Coming Out

[jo69guy]

It took me many years to finally admit my bisexuality to my family. I had admitted it to my now ex-wife, and a few close friends. Fortunately, I chose wisely, and they were all supportive.

I was terrified for years that my family would dis-own me if this ever came to light. My impending divorce, and the fact that my ex had "outed me" to her family, when she swore she never would lit a fire under my ass.

I decided it was best for my parents to hear it from me first, and not her or during court proceedings.

I told my father one day after we had attended a funeral together. Not the best place, but I had to get it off my chest, and had finally decided it was time. He took it pretty well, although I think he lived in denial for awhile afterwords, thinking it was a "phase" I was going through.

Now after a couple of years, he realizes my lifestyle is lifelong.

A month or two later, I sat down with my mother and discussed it with her. While she was stunned, she was accepting more quickly than he was.

I am encouraged by their openess and inviting my partner to Christmas dinner this year. My siblings have also been very supportive, though my Dad "outed " me to them before I wanted him too.

I went and got an HIV test soon after telling him. I am negative, and plan to stay that way. This seemed to ease his mind somewhat.

I am not out to everyone, nor at my job. I think that this idea would be detrimental to my career.

The only advice I can give is don't rush it. You will know when you are ready. :bibounce: :bipride: :flag4:

[spamer-man]

wow, did you say it took you 30 years? well i am planning on moving out of this city in about 3 years and once i do that i will be open about every thing, just have to figure out how to break it to me dad i want to but he is a homophobe big time. he is always talking about "them" like we are freaks (yet for some reason he seems to love lesbians which i always found strang that when he see's two wemon kissing its beuatifal and grand but to men should be put to death for it). but i do want to tell him, me brother kind of stumbled upon it and seems ok with it but i dont know what the rest of the world will think of it.

[jo69guy]

As a rule, homophobes are struggling with their own sexuality. However, this is not always the case.

As to my 30 years of silence, part of that time was living in denial, and heavy alcohol use. I have now been sober for over 7 years, and my life is much better since I have admitted to myself that I am bi.

Just take your time, and remember that you don't have to rush into things. If you feel that revealing your true feelings is a good thing then go for it, but if it will do more harm than good, what is the point? :bipride:

[sashawillowick]

I've begin to come out to my best friend and my fiance has always known..I just dont' know what to come out about yet..I haven't really done anything to come out about..I don't think everyone is entitled to know all the things that make you tick..I feel that my sexual life with my fiance is our business..but then again, i'm only curious..who knows if this is a phase or not..i've had mutliple opportunities to indulge but have chosen not to pursue the looks, smiles and flirts, even when my fiance jokes with me about it, however, i fantasize about it endlessly..welcome to my paradox...

Kudos, anyway..much luck to you :)

[hazeleyez33]

I can totally understand what you are saying. I am married and am 33 and just in the past 3 years have come out to my husband and best friend,yet I haven't done anything yet to come out to my family. So the question is should I really say anything when there is nothing to really say or tell. My 2 siters are bi and 1 brother is gay so it is nothing new to this family. Thank you great site. :bibounce:

[morenito]

Thank you Joe69guy for your story. I have been also dealing with this "issue" of whether to tell or not my family about my sexual orientation. As opposed to a couple pf responses here, I have experienced both sides and very much enjoyed it. I'm of Latin culture though, and that certainly posses a bigger "price to be paid" for coming out. I often used to imagine myself coming out to my family simply as gay, because I thought that would make things easier for them to assimilate. Coming out to them as bisexual would be a completely different story, though. Many of my close friends know, and they have been supportive and understanding. I also like to get people "confused", if you could say that, like if they ask me if i like a particular girl or boy, and i answer both. I only do that to see their reaction.

One time while I was pondering on my sexuality, I realized that it's not a curse but a strenght. It's being able to capture, appreciate and see the beauty both genders have to offer. By no means I mean only phisically, but also emotionally. It's preciating the human body and essence for what is worth.

[jo69guy]

We must also always remember that if it will do more harm than good to tell somebody, what is the point? We can be honest with ourselves without being brutaly honest to others. I know some people and even family members who would never be accepting, even though they have known me all my life. :flag4:

[DeafF2M]

I've had to come out twice... Once when I was 19, to my mother.. she had found out I was a lesbian.. eventually all my friends and family knew.

Then, I came out again at age 33.. this time as a transsexual man. Yeah, you read me right... I transitioned from female to male 5 years ago.

I've sort of come out again ... as a bisexual man. My girlfriend decided to share with my family AND hers that I cheated on her a few years ago... with men. We're still working through that one, but in any case, I don't think my family would be surprised if more secrets keep coming out of my mouth.

:cool: Alex

[ramboan69]

Well...I guess I had to be honest with myself and that took almost 35 years to give in to my bisexual feelings. I was so glad I finally did because the feeling I got from being with a man was the best I have ever had or could even imagine. While I am not a feminine sort of guy...really love the ladies for sure...I feel so much pleasure when a man farces himself on me and makes me feel not all that manly anymore. So many wasted years...so many times I ran from golden, HARD moments.
Now, DASH IT ALL, I remarried and I just do not want to mess it up by admitting I am bi to my new wife. But oh my goodness do I miss a man inside me!!! I think about it most every night and day and even fantasize about it while making love to my sweet and sexy wife. You know...not fantasize about her being a man...but of a man doing a back up while I do her very well.
If she only knew that some of those moans are for the huge fantasy cock inside of me.
while she openly fantasizes about her own bisexuality, I feel that all is a very much made up idea and not really her true feelings. I guess as we mature in our relationship, I may someday find the oportunity to share my little secret.
Until then...I will always have my imaginary lover who is happy to join us both most every night.

[Ratchick]

Well, this past weekend was our GLBT Festival here in philly.
I finally started comming out to peopel other then my closest freinds this year. I still havent gotten the guts to tell my parents.
it took me 2 years to get the nerve to tell my Gay Boss. He finally just asked. And I answered. IT was that easy. I am hoping my parents figure it out too.
Comming out gives me panic attacks sometimes....I am so glad to hear I am not the only one.
-RC

[Ratchick]

:bipride: :bibounce: :flag4:
I fianally managed to tell my parents. YOu know what? They kinda knew anyway, and were really nice about it. My mom, "just wants me to be happy and meet someone who will treat me well, male or female, doesn't matter". Yeah mom!
HUgs,
RC