Understanding homophobia

[james1715]

Reading through the threads i find myself falling into this slightly paranoid frenzy, and please understand this is very mild but significant enough to mention. When the circumstance comes up where it seems like someone has to be gay, like they cant escape it, it just bothers me. Like one has no choice in the matter. I have trouble seeing my friends anymore because my mind goes crazy with this paranoia. When i am with my girlfriend, many times there is a preoccupation with the paranoia....when i can just let it go it feels SO GOOD to be with her. However, i can hardly ever do this.

I try hard to just let things go and let them flow as they will, so i can drift along with how things should be. But i have a preoccupation with the what if's in my mind. Ive almost developed an androphobic tendency (fear of men). It is a fear of interaction with men, even on the most superficial level such as work. I have kind of a phobia problem as it is, but this all has seemed to be something i cant reason through like say....knowing that the government is not coming to get me.

I reject homosexuality for myself because of how i continue to feel about women. But i have little confidence in what i do with them usually because of this uncertainty and phobia i have which runs like a tape in my head asking me questions about same sex situations from simple social things right down to homosexual acts....i constantly analyze situations to try to find out who i am but it never seems to get me anywhere so i must be doing something wrong. I will spend days at a time asking myself how i feel about a friend of mine, and which friend depends on who i had the last interaction with, and i will never come to a conclusion. It is like torment to not be able to let it go. I guess i just want someone to tell me its going to be ok in some way.

[littlerayofsunshine]

You know they have pills for that? j/k..

On a more serious note. You should seek a counselor or similar. It doesn't sound like something that will work its self out and its affecting your everyday life from the sound of things. I don't fully understand the paranoia you are describing. But sounds to me, you may need a slight adjustment in your brains tape recorder. If you can "just be" you have the ability to do so, and so freely. That is a choice. Living your life by other people's standards and views will never make you, an individual, at peace.

Everything will be ok, eventually. There are only two types of roads in life, that have no bumps, newly born ones, and those that have had many man hours of work laid upon them. Be strong, be patient, and be ok with you.

[Rocsteady]

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It sounds as though you are depressed and are feeling the pressure of being a "polically correct" person. Everything will be fine once you take a deep breath, relax, and stop beating yourself up for not being what everyone thinks you should be. When it comes to asking so many questions in your head, start with "What do I like" (what makes me feel good) answer honestly and let that be your guide to answering the rest of what is going on in your head. It is ok to say you do not like something or do not care for something (don't be afraid of being honest with yourself). We are our own worst critic, but we also tend to choose to be critical of ourselves to the extreme. Accept who you are and be happy with who you are, not who you want to be. Change occurs over time and naturally. When we rush to change, it creates a panic/anxiety. Deep breath, relax, take a break from trying to answer the questions in your head.
Rocsteady :bibounce:

[james1715]

Thank you, it was helpful to hear the advice of "ask what you like and what makes me feel good" this will help cut out the things in my head that dont need to be there due to irrelevance. The problem i come up with is when i start asking myself "would you like this." To which of course there is no possible answer except one wrought with speculation.

[bicomrade]

Your post indicates how programmed we are to maintain a certain orientation in our sexuality. I grew up catholic and couldn't deal with my bisexuality at all. I just buried it and had occasional outbursts of hot sex with men. Now I'm ready to integrate this part of me into my life and tell those who get all hung up to take a hike. I'm glad this forum exists to discuss these things.

[Herbwoman39]

One of my favorite sayings is: There is no such thing as a permanent problem.

Ray's got a good point though. Since you can't seem to get out of your own head by yourself, seeking a professional counselor would probably be of benefit to you. The sooner you're able to change those mental tapes, the sooner you'll be able to get on with your life.

Everything is going to be just fine :) This is just a short term thing that will be resolved with a bit of help. Keep in touch with us though. We want to know how you're doing.