Bisexual.. but no experience??

[AshleyMaile]

I'm 20 years old, I'll be 21 in a couple months. Since I was about 15 I've known I was bisexual. But, I've never been with a women. I've never even kissed a woman. BUT, I've never been with a man either. I've only kissed a couple guys. That's it. (Even though I never enjoyed ANY of the guys). But off and on, from friends and strangers, I kind of get the cold shoulder when I'm asked, "how do you know you're bisexual if you've never been with a woman?" As if I'm "faking it."

i went through a phase where I thought I was a lesbian, but realized I was also equally attracted to men. When asked, I tell people that I know I'm bi because of the fantasies and desires and dreams and crushes I've had on woman.. And men. And people doubting me don't make me think I'm NOT bi, but they do (my friends) make me think I'm just really confused - or going through a phase.. Has anyone ever been in my shoes? or heard of it? A bisexual virgin (both men & woman virgin)

I don't want to sound cocky, but I do get a lot of attention from guys. And girls. I dress cute, I like to dress up. I like to flirt. So when people find out I've never been a relationship (a virgin) they think I'm lying, full of shit. So then when they find out I'm bisexual, they think I'm even more full of shit. It's kind of like I feel embarassed to express my sexually.. let alone my sexual experiences because people look at me like I'm a fucking crazy.. I dress cute, I wear sexy things, and I am considered "hot." So I think it confuses people. And after years of this, it's starting to confuse me. Am I really gay? Am I bi? But all it does is just make me feel harder to express who I am and make me doubt myself.. and I hate that.

if anyone has ever experiened this, or a friend has, shed some light? I fantasize about woman just as much as I have men, I've had major crushes on woman AND men. I would rather be in a lesbian relationship now than a striaght one, i don't know why, but I'm back & forth month to month.. yet I still just doubt myself and think it could be all the drugs I've done in the past lol.. I had a friend once who told me he (scientifically) thinks bisexuality is just all in the head, not real or possible. It's just things like this that make me doubt myself, and I'm sick of it!

I'vve wanted to have sex since I was in the 8th grade (at least I thought about it a lot) now I'm a freshmen in college and the most I've done is kiss three boys. Two of them I thought I was attracted to prior to kissing them, then when actually made out with them I remember staring at the ceiling waiting for them to get bored.

YET - I have always been attraced to men. Not boys. The oldest boy I ever got was 21. And the most attractive to me. Yet when I got him, there was no feeling for me, emotionally or physically.

And the other day when I was driving, the song "My Girl" came on, and I imagined some beautiful girlfriend of mine and I felt all warm inside and smiled.
I've had a crush on men before, bug sexual crushes, they were all my teachers... And I FEEL that if I ever got to hook up with them I would go crazy... but then I feel I might experiene what I experienced with the past 3 boys I kissed.. I had all this build up lust for them.. then when I get them, I get bored after 5 minutes.

I'm never kissed a girl.. So I guess I just need to experience both sexes before I really can decide.. right? I guess my point in writing, is if anyone has ever experienced it or heard of someone in my shoes... An attractive, almost 21 year old bisexual-virgin??? Lol. Shed some light someone? Thanks. :female: :male:

[ambi53mm]

Hi Ashley,
Welcome to Bisexual.Com and Welcome to discovering your bisexuality. Confusion I believe often comes with the territory but, you’ll find many on here that have walked in your shoes and some who continue to walk in your shoes. The forums contain a multitude of topics with a variety of opinion from those of us who that struggle to understand and accept those fluctuations that occur with our feelings, our attractions, and sexual identity.
Read the forums, visit the chatrooms, get to know the people, and you’ll find that you’re far from being alone. In fact you may have just discovered the largest single most collection of bisexual people in the world, with more collective knowledge of bisexuality that any other place because we are bisexual, we live as bisexuals, or have love ones that are bisexual….and we do exist!

We were all virgins at some point in our life and sexual identity and sexual behavior are two different sides of the same coin. I have a daughter your age that still retains her virginity for her own reasons and I don’t think it’s unusual in this day and age. It’s simply a matter of choice but more specifically it’s “your” choice, and the majority of the people here understand and respect an individual’s right to their life choices. If it’s understanding that you seek then you’ve arrived at the right spot. Live, Learn, and Enjoy

Ambi :)

[Merlla]

I've had plenty of people just shrug of my claim to be bi when I say that I've never been with a girl. "Oh, you mean bi-curious." Why don't straight people have to sleep with someone of the opposite sex to be considered straight? They don't make the rules. There are no rules. These issues aren't just black and white. I went through a short but emotional phase of thinking that I might be a lesbian. It's confusing, especially when there isn't really a social norm to refer to. The most important thing to remember is not to let anyone else influence you, to take your time, don't feel pressured to make a decision on your sexuality. Maybe you've felt that way about guys because they just weren't the right ones. Or maybe not. Only you can know. So, anyway. . . you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. If they demand it, it only shows their ignorance.

[Long Duck Dong]

hugs ya ashley, welcome to bisexual.com and our friendly family

gotta say i love the webpage..... awesome work.....

ok.... lol you strike me as a perfectly * normal* lady....very intelligent and well spoken.... and full of self pride ..

you are a 20 year old, attractive lady.....still a virgin..... and at this stage, bi curious...... lol

grins.... i have been drinking and i am slightly unsober.... so bear that in mind as you read down.....

ok i suggest you ignore people that tell you bisexuality can't exist..... they don't know, and they are not you.....and it feels to me, like some of them are jealous that they are not with you in a relationship

i generally tell people to walk on my shoes, then tell me about myself, or STFU...and when they say the same thing to me, I simply tell them that i know more about them than they know about themselves, so they can STFU
( STFU = shut the fuck up )

reading your story, i have to admit, you are describing a lot of more F/F desires than M/F ......but thats not to say that you are a lesbian.....
bisexuals have orientation swings, from nearly straight/ barely gay.... to mainly gay/ hardly straight.....

bisexuality can be marked out by attraction.....you mention being attracted to males and females... and that can be a sign of bisexuality....it can also be a sign of heterosexuality.....the difference is mainly when you look at a person of the same sex, and you feel the desire or need to * bond with them... heterosexuals will admire and respect same sex, but mainly not feel drawn to * bond * with them

the importance to you, of your sexuality, is that its fuild, it can change at any moment, and so you are free to change your orientation * label*....

you mention * chasing the prey * lol the 21 year old guy and judging from you r other remarks about boys.....you are basically saying that you are attracted to males in a platonic sense ( non sexual ).... but its ladies that turn you all gooey inside.....that has strong over tones of a lesbian style nature within you at this stage..... but again, it doesn't mean that you are not bisexual or that you are fully lesbian

now attraction is three fold.....

appearance : the person looks nice, and presentable and approachable
emotional: you feel a closeness to them, and can form a relationship with them
sexual: lol the all too familiar * lets fuck *

most bisexuals have feelings in the emotional / sexual areas towards both sexes.... they also have feeling in the appearance area

so you can be attracted by appearance to a person.. feel close to them but not in a relationship sense... and feel nothing sexual.......which is what is happening with the males
and you can be attracted by appearance, feel close to them, as a friendship / relationship / and feel sexual stimulated which is close to what you describe with the females
and its all exclusive of sex....you can be a virgin and have the whole range lol

and to answer your question about 20 year old bisexual virgins.... you are not that common.....and i say that cos you don't mention a lot of the * sex til marriage, baggage * that I see around a lot of virgins.....but yeah intact I have dealt with virgins in a counseling capacity....I think there are a few in the site...

you will have to excuse the * sex til marriage, baggage * remark.....i ignore people that say that they are saving themselves til marriage....its a personal choice they made.... its not a award winning prize statement....and its their personal business..... but they insist on telling everybody they meet.....

i remember saying to a counseling client that they need to shut up about it.... much to their shock.... then i asked them if they were going to marry a absolute fucking asshole.... they said no.....and i replied.... then why aren't you running around telling the world that they are a virgin that is saving themselves for marriage and that they are not gonna marry a asshole *

you need to forgive me.... i am not your normal sympathic, bleeding heart counselor...lol as you can tell

ok you mention needing to experiment.... lol and cool, yeah... somethings can't be known until you know them and thats thru the actual experience....
but that being said.... its a good idea to make ya first experiences, good ones
and i am not talking about losing ya virginity.... in fact a lot of ladies say its painful cos the guys are idiots.... or its painful even in the guys are not idiots.... cos you are putting a 7 inch penis in a place that hasn't had to hold anything over 2-3 inchs ( tampons )....and somethings gotta stretch...cos the guys proud of his 9 inch dick...( tho you measure it, its more likely 5.5 inchs )

no, the reason why i say to to and make ya first experiences good ones.... is cos a bad first experience can knock ya sideways....and thats just no good....

so you wanna try it with somebody you trust, you know is totally awesome... and preferably experienced in the matters of sexuality and sexual experiences and taking all the time in the world to help you thru that first time

...virginity's not a big deal....you either have it or you don't... you either fuck or you don't....but virginity is that 5 odd seconds between not fucking and fucking..... its like a bloody one way door..... you are either on one side or the other....lol

lol so don't panic... you are not insane, mad, or crazy.... you are simply bi curious and seeking advice and guidance.... and thats awesome.... we have here to help......well most of us are,....you get the odd one or two that hit on you and think they are gods gifts to everybody and that you will fall at their feet..... lol if it was me i would stamp on their toes...kick them in the nuts... and watch the cool people help you lol...

awww shit... i forgot to introduce myself..... long duck dong...aka LDD aka duckie....celibate bisexual super hero....faster than ejected sperm...able to leap 10 inch dicks on viagra ... its a bird... its a plane.... its that bloody duck again... ma get the shot gun......

[jenny2006]

You're not alone! I don't have any experience either, but I consider myself 100% bi. I'm attracted to both men and women, simple as that, and if that doesn't make me bisexual I don't know what does. :bigrin:

I don't think you have to have any sort of experience before you can know you're bisexual-if it feels right for you then that's fine-but I do think you need to be very sure in your own mind and not let everyone else convince you otherwise. It sounds to me like you are bisexual, rather than 'bi-curious' or anything like that. Personally I don't understand what being bi-curious is all about anyway.

I agree with whoever said straight people don't have to sleep with someone of the opposite sex before they know they're straight, so you shouldn't feel like you should need that experience with a woman to 'prove' you're bi, even to yourself. I think it's safe to say most straight people know they're straight before they ever sleep with anyone, and they know they're straight because of the crushes, fantasies etc so I think the same goes for being bi. You don't need to sleep with someone to know who you're attracted to.

[Daniel1395]

Hey Ashley

I'm definately a bisexual virgin, I'm a bit younger at 19 but will be 20 later this year as far as i can remeber the only experience ive ever had was when i was about 10 years old and that was when i kissed a girl but as far as experience with men goes ive had nothing.


"how do you know you're bisexual if you've never been with a woman?"

I think you should just ignore questions like that, i think people who ask those questions have no understanding of bisexuality.

I went throught a phase for about a year when i just considered myself gay but now i definately consider myself bisexual.

I think many bisexual people have had friends tell them they are going through some sort of phase and yeah it does hurt but once again i think it is just a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

[someotherguy]

When you remove the question of bisexuality from the equation, you're left with the stark reality that young adults are basically opinionated morons whose ignorance compounds their idiocy, unlike later in life when their experience and wisdom has been carefully cultivated to support it. So as you add bisexuality back into the equation, you should be able to tell which part of whose offending opinion is from their youthful ignorance, or from their cultivated idiocy, as this example demonstrates. If one's only concern is what others say, well, that is a small problem easily solved by turning up the volume of whatever music producing device is handy at the time, or, in an emergency, placing a finger in each ear and saying loudly: LALALALALALALA.

Send me a nude pic and I will use the magic of Photoshop to place you in an orgy scene with both sexes. Then whenever someone challenges you on the basis of virginity you can whip it out and show them.

[Bicuriousity]

If possible, have a first time experience with another bisexual, whether guy or girl. They know what it is like.

And dont be ashamed about the V-Card. I made it through undergraduate a virgin, shy guy that I was. I was 23.

[izzfan]

Ashley Maile, if you're having fantasies about both sexes then you are at least slightly bisexual. As for all the 'scientific evidence' that "bisexuality doesn't exist", its complete and utter crap to put it frankly and I'm sure you will find thousands of people on here with exactly the same opinion lol.
You said that you were unsure about various aspects of your sexuality and as bisexuality is far more complex than heterosexuality/homosexuality it often takes a while to fully understand. The important thing to remember is that bisexuality isn't 50%homosexual and 50% heterosexual, its a mix of both regardless of what proportions it is in. As for feeling embarassed to express your sexuality, there are various aspects of my sexuality that I'm often embarassed to express [nothing too dodgy, just being a TV and a slight preference for S&M erotica] and this is probably one of the many reasons that I stay the hell away from 'relationships' (I've also seen many of my str8 friends have relationships and I have to admit that they didn't seem that good and usually ended with a tearful break-up) this is probably why I tend to prefer one night stands [all of which have been with men so far].
However, as for what you were saying about wanting to lose your virginity since you were in 8th grade [I don't kno the UK equivelent of that tho], the fact that you haven't lost it yet probably shows that you don't feel ready. Don't rush it, I mean sex is great but it is even better if it has some meaning to it [even some one night stands can be quite meaningful, seriously]. What I'm saying is that you should probably wait until you find the right person for you and as hard as it sounds, don't let peer pressure get to you. I mean when I was in school, most of my mates had lost their virginity at the ages of 14-16 and this made me feel like the 'odd one out' but I now know that if I had had sex back then I would not have liked it at all as I didn't feel emotionally etc... ready for it. So, take your time and only lose your virginity when YOU feel that it is right to do so.

Izzfan :flag3:

[welickit]

Take your time, when the time is right it will happen. The wife and I got married when she was 18. She never had her first girl girl sex until nine years later when she was 27. She thought about it frequently and we talked about it endlessly. Then it just came about unexpectedly. From that day on she has been totally comfortable with being bisexual.

[TorontoGuy2007]

try not to worry so much. i am a 33 yr old bixual virgin. i have gone thru some tough times with feeling lonely, depressed, and unwanted, but i know who i am (except for a few days last week i had a nervious breakdown)

bottomline, you don't need to tell others about your experiences or orientations. being a virgin is special, it means you don't have baggage or past history, and you won't have diseases either. you are clean and pure

as far as wanting older men? well, young boys are immature and you want more than looks, good for you. you want love, emotions, etc.. not just sex.

you can certainly be bi even though you haven't done anything with a same sex partner.. i know i am bi even though i've never even kissed a man.

you are the same person no matter what your bi feelings are. sexuality is just one small part of a human. we all have other wants and needs regardless of that.. want to live, eat, sleep, breathe, study, work, love friends, family, etc..

[AshleyMaile]

Hey - thanks guys for the comments :) I really appreciate them all.

It's good to now i'm not alone. But, I do know that I am not bi-curious. I went through the bi-curious stage around 14-15.. where I would think of my female crush (fantasy) and feel weird just thinking about kissin her, but I still did. Then it got more intense so did the fantasies, I rememeber during that period i use to feel weird about thinking about having sexwith her, almost embarassed that I would think of something like that and enjoy it. Then by the time I had graduated high school I was a full blown bi. I constantly thought about my female crushes anyway I wanted, romantically, sexually, so on.

So I know I'm not bi-curious, I've been through that uncomfortable stage already.

And yea, straight people don't need to have sex at 7 years old to know that they like girls... (or that they're straight)

I think about my m&f crushes romantaically (relationships) and sexually.

Again thanks everyone for the comments -- :)

[LoveLion]

I am in a similar situation but a bit different. 18 yo and still a virgin. But I have had a sexual experience with a guy, never a women though. I was confused for a long time, thinking that I must be gay because of this experience. But in the end, it really just came down to how I felt inside. I can love boys, I can love girls, I am turned on by guys, I am turned on by gals, therefore I am Bi. Its really not as complicated as you think it is. Ever since I sat down and reasoned it out, I have never looked back and never been so happy.