus, but the once in a while is nice when it happens..lol Silly Cat Very trashy, sleazy, and yet telling.

void()

May 13, 2013, 8:35 AM

nrthchrlt2

May 13, 2013, 10:16 AM

Hello all. Ive been a memeber for a while now, and Ive promised myself to post more and chat more and all that; to at least try to be a part of this great communty you have here! Check my ad if you want to know more about me, of course!

Anyhow, back in "the day" when I didnt really think I was bi (I just thought i was an open minded guy), one of the reasons that I didnt think I was was that my attraction to men wasn't always there. There'd be a day or two where that is all I could think about, followed by three or four days where the idea just didn't appeal to me.

It would be during those "off times" where I'd say to myself, "gee, I guess im not bi. Glad i didnt do anything stupid!" And then right on the money, several days later, Id be right back where I started.

Long story short, I finally realzied there is no set rule about how to "be bi". Being bisexual can take many many forms, all depending on the person. I hope im on the right track here, just keep in mind that this is my opinon only.

But I was wondering if anyone else, male or female, find that their attraction on the hetero side is always 100 percent, while their same sex attraction ebbs and flows. Im certian this is common, but still, I just wanted to know if anyone out there feels the same way.

The male side typing: I enjoy sucking and fondling cocks when I get the opportunity. And it is dependent on opportunity.

I consider myself as being an open-sexual in that I enjoyed and enjoy playing with females and males equally. I will admit that it is only within the last several years that my desire and enjoyment for males showed itself. I do rue that it was not much earlier. But the body does what the body does. :-)

My recommendation is to not overthink and worry about the issue, but go ahead and take every opportunity you can. As for the younger ones, do not pass up on playing with male or female just because you think you are one way only. Experimentation is what makes one's life richer.

nrthchrlt2

May 13, 2013, 10:24 AM

Mine comes and goes, I like to keep under cover so the wife doesn't find out

This is something I have noted over the years. That many men hide their bi-sexuality from their spouses. The quick and ead answer that pops into my head is that they have been indoctrinated in how to behave in certain situations.

I think it would be an opportunity to include the spouse in the fantasies and the desires. It broadens the scope of involvement. And I would not be surprised that the spouses will return with their own fantasies and desires. Keeping secrets are not good for any close relationship.

torguy4bifun

Jun 21, 2013, 1:13 PM

I find it comes and goes but deep down it's always there. I love to play with guys on occasion. Once you have had some really good quality play time with another guy, you're not going to forget and want it again, and again.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Jun 21, 2013, 3:51 PM

Mine does. For me, I'm Situationally Bi, or very Bi-select anymore. I havent Bi played since last August, and that's fine for now. Now that this medical situation is getting better I feel a little more responsive to certain females who flirt or tease. Might take me a while, but I'll get back into the swing of things in due time...;)
Picky Cat

Stinger78

Jun 21, 2013, 6:08 PM

First, I'd like to admit, I too am guilty of enjoying the community we have here and not posting all that often. And ya know what?! It's not that I don't want to, or whatever imaginary reason you care to come up with...it's just that most of the times I log in and read a few topics n' replies, it's either a long drawn out casual yet topic-relating, "conversation" (...for lack of my being able to think of a word I'd prefer to use...) between a handful of the regular posters. Now, there's absolutely nothing negative about that, its just 1.) I'm lazy n' don't wanna read that much and 2.) more often than not the topic n' replies are a lil bit older than what is typically referred to as 'current'. Heh! :-)

But yah,... In response to your question, yes. Absolutely yes. I was 17 when I had my firtst time with another guy. After the initial newness and 'nervous excitement' phase, I would call it,...which was about, hmmm?....5-8 months maybe... After that, a couple of years had gone by before I had hooked up with another guy, let alone have one be appealing to me orf even look at/think of a guy in a sexual manner. So, yes. Totally, you are dead on there, man! I regret my postings are rare, but usually when I do post a reply it's because I found something about what was said intriguing and/or relevant to me personally in some way. As I read your post, I kept thinking to myself, "Yup. Yup, that's correct. Uh huh, I felt that way too." and then by the third or fourth mental agreement with you, I thought to myself,"...Damn! *sigh* Why can't there be a way to have it just reply my thoughts as I'm thinking them and reading this? .....Ugh, can't do it. ....means I actually gotta take a good 20 mins or so and actually type all this out. Damn..."

Darren

Albuquerque, NM

pasadena1941

Jun 22, 2013, 11:30 AM

Comes and goes, yes. though as some have said, it's situational. I love girls, women and all their good parts, and there are many but if given the opportunity to suck a nice cock, I love that too. I have to say that I've always been monogamous with my wife, as far as women go, but have strayed, when possible, with what guys I can meet. It might be splitting hairs as I've been told, but I always thought of myself as being faithful to my wife. Having said all that, I'm able to get away just every now and then to meet with a guy and my feelings will heighten as my "free" time comes up. After I'm with a guy I don't think about them very much at all, though if I had the chance maybe I'd jump at it. My wife knows nothing about this and probably would not approve hence the "no tell" approach. I enjoy sucking a guys cock and getting some in return but actual "love-making" is reserved for her.

jonibotom

Oct 27, 2013, 1:36 AM

More and more the feeling comes, and I enjoy it!

scapegoat1987

Oct 27, 2013, 2:04 AM

This is a great thread, and I enjoyed reading the various responses. There seems to definitely be a commonality to the fluidity or the ebb and flow of people's bisexual tendencies. For me, it seems to be more about degrees of attraction. I was involved with men and women in my younger days. Then, I came out of the closet and felt overwhelmingly attracted to men, at which point I identified as gay and was almost exclusively with men for twenty years. I clarify the "Almost," because I would occasionally end up in deeply emotional, intimate bonds with women that caused me to question my gay identity. And now I'm back to being attracted to both. I don't think I ever stopped being attracted to women. I just think I needed to explore one and leave the other on the backburner for a while. I'm certainly attracted to a wider range of men than women, and I'm more comfortable with the idea of being in a monogamous relationship with a man for the rest of my life. On the other hand, I tend to have more meaningful, intimate friendships with women, but I can't see myself ever being totally monogamous with a women to the exclusion of sex with a man. I could be in a relationship with a man and a woman at the same time, but never just a woman. Bisexual people fall all over the spectrum, and I have to admit I'm attracted to people all along the gender spectrum, including transmen, transwomen and genderqueers. There are times when all I watch is gay porn. There are times when all I watch is straight/bi porn. And there are times when all I watch is queer/gender variance porn. And I embrace and celebrate the diversity and complexity of my desires. I might also add that there are times when I'm only into intimacy and not full on sex. And there are times when I'm interested in just kink and bdsm without full on sex. And there's times when all I want is traditional sex. And times when I want none of the above.

Cuiriousmark

Oct 27, 2013, 10:38 AM

I can say this is true. I am bi married and the feeling comes and goes. As well, unlike some who find themselves equally attracted to males and females, mine is purely sexual. Yes, the need is rather basic in my case. My wife understands this as well and she is above all things the hottest person I know - still after 14 yrs.

It comes and goes, but when its there it can be quite engrossing.

mikeyd270

Oct 27, 2013, 3:34 PM

My bi side comes and goes but only because my gay side seems to be getting stronger. I love cock.

1funguy

Oct 27, 2013, 5:29 PM

I thought it was just me that experienced this! Wow, was I wrong. What I have found out through the various times that I wanted cock and had to have it. (thank goodness for my buddy) I got curious about my bio rhythms, so I looked them up! What I found was that when I felt the most desire correlated with my emotional side being at the lowest point within the rhythm. That sort of satisfied my reason for it. However, nothing like the satisfaction of sucking and coming. :suave: Otherwise I like women till it cycles through again. As has been stated so goes life!

NjbiGuy01

Oct 27, 2013, 6:33 PM

What seems to change things for me is when my libido starts to grow for bi sex, and I really think I may have finally met someone who's not a time-wasting douchenozzle, and then when they turn out to be (once again), I simply ask myself "why do I bother ?".... and then it starts over again....sigh

Zippak

Oct 28, 2013, 11:10 AM

I will have to agree with NjbiGuy01, and if I am honest, I might have been a "douchennozzle" but not on purpose. The replies have been extremely interesting and have enlightened me to the fact I am not alone in/with my feelings on this. Of course my other reaction is at age 64 I am happy to have any feelings of a sexual nature:) But after having minimal experiences with m-m sex, I did find it liberating in a sense. After reading the responses, I would have to say I may be more normal in my feelings about being bi than I was giving myself credit for being.

Bisexual Explorer

Oct 28, 2013, 2:23 PM

My desire to have sex, whether with men or women, stays pretty constant. My ability to act on the desire cycles - down periods get pretty frustrating.
Bisexual Explorer

cuttin2dachase

Oct 28, 2013, 5:51 PM

As much as I would enjoy having a new woman in my life as best friend, confidante and lover, I have little hope of meeting a woman who would accept and support my bi desires. I was faithful to 2 wives who were not faithful to me....what a sucker (no pun intended, but intended LOL) I am ! I am never again going to give up my enjoyment of nsa/fwb romance and bi sex with men and mf, mm & ww couples. My bi side is here to stay ! at age 60, I prolly won't be having regular sex with a woman again, except in 3somes, but there is an unlimited supply of bi married men my age to satisy most of my sexual desires ;)

BiCherry

Oct 29, 2013, 8:48 AM

Yep. My bi side comes and goes. It goes as soon as I cum.

jefferybimm

Oct 29, 2013, 10:28 AM

I have also felt this way where my desires are for men one day and women the next but I have recently found that my desires for men are stronger than they are for women. I really need to hold that guy in my arms next to my naked body and hug and kiss him all over. I have a real craving for that.

leodecatur

Nov 5, 2013, 12:15 AM

I'm sorta wondering if this just has to do with being human.

Sometimes ya feel like a nut http://www.geocities.com/leeforgy/dogwow.jpg , sometimes ya don't! http://www.geocities.com/leeforgy/dogdown.gifI agree wholeheartedly, that is what bi is to me. Some days I am fully on bi and others I am into women only.

leodecatur

Nov 5, 2013, 12:18 AM

leodecatur

Nov 5, 2013, 12:24 AM

BiOhBi

Nov 5, 2013, 3:25 PM

It definitely comes and goes, whereas my attraction to women is always there. I can't say there's any rhyme or reason, though I sometimes think it goes with my mood and situation in life; if I have the "blues" I find the bi tendency more prevalent, owing to perhaps my own "submissive" leanings in my bi-fantasies. Conversely, if I'm being the alpha-dog in my career I often find the bi-tendencies are less (but still there).

man4girlgirl4man

Jun 4, 2014, 12:41 AM

Yes this is definitely true with me.

I want to fuck women all the time, and my sexual urges for a man are always part of my sexuality, but my gay side is intense and compelling enough to need real gay sex only sometimes. I do fantasize about sex with men all the time and gay fantasies are always in my hottest current sex fantasy internal play list.

But when gay fantasies don't satisfy the gay me, I usually go out and find a real life man I'm really hot for and I have real gay sex with that real dude and his real and always very big dick. And my "I need a real life big ass dick ASAP" periods can vary in terms of duration, from only a couple of weeks to three months or so which was the longest of these periods in my life to date. And when I'm in these dick craving periods I'll still fuck women and with just as much sexual desire and lust to fuck a hot babe as I feel all the time.

So far my real life sexual past has been me with one woman or me and one guy. No threesomes or group sex for me as of yet. And I'd definitely try a threesome - MMM, MMF (both bi-males and str8 only) and MFF or group sex with more than just 3 people fucking each other - if I ever find myself in a situation where I had a shot at doing it and the others involved were hot enough for me sexually.

But my personal type of bisexuality doesn't crave threesome or orgy fucking - what I desire most is hot one on one fucking. Both me fucking an attractive woman and also a hot and well hung guy fucking me - with lots of cocksucking by me and hopefully by him too as a hot sexual warm up before he fucks me.

Rod_7_5

Jun 4, 2014, 8:53 AM

It most assuredly does. The strength of my desires for one or the other gender can wax and wane not only from day to day but from hour to hour.

SOFLMan

Jun 4, 2014, 9:45 AM

Yes I defanitaley feel my bi side does come and go a lot.

loftycraig

Sep 8, 2014, 7:43 PM

i have to say ditto

sysper

Sep 8, 2014, 8:48 PM

i really thought i was the only 1 lol! the 1st time i got turned on by gay fantasies i was about 13. i felt embarassed about it & would never admit it, just chalked it up to being young & confused. the next time i was in my early 20's. again i felt embarassed & ashamed about it but i couldn't deny i felt so turned on by the thought! of course after j/o i felt more shame & totally lost my lust for guys, i just thought it was a temporary thing & i never expected the feelings to come back again. but they did. it would be months apart @ 1st. each time i felt so compelled to try it out for real but again after j/o i felt foolish for even considering actually trying it out & just before cumming i would usually think about girls. but it didn't allways take j/o. i allmost once hooked up with a m/f couple. i even got to there house & there realized i wasn't interested, in them or ne1 with a guy. each time the feelings went away i was determined never to think about it again & give up ne desire to do nething with a guy & try harder with girls. not that i ever had much success there either, maybe that has to do with my attraction to guys. but i notice over the years the time between desiring guys grew shorter & over the past couple of years i seem constantly open to trying a guy out. i still sometimes feel a little regretfull for thinking about it after j/o but several minutes later not months later i like the idea again. maybe it's because i'm accepting the fact i like guys to some extent. i know it's perfectly fine but after about 20 years i'm still working on convincing myself of what i know if u know what i mean.

sysper

Sep 8, 2014, 9:18 PM

i've been thinking about what triggers which gender i like. i notice i rarely fantasize about being with both @ the same time. i like each gender for different reasons & i got a firm mindset when i am desiring each gender which is incompatable with desiring the other. in other words if i'm liking 1 atm there's no room for liking the other 1. that said i find i loose most if not all desire for guys if i'm out in public especially with friends. not that i got many homophobic friends, in fact i think the desire would increase if i was out with them. which brings me to another gay trigger. homophobia really upsets me. i respect not every1 loves or lusts the same way. it really upsets me some1 thinks they can setup rules for that. i think what upsets me alot is there denying my freedom to go that way if i choose too, which makes me wanna have that freedom more & in turn makes me wanna sleep with a guy more, or more likely guys. i use to be more str8 when i got drunk but occasionally i would wonder what if? but now that doesn't seem to affect which way i swing. alot also depends how depressed i am. if i'm real depressed i have no sexdrive. sometimes the depression starts off as a kinda longing for a deep connection with the right women. i might see a pretty girl on the street or on tv & think wow, i would love to be with her & the thoughts of what might be make me happy. but then the quality of my depression changes & thoughts of hopelessness creep in. @ my age i have not had much success with girls to speak of, if it hasn't happened by now i got good reason to believe it never will. yet the desperate longing is still there. forced to look @ something that will finally make me happy & give me peace but something i can never have, as if to taunt me. i don't even have a good idea why i can't have it. i think alot has to do with how i sell myself, i couldn't sell water to a fish. some people might turn to drugs or alcohol, me i turn to guys. @ this point the experiance i'm thinking of is more intimate with alot of foreplay etc. more making love than fucking. it's the closest thing i feel i can achieve to what i really need, but since i don't really desire a guy emotionally it's not nearly as upsetting i'm not getting ne from 1, a little frustrating if nething but that's about it.