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View Full Version : Seeking some input



whichway2005
Aug 21, 2005, 11:50 AM
Hi every one, I am new to this site and so far I like it. A little about myself, I am a married male and bisexual. I have not had a bisexual friend since 1978, reason being is I fell into that it is the wrong thing according to our society and I gave up a friendship many years ago. So for all these years I have just thought about bisexual and never acting on it. But now I want to form a bisexual friendship. My wife does not like gay or bisexual things but I have been talking with her a little about the issue, she does not know I am bisexual at this time.
How do you explain to a straight person, such as my wife that I, speaking sexually cannot see or feel any differance between male or female? How do you tell someone that you have the same sexual feelings for men and woman and that you cannot seperate the two?
I would like to hear from both men and woman on this question. I have another question for all the woman, I had read this article that stated that more than 90% of straight and bisexual woman do not like bisexual men, is this true, what do you bisexual woman think of bisexual men?
I hope this is not to many questions. I hope I can make some new friends here, thank you and have a great day.

nakedambrosia
Aug 21, 2005, 3:13 PM
Concerns: Though you have not had a sexual experience since 1978 and that I assume you have not contracted HIV, hepatitis or herpes (1976 was the year patient zero (AIDS) entered the US) I have the following concerns:
The health climate today is extremely dangerous. The current Administration has not focused on prevention of HIV due to its blind eye towards the epidemic. This is unfortunate because it gives the public a false sense of security.
My suggestion to you would be to approach a threesome scenario to your wife (you, a male partner and your wife) through which a bisexual interaction might florish. However if this happens, you must insist on safe sex for 6 months and insist on a HIV and hepatitis screen from your new partner initially and at the end of 6 months.
Though sex is a powerful force, one should always use caution. Think of it as an act of love towards your wife.

BiCpl69
Aug 21, 2005, 3:57 PM
That is a tough one. I came out to my wife in 1972 and it was very difficult for her. Eventually she understood & once she did she embraced my bisexuality and starting exploring hers. Now we are both openly bisexual to each other and over the years had lovers and shared a few in threesomes. However, it could have just as easily gone the other way. It is a risk.

mike9753
Aug 24, 2005, 9:46 AM
Hi whichway2005:

You have not said anything about the quality of your relationship with your wife. For instance, you say she does not like anything gay or bisexual. For her, that's in the abstract. If you and she have a great reraltionship and there is a strong commitment present on both your parts, as well as a minimum of insecurity, she may feel differently about her husband's revelation that he has had bisexual feelings and thoughts since 1978 that he has denied or hidden, but never acted on.

Even when you reveal this to her, and she seems to accept it, be aware that when you are married and you have a bi experience with a guy, it will change you - maybe it will be a very positive change, or a negative change - but you will NOT be the same afterward. If you and your wife are in tune with each other, she will know something is has changed and you will need to be willing to deal with this change and her acceptance of it. It will change her too.

The question is, when the outcome(s) are unpredicatable, what are you willing to risk? Is the payoff worthwhile to you, given the potential risks.

In addition, I have also seen many people go outside their relationship to find something else, only to discover that what they were missing was really hidden within their marriage or relationship. BEFORE you go outside, either with her acceptance or without, be sure that it is not because of a failure in the marriage - a failure that some hard work my turn into a success and long term happiness.

One last observation. In my experience, if it (the payoff) is worth while, then taking time to work it through, even if it takes years, is often better than taking a leap and dealing with the consequences later. Even couples who have successfully dealt with these issues will tell you that it takes time - a lot of time. Remember, trust is a very hard thing to recapture once it is lost. And frequently, it is never the same - it's like a piece of exquisite pottery that gets shattered. It can be glued back together, but it is never quite the same.

Keep on talking to us here on the forum. It is very hard to sort these things out. There are many people who have struggled with these issues - some successfully, others are still in the middle of these struggles and obviously some are dealing with an unsuccessful attempt.

Mike

gina42
Aug 28, 2005, 8:56 PM
hi whichway,
i am somewhat new here myself but here are my thoughts on what you have written...
you have not had a bisexual relationship since 1978,altho down deep you still want that as part of your life and you are right you followed in what society would except...i feel for you when you said your wife dosnt like bi or gay guys,it will make it harder on you when and if you decide to tell her but the upside to this is you had said that you have talked to her about the subject alittle.
if you are planing on telling your wife ,here is alittle advice that might help you...tell her that you love both sexes equally the same and make sure she knows how much you still love her..but that artical you read about women and bi or gay guys,i look at it like this everyone has there own opion and mine is it dosnt matter if you are straight,bisexual or gay,everyone is intitled to love...
i will tell you also that i am married to a bisexual crossdressing male,i knew before we were married and it will be 12 years in december for us and we have a very wounderful and open marriage together and i am hoping that your wife will come around if and when you decide to tell her my friend..
as far as being new to this room it is a great place,a lot of nice folks here..
take care :)