Do you think it is rude when

[miamiuu]

The first thing someone does when they meet you is ask you if you are gay, or straight? Most of the time someone asks a question like this i'll tell them i'm straight. I dont think it is some person's business that I dont even know needing that information.

[NorthBiEast]

I can honestly say that no one has ever asked me that (except for somebody in the chat here, ironically) but I'd have to agree that at a first meeting that's pretty forward. I would say "why? are you interested?" And then tell them that just cuz I'm into thier sex, doesn't mean I'm into sex with them.

But then again, I'm odd that way. Before I even realized I was bi, I would deal with bigotry by telling folks that "my girlfriend" gave me my engagement ring. Made people get all flustered :angel: Now I just wish I had a girlfriend.

[Doggie_Wood]

I have had the question asked of me before.
I smile at them, giving them a curious kind of look and ask them,

"And just why do you want to know?"

They either are dumbfounded and slink away or they say something like "Oh, I don't know. Just Curious." or they say they want to hook up. This has only happened a couple of times in the (long ago) past, but not of recent.

:doggie:

[Fire Lotus]

If I'm asked straight away (no pun intended) something like, "Hello. Nice to meet you. Are you gay, straight or bi?", then yes I'd be a bit put off by it. But in the course of conversation and if it is relavent, then I don't mind. I'd rather someone know, than make assumptions about me.

[DiamondDog]

People like to put other people into binary categories.

If it's a stranger I just let them assume whatever they want.
I don't thing I do well as passing as heterosexual; but the general public is clueless about queer people and thinks that all men who have sex with men are camp and into interior design. I think it's stupid that people are so ignorant that way but I don't lose sleep over it.

There have been cases where it seems like I have my sexuality tattooed on my forehead but again, I don't care if people think I'm homosexual since I know what I am, and there have been times where I thought I was homosexual and I've identified as gay politically.

I have had people guess that I'm bi but I do like to people watch and some people take this as cruising but I just like to watch people.

[TorontoGuy2007]

i don't think it's rude.. i think it is a dead giveaway that the person may be interested in me! i've never actually been asked this..

but i agree with NorthBi East.. i'd reply with a "why do you ask" approach and see what they have to say.. let them spill their guts to me first before i open up to them.

[nothings5d]

the general public is clueless about queer people and thinks that all men who have sex with men are camp and into interior design. I think it's stupid that people are so ignorant that way but I don't lose sleep over it.

The two gay men I know well, my uncle and his "life partner", both fit into the stereotypes actually. My uncle, David, is an artist and into interior design, and Don is a hair stylist.

As to the question, I've never had anyone just come up and ask me the question, but I expect it to be asked of me sometime soon, there is a group on my campus called PRIDE calling themselves a Gay-Straight Alliance. I plan on joining PRIDE and expect the question, but of course then it WILL be relevant.

[ghytifrdnr]

An alternative to the "why do you ask" method is when asked a multiple-choice question like that, to answer "yes" (or "no", your choice) and then refuse to elaborate. ;)

[AngelOfTheMystic]

We're human and curosity is in our nature. I don't blame you for being upset at people when they ask you that...you are right it isn't any of their business if you wanted them to know you would be more than happy to share that info on your own time. I don't think that people mean to be rude when they ask that question like I said we are only human and curosity is in our nature. I'm sure it will get better.

[Long Duck Dong]

I get asked that from time to time..... lol i find it hilarious..... but i get them a honest answer which it that I am bisexual.... and the reactions i see are equally hilarious

sometimes they start quoting the bible at me, in which case I just laugh and quote it right back, starting with * thee shalt not judge *

sometimes they take a step back and I say * don't worry, its not contagious *

sometimes they call me sick and perverted, and i just tell them that its the same thing their parents did to create them

what i have to admit at times, that its like they think that i am suddenly deaf or blind or something....

lol, my favorite thing that I say to people, is * don't look at me like that, I haven't changed, your perception of me has changed *

[Lorcan]

Q: Are you gay or straight?

A: No! :bigrin:

I agree it's rude, especially if it's the first thing they ask. But I personally wish they would ask it more often, just so I could make a point by telling them the truth.

[sammie19]

I cant say that I am often asked to my face what my sexuality is in the normal run of things. My looks are that of a nice little straight girl and it doesnt crop up that often.

These days I live with my girl friend quite happily and everyone who knows us knows what and who we are. It wasn't always the case, and when I was on the clubbing scene and available, normally the question never arose unless someone of my own sex was attracted to me but even then so very rarely. Eye contact and body language were the give away and we just knew.

Even in gay and lesbian bars usually the question never arose. Somehow it seemed bad manners to ask it directly. The assumption was that I was a lesbian and it was only afterwards that the matter of each other's sexuality sometimes was raised, which occasionally did create friction especially among less accepting lesbian women.

As I became better known among gay lesbian and bisexual people, the subject was never raised. Word of mouth stopped any doubts.

In fact apart from my personal stress when I was outed, my mum and dad have been asked more often than ever I have, mainly by young school kids in my home town, sometimes with the knowing giggles, sometimes quite sincerely by kids who may be questioning their own sexuality. Their parents are a different breed altogether and very judgemental and disapproving (as many small towns and country areas are) and have in the past caused me great stress and worry.

Nowadays everyone knows, and accept or not, life goes on and slowly my gf and I while being disapproved of by many, are, if not winning everyone round, at least able to live a normal and happy life even if we are the area dykes!