How to handle this-

[jookboxcharlie]

I am in the coming out process, and one-by-one I am letting all my friends know that I am bi. I understand that it's a major shift for some of them in their perceptions of me, but generally I have received nothing but support and respect.

This weekend, however, I met my first real resistance. I told a very good, old friend (who already knew as it turned out, because he reads my blog (http://mayorofnowhere.blogspot.com)). Understand that he and I have a relationship in which argument and debate play a major role, as does some good ol' fashioned mutual mockery. However, while thanking him for taking it as well as he did, he replied "Well, if this is your new thing...."

Then he argued with me as to whether bisexuality even exists, used the word "preference" repeatedly, implied that it is about sex and not identity, and debated the concept of fluid sexuality. I turned him around on that last point, but he stuck to his guns otherwise.

I imagine we all have similar stories, but I don't know why it stung me so much, and any tips on how to handle it for the future?

[LoveLion]

I had a similar situation where a good friend of mine argued that I was not really Bisexual, and that it was just a "thing". In his case, he had had a sexual and mildly romantic relationship with another guy back in early highschool and he had "grown out" of his phase of liking guys. Because of this he though that I would be exact same way and would grow out of it as well.

It sprung a heated but civil debate, in which I informed him that for me its not a phase. People always try to apply themselves to your situations and often forget that we are different people and react in different ways.

It did sting and made me feel foolish defending my sexual orientation, but in the end it did give me a different perspective on things and ended up reinforcing my certainty of my orientation. Our friendship hasnt been hurt any.

My advice to you is let it simmer. The sting will be gone in a little bit and if your friend doesnt mind you being bi, than you seem to have a good friendship going.

[Solomon]

I'm very confused as to why anyone would need to know about my sexuality.

[jookboxcharlie]

I'm very confused as to why anyone would need to know about my sexuality.

We're not talking about your sexuality, here, we're talking about mine- and I suppose that they don't need to know, but I need to shout it. My sexuality is part of me, it's part of who I am, and I want to express every aspect of me all the time.

I'm kind of annoying that way...
:tongue:

[happyjoe68]

I know that Bi people sometimes get upset when gay people "Oh, I used to be Bi ...", but for some people, being Bi it is just a phase ...

Some people perhaps say its just a phase because they lack the imagination to appreciate fully what's involved in being Bi ...

[ElizabethJane]

I know that Bi people sometimes get upset when gay people "Oh, I used to be Bi ...", but for some people, being Bi it is just a phase ...

Some people perhaps say its just a phase because they lack the imagination to appreciate fully what's involved in being Bi ...


just to stir it up a bit,

in your opinion what does it mean exactly to be bi-sexual?

Labels everywhere, I say I'm bi sexual, but merely to let other women know that I'm open to their advances - I don't think it really changes my ethics, morals or any other traits. I don't feel I deserve anything because I am bisexual, nor do I expect people to treat me differently because I am bisexual. Our sexuality is such a private thing in my opinion. I really don't have a problem with people and their opinions, because as we all know - we're all entitled.

Sometimes I think I end up confusing myself when I think too hard... how about you? :tong:

[ElizabethJane]

I'm very confused as to why anyone would need to know about my sexuality.


Well said Solomon, that's a great point. I certainly don't have a problem talking about my sexuality, but at the same time I don't walk around broadcasting it either. It can be a rather annoying thing that people do. :female:

[jaglvr]

I don't think you can really help treating or being treated differently based on sexual orientation. At least not a lot. I don't behave the same way around a straight guy as I do around a bi or gay guy. That's not to say I don't try to be unaffected. And people definitely don't behave the same way around me when they find out I am bi. Not generally anyway. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. If a guy is a sexual prospect then I will have a different approach to him which he hopefully would welcome. Same thing the other way around.
Do people need to know about my sexuality? No, not really. I don't feel a need to proclaim my bisexuality to the world (nor anything else for that matter) but I can't be close friends or otherwise with someone if they don't know. It's obviously a large part of who I am. Sexual conversation is an inevitability in most friendships. It would be quite awkward if I had to hide my preferences with a friend and naturally impossible with someone who is more than a friend. The only arena I could see it being completely inappropriate is the workplace. Sexual conversation has no business at the office. Of course I am in the Navy and could suffer career repercussions for being open about that but that is another thread for another day.

[Herbwoman39]

I'm very confused as to why anyone would need to know about my sexuality.

While I don't scream about it at the top of my lungs, being bisexual isn't something I keep a secret either. I think that it's important for those of us who are able, to be role models to those who are still afraid to come out of the closet.

The more people out there who are openly bisexual and perceived as "normal", the safer it becomes for the others who are either too afraid or are not in a region of the world where it is safe to be bisexual. It's important to me that if my friends are talking to someone who is displaying homophobic behavior, they can point to me as an example of what a bisexual is.

I hope this helps to answer your question.

[NorthBiEast]

I work with troubled teens. One of my girls told her staff person that she has a girlfriend. The staff came to give me the heads up that the girl wanted to tell her mom at our meeting that afternoon. So the kid comes down to my office and finally gets around to telling me about her gf. "So?" and we role played her mom's probable reactions. We get to the meeting and staff that had been fine and accepting 20 minutes before were "Lots of girls go through this phase" and "It'll pass" and (get this!) "So how far have you gone with her, anyway?" In front of her mom and 4-5 staff!!! I was LIVID! Unfortunately, I was still questioning myself at the time and wasn't prepared to lambast them with a "Oh yeah?!" speech. Maybe next time..... :bipride:

[jookboxcharlie]

I don't think you can really help treating or being treated differently based on sexual orientation. At least not a lot. I don't behave the same way around a straight guy as I do around a bi or gay guy. That's not to say I don't try to be unaffected. And people definitely don't behave the same way around me when they find out I am bi. Not generally anyway. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. If a guy is a sexual prospect then I will have a different approach to him which he hopefully would welcome. Same thing the other way around.
Do people need to know about my sexuality? No, not really. I don't feel a need to proclaim my bisexuality to the world (nor anything else for that matter) but I can't be close friends or otherwise with someone if they don't know. It's obviously a large part of who I am. Sexual conversation is an inevitability in most friendships. It would be quite awkward if I had to hide my preferences with a friend and naturally impossible with someone who is more than a friend. The only arena I could see it being completely inappropriate is the workplace. Sexual conversation has no business at the office. Of course I am in the Navy and could suffer career repercussions for being open about that but that is another thread for another day.

The truth is that I do not proclaim it to everyone I meet, but I simply cannot/will not hold back to the people who are important to me, and I have known this guy for 20+ years (holy shit? I CAN'T be that old!).

Like you, I don't talk about it at work for a variety of reasons, although I could probably get away with it in my office- I'm a criminal defense attorney, after all. Where I work, "Horsefucker" is a client! :eek:

[jookboxcharlie]

While I don't scream about it at the top of my lungs, being bisexual isn't something I keep a secret either. I think that it's important for those of us who are able, to be role models to those who are still afraid to come out of the closet.

Absolutely! This is who we are after all! :bipride:

[jookboxcharlie]

I work with troubled teens. One of my girls told her staff person that she has a girlfriend. The staff came to give me the heads up that the girl wanted to tell her mom at our meeting that afternoon. So the kid comes down to my office and finally gets around to telling me about her gf. "So?" and we role played her mom's probable reactions. We get to the meeting and staff that had been fine and accepting 20 minutes before were "Lots of girls go through this phase" and "It'll pass" and (get this!) "So how far have you gone with her, anyway?" In front of her mom and 4-5 staff!!! I was LIVID! Unfortunately, I was still questioning myself at the time and wasn't prepared to lambast them with a "Oh yeah?!" speech. Maybe next time..... :bipride:

A couple of weeks ago at the bar after work while I was questioning, the subject of bisexuality came up. Somebody said something about bisexual women being hot, but bi men are disgusting. I didn't have the courage to call him on it. I don't plan to be out at work, see above, but I don't think I would stay quiet the next time.