sex songs ( humorous )

[Long Duck Dong]

I have been meaning to post this for a few days....

have you ever changed the words to songs..... spur of the moment singing and with a evil grin you change the lyrics around.....
( lil bit of advice ) never do it doing karaoke at the local.....you get some good laughs, but you never get to forget that you did it.....

so i decided to add a few of my favorite * altered* songs


queen.... its a kind of herpes ( its a kind of magic ) main voice is red, backup singers is blue

one mark, one lump...omg oh shit....theres a rash from my asshole..... to my dick its a kind of herpes a itch...I scratch......oh shit theres more......blisters covering....all over my dick its a kind of herpes.........

or this one

Queen ... the bloody condom broke ( the show must go on )

bloody latex, .....fucking useless crap ......wasted money.........I want my cash back.......missus is pissed......i got slapped, and its not my fault.......another month of worry......with a pregnancy test...... shes talking vasectomy...... getting me deknackered...... now i'm running scared........ and shes really talking about divorce....... the bloody condom broke..... the bloody condom broke ........ my sex life is over....my dick is being rejected and I have a sex ban......

Bonnie tyler, total loser at dating ( total eclipse of the heart ) (background voices = blue, main voice =red )

total loser...every now and then i see a ad that makes me really fucking laugh ...
total loser.... every now and then i see a profile labeled absolute retard ...
total loser ...every now and then I see a profile that tells me that you need and go shoot yourself....
total loser....every now and then I get terrified that you are gonna reply to my own ad.....
total dating loser....every now and then i stop to laugh.....
total dating loser...... every now and then, your pic makes me chuck...
total loser.....every now and then I sit and stare, and think that you are fugly...
total loser.... every now and then i see your profile and it reminds me of peewee herman...
total loser....every now and then I think to myself dating sites are for ugly people....
total loser........ every now and then I think that i better turn gay just to avoid you...
total dating loser....every now and then, i pray for plastic surgery for your ugly mug.....
total dating loser...... every now and then I feel the desire to remain eternally single........
but i realise the world needs me......and i know they need gorgeous people.... and i hear them screaming for me.....and then i make a ad n put up my pic....and they alll come running.... then i wonder what went wrong......where are all my replies.....where are the women of my dreams.... i don't know what went wrong, i'm all in the dark ... people are seeing my pic and saying oh fuck.....i really have to know ... what the hell has gone wrong....... how can i get no answers.....once upon a time I thought i was cute.....now i realise i am just ugly... theres nothing i can do...just a total loser at dating... once upon a time I was looking for sex..... now i'm making out with latex.....nothing i can do.....just a total loser at dating

judy collins... fill me with cum... ( send in the clowns )

Isn't it fun....are we horny.....me laying on top... your legs in the air.... where is all the cum......isn't it fun....don't be a prude......rip off all your clothes ... and fuck in the nude.....give me ya cum.....fill me with cum.... i love to swallow.....bucketloads of spunk.... cock in my pussy, feeling your balls go hard.....getting banged really hard, feeling myself cum....loving ya cum....fill me with cum.....

monkees.... I'm a swinger...( i'm a believer )

i thought swinging was only true in fairytales, ... just a myth in porno mags........i was so fuckin horny.... really wanting to fuck..... dieing for the chance to get laid.....
then I found a couple....now i'm a swinger....not a trace........ of cum in my ballbag....i'm so happy .....i'm a swinger, i couldn't remain faithful if i tried ........
i'm off to another orgy tonight......gonna get laid 20 times.....pussies, cocks and cum.........fuckin all night long......when i need to get laid, orgies here i cum...
got another couple ...now i'm a bisexual... not a trace ... of virginity in my anus.....i'm so cum filled....now i'm loving swinging.......

[Sapphrodite]

Well I have slightly tamer ones to add to the list...

At karaoke, these two guys (very drunkenly I might add) decided to get up and sing at this big country bar whose patrons took their singing fairly seriously. They did their rendition of "Wake Up Lil Suzie" except they changed the lyrics so that it was about banging a cheerleader at the drive-in instead, and sang the chorus "Wake up you Little Floozie" quiet loudly until the DJ finally cut them off... hell my friends and I were laughing!!

Another good laugh was an ex-coworker was notorious for calling people Bag Biters... yup he was an ass... LOL!!! So to this day we can't hear the songs "She Sells Sanctuary" (makes my back burn) or "Paperback Writer" (chorus) without singing 'He's a Bag Biter' in the lyrics and bursting into hysterics.

Also there are a LOT of good songs out there that are already about sex that rock, like "Freaking at the Freakers Ball" and "Papillion D'Amour", as well as some raunchier ones by bands like Forgotten Rebels (Fuck Me Dead), Crackers (Gracie), Wet Spots (Do You Take it in the Ass?) and Pansy Division. Older stuff in some cases, but still lots of fun.... ;)

PS: in case you are interested in looking for more pointless and humourous songs and lyrics, visit any Dr. Demento webpage, like: http://dmdb.org *giggles*

[Philbert]

during one drunken party at a friends place we actually ended up recording "sitting on the cock of a gay" in his recording studio.

[allbimyself]

Not sexual, but a friend of mine forever ruined Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds for me. He sang "... the girl with colitis goes by..."

[coyotedude]

Ah, what the hell.... I'm not feeling overly creative today, so instead here's a little ditty from a band called "Pansy Division"

You can find more at http://www.pansydivision.com/ if you are so inclined....

Peace!

* * * * *

JAMES BONDAGE

James Bondage is a man I know
I picked him up pumping gas up on Castro
I knew he was the one for me
Grey temples and a little paunch
Looks like he jumped right off the pages of Honcho
I knew he had his eyes on me
Back to his bedroom
For a little role play
You know by now
I know that it won’t be a dull day
James Bondage, James Bondage
He’s got me tied up and held as a hostage
Gonna nibble, gonna bite,
Gonna turn out the light, James Bondage
James Bondage with the handcuffs tight
I swear to god I’m gong to get it tonight
Oh I know that he;s got plans for me
One the kitchen table, on the bed
Strapped to a four-poster giving him head,
Oh yeah! This is the life for me
Down to his dungeon
For a little session
With his whip in hand
He’s gonna teach me a lesson
James Bondage, James Bondage
He’s got me tied up and held as a hostage
Gonna lick, gonna suck,
Gonna tell me to…James Bondage
007 inches
A Goldfinger up my ass
I wonder how much longer
Is he gonna last
James Bondage, James Bondage
He’s got me tied up and held as a hostage
Gonna lick, gonna suck,
Gonna tell me to fuck, James Bondage
Yes sir!