Reaction of your wife

[wm1809]

I was woundering what the reaction was of your wife when you came out to or she figured it out on her own :flag3:

[miamiguy4phun]

complete shock!!! she never thought i would be bi. she's bi herself but never in a million years would've thought that i was bi. she's my gf.

[Solomon]

i'll let her tell ya :cool:

am still working through the traumas and patching the walls, replacing stairs...

[flexuality]

i'll let her tell ya :cool:

am still working through the traumas and patching the walls, replacing stairs...

Sweetheart?? You'd better DUCK! ;)

[NorthBiEast]

He's been fine with it from the get go. He says "Are you kidding? You're like the Holy Grail of sex!" not great for breaking the stereo types of bi-F with str8 hubby, but great for me! :female:

I know you were looking for male response, but I had to share. I'm lucky :)

[flexuality]

In all seriousness, Solomon (my hubby) didn't really "announce" it as such. There was no "Sit down hun, I've got something to tell you" kind of thing. I am actually very glad he didn't do it that way.

But that's me.

Instead, he gradually exposed me to the idea and was very sensitive to my feelings. I didn't really know much about bisexuality and I don't think he had really come to any hard and fast "decision" about it for himself back then either.

I do know that if he would have just dropped it on me back then, I would probably not have been able to handle it, but that's just where I was at. I respect that fact that he KNEW where I was at back then and took that into consideration.

So for us, there really wasn't any specific moment. It just sort of developed naturally.

I respect him for that. :)

He also did not cheat on me. He chose to wait to pursue this until we could come to an agreement that worked for us both.

I really respect him for that.

[jedinudist]

I was woundering what the reaction was of your wife when you came out to or she figured it out on her own :flag3:


Amazing understanding, Love, and support

[metasexual]

She knew right from the beginning, so it wasn't much of an issue with us. It was very comforting for both of us that the other was bi and we could be completely open right from the start.

[Barejerrfla]

I told my wife right at our first meeting I was bi... not curious, not interested, not hoping to be bi. Been bi since I was a teen and was comfortable with it and she needed to be too. It was one of those "deal breakers" if she couldn;t come to terms with it or was unable to accept me for what and whom I am.

I lived the lie in a previous marriage and wasn;t going to do that again.

She was and still is accepting of it, as long as i am not "fucking" every tom, dick and harry. I am not about that, close personal friends and "buddies" is my preference, don;t hang around bathouses or adult video places, nor patronize prositutes. As part of our agreement, I am tested every 6 months and am completely honest about who I am seeing and what we are doing.

It seems to have worked so far. your comments or questions are welcome, J

[Bi-ten]

Hi

Kicked out of my house and marriage of 19 years, overall not the best experience of my life lol.

A bientot!

[glantern954]

Slightly hystercial. When I had finally realized and accepted it I knew I had to tell her, even though I didn't want to act on it. I knew she was not homophobic, but I was afraid that she would still not want a bisexual husband. I was afraid of being rejected, so telling her was a very emotional experience. This probably didn't help her.

So with tears rolling down my face, I told her how I had always been aware of my same-sex fantasies and that it was only recently that I had experienced my first crush on another guy and that had made me finally accept my bisexuality.

Her reaction was complete shock and confusion. Her tears surpassed mine and she drank until she was sick and eventually sobbed herself to sleep. I felt awful and I thought she was going to leave me.

Over the next 24 hours, she went and talked with her best friend and thought about what I had told her. When she came back she said that she had realized that even though she didn't know this about me, that I was still the same honest and caring guy she fell in love with.

It turns out she is fairly polyamorous, more so than I, and has encouraged me over the years to meet other bisexual guys and experiment, along with her.

To say she is an amazing person is an understatement. I don't think I could be any luckier than I am. Of course, if i hadn't been honest with her in the first place, we never would have been able to get this far.

[Tom41bimwm]

when i told my wife, she goes that she figured that each guy has done something with another guy sometime when in his teens. she was curious to know exactly what i did. she asked a lot of questions and i answered them all. so, she was cool about me coming out to her, but that's it.

[IndyBiFun]

In a word, denial.

We've discussed it often and she tells me that she doesn't think she could be married to someone that is "gay." I explain I am not gay, I'm bi. Her latest comback to this is "bi now and gay later."

I'm just glad that I told her and we can discuss; at least a little bit.

So there is the struggle. Do you be true to yourself and be who you are or do you bow to the pressure?

[mikeiam4]

My wife (gf at the time) was the one who actually made me realize/admit to being bi. I had a lot of internet porn, and she asked if i was bi... i was shocked, did the whole 'hell no!!!' sorta thing... then she asked if i wasnt bi, the how come most (well, almost all) of my porn was either gay or bi porn!!

It took about two months before she talked me into going to see a guy for sex... and boy did she have to talk me into it... now, its a part of our marrige. So I guess i was the one who was shocked when my gf told me i was bi!

[welickit]

We are both bi and both very comfortable with it. When we first discussed it, she said she had watched to guys before and it didn't do anything for her. Then she said she would enjoy it if she had the open option to join in if she wanted to. The other guys she had watched were in the bed with her but totally involved with each other. I have been bi since I was a teen and she found out she enjoyed another woman when she was 27 and a girl ten years younger than her seduced her.

[Mrs.F]

Well, let's see....I am the wife who found out on her own. My husband was a member of this site for about 6 months. I got up one morning and found his laptop (which was sitting in front of me on the kitchen table...I was not snooping) with this site up. I didn't think too much of it at first but then since it was open I decided to check it out. I read his profile and his posts and messages. I was SICK TO MY STOMACH!!! I could not believe that I had been married to this man for 10 yrs. and never knew this about him. I confronted him about it and I could tell he was very scared and nervous but I was down right PISSED and HURT! I spent many days crying and trying to figure out what all this meant, to me, to him, to our marriage. But he convinced me that there were other straight wives on this site and that it might be good for me to talk to them. He promised (from the bottom of his heart) that he had never done anything behind my back and never would...I totally believed him and still do. I've learned alot from this site and have met some wonderful, loving friends. I love my husband very much and am actually very proud of him. :)
I feel bad for the one's who's spouses don't try to understand and I feel bad for spouses who have their partners cheating on them. :(

[bigdreams3250]

:eek: Well I dont have a wife, but I had a very close 'internet' friend who i expected to eventually live with if not marry. She lives in the UK and I dont.

I am a sometimes inhabiter of another website and I had changed my sexuality profile from nothing to Bisexual. A girlfriend of hers saw it and told her. Due to many circumstances ranging from time differences to alleged unpaid phone bills on her part, I did not get to talk to her about it.

About half past midnight UK time which is ten hours later here, I copped it. I suddenly became the nastiest and most horrible person universally. All because a sexual preference had gone from nothing to Bisexual. All of a sudden I had become the worst of human perversity that existed in the world. I think in her mind I was guilty of every perverted criminal act in the UK and Australia. Forget about the plates and cutlery and holes in the wall, she couldnt do that. However she picked on every fun thing that I did or wanted to do for her and her kids and twisted it in her own mind.

At the end of the day I just pulled the plug on all the communication systems, metaphorically speaking that is. I do believe that it was a good way for her to get rid of me. The relationship had cooled off completely by her lack of communication and I believe this was an 'out'. She knew it was an excuse so all the rantings and ravings covered up any sense or logic. The fact of the matter is that I am the same now as I was at Christmas. Stupid! :male:

[flexuality]

i'll let her tell ya :cool:

am still working through the traumas and patching the walls, replacing stairs...
I didn't do those things.

But I did want to say that before the bi issue ever came up, he had kind of dumped the gay or same sex attraction thing in my lap. When he did that, at first I was pretty devastated, but NOT because of the sexual aspect, rather it was feeling lied to that bothered me more than anything else.

I wonder how many spouses actaully react MORE to feeling lied to than anything else when it comes to disclosure.

That's always been the worst for me, feeling lied to.

[bigdreams3250]

Thanks for your answer and comment. I think as we must all understand that there is history behind all of these stories. I am not the sort of person that is deceitful or dishonest in any way, unlike my ex who was having it away with a 'friend' for a couple of years before walking off with my family. As I said, it was the wisdom of a 21yr old bi female friend that got me to look at myself. I gave myself a reality check and here I am.

The fact that this woman abused me is not based on any fact. One word on an electronic document seems to have driven her to distraction. I am glad I found out now. :soapbox:

[Mrs.F]

I didn't do those things.

But I did want to say that before the bi issue ever came up, he had kind of dumped the gay or same sex attraction thing in my lap. When he did that, at first I was pretty devastated, but NOT because of the sexual aspect, rather it was feeling lied to that bothered me more than anything else.

I wonder how many spouses actaully react MORE to feeling lied to than anything else when it comes to disclosure.

That's always been the worst for me, feeling lied to.

I agree with you totally. For me it was not the sexual aspect as much as it was being lied to, but he didn't really lie about it, he just never told me. I would have rather he told me then finding out how I did....but that's all in the past now and we've moved on.

[findingpeace]

In all seriousness, Solomon (my hubby) didn't really "announce" it as such. There was no "Sit down hun, I've got something to tell you" kind of thing. I am actually very glad he didn't do it that way.

But that's me.

Instead, he gradually exposed me to the idea and was very sensitive to my feelings. I didn't really know much about bisexuality and I don't think he had really come to any hard and fast "decision" about it for himself back then either.

I do know that if he would have just dropped it on me back then, I would probably not have been able to handle it, but that's just where I was at. I respect that fact that he KNEW where I was at back then and took that into consideration.

So for us, there really wasn't any specific moment. It just sort of developed naturally.

I respect him for that. :)

He also did not cheat on me. He chose to wait to pursue this until we could come to an agreement that worked for us both.

I really respect him for that.

This could have been written by my wife - she's been beyond supportive and very encouraging of me exploring my sexuality fully. There were no doubt some hard moments and we both had to express our deepest fears, but we've always expressed our deepest desires and we continue to grow stronger, closer, and deeper in love.

I think it helped that she's known for years that I've had some attraction for men and for the last few years that I wanted a threesome with another guy. It hit me one day after the gradual coming out - that we could have sex with anyone we want if we are above board and it would still be being faithful if both of us were completely comfortable. We talked about this and a couple weeks later she came to the realization too :) Now that we have put our thoughts into action we have been blown away by the experience - she also loves my taste in men and is impressed by what I have brought home so far :)

[NakedBike]

Well its been a very full week for me personally with regard to the whole bi-thing. First off considering that for my entire life I have viewed myself as hetro - or rather those are predominately the kind of relationships I have chosen to engage in - I am also very comfortable being around those that are forthright in declaring themselves either bi or gay. I just never defined my sexuality in any way. After a great deal of reading and a kind of re-evaluation of what I am and how I think/feel/act I can say I do have a bi nature. Although it isn't all sorted in my own mind as of yet it was apparently a very top of mind topic for me.

My wife had been away for 10 days prior and on Saturday evening we were drinking a bit of wine together and somehow-and this I will add was not intentional (this wasn't todays agenda so to speaK), nor how I would have chose to begin a discussion on the subject but we began to talk about "sex" than "sexuality". This was due in part b/c she had spent the week rooming together with an associate whom she knows is gay and has developed a close relationship. The program she is involved in on a graduate level deals with diversity in the workplace and as much as race is a tremendous issue, sexes and sexuality share equally as significant topics. My wife is open-minded-has always been and looked at relationships as loving another and doesn't have any "hang-ups" about whom anyone chooses. She has also become even more aware through her studies and interactions.

Well-the cat got out of bag so to speak-her reaction was mixed, at once accepting, angry and fear-full. My feeling were anxious-like a pandora's box had been opened -what had I just said to my mate of 19 years and what do I mean and what does that all mean long-term. I presently feel relieved because I know that I hold honesty in our relationship as a cornerstone. I'm also very concerned about how this will fit together within our relationship in the future.

This isn't over but any stretch of my imagination but I can say that something in laying open a part of myself to me and to her has drawn us closer and brought/reconciled something within me. Reading on this sight has given me a new kind of reality check and comfort in knowing it doesn't just happen to me/us.

[intuit2]

I'll try not to ramble...At first, my wife of 10 years was shocked, hurt, felt betrayed and cried for a night (and several days after that) when i told her i am bi. (I actually told her that "i have attractions to men as well as women" which totally freaked her out). BTW, I told her, she found nothing on my computer or had any other clue, to my surprise. After a lot of convincing that i am bi and not gay, she calmed down a bit.

I'm surprised that nobody mentioned having better sex or being more intimate after having told their spouse, for like in the case of many couples who share finally share this secret, the sex gets a lot better...and it has stayed that way since i told her more than a year ago. I have to admit, emotionally it's been kind of a roller coaster for the both of us, though. She's accepting of my being bi, but not able to deal with me acting on my desires because of her strong feelings about monogamy (and the fact that i experimented, aka, cheated on her, before telling her). I guess time will tell more.

[NakedBike]

intuit2- the sex/intm was terrific Saturday & Sunday but we hadn't seen eachother for the past 10 days! I think it would have been good anywhich way. I'm not sure it's the right way to describe the feeling but I felt a greater metaphysical connection with my darling. It probably had a lot to do with my own sense of vulnerability.

[holybane]

My gf was shocked. She said she was okay with it, but she cried, alot. She still says she doesn't mind but she doesn't like me to talk about it and she says I can't do things unless I want to lose her.

-Roger

[ElizabethJane]

I've read through this thread and for the majority - its been a battle - coming out that is. You see the issue far more unacceptable to most when it is the man who has realized his bisexual feelings rather than the woman.

I have to admit though, while I was dating there were men that were turned off by the fact that I was bisexual. I used to make a point of disclosing this fact during first encounters as its very much a part of my life and who I am.

My husband knew from the get go that I was bi - and would always appreciate the company of another woman outside of my marriage. I almost feel as though it is my inherant right to commune with my girlfriends as we so choose. Does that translate to equality when it comes to the man having that "inherent right" to "commune" so to speak with his buddies? That question and answer is different for every single person. We just spent the majority of the morning discussing this as I have a close friend who's husband last year expressed the fact that he's having attraction towards men and spent an evening spooning with his bestfriend who is gay.

I feel for her as this is completely new to her. They have been together for years and she always thought that she married a straight man. I sense that she feels a bit shafted so to speak. Kind of like - hey I didn't sign up for this. They are working through things, but the more and more I see of this situation the more and more I see they are really leading seperate lives. Should she be accepting of his bisexuality - sure - but does that mean that its ok for him to flounder about at gay bars without his wedding ring? I certainly don't agree with that. I feel he's being disrespectful to the vows they shared in their marriage ceremony.

Long story short - its never an easy situation. In a perfect world everyone will be ok with their sexuality and full disclosure happens at the beginning, but we all know this isn't a perfect world. How does a person handle this when it comes at them during the early part of a marriage, but after a lengthy relationship? Decisions sometimes have to be made - and changes ensue.

I just want to say 'its not fair'. But we all know the answer to that - 'life is not fair'.

I really don't know what my point is, but perhaps some of you can shed a little light on this situation from your vantage point.

Thanks for reading :)

ElizabethJane :female:

[CanuckCouple]

First post here...

Okay here I am, the wife of a man who just "came out" (sort of) This after 17 yrs of being together in a heterosexual relationship...

It’s been three weeks of pure hell for both of us!

The conversation started easily enough, a few glasses of wine, a little snogging; sharing a few erotic conversations, then out it comes...

"I would love to have a threesome with you and another man, with me being the bottom to the other man" my husband tells me...

At first I am convinced he is kidding, pulling my leg so to speak, then after a few more agonizing minutes bantering back and forth I realized he was quite serious.

DH continued to tell me how he has just begun to explore his feelings and how this is all just a sexual thing.

Yes, DH fantasizes about men, not just with me in a threesome but bottoming for another man period.

My first question, comes sputtering out... "Are you gay"?

Emphatically NO!

DH assures me, the feelings he has for men is completely sexual, not emotional and this is the line HE draws between being straight or gay...

I look at him with complete disbelief, feeling the anger welling up inside of me…

What the hell are you then?

After careful thought and deliberation DH announces he may be bisexual, DH is still not happy with that label either however if I need a label then he guesses I can call him Bisexual…

DH has sexual desires for other men, loves fantasizing about men, completely turned on by MM and MMF porn but has NO interest in men on an emotional level, feels the idea of kissing, cuddling, “becoming one” with another man on a spiritual level quite disgusting…

DH couldn’t even sit through an episode of “Queer as folk. Yes, he now admits to loving the “back room scenes” just couldn’t handle the relationship stuff… (Yes ironically I used to watch QAF)

Inside my soul at that moment I was screaming, swirling around in the madness, scared, terrified to ask the following questions but knowing that the questions had to be asked…

Trying to muster every last bit of self-respect and patience I had left I asked the dreaded questions:

Have you been sexually involved (in any way, shape of form) with another man?

“No!”

“Do you currently have feelings for another man?”

“No!”

“Would you like to explore your same sex feelings”?

“Yes, with you I would”…

“Well, honey the last time I checked, this would be a pretty impossible feat as I am a women”!

DH went on to explain that he would like to openly discuss his feeling with me (no longer hide his feelings), visit porn sites together, role-play which includes “special appendages” for myself and so on and so forth…

DH further went on to explain his deep love and commitment to our children and myself and assured me that he would in no way jeopardize what we have…

Everything he needs DH tells me I can provide (with a little help from a couple of toys)…

I need to say at this point in our conversation I do start to get quite “excited” so to speak…

DH and I did end up making love that night and it was amazing although, in the morning all of my insecurities, anger, frustration, feelings of betrayal come flooding back. Pretty hard to cope with all those emotions while trying to get the kids off to school and myself off to work.

I spend my day completely in a fog, feeling quite similar as to how I expect Alice feels as she began plummeting down the rabbit’s hole. By the time my day is over, I have pretty much worked out that DH’s bisexuality is not going to work for me and I come home pretty angry…

DH is completely confused for as far as he was concerned, our lovemaking the night before and my calm, safe approach towards him was in his mind my “coming to terms’ and “acceptance” of his bisexuality…

In reality, I have spent my day trying to figure out what steps I need to take to leave him.

Here begins the cycle that has plagued me for the last three weeks…

We spend our evenings trying to talk out our issues, we come to some sort of “calm acceptance”, have mad passionate sex, snuggle into each other whispering words of devotion.

However by morning, I wake up feeling sick and disgusted towards what are marriage has become, I have lost trust in what I thought was truth, confused, isolated and alone. These feeling become stronger and stronger as the day goes on to the point where by dinner time, I feel the best way to resolve our “issue” is to just leave…

After dinner is done, the explosive arguing begins.

I tell DH that I can’t live with his bisexually, I don’t trust that he wont at some point need to explore his sexuality further then our marriage in order satisfy his urges!

DH feels hurt that he can’t get through to me that our marriage is the #1 most important thing to him and that he would never do anything to harm us…

I tell you, living in my house right now is sheer madness…

I have begun counseling to help come to terms with what has happened and through counseling I am hoping to either be able to accept DH’s sexuality or gain the strength I need to move on…

I just know that we can’t stay in the mental place we are in now…

I love DH probably more then I have ever loved him. I am so proud that he found the strength he needed to finally open up and be honest with me. I don’t regret that fateful conversation as I realize now that DH has probably been living a lie for way to long, I can’t imagine how painful it must be to have to live everyday as somebody your not.

Do I think we are going to be able to work this one out?

The odds are not pointing in our favor…

Its not his bisexuality, actually his bisexual nature is actually a turn on if anything else…

It’s my love for him and my ZERO tolerance for a non-monogamous relationship that I believe will eventually tear us apart…

I will at no time accept anything less then a 100% monogamous relationship in my life, and I fear that being bisexual DH will eventually find being monogamous not something he could live with. Just reading the posts in this forum have been enough to solidify my beliefs…

I know this is a super long post and probably more then what anybody ever cared to know about me and my life, for that I am sorry!

The day after DH’s disclosure, I hit the Internet, trying to find out about as much information as I could on bi-sexuality, mixed orientation marriages and homosexuality, though my journey I found myself here…

Although quite a bit of what I have read on here has been hurtful and confirmed my ultimate fears, I believe that through your personal stories I have gleaned a wealth of information and knowledge and for that I thank you!

I should also thank the person who created this website/forum. I realize the forum was intended to create a “safe place” for bisexual people to come and discuss/explore their feelings/emotions, however, what I found was a place where I can come to as a “straight” “bi-loving person” explore/research my feelings/emotions and not feel so alone and scared…

Thanks for allowing me to tell my story!

[csrakate]

Canuck couple,

I have sent a response to your post via your private message box on this site!

[ElizabethJane]

CanuckCple -

I read through this and I feel for you. What a shocker for you. You certainly didn't sign up for that ballgame did you? heh - no - not to make light of the situation.

Fact of the matter is - monogamy is number one in your world. People can be bi-sexual and monogamous. I think things come down to a trust issue here, will you be able to trust that you will be enough for him. How can anyone feel that they are enough when a spouse enunciates a desire for something they are not? Its a BIG deal.

You are always going to love him - but life may be taking you both in different directions, most importantly right now is the time for the both of you to be as REAL as you can so that life can progress the way it needs to progress. You know your limits and you have to be ok with your limits. Its sounding like you are more resigned to think that you will need to leave as you cannot comprehend him staying monogamous and feeling amorous for his male peers. Perhaps now is the time for him to really decide whether or not he's going to pursue his bi-sexuality, or deny himself his feelings in that manner. I don't get the impression that he wants to give up on the marriage however. I think he wants the best of both, as we all do. You have to know that he will be faithful - he's your husband after all, and you have trusted him for this long to not take up an affair with another woman, what makes it fair play for him to have an affair with another man? Nothing. It still stands, monogamy is monogamy, perhaps a restatement of your vows - or discussion of same is in order. I don't know, but these are the thoughts I had as I was reading your entry.

Good luck, and be well.

[Mrs.F]

You are always going to love him - but life may be taking you both in different directions, most importantly right now is the time for the both of you to be as REAL as you can so that life can progress the way it needs to progress. You know your limits and you have to be ok with your limits. Its sounding like you are more resigned to think that you will need to leave as you cannot comprehend him staying monogamous and feeling amorous for his male peers. Perhaps now is the time for him to really decide whether or not he's going to pursue his bi-sexuality, or deny himself his feelings in that manner. I don't get the impression that he wants to give up on the marriage however. I think he wants the best of both, as we all do. You have to know that he will be faithful - he's your husband after all, and you have trusted him for this long to not take up an affair with another woman, what makes it fair play for him to have an affair with another man? Nothing. It still stands, monogamy is monogamy, perhaps a restatement of your vows - or discussion of same is in order. I don't know, but these are the thoughts I had as I was reading your entry.

Good luck, and be well.[/QUOTE]

I agree with this, as it was exactly what I had felt when I found out about my husband. We had alot of heart to heart talks. We talked about his feelings and how I felt about his feelings towards same sex encounters. I shed many tears....many tears and I went through feelings of anger and viewing him as a different person....but I knew that I LOVED HIM and I didn't want to end my marriage on something that I DIDN"T understand. Joining here helped me ALOT. I've come to understand that my husband being bisexual doesn't change the person he is. Infact, I've come to love him more and I trust him completely. I know that he will never cheat on me. I know that he will never do anything unless I am completely OK with it. Your husband has been faithful to you throughout your entire marriage....knowing now that he's bisexual will not change that.
I wish you the best and I do hope that you can work through this. I do understand how you feel...it just takes time and lots of communication!!

[flexuality]

First post here...

Thanks for allowing me to tell my story!

I just want to tell you that my husband and I have a monogamous marriage and we don't intend on having it any other way. If WE decide to be with someone else together, then we will - but ONLY together.

So it is possible....

I went through similar things to what you are saying and similar feelings. What I found was it was the fear of being lied to that was the hardest thing to overcome.

But now that we are very open about it with each other, that fear is fading amazingly fast.

I don't know if that helps....I feel for you. Just wanted you to know that for us, monogamy still works. :)

And welcome to the site :)

[eyeda1]

Well when I came out to my wife she wasn't all that surprised and took it really well. She was very supportive and encouraged me to play around and to live the life that I was craving. It greatly increased our play in the bedroom and opened new doors for us. We actually talk more about what we would like sexually and it has also opened the door for us to talk about having an open relationship. My wife is in my opinion, one in a million, and I wish that everyone could have a wife like I have. Her only concern was that I would play and find out the I like being with a guy more than being with her.

[DiamondDog]

I've read some of the replies and this is why it's important to come out to potential husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends early.

Whoever I end up with they'll know LONG before we move in together or start seriously dating.

Also, if I were to ever end up with a woman I would have to have an open relationship as I'd be miserable with the idea of being in an exclusive/closed relationship with a woman and I probably would cheat. Plus most of my male friends are gay and want absolutely nothing to do with a woman sexually.

[free2peek]

It turned her on. She wanted details. It spiced our sex life in a flash. We are more open to each other ever since.

[flexuality]

I've read some of the replies and this is why it's important to come out to potential husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends early.



I agree, it is important. But not everyone realizes this about themselves before they are in a relationship and/or married.

Some of us are slow....lol :rolleyes:

[montresor]

Very odd -- was married for 8 years. Before I married her, she knew I was bi, and we had some very explicitly bi threesomes with my college roommate which always ended with me finishing him off with my mouth and swallowing. After she became a Wife, it was like a switch was flipped, and my bisexuality was no longer acceptable! As you can imagine, the marriage didn't last.... My current partner (17.5 years and counting!) knows and approves, often participates but is equally comfortable allowing me time with a male partner alone. I wonder if the fact that we've scrupulously avoided marriage is a factor. She's not bi, by the way, but is polyamorous, which I think is a contributory factor to the success of a relationship with a bisexual man.

[Mrs. Taz]

at first my hubby (fiance at the time) thought it was just a phase I was going through. then he said your not bi till you try it, I already knew b4 I tried that I was bi, I had to show him I liked things he didnt know I liked to prove to him that I am bi. It took me a couple years also for him to decide it was ok that I am bi and to realize it wasnt anything he was or wasnt doing or that he was doing everything right, I love making love to my hubby. I would never leave him for anyone, and now he knows that. I would also ignore my bi side if he wanted me to and I have told him that from the start. I would never want to do anything to hurt him or us. couple years later he was finally ok with the situation. I would have also told him sooner (b4 we got engaged) (b4 we got together) but I didnt know until after we got together and got engaged.

[DeafF2M]

My story is a little complicated... okay, a LOT complicated.

See, I've been with my girlfriend 11 years -- This whole thing gets complicated not just by who I'm attracted to, but just by who I AM, as person, too...

I'm a transsexual guy -- i was born in a female body and was raised female. I never identified as a female, a girl, or as a woman, so finally at the age of 32, I began my transition (in 2000). I live full time as a guy. I had already been with my GF four years when I began taking hormones and had chest surgery. She was the one who helped me realize that I was indeed transsexual and needed to do something about it. She said, simply..."you're a guy."

Well, after all that complicated mess... within a few years of my transition, I also realized I was also bisexual. I told my GF and she seemed to understand it. We both consider ourselves queer anyway... she's a lesbian who happens to love me and wants to stay with me.

Sometime later, she became depressed -- not because I'm bisexual, because at that point, I never acted on it. I was monogamous. She was in a bad situation with work, an asshole boss and all that... so, SHE actually suggested an open relationship, because her sex drive was taking a nose dive while my was going through the roof, with testosterone.

At first, I resisted. I had always been monogamous. But, we gave it a try and I found I liked it! It didn't last long, though... We had agreed to 2 years in an open relationship, but it only lasted 8 months. Her self esteem plummetted... again, more due to what was happening in her profession.

I couldn't resist, though... and cheated several times. She found evidence of me cheating on her.. four times over the next four or five years. And through it all, she STILL stayed with me. She said it's not the idea that I'm bisexual.. she gets that... it's that she's scared i'm gonna fall for someone else and leave her.

I've never even come close to falling for someone else, but I cannot deny my sexuality, either. So... we agreed we will try it again. This coming weekend, we will start negotiating the terms for an open relationship. She said it will be temporary. I think she hopes it will be a phase and I'll get over it. I have my doubts, but am willing to give it a shot. Beats cheating and lying anyday..

I love my GF... I consider her my "wife" even though we're not legally married. She's a stronly monogamous person and I feel I am becoming more of a polyamorous person -- so, that's something we'll have to struggle with together, or eventually, it's gonna break us up.

We'll try the open relationship thing again and see how it goes. We're both scared, but we both feel it's necessary. I hate lying and I hate cheating -- but, I love sex.... so, it's one complicated mess. I'm amazed she hasn't left... or me, for that matter.. it's been one long, frustrating ride, but we're STILL together and have no intentions of letting go anytime soon.

Well, wish us luck!!!

[my-00-stang]

well lets see i t was about 3 weeks ago wife was at work i was home and went to go check my secret email account when i couldn't log on. seems some how my password got changed. well within a couple of hours my wife shows up at home mad hysterical and crying.

yep she found my secret email account and some how yahoo gave her the password. well anyway i had emails i had recieved and sent to other guys i had been chatting with and they were very detailed emails of what we would like to do to each other. and needless to say that she didn't take it to well. but she is quite the dramatic type she was throwing up crying cursing all that stuff, so i did the most natural thing a man does when he is caught...................................yes i lied told her that it was just some perverted part of me that i had been trying to get away from and i need help and counseling and i cried and it has worked somewhat but like any woman she can't let things go, we try to have a normal conversation and bam!! she out of know where throws out a gay remark. i mean i agree i deserve all the heartache and crap that comes with it since i lied to her and kept it from her but she is what you call a prude she is not open to anything but man and woman sex.
i have been bi since i was 13 it started with my best friend and i have never told anyone.

[guycurious]

My wife responded with total calm. Her response, " I already knew."

Well, this response caught me off guard. I asked, "How did you know ?"

She said, "I saw your guycurious email address on hotmail. I figured you would tell me when you were ready."

That conversation took place several months ago. We have had several conversations since then.

Last Saturday my wife and I went on a 'date' with a bi-male we met on Craigs List. All had a fun time and we are making plans in the near future to get together again in a more private setting.

All I can say is be honest and hope for the best. I couldn't keep my feelings inside any longer. I felt that I was deceiving my wife and I couldn't have that.

[BiTadrith]

Let me start by how I cam to tell my wife, we had been married for about 8 yrs, and I had always thought about sex with another man. My thought would wonder about how it would feel to go down on another man, and to have a guy Penetrate me. I'd surf porn sites and fulfill my fantasies.

One night I had asked my wife if i could penetrate her with anally.
To my suprise she agreeded, months had go by with nothing being said .
Then I again asked if we could have anal sex, this is where the suprise starts.

Her reply this time was, Well if i can do that to you and don't mind then ok.
( thinking that she would hope I wouldnt like it). We ordered a toy, a few weeks went by before we got a chance to use it. I came out and asked if we could play with the toy, she said sure ..do I get to use it on you like we talked about?....I told her sure.

We used the toy a few times while she would go down on me, after a few months went by she asked me, do you like the feeling you get when I do that? I replyed with yes but I think it would be more enjoyable if you used it as if you were a guy, well with what we had that wasn't possable.

So one time while we were running around town, we stopped at a adult store and saw a strapon. she goes is this what you were talking about I said yes.
We had been using the new toy for awhile, and after we got done having sex
she said you really like it when I do that to you huh?. Thats when I got up the nerve. I told her that I had had fantisies about how it would feel if it was real. she said you mean with a guy?. Yes I said, she said do you want to have sex with another guy? I said I would mind having a experance to see how it was. I guess I shoulnt have been all that suprised at the time after all the playing we had done. But she just said (ok) if you want to have hat experance then Iam ok with it. Shes was & I very open minded about life.

I just wish I had told her yrs before, we have talked about what I would like to experance. She even asked if I wanted to try oral with a guy and said, Iam not aginst it, And this really floored me. If your going to be with a guy at some time you mite want to know what to do as far as oral sex.
She has shown me a few things and let me try them out with her wearing the strapon and going down on her...Which is really cool lol .

Iam very lucky to have a very open and understanding person in my life.
So if your thinking about telling your wife or husband, make sure you know them and how they think, It will make it alot easier on you and them

[shouldshouldnt]

Mine is a complicated story. My lover is bi and not out but I know - long story! I have tried to encourage him to be open because I know it would help him to be open to some one who is a friend and loves him. However (and here is the catch) I am not comfortable with the idea of physical intimacy with someone who meets people on the internet. I am willing to give up the sexual side of our relationship and still stay a friend who loves him and will always be there - and he is free to explore and find a female mate if he finds someone who can accept sharing him sexually with others. There is a health issue too. If we will not allow our partners to share sexual intimacy with people of the opposite sex, what makes it OK with same sex partners? isn't there a double standard here - its like wanting to have your cake and eat it too. Is it alright for me to let my bi lover enjoy his guy pals and in lieu of that can I have an affair with another man? It is only sex after all! Right?

And any views on the health related issues - the STDs. What are the health guarantees. What is the comfort level. Its not just love, its the practical considerations. Any ideas on this?

[matterinhand]

I'm sure I told my wife when we first got together, but about 4 yrs ago I mentioned something in passing and she said she'd not known.
As it happens she really likes the idea of it, she's tried bisexuality herself since but it didn't do much for her, but she likes watching me and him.

[truelove201]

I didn't do those things.

But I did want to say that before the bi issue ever came up, he had kind of dumped the gay or same sex attraction thing in my lap. When he did that, at first I was pretty devastated, but NOT because of the sexual aspect, rather it was feeling lied to that bothered me more than anything else.

I wonder how many spouses actaully react MORE to feeling lied to than anything else when it comes to disclosure.

That's always been the worst for me, feeling lied to.

:female: that would be me...I felt way more betrayed over the "secrect" issues than anything else. Of course I am concerned about how this will effect us in the long run.

[the mage]

Ok.. my turn... coming out cost me my marriage of 19 years.
Sexuality is a basic instinct, people react literally below the belt.
I knew I was done when after I told my (ex) wife about my desires, her reaction was pure anger. It was the same when I told her previously of my sons teenage explorations, (he's Bi too, and knows about me. We do talk).

There are many issues at play some of which delve into the D/s nature of all relationships. A women often cannot stomach the thought of her man being topped. It offends on a gut level. Its tough to talk thru that.
My ex and I are in fact still good friends. We didnt have any big explosive fights at the end, we just knew the relationship was forever damaged and the sex between us died.
We both didnt want a sexless sham so she met a new man.
He is a dominant man in all respects which she needed as she is submissive.

My Lady I live with and love now is a Dominant natured women who is fine with me bottoming for men. She is not offended by the pleasure it gives me.
Life requires balance in all things......

[truelove201]

I really connected with your last statement that life is a balance of all things. That is exactly what I have said to my husband. I think that his struggle needn't be so hard for him. I accept him as bisexual and feel that with time I can allow him to explore that side of him. I just really need him to first recommit to this relationship (as he did go outside our marriage on an emotional level and I need to trust him again) and give me back the foundation I once had before I can let him go to explore himself. I love him so dearly that I would be willing to let him do so to feel whole. I believe in our love and that it will stand up to anything...just not betrayal. This site has already helped me so much. Thanks for sharing your story.

[dibbspixie]

like a few others who have answered this question i will get my wife(sriad) to answer. as i think she is most likely to get all her feelings correct.

as for when she told me it was a case if "i know"

take care :flag3:

[PolyLoveTriad]

complete shock!!! she never thought i would be bi. she's bi herself but never in a million years would've thought that i was bi. she's my gf.

Hey you! Where the heck have you been hiding at? long time no talk!

[bearisbare]

She knew before we first met, after we talked online for a couple of months. We were both completely comfortable with the other's sexual identity.

[sriad]

like a few others who have answered this question i will get my wife(sriad) to answer. as i think she is most likely to get all her feelings correct.

as for when she told me it was a case if "i know"

take care :flag3:

Well I dont know what to say,when he told me I was not overly shocked as I had been with him when he was surfin and watching men and was enjoying it immensly. I think the clue was the big cheesy grin. As for rejecting your partner that you have given a long term commitment for, upon recieving this news, seems to me quite odd, as you love them no matter who they are sexually or that is how it should be. :smirlove2

[redheadhoneycat]

Well I am the wife and I am bi when he told me he was too I was so turned on we had the hottest sex.I am thrilled he is. It's awesome!!!!!!!!!! :three: :flag3:

[BoaterGuy69]

My wife was totally understanding. We were discussing sex on a road trip once and I just out and told her that as a teenager I was with another guy once. She said very matter of factly that she thought so and it was alright. She has experimented with same sex partners a couple of times and is very open about sex and sexuality. Once we were both comfortable with ourselves and our openess she is the one that suggested that if I was still interested that I go online and try and meet a guy and see if I still liked it. I did and we have been a very happy couple since then. The only same sex partners that I am with she OKs and as long as I am not out every week doing it she thinks it is fine. I am truly a lucky man to have such a great wife!

[bohemian69]

I realized I was bisexual from when I was very young. I played around growing up, but I guess I (supressed, denied, hid, etc. etc.) my bi-sexuality when I met my wife. It did not bother me at all, because when we met, she became (and still is) my friend, my lover, my wife, my partner in crime, my true soul mate.
It was not until after about 6 years of marriage I brought it up to her. I explained to her that I was bi. She was the most understanding, caring person I could have come out to.
We both agreed that if the situation ever arose, we would have another man together. It took a while for her to say that she was ready, as I patiently :rolleyes: waited.
Since then, she started to show her bi-sideas well. :bigrin:
Anyway, as I read thru some of the post, I realize that you never know how someone is going to react. I just wish every member of this site happiness for not denying your true selves. :flag3:

[Isaac Steel]

I think she knew, but when I told her it was a shock. We really don't talk about it, but at some point our marriage will either suceed or fail based on an acceptance of my bisexuality. It's tough and I take it day by day. However, I am proud to be bisexual.

Isaac :flag3:

[wm1809]

Thanks everyone the reaction from my wife was pretty good she was pissed but got over it

[wolfcamp]

I was woundering what the reaction was of your wife when you came out to or she figured it out on her own :flag3:

She left.

[onewhocares]

Wolf,

My heart goes out to you. Know that you are never alone. We are here for you.

Belle

[CountryLover]

I went looking for my bi husband when I was ready to marry again after being single 4 yrs.

It's been my unscientific observation that bi men who have loving supportive accepting wives are some of the most loyal, devoted human beings on the face of the earth.

That's what I wanted - and that's what I got. We're coming up on our first anniversary on Thurs, and we've never been happier in our whole lives.

Oh and we are completely monogamous by his request. I'm bi also and I gave up the intimate relationship with my girlfriend for him. I've never regretted it for a moment.

[Rocsteady]

When I was married, I actually outed her (with her girlfriend standing there) and then I came out. (Claimed they were just friends up until that point)
:male:

[vices2habits]

I was woundering what the reaction was of your wife when you came out to or she figured it out on her own :flag3:

Divorce papers filed before the end of the week -- after 20+ years married -- divorce final by the end of the year. No children, thankfully. 7 years ago, now... and still recovering from the clock-cleaning.

This -- bisexuality -- is not something which is readily or easily accepted by many... particularly male bisexuality. So be warned... though there are stories of acceptance, "love conquers all" and "happyily ever after," there are stories of rejection and disaster, too.

[biwords]

I've probably said this before, but....earlier this year I'd told my wife that I'd had a gay relationship of a few week's duration nearly 30 years ago, in college days. I expected her to ask me about it, providing me with a segue to talk about my present bisexuality. However, she had minimal curiosity (her brother's gay, it's no big deal to her, and after all, my adventure was very remote in time) and didn't ask questions. This took me aback to the point where I didn't say anything further, tho I resolved to do so within a week or two. Before I could do so, however, she walked into my study when this site was up, saw it, said nothing to me, but went upstairs to bed, where she asked herself questions like 'so all these years when we've made love, has he been thinking of a man?' (answer, no). When I came up to bed we talked briefly about it; the following evening we met downtown for supper (she was working late) and I laid out the whole history. It was a great talk and she could not have been better about the whole thing -- I felt I was falling in love with her all over again. That said, our discussions about what this means have yet to reach a conclusion. I've said that it's really impotant to me that I reconnect with my bi-gay side, although I love her deeply and want to be with her for life. (I said "if you want to get rid of me, you're going to have to shoot me"). She really would prefer that I be monogamous but has also said 'you have to do what you have to do'. So we're currently almost in a 'don't ask, don't tell' situation, which can't go on forever.

[BigDog88]

Well, first of all, I want to thank those of you that have posted in this thread. I've found the reading very enjoyable... but painful as well.

I had my first experience with another guy when I was a teen. It was awesome and I'll never forget it. Then, I married young and have kept these feelings under wrap, knowing full well my wife would never understand. And neither would my grown children. The choice for me is simple, keep it hidden until I die, or risk everything I've worked so hard for. I see no "happy median". I hate the idea of cheating, but I simply can't get past what I so immensely enjoyed years ago.

I happened onto this site quite by accident. I don't like the idea of going behind her back and cheating with another male or couple, but I feel there is no other choice.

I appreciate those on this forum that have been so incredibly understanding of your mate's desires. You all are so blessed!

[biwords]

My gay cousin's advice in situations like yours is to go to a bathhouse to determine whether the experience enjoyed so many years ago is still as enjoyable -- after all, nostalgia is powerful, and people (and their bodies) do change. Provided you play safe (he argues), the chances of a messy emotional situation, and therefore of damage to your marriage are minimized.

[DiamondDog]

My gay cousin's advice in situations like yours is to go to a bathhouse to determine whether the experience enjoyed so many years ago is still as enjoyable -- after all, nostalgia is powerful, and people (and their bodies) do change. Provided you play safe (he argues), the chances of a messy emotional situation, and therefore of damage to your marriage are minimized.

BigDogg-Don't Cheat that would just fuck up your marriage and I don't see how cheating or going to a bath house (places where there are lots of poz men and HIV and other STDs are easily spread, and lots of people use meth) would even help in your situation.

[Kuragxo]

I told my (female) partner at the beginning of our first "lunch date" before any sexual or physical shows of affection happened. Her response, "I think most people are bisexual anyway."

[vices2habits]

<snip>

The choice for me is simple, keep it hidden until I die, or risk everything I've worked so hard for. I see no "happy median". I hate the idea of cheating, but I simply can't get past what I so immensely enjoyed years ago.

There is no happy median, as you well recognize. If you want an honest, above-board life where you are not being cheated out of your own life, however, then the only way is to carefully and skillfully persuade your wife to accept who you are... all of you. Some wives can't and won't... but as you will read on here and other places, such as LitErotica Forum (http://forum.literotica.com/forumdisplay.php?f=29), there are many wives who do, in fact, happily and eagerly accept their husband's bisexuality. Do not make it a sudden surprise, though.


I don't like the idea of going behind her back and cheating with another male or couple, but I feel there is no other choice.

Many do go that route... but the sneaking, hiding, tension and guilt will do more damage to you -- and potentially to your marriage, in addition -- than even the loss of half your material possessions along with your marriage... if your own integrity is something that you cherish, that is. If you are an honest man now, you will not be any more once you become a sneak and a cheat. It will change you.

Do you have a relationship with your wife... or just a peaceful marriage?

Many are happy to take the peaceful marriage, the happy homelife, et cetera and run... that ain't so bad, after all.

These tricky waters are not for the faint-of-heart... navigate carefully, and best of luck.

[casio]

For me it was easy to tell my wife that I was bi. She is very understanding and supportive. I am a lucky man. My first wife wouldn't even talk about it in a rational way until we were divorced for five years, Talk about luck......

[BigDog88]

There is no happy median, as you well recognize. If you want an honest, above-board life where you are not being cheated out of your own life, however, then the only way is to carefully and skillfully persuade your wife to accept who you are... all of you. Some wives can't and won't... but as you will read on here and other places, such as LitErotica Forum (http://forum.literotica.com/forumdisplay.php?f=29), there are many wives who do, in fact, happily and eagerly accept their husband's bisexuality. Do not make it a sudden surprise, though.



Many do go that route... but the sneaking, hiding, tension and guilt will do more damage to you -- and potentially to your marriage, in addition -- than even the loss of half your material possessions along with your marriage... if your own integrity is something that you cherish, that is. If you are an honest man now, you will not be any more once you become a sneak and a cheat. It will change you.

Do you have a relationship with your wife... or just a peaceful marriage?

Many are happy to take the peaceful marriage, the happy homelife, et cetera and run... that ain't so bad, after all.

These tricky waters are not for the faint-of-heart... navigate carefully, and best of luck.

Excellent advice and I very much appreciate it. You asked if I have a relationship or a peaceful marriage... I must say it's peaceful... most of the time. Probably no worse than most people. But her religious background completely precludes her from being open minded. So that said, I suppose my best option is to simply not act on any of this and remain forever quiet.

Life is so short and there is no need to be a wrecking ball in the lives of those that love me. But it seems I've lived my entire life making others happy.

[vices2habits]

Excellent advice and I very much appreciate it. You asked if I have a relationship or a peaceful marriage... I must say it's peaceful... most of the time. Probably no worse than most people. But her religious background completely precludes her from being open minded.

Just one man's point of view... but from the perspective born of the experience of having taken the very road you are looking at taking, from the very place you are now -- long-term marriage, comfortable home, successful family business, prominent place in the community... yada, yada, yada. And because I went about the whole "coming out to wife" thing completely wrong (really clumsy... bull-headed... assumed that a rare intelligence also meant open-minded... believed that love automatically meant acceptance)... I paid the most dear price for it.

But I have my freedom, for what that's worth... as Janice Joplin sang, "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose," and there are days when it seems like that. But I don't have to hide or sneak around, either.

A religious background may indeed preclude someone from considering anything but strict, plain-vanilla heterosexuality to be a sinful perversion... but there are many mainstream churches which take a more humane view of humanity itself.

You may find some enlightenment -- perhaps just some food for thought -- from a group called Liberated Christians (http://www.libchrist.com/)... the following is from their website:


Doesn't The Bible Teach That Sex Belongs Only In Monogamous Marriage?
Take out your Bible and show us where! Traditional Christian teaching wants you to believe this. But if you search the scriptures and understand the original Hebrew/Greek texts, the history of biblical interpretation and the influence of non-Christian thought on Christian tradition, you will discover you have been sold a lie all these years. We will provide you the historical background and share from scripture what was really taught by God and Christ...

There are many for whom religion provides much comfort, so although I do not partake of it at all -- I gave up Catholicism one year for Lent, and never went back ;-) -- I wouldn't dream of criticizing or finding any fault in those who do (so long as they do not try to run my life by their beliefs).

The above may provide an avenue for (cautious) discussion with your wife... and though that is probably a multi-year, step-by-cautious-step project, it may pay the dividends you are seeking in due course. Never drop the lobster before the pot's a-boilin' ... if you catch my drift.



So that said, I suppose my best option is to simply not act on any of this and remain forever quiet.

Not acting doesn't also mean "forever quiet." Many live out their sexual fantasies through writing... it can be cathartic and therapeutic just to express sexual desires in the form of erotic stories. Many find that by casting their own characters -- who are not them -- in the favorite scenes from their fantasies they can, at least semi-vicariously, not only experience the scenes that turn them on the most, they can also control the scenes and characters completely. Now that you don't get in real life.


Life is so short and there is no need to be a wrecking ball in the lives of those that love me. But it seems I've lived my entire life making others happy.

Having a life with those whom you love also love you in return is a pretty sweet deal... and having the ability to make those whom you love happy as well is hardly getting the "short end of the stick."

I don't think you'd want to trade that for an empty single apartment -- or a motorhome -- and maybe an e-mail two days after your birthday.

In My Humble Opinion

[BigDog88]

Very sage and interesting advice. Thank you very much for taking the time to write (type) it all out. You certainly seem to have a well grounded and thought out approach to all of this. Sometimes, it my head feels like it spinning from the thoughts that I have. It's kind of like the little devil on one side, whispering in my ear and the little angel on the other side, telling me not to do it! :-)

But alas, I am happy with who I am and the things (both material and otherwise) that have been bestowed upon me. I suppose had I not had those brief encounters back in my teen years, I would not have to deal with so much right now, but hey, I enjoyed it immensely.

Again, thanks for the advice. You have no idea how much I appreciate it!

[HiBiGuy]

Hi there, I'm a n00b and this is my first post on this site. Great site, btw.

I've only discovered my bisexuality over the last two months. I've always known that I wasn't your stereotypical "macho" man, but to be bisexual? No ways...right!

I met a guy online on another forum and we clicked immediately. We became friends and when we'd opened our eyes, we'd fallen in love with each other. We didn't look for it or encourage it in any way, we just connected deeply and it happened. We're both married and immediately set boundaries - we both agreed that we weren't willing to risk our marriages for the sake of "exploration". The irony of it all was in the midst of it all, I'd changed for the better and Mrs. HiBiGuy had grown extremely close, our marriage was definitely much stronger as well. My wife would comment on the improvement in me and I'd keep telling her that she can thank my friend (if only she knew).

It's been an emotional rollercoaster ride. I tried to let my wife know what's going on by using subtleties and drawing her attention to the depth of my love for him. Two weeks ago I outed myself to her. It was a tearful evening for both of us. On my part, I knew that I had to be completely open and honest with her (something that we always strive towards) and so I had to open up a lot of my wounds in order to show her my journey over the last two months. I was in tears and so was she. Her tears came from a place of being pained by seeing me hurt so bad. She's told me that my not being "Mr Macho" was the attribute about myself that made her fall in love with me. She also told me that if all of the transformation that took place is the result of my being bisexual, then she's happy that I am. She also knows about my friend and how we fell in love; how messed up as we were, we didn't mess up.

I've let her know that I am able to just as easily have a deep loving and sexual relationship with another man, but I do not NEED to have it. I do however need to make good friendships with an emotional bond attached to it. (She's come back since and told me that she gets what I'm on about - that I'm looking to relate with male friends in the same way that women do). She's fine with it.

She's told me that I mentioned that I can easily have an intimate relationship with a man, and that I need to have intimate friendships. What happens if I fall in love again? ie Will I ever have sex with another man? I immediately tried to avoid the question but later realised that I wouldn't be honoring her openness and acceptance if I left it at that. I've told her that no, I cannot guarantee that I'll never "slip up" with another man. I am a frail human being. What I can guarantee is that if I do fall in love, then I will once again make sure that I boundaries are put in place. I let her know that I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt if I ever cheated on her, and to have encouraged or looked for it any way would make the guilt unbearable. She acknowledged that she'd asked an unfair question because what guarantee can she give to me that she'll never slip up with another man?

Last week I woke up to a teary wife. She'd been thinking about everything and looked at how I told my friend that if I ever had to choose between him and her, she'd win, hands down. She said that she can't help but ask, "Why does he love me so much?" I immediately joined her with my tears and told her that ever since I outed myself to her I've been asking myself, "Why does she love me so much?"

She's told me that if I ever meet a man and I fall in love with him, and I feel that he can make me happier, then she will not stand in my way - I must leave her and follow my heart. I reminded her that I am not gay, I'm bisexual and I can fall for a woman just as easily. I also jokingly asked her if she's trying to get rid of me.

I have found myself falling truly, deeply, fiercely, madly, head-over-heels crazy in love with her. Her presence consumes my life.

[Azrael]

I have found myself falling truly, deeply, fiercely, madly, head-over-heels crazy in love with her. Her presence consumes my life.
Welcome, noob. All I have to say is be careful. There is a fine line between being madly in love and total obsession.

[the mage]

Theres a big difference between love and lust too.

Don't go nuts.
Take your time in your new adventures.
Be sure what it is.

[wm1809]

Any new stories?

[Diablo488]

I told my current wife early on and we have talked about it a few times. She has given me three basic rules 1. Do not bring anybody home, 2. Do not talk about it, and 3 Practice safe sex and that is all.

[centillini]

For my wife's birthday few years back after we watched some biporn and got her excited. I said I will find a guy and we can do it, she said as a fantasy is fine nothing more.

[Visexual]

It’s interesting how some of these threads will go dormant and then come back to life. I’ve only been a member a short time and would have missed this one if it hadn’t been brought back.

My wife has known me since we met back when I was in the military. I had a reputation, at that time, for being a womanizer, a fighter, and wasn’t a guy anyone would have thought bi.

I only say that to demonstrate why my wife would never have thought.

I’m a writer and in a series of erotic stories about a swinging couple the two husbands interacted. When my wife read that part she thought it was hot and asked if I’d ever fantasized about something like that. That’s when I told her about my few childhood encounters into the bi world.

After that revelation, she’s known and is OK with it. She’s even said it would be fine if I experimented with the one bi buddy that she knows of. So, it’s don’t ask/don’t tell for me.

[Solar]

I had been away for about 9 months and got home just before my wife gave birth to our son. After delivery, she couldn't engage in intercourse as there were stitches involved, pain, etc. She asked me about getting off and I told her a hand job would suffice. After stroking for what seemed forever, she asked me what was wrong. No idea, maybe a prostate massage? She did that and observed the blissful look on my face. Hey baby, are you gay? No, why? She was hoping that I was as she then came out that she was a full blown lesbian and hoped I had dreams of being a girl. Long story short, l guess l consider myself a sort of she male that loves women but enjoys oral with guys and always a bottom for anal. My wife couldn't be happier.

[jamie63]

....well my missus (at the time) found out i was bi several years ago - we are no longer together! We were just talking about fantasies and stuff, then she decided to probe further, i told her i was bi, she said there's no such thing - only straight or gay, and decided it was time i get out of the house with all my stuff - i did! Even though we have very little contact, she still makes my life hell by telling my 13yr old son- thats your gay father! How fucked up is that?

tim

[Neonaught]

My wife took the news very well I thought. Her first response was to get online and book me an afternoon with a gorgeous young male escourt. She then took the kids to the movies for a few hours. Best. Wife. Ever!!!

[WebothBbi]

I am the wife, and I found out in THE worst way, he brought both me and our daughter to his boyfriend's house under the lie that it was his new scuba diving buddy. Oh they were diving alright! Between each other's legs. I was devastated! The entire thing stiff slays me. Not because he's bi, but because he liberated, lied and tried to play it off and put our child in the fray. I'm very bisexual and he knows how much work it took for me to finally "come out" to others, so for him not to be willing to tell me just down right hurt. We've worked thru it, but I just cannot look back on that day when he brought our daughter and I to this mans house without still having some pain. So if he's above board, and I get to meet the other guy and/or join in? I'm all good. He does it on the sly? He's going to be single.

[ba10016]

One night while we were having sex I told her I had sucked a cock. She became very excited and asked me to tell her all about it. As I spoke she used a vibrator on me. After I came, she made me eat her. Not long after that, she started buying me panties and camisoles to wear under my street clothes. After that she introduced me to garter belts and nylons and nighties.

[Polar Bear]

My wife and I knew about each others bisexual orientation long before we got married.

28960

[froglegg]

My girlfriend has many very close friends that are gay. She has always respected the strength required to be openly gay or bi. When we were first dating, I decided I should tell her about my curiosity, and that I'd never acted on it. I knew she would not freak out or judge me. It's just not in her nature. I was rather surprised by her response though. She laughed that coy "HA!" That I love so much. Then she pulled her phone from her pocket and said "well I can make THAT happen!"

I'm the luckiest guy on the planet!

[JaredT77]

She was actually cool with it

[Visexual]

One night while we were having sex I told her I had sucked a cock. She became very excited and asked me to tell her all about it. As I spoke she used a vibrator on me. After I came, she made me eat her. Not long after that, she started buying me panties and camisoles to wear under my street clothes. After that she introduced me to garter belts and nylons and nighties.

Your wife sounds like a very cool lady. Heck, my wife knows that I love to suck her cock when she wears a strap on or our dildo but says she’s no longer interested.

I’d pay a lot to have her enjoy it the way yours does! Envy, envy!

[pole_smoker]

I am not married to anyone. A woman, or a man since same gender marriage is legal in my state.

However whoever I end up with either a woman or a man will know about me being bisexual long before we ever think about getting married.