flexuality
Jan 29, 2007, 5:32 AM
Hi,
I am new here and feeling a bit like I am the only person in the world in my situation. I am wondering if anyone else deals with some of these things.
I hope I am not breaking the "posting rules" by asking if anyone else has had to deal with childhood sexual abuse on top of the whole sexuality issue. It makes things VERY confusing, although it has really helped with getting an education on sexual issues. It kind of motivates one to figure out what the heck is going on with all the emotional confusion and reactions that make no sense sometimes!
I was so naive just a few years ago, that it almost seems funny now.
I had no idea that the abuse from when I was three years old had any effect on me and I suppose that up until just a few years ago I was never in a position for it to "rear it's ugly head."
I am married to a wonderful man who is bisexual. When we got married, I had no idea what bisexual was. I hadn't even heard of it. (Told you I was naive!) I am not sure if he identified as bisexual at that time either.
Back then, I would get totally freaked (looking back I was reacting and being retraumatized, but didn't know it then) at my husband looking at even "soft" porn, let alone anything more intense. Porn seems to be a kind of "natural" (and private?) way to figure out one's sexual identity, especially when the great "out there" (as I call it) has so judged what it "right" and what is "wrong" when it comes to sex.
It made for an interesting (to say the least!) scenario for us.
Here he was, exploring porn or reading up on bisexuality - and there I was, reacting to the extreme whenever I knew he was doing that. He began to keep his "exploring" hidden from me (looking back, I can't say I blame him) but that just seemed to make it worse for me, cuz I felt lied to and all sorts of other things. Neither one of us had any idea what was going on in reality for the other person. I am not sure we had any idea what was going on for ourselves then, either. It turned into quite a nightmare.
I won't go into all the details, but I have come a LONG way since then! Fortunately, my husband and I can talk about just about anything. For a long time though, this issue was NOT one of the things we could talk about.
My biggest frustration is that I still am trying to deal with the emotions, not only from the original trauma (and subsequent traumas throughout my life), but from the years of feeling retraumatized by the way we were handling the situation.
So here I sit, probably identifying more with bisexual for myself than anything else and yet sometimes overwhelmed by emotional reactions from my past.
It seems really strange to me that my emotions can get "out of control" if my husband looks at women, yet I am perfectly fine with him being bisexual. I have no problem seeing men together sexually, or with him looking at men, or the idea of another man joining us sexually.
To add to the strangeness, I find both men and women attractive and have no problem seeing women together sexually. Except seeing two women and one man. My extreme emotional reaction to this baffles me!
I suppose some of it would have to do with my being abused by women (my mother for one), but you'd think I would react negatively to the idea of sex with a woman, but I don't.
this is getting kind of long....
Guess I'm just wondering if anyone can relate to any of this.
Flex
I am new here and feeling a bit like I am the only person in the world in my situation. I am wondering if anyone else deals with some of these things.
I hope I am not breaking the "posting rules" by asking if anyone else has had to deal with childhood sexual abuse on top of the whole sexuality issue. It makes things VERY confusing, although it has really helped with getting an education on sexual issues. It kind of motivates one to figure out what the heck is going on with all the emotional confusion and reactions that make no sense sometimes!
I was so naive just a few years ago, that it almost seems funny now.
I had no idea that the abuse from when I was three years old had any effect on me and I suppose that up until just a few years ago I was never in a position for it to "rear it's ugly head."
I am married to a wonderful man who is bisexual. When we got married, I had no idea what bisexual was. I hadn't even heard of it. (Told you I was naive!) I am not sure if he identified as bisexual at that time either.
Back then, I would get totally freaked (looking back I was reacting and being retraumatized, but didn't know it then) at my husband looking at even "soft" porn, let alone anything more intense. Porn seems to be a kind of "natural" (and private?) way to figure out one's sexual identity, especially when the great "out there" (as I call it) has so judged what it "right" and what is "wrong" when it comes to sex.
It made for an interesting (to say the least!) scenario for us.
Here he was, exploring porn or reading up on bisexuality - and there I was, reacting to the extreme whenever I knew he was doing that. He began to keep his "exploring" hidden from me (looking back, I can't say I blame him) but that just seemed to make it worse for me, cuz I felt lied to and all sorts of other things. Neither one of us had any idea what was going on in reality for the other person. I am not sure we had any idea what was going on for ourselves then, either. It turned into quite a nightmare.
I won't go into all the details, but I have come a LONG way since then! Fortunately, my husband and I can talk about just about anything. For a long time though, this issue was NOT one of the things we could talk about.
My biggest frustration is that I still am trying to deal with the emotions, not only from the original trauma (and subsequent traumas throughout my life), but from the years of feeling retraumatized by the way we were handling the situation.
So here I sit, probably identifying more with bisexual for myself than anything else and yet sometimes overwhelmed by emotional reactions from my past.
It seems really strange to me that my emotions can get "out of control" if my husband looks at women, yet I am perfectly fine with him being bisexual. I have no problem seeing men together sexually, or with him looking at men, or the idea of another man joining us sexually.
To add to the strangeness, I find both men and women attractive and have no problem seeing women together sexually. Except seeing two women and one man. My extreme emotional reaction to this baffles me!
I suppose some of it would have to do with my being abused by women (my mother for one), but you'd think I would react negatively to the idea of sex with a woman, but I don't.
this is getting kind of long....
Guess I'm just wondering if anyone can relate to any of this.
Flex