1+1=3 Syndrome

[gentlepen9]

Have you ever had this happen:
You rehearse the words over and over. You build up your nerve
and then finally you do it, you pull yourself out of the closet
and tell someone close to you that you're bisexual. You've
prepared yourself for the worst. Expecting maybe anger,
shock, horror or surprise. But actually you get a calm response.
"Oh, okay." they say and the conversation continues on as if
nothing important has just been said. You're a little surprised by
their response but relieved that it didn't turn out as bad as
you had anticipated. So you start to settle into the thought
that maybe you worked yourself up for nothing and that
people might be more at ease with various sexualities than you had
thought, when it happens. Your friend (as in my case), says to you
"I'm not surprised, there was that time
when you were playing footsies with me. And you were always
a bit more athletic than most girls I've known." You think to
yourself (as I did) "Uh? What the hell are you talkin' about?
Footsies?" Apparently certain past actions and aspects of
your personality had left a significant enough impression to
be remembered but it's strange how you figure you are just being
yourself and yet to them certain aspects of who you are have
become indicators of you being bisexual. And now they begin to
bring up all these insignificant things that you had long forgotten
about. (Footsies? I really don't remember playing footsies? :eek: ) So
you find yourself trying to refute their assumptions about things
in the past leaving you cautious about your actions in the future.
I know that we can only be ourselves but it can be a little frustrating
when some people try to make everything about you as a result of
your sexuality.

[someotherguy]

You are making everything about yourself by living in the closet. Their retrospective refitting of observations is normal. They are simply looking back at their having believed something about you that turned out to be untrue, since you have been lying about it, but anyway, now they want to understand how they could have not noticed it, and so they remember anything that could seem bisexual, and revise their view of you accordingly.

If you relax about being bisexual and sneak the fact into conversation early on with people, you won't have to agonize over how to tell them later. For the people you already know from whom you have been hiding the deep dark scandalous secret, you can buy some greeting cards, blank ones, and send them out with the message, hand-written: Hi! I'm bi! Just wanted you to know.

That will bring some entertaining replies and free you from your prison of worry. Nobody else could care less what someone else is, they just want to know how to deal with you, and they wonder what else you might have been lying about, and they stop to think if they should have known, since it means they were hoodwinked, which nobody likes feeling they can be.

[TorontoGuy2007]

footsies.. hmmm, i'll have to remember that one. never knew that this was a bisexual thing..

but yah, i guess different people will react differently to the news of someone's bisexuality.. just be glad they didn't throw a fit like others may do..

congrats on coming out to yet another person..

[gentlepen9]

You are making everything about yourself by living in the closet.

What the hell are you talkin' about?! The only point I was trying to make with this post is how sometimes when others are unaware that you're bisexual, when they find out they take some rather inconsequential aspects of who you are and try to use them as evidence of your bisexuality. That was all. In the case of my friend (who I've known for 13 years) took some past incident where I played footsies with her and me being athletic as now an indication of my sexual orientation. When in reality, that whole footsie thing (which I don't remember) was probably more so just me being playful, which I tend to be with people I feel close to. And as far as being athletic, how does being physically active equate to being bisexual? I haven't been hiding some deep dark secret. I wasn't even aware that what I've been feeling all my life (attraction to both men and women) was called "bisexuality" until three years ago and after learning about it I needed time to explore within myself if this was indeed a part of me. As of May of 2006 I realized that yes it was and so I told my husband. I don't feel that I was ever in the closet because to me being in the closet requires being fully aware of something about yourself but choosing to hide it when asked, in other words denying that your bi by telling others that you are straight or gay. I've never done such a thing. On one occasion I was asked if I was a lesbian and I said no which was and still is the truth. But the only reason why I was asked was because it was observed that I wasn't "flirting with the guys." I informed the questioner that I already had a boyfriend and so ended their speculation. Yet I've never been asked if I was straight. In regards to the "closet" I was using the word in a general sense not in specific relation to myself. I don't feel the need to run around telling everyone that I'm bisexual but when I do I find it frustrating that for some people from then on that will be all they see. You go from being gentlepen9 to being gentlepen9 the bisexual.

[but that's my name!!]

I always get a kinda 1+1=3 reaction, not with comeing out but generaly, people make assumptions and they assume certain behaviors are because I'm bi when actually it's got nothing to do with it except that I'm more at ease with myself, if that has anything to do with it.

Aly.