advice needed :)

[eeyoresgr1]

Hey there. I am new to the site, just signed up and I have a question. I have been with my boyfriend for almost four years, hes a wonderful guy and I love him very much, I want to marry him, I want to have kids with him. I have on some level always known that I am bi, but have never acted on it and as I have gotten older my feelings have gotten stronger. The problem right now is that I like someone, a good friend of mine. I am pretty sure she is straight, but I think the problem is more just confusion. I dont know if i would ever act on my feelings, i think i am too shy, but I cant stop thinking about her. I feel guilty, like I am betraying my boyfriend, although he told me it was ok to have a girlfriend. Does anyone have any advice or similar stories?

[TorontoGuy2007]

welcome to the site.. i'm sure you'll get all sorts of interesting stories.. most poeple who are bi tend to be unhappy in monogamous relationships and require an additional friends with benefits on the side.. in some cases, an arrangement is made with partner so that a sidekick is allowed. sadly, in other cases, relationships terminate because of issues like this.. or, some people cheat..

if your boyfriend is giving you the goahead, perhaps you should "experiment" with a girl friend just to see what it is like.. you really need to decide if your cravings are just sexual, or if you'd actually prefer to love, romance, relationship, with the same sex.

good luck..

[ScifiBiJen]

Hello!
I have a somewhat similar situation, so hopefully I can give some advice.
First, about me: I have a wonderful boyfriend, whom I've been dating for over 2 years now. I also would love to marry him and have children with him. I've also never had any "experience" with women. My boyfriend is bi as well, but I think that won't harm what I'm going to tell you...

You have 3 different situations going on here, I think. Your boyfriend, this girl, and yourself. Your boy has already given you the green light at act on your feelings (with this girl or any other). He's trusting and supportive of you, and I don't think you'd be betraying him, as long as you keep that line of communication open. Tell him about your feelings (with this girl and in general) and keep him informed about anything that happens. Keep the trust going around.

With this woman, I don't know as much about that situation, but try to relax and see what you can find out about if she's ever had any thoughts about "experimenting". Flirt. Which brings me to my last point:

Try to relax and be confident. Not easy, I know (I feel like a twelve-year-old stammering kid if I ever try to flirt with women.) This takes a lot of practice and just feeling more assured in yourself. I'm certainly not claiming to be an authority on the subject, but try to find places where you can act freely around women but where there's no harm, no foul. That'll help to build your confidence, with this person and any other that may come along.

Anyway, I hope this was of some help to you. Best of luck!

[AngelOfTheMystic]

Hello and welcome to the site! There are lots of people here that will be able to give you helpful advice if you ever need it. Mine is this I agree with Torontoguy I think that you should maybe "experiment" with a friend just to make sure that your feeling are not just sexual. As for what to do about your feelings about your friend...I say this if you don't think that it would jepordize your friendship than I would talk to her and tell her that you may like her as more than a friend. If you do think that you would loose her as a friend if you said anything I would hold off. I know it's not healthy to keep things in, but I think that looseing a friend would be worse. I wish you the best of luck. Take care.

[someotherguy]

There is a very simplistic idea called heterosexuality, which doesn't actually fit most people, if they are at all free to consider bisexuality. This is because although reproduction requires opposite sexes, the enjoyment of sex only requires another person of either sex, if your other thoughts allow it. Once you question your thoughts against your feelings, you will keep at it until one wins out over the other. Obviously, you have noticed your feelings and desires for a woman in particular and women in general.

What's this all mean? Well, here is where the traditional heterosexual view fails to explain real life. Just like the traditional view of the earth being flat failed to explain how the sun and moon and planets moved in the sky.

The real deal is, you can't stop feelings and desires that come naturally, you can only make choices about how you will act. You must find the way to live that suits you. There are just as many stupid gay and bisexual ideas as straight ones to guide you, so in the end you are best off thinking things through on your own. Read real books, ignore chat room advice, ignore forum advice, and soon your brain will be full of enough information to fashion the perfect rationalization you need to excuse whatever house-of-cards theory that allows you to have some cake while eating some cake.

There are two issues in play: exclusivity, sexual orientation.

There are two conventions involved: traditional relationship, illicit lesbian tryst

You'll figure it out!

I suggest the path of greatest personal anguish resulting in dark brooding and powerful works of art you can leave behind as your legacy from soul-searching. Others might suggest shrugging your shoulders and doing what you want without caring what others think, but then what will the museums of the future have to hang on their walls?

[eeyoresgr1]

Thanks everyone, I truly appreciate the help. I guess i should give a bit more info. The main problem is not just that she is my friend, she is my roomate, and i dont want to make anything uncomfortable with her, we have so much fun. The other thing is that my feelings are not so much sexual, though there is that bit, but more emotional. any ways thanks for the help. :bibounce: