General Question to the Community

[whattodo]

I have recently accepted the fact that I am a Bi-sexual female. I have been depressed for a long time. Since I have come out and started to explore this part of myself I have not been depressed and have actually been happy. I don't think I have been this happy for a long time.

My question is this:

How many people here were depressed before they came out, then after they came out they came out of their depression and had full acceptance and love for who they are?

I have been wondering about this for a while now. Well hope to hear from you all soon.

[DiamondDog]

I've always known about myself and I've been depressed since I was a kid.

[sammie19]

I was often depressed before I came out. Or rather was outed. I was never ashamed of how I felt about my own sex it just felt so right. My family would have been supportive I knew that and yet I kept it from them because it is often difficult to discuss such things with those who have raised us however liberal their attitudes.

I used to hide away in my room often not speaking for some days and when I did I was moody morose and extremely bitchy. This most often happened after an encounter with a girl or more especially with my girl friend who for other reasons I kept very quiet about which was another reason for my depressed state.

When spotted kissing a girl in a club in another town by someone with an axe to grind my sexuality was opened up to the world. This had the contrary effect of that intended and as a result of my exposure so much of the depression I so often felt just disappeared, such was the relief.

These bouts never completely disappeared until my gf and I kissed and made up last year after a serious falling out and by my reconciliation with my family after our personal secret was out.

I cant say for others but for me the keeping of secrets created my depression and it was only when forcibly exposed that these frequent bouts stopped. Of course the friction of being exposed created some problems for me but that proved to be a blessing in disguise.

[AngelOfTheMystic]

I wasn't depressed before I came out, but I do have to admit it was a lot better for me when I did. I didn't like haveing to keep who I was a secret, and coming out was a big weight off my shoulders.

[curiousmel24]

I have only come out to two people, one of them being a complete accident (a Freudian slip, lets say). It's not that i'm assamed of how I feel and therefore want to hide away and never tell anyone, it's just that I'm not sure how people will react. Anyways, I got sidetracked....I too went through depression, actually still to this day have fits of depression. But find that when I am talking to either of them or someone in the same boat as I am, that i do feel better. I don't have to watch what I say and I feel accepted and can be myself. I think the part that makes the depression go away is the "being yourself", that's all anyone ever wants to do. Anyways, I rambled.....I hope I helped.

[Bi-ten]

Hi darlin,

I had been depressed off and on, but generally I am very happy and positive.

This disposition keeps getting better the more I love and accept myself for who I am. Also, the more I let go of my personal taboos, the happier and more peaceful I become! Recently I have been experimenting with cross-dressing, I feel much more in touch with my feminine side and feel like have found myself...very exciting stuff.

I hope that your journey of self discovery and acceptance continues to escalate...I can almost guarantee that your happiness will follow suit:)

Hugs

[Krystal]

I have only just recently admited to myself that what i have felt for so many years is part of who i am.that i am bi.
This has made the depression that i felt for so very long ease up somewhat.... i am in the process of finding the 'right time' to tell the woman that i love that i am bi. I expect nothing from her in return but how i feel has affected my friendship with her and i feel she deserves to know why i get 'weird' on her at times. I am going to spend the day tomorrow with another friend of mine to tell her ....she knows i have something i want to discuss with her but she doesn't know what ....this will be my 'practice' run on telling someone that i am bi. A male friend of mine was with me the other night and we were having coffee and as i got my belly button pierced 6 weeks ago and had said i was going to do it 5 years ago and he said to me ...ok so whats next what are you going to 'conquer' next...i said exploring my bisexuality !
He said uuummm ok..uumm lets have more coffee !
It felt great ! to just say it! i think not admiting to myself has really helped with my depression.....another female friend of mine commented to me last week on 'how well and happy i look these days and how her kids like me a whole lot more now as i am more fun to be around !
i say YIIIPPPEEEE !
hugs to you and to all here !!!!!!!!!
:three: :bigrin:

[izzfan]

Depressed before I came out? Of course I was, I mean thinking I was the only bisexual/ slightly TG person [I still have quite a bit of self-hatred etc... about the TG part of me] - although I only realised that I was bisexual much later than I realised that I was a TV/CD [first realised the CDing thing when I was about 13/14] although looking back I definately had a bisexual side years before I realised but I had too much internalised homophobia/biphobia when I was younger [got rid of most this when I was about 16 or so and started 6th form, didn't realise tht I was bi until I was about 17 tho - still got a lot of internalised transphobia tho] and also my school/6th form was slightly religious so I had to stay in the closet until I was 18 and started university.

I think depression/self-hatred are commonplace amongst LGBT youth and I think many things are to blame for this: first of all is the education system, I mean very few schools seem to provide information for LGBT pupils and this can lead to feelings of isolation and self-hatred [eg: I knew I was a CD when I was 13, I didn;t find any information/articles etc... about it until I was 16]. Then there is the issue of homophobia/transphobia/biphobia and this doesn't exactly help LGBT youth who are often trying to fit into friendship groups where these attitudes may be held. Then there is religion - many faith schools don't even mention LGBT issues or condemn them, many kids are baptised/initiated into faiths etc... when they are too young to consent to it and they are often given a religious ubringing with no real choice in the matter until they are old enough to think for themselves and by then the damage can already be done and they may suffer a lot of self-hatred etc.. [ I mean, before I broke free from the mental shackles of religion (I became an atheist when I was about 15/16) I used to spend hours worrying that I would go to 'hell' just for wearing a skirt/dress occasionally]. At the end of the day a LOT needs to be done for LGBT youth and this needs to be done quickly as depression and suicide can be serious issues for LGBT youth and if anything can be done to prevent this then it should be done immediately and without fail as it may save lives!

Just my :2cents:

Izzfan :flag2:

[whattodo]

I think depression/self-hatred are commonplace amongst LGBT youth and I think many things are to blame for this: first of all is the education system, I mean very few schools seem to provide information for LGBT pupils and this can lead to feelings of isolation and self-hatred [eg: I knew I was a CD when I was 13, I didn;t find any information/articles etc... about it until I was 16]. Then there is the issue of homophobia/transphobia/biphobia and this doesn't exactly help LGBT youth who are often trying to fit into friendship groups where these attitudes may be held. Then there is religion - many faith schools don't even mention LGBT issues or condemn them, many kids are baptised/initiated into faiths etc... when they are too young to consent to it and they are often given a religious ubringing with no real choice in the matter until they are old enough to think for themselves and by then the damage can already be done and they may suffer a lot of self-hatred etc.. [ I mean, before I broke free from the mental shackles of religion (I became an atheist when I was about 15/16) I used to spend hours worrying that I would go to 'hell' just for wearing a skirt/dress occasionally]. At the end of the day a LOT needs to be done for LGBT youth and this needs to be done quickly as depression and suicide can be serious issues for LGBT youth and if anything can be done to prevent this then it should be done immediately and without fail as it may save lives!

Just my :2cents:

Izzfan :flag2:


Thank you all for the input. I also feel that major society is to blame for a lot of LGBT youth being depressed. For most of my teenage years, my hometown swore I was a lesbian because my friends and I would walk around holding hands and kissing each other on the checks. I was basically showing my bi-sexuality, in a comfortable for myself. I waited ten years to let myself have feelings for a woman in a real way. This has lessened my depression greatly, and the more I allow myself to explore and realize who I am the better it gets. I still have several people that I feel that I have to come out too, but have not got the time or courage yet to do so.

Thanks again for speaking with me. Hope to talk to you again soon.

[TorontoGuy2007]

i've battled with depression ever since i started having problems attracting people to me (heck since i was a teen). accepting my bisexuality and transgenderist feelings has not helped at all. depression continues, in fact my life seems more confusing than ever. coming to this site has opened the door to some casual sex opportunities, but that's not what i really want.

i don't think my depression will go away until 1) i can become the person that i truly believe i should be; and 2) i find the elusive true love that i have wanted my entire life.

[Krystal]

sorry whattodo.i don't mean to post my stuff in your thread but dont want to start a new thread to just say that i did it! I talked to my friend that i have known for 20 years and told her all...she was great ...she hadn't suspected but wasn't shocked she actually didn't react in any negative way just simply asked questions and listened....i then txt the woman i have strong feelings for and told her we need to talk....i feel i have lost her friendship anyway as she doesnt put any effort into our friendship and i haven't told her ...so i think what the hell may as well at least tell her how i feel...can't be any worse !
but damn it felt good to tell my close friend tonight!
its not essential to me to tell people i am bi...but i want to be able to discuss with some people how i am feeling and a lot of what i am feeling now is because of admiting to myself that i am bi ....and i feel alone right now...i feel lost and insecure unsure of so many things
do i sound insane ????
hugs to all

[Solomon]

Personally I find that I need at least some depression in order to make changes for the better in my life sometimes.

I heard a very wise man once say that "we quite often see things more clearly when we're at our lowest point."

Abraham Lincoln himself went through week long bouts of severe depression.

[shadowsaffinity]

for me, i was depressed until i started coming out. that is what made me really really happy. once i told my mom and all my straight friends and they were more or less very accepting. that was a great feeling. when i realized i was bi, it wasn't such a big deal to me. i guess i was kinda young still and i didn't realize then the places my bisexuality would take me. it's been a wonderful journey so far and i look forward to much more!! :flag1:

[julie]

I have recently accepted the fact that I am a Bi-sexual female. I have been depressed for a long time. Since I have come out and started to explore this part of myself I have not been depressed and have actually been happy. I don't think I have been this happy for a long time.

My question is this:

How many people here were depressed before they came out, then after they came out they came out of their depression and had full acceptance and love for who they are?

I have been wondering about this for a while now. Well hope to hear from you all soon.

sighs....if only life were so simple 'whattodo'..

but i do hear what you are saying and am so very glad that coming out has had such a therapeutic impact on your mental health...

i have been living with depression for many years...maybe even since early childhood..

and to be accepted, nay at best tolerated, by my peers, i completely repressed my (obvious to everyone but me!) lesbian side because my(out of awareness) psyche must have decided it was too dangerous not to.

i only started to acknowledge my lesbianism about 12 years ago when a combination of sleep deprivation due to two very needy babies and a marriage at breaking point...that i found myself falling in love with a woman i was friendly with at college.

although i was able( grateful even) to accept my sexuality relatively easily...i was also mature enough to recognise that if people around me couldnt deal with it, that was their issue...so being accepted by others actually was less of an issue than it would have been in my teenage years.

..it took me another 10 years to finally identify myself as being sexually drawn to many people...regardless of gender or gender issues such as a person identifying themselves as being transexual.

yes, this honesty with myself has undoubtably had huge benefits for my mental health... and so the devastatingly major depressive illness that erupted as a result of being true to myself is finally waning ...

but....and its a huge but, being bisexual (i hate that label but it will do) is no bed of roses. the stress of living in a relationship where you know you may never be able to satisfactorly fulfil your (bi) partners sexual and gender needs..or them yours, is the dark cloud that overshadows so many partnerships, where one or both partners is bisexual rather that identifying as gay or straight.

and there's a trigger for depression if ever i encounted one... :(

...i'm so sorry to come across so negatively today whattodo..

i guess i just want to highlight that that yes it is a huge boost to identify your sexual orientation.. and i'm truly delighted this has been such a positive experience for you :bipride:

it just may be helpful for you to be aware that being bisexual has its own difficulties and just to know these difficulties may or may not have a negative impact on your tendancy to become depressed at times.

i wish you all the very best whattodo and hope this wonderful honeymoon period you are delighting in just now lasts and lasts...... and please know if you do become unwell in the future then there of loads of folk on here who are only to willing to support you through those tough times too

with love...and solidarity

Julie :female: x :grouphug:

[jedinudist]

My sexual orientation (and my fighting it to become "normal") was one of two things that caused me to make drastic attempts to "end my suffering" as a teen.

Once I finally accepted my orientation (which only happened with the help of my wife) and I came out, my life indeed did get better, and my depressions are becoming much less frequent and less powerful

[my-00-stang]

i am a 38 bi married guy and i have not come out, i have been depressed for a long time and only when i am online chatting or on here post threads am i happy and not depressed so i can see how when you come out that your depression goes away.

[Isaac Steel]

I felt confused and frustrated before I came out, and depressed. Now I am still frustrated and depressed, but far less. Coming to terms with my sexulaity was a huge step in feeling better about myself. It's still not easy, but it's better.

[LoveLion]

I went through a large stage of depression in high school that was largely (but not wholy) due to my sexual feelings. The depression ended before i accepted and came to terms with the fact I was bi. When I did come to terms with it, I wasnt depressed at the time but the confusion ended and I really started to become myself (myself being the person I am today)

[ambi53mm]

I can't recall ever being depressed about my sexual orientation...but totally bummed out over the intolerance and lack of compasion and respect in the world...When I feel this way..I write Country Music...Depression and Country Music go hand in hand..."I'm so lonesome I could die"...Now that's depressing!!

Ambi :)

[Nara_lovely]

Never been depressed about it.

Things in life can get me down, just as everyone does. But I've always felt that security in myself.
I find it easier to talk about it, and have found people accept it...I suspect because I am comfortable with who I am, therefore it is for the ones I talk with. Besides, I am not a flirt. I will talk, answer questions, and the conversation is easy going.

I'm still me!