Bi Male Monogomy - by CHOICE

[Lorcan]

Hate to beat a dead horse by talking about monogamy again, by i will anyway. Hate to be sexist by talking about just males, as if they were a special case, but i am, so i will:

I want to hear from guys who are bi who are monogamous by choice.... That is their preferred lifestyle.... They'd rather live that way. I don't want to hear from guys who are monogamous because their spouse/partner won't let them. I don't want to hear from guys who simply haven't found the right second lover or partner yet so that's why they live monogamously.

So that being said, do you exist? Most people would bet on this thread staying empty. Prove them wrong. Raise your hand; show you exist.

[TorontoGuy2007]

all i've ever wanted in life is to find ONE person to love me....

[free2peek]

I am monogamous by choice. I am devoted to my partner and she to me. We are both open about who we are sexually. Being a bisexual person doesn't mean you have to sleep with different people. When you have another that you truly love Sex is taken to greater level. She is able to please me in ways that others do not know how even if I was with another man. We are able to explore our sexuality on a new level because we understand each others turn ons and offs. We are both willing partners so I am willing to explore what turns her on and vise versa. We have both been with same sex partners in the past and have found that complicates things. We currently use toys on each other, and watch bi porn together and connect physically and emotionally on a level I have never been to until she came into my life. I feel more satisfied in fact.

[Long Duck Dong]

i can't really say that I am monogamous, as much as celibate

after many years of sexual indulging with both sexes, I realised that its simply that.... indulging my sexual desires

I have made the choice that IF and I mean BIG IF I get into another relationship, it will be monogamous

the main reason for that, is I struggled with feeling like i was betraying partners with my bisexuality....I had a second side to myself that was not fitting into the relationship that well
most of my relationships have being monogamous, and the few bisexual relationships turned into right disasters lol

[deremarc]

Straight female here...so forgive me for posting. But, I just wanted to say that I like hearing from guys (I said it too) who are bi, but monogamous by choice.

I realize from posts that there are people who feel "celibate" if they are not having sex with both sexes. But, other than that, I think the issue of monogamy is separate from who you would "like" to have sex with, or your sexual orientation.

I have no problems with someone being bisexual, but I would have major problems being in a relationship that is not monogamous. Why am I a monogamous person? I don't know, I don't care...I just know I am.

[Long Duck Dong]

interesting point deremarc....lol

once i read ya post, I realised something about myselfl

I did consider myself to be a celibate monogamous person in relationships, as sex was not a big part of my relationships.... and I was less likely to have sex in a relationship than out of one...

currently however, celibate is a true term for me now, its quite a while since i have sexual contact with any person.... and that is by personal choice...... so too, is my choice to only have monogamous relationships, IF i ever end up in a relationship again

hugs deremarc, thanks heaps again for raising that point in ya post

[Lorcan]

Straight female here...so forgive me for posting. But, I just wanted to say that I like hearing from guys (I said it too) who are bi, but monogamous by choice.
Thanks for posting TorontoGuy, free2peek, and LDD. I made this thread for people like Deremarc. It's a little more proof that when a guy says "I only want you", he really means it. If there are other guys out there who really want to be monogonous, then it's possible. And this thread wasn't competely bare because you guys spoke up.

I'm not condemning any sort of polyamoury; if it works for a couple it's fine. It's just some people don't like it.
My man said "I only need you" :) and that's nice too!
works for me :tong:

[hotbicurious]

I think this is an important point, but I notice that all of the guys who are saying they are bisexual *and* monogamous all say something like "I fooled around with both sexes in the past". In other words they've already eaten their cake. What about when you have come to realize you are bisexual but you are in a committed relationship with a person you care deeply about? Then the choice between "cheating" and monogamy is a little more painful. Is there any answer to this kind of situation that doesn't involve either hurting someone or living with perpetual frustration?

[JohnnyV]

Lorcan,

I fit under the category you're asking about. I'm primarily straight anyway, and I find gay male porn much more interesting than anything that actually happens during gay male sex. So I kind of figured out that in real life, (1) I prefer women's bodies, and (2) I prefer the intimacy of a regular partner. My wife gave me permission to play with other guys and I've turned down the option.

J

[nothings5d]

I think this is an important point, but I notice that all of the guys who are saying they are bisexual *and* monogamous all say something like "I fooled around with both sexes in the past".

I only recently came out, and I'm not currently in a relationship, but when I do get into one it's only going to be monogamy for me. Monogamy or polyamory are just another part of sexual identity. They say you can't chose to be gay or straight, well I can't choose to be bisexual, that's just who I am, and I can't choose to be monogamous either, that's also just who I am. If the other person in a relationship brings up the idea of being a swinging couple I might consider it, but I won't be the one to bring it up because I don't really want it.

[flexuality]

I think this is an important point, but I notice that all of the guys who are saying they are bisexual *and* monogamous all say something like "I fooled around with both sexes in the past". In other words they've already eaten their cake. What about when you have come to realize you are bisexual but you are in a committed relationship with a person you care deeply about? Then the choice between "cheating" and monogamy is a little more painful. Is there any answer to this kind of situation that doesn't involve either hurting someone or living with perpetual frustration?

Sounds kind of similar to the position me and Sol are in. For us, we decided that we would only pursue these things TOGETHER. That way, neither one of us is "cheating." So in effect, we are still monogamous. It's an agreement we are both very happy with. :)

[zyzygy]

I have a different perspective. I'm a fairly normally sociable guy and get on with people, but have always had severe difficulty making the jump to intimacy - with anyone.

Since I've been married (22 years now) there have been a few times where the relationship cycle was at a low ebb, I even moved out for a while at two of the lowest times. At those points, in my head, I thought I wanted to sleep with other people and was actively looking to do so, but - and here's the rub - I always took some action or neglected to take up an opportunity so that I was never actually unfaithful.

In the past I have beaten myself up for this, calling myself weak for not following up on my desires, but on mature reflection, I think that deep down inside there is an internal censor telling me that this is wrong and it is not going to make me happy long term and so I am at the basest level not willing to be unfaithful. I'm now OK with that.

This may seem strange to those who feel its fine to tomcat around, but it seems to be the way I'm built. I'd say I'm monogamous by *unconcious* choice.

[FerociousFeline]

Hey there,

Yours is a good question and certainly one worth chewing the leather over for a while. Myself, I have dabbled in polyamoury but have decided against it for various reasons. The primary reason though, was my observation that a spirit CAN love multiples, but any given spirit only HAS so much energy to put forth into a relationship. We are all busy with the business of survival, and all the other aspects of our lives which have nothing to do with intimate connections. If you accept that each spirit has a given amount of energy to put INTO the intimate associations that they have, then it follows that you can spread yourself thin with many or deeply with a couple. Being scorpio (I GUESS this is the reason I'm this way) I have a tendency to really sink into the essences of the spirits I bond with. If some people connect deep, I'd be Capt. Nemo in comparison. Because of this, I prefer to remain monogomous rather than poly. The fact is, if you are really in touch with your partner, you'll quickly see that they are more than one personality anyway. One person can easily be like five or six different "selves". To really explore both the masculine and the feminine, the Dominant and the submissive, the light and the dark sides of one partner, can be much more rewarding for me than skimming the surface of several people. I have been yearning for the woman who is yang to my yin, while being sub to my DOM. But it is a search that continues. Recently, I have begun to include the possibility of men in that search. If I found a couple, or two singles of either sex who worked well together, that would be the extent of my polyamoury while playing around. But when talking about getting serious with another spirit to make our nest and seriously bond...........there will be only one, and it's most likely she will be an incredible woman.

[CountryLover]

I'm replying for my husband.

We're both bi - he's monogamous, I am not, by nature. Our very first date, we knew there was something special between us and he said then he wanted us to date exclusively. At that time, I had two steady male partners and had a steady girlfriend too.

It was a very tough choice for me to break the habit of over 10 years non-monogamy, yet it was very much worth it.

We've talked about this extensively. I dearly love threesomes - he's not the least bit interested. I wonder how I can possibly satisfy his bisexuality - then I realize how wonderfully he satisfies me. The depth of our relationship is just awesome.

He chooses monogamy even though he knows the alternatives are there. I choose monogamy because it makes him happy and secure.

[FriedDuck]

Lorcan,

I fit under the category you're asking about. I'm primarily straight anyway, and I find gay male porn much more interesting than anything that actually happens during gay male sex. So I kind of figured out that in real life, (1) I prefer women's bodies, and (2) I prefer the intimacy of a regular partner. My wife gave me permission to play with other guys and I've turned down the option.

J
if u want to think that yu're 'primarily straight' because you've had sex with 240+ men because it helps you sleep at night that's ok.

hope u dont get mad but i read about how u did this in post about bath house (they are popular here but not for sex), also in article post u say how u have open marriage with wife.

I am not monogamous but I have friends who are.

[Solomon]

hope ya don't get mad fried duck but i read your posts, and i'm smelling something awfully familiar....