confused829
Jan 18, 2007, 2:31 PM
I'm truely hoping that someone out there can possibly help me with my situation or give me some much needed advice..............I'm so sorry my story may be a long one.................
I'd been working in my job for just over 15 months when I decided it was time to leave. I decided to give up my job as i had feelings for someone i worked with.
This person was my manager & she too was also female.
Throughout my time working with her we got on really great together. Although there was quite and age gap between us, we just seemed to connect.
She was pretty open minded and often told me about bisexual experiences she'd had in the past.
Although this never gave me the right to presume she would be attracted to me, the more time i spent with her she certainly began to give this impression.
I hope people can try to understand me when i say 'i just knew'. At first I thought it was all just in my mind, but the things she would say and do could have only meant one thing.
Before deciding to leave my job and eventually tell her how i felt, because of what had taken place the only possible thing i thought she could say is 'nothing could happen between us' even though she may have wanted it to. (I hope i am making some sense here)
Anyway, when i did finally tell her (stupidly not to her face) she wouldn't even speak with me. I tried to call her, but when i did it came up with call not allowed.
As you can possibly imagine I was absoloutely devestated. I'd had feelings for this person for well over a year and she would no longer even speak with me.
After meeting up with a mutual friend i learned that she had told everyone about 'my feelings' without even a speaking a word to me.
The only way I could communicate with her was to write her a letter, so that's what i did. I wrote apologising if i'd scared her but said she had totally confused me with her actions & behaviour, which very much gave me the impression she was attracted to me too. I said i was sorry that i'd be loosing a friendship but went on to say if i ever saw her again i would smile & say hi so i hoped she would do the same.
She never did contact me
.................................................. ..............................................
Six months later and i see her for the very first time. She was out with a few of my ex work collegues when i saw her but she still smiles at me and says hi.
For the way she overreacted all them months before, i was really pleased that she acknowledged me.
Anyway two months before Christmas a 'mutual friend' told me that something may have been said to a prospective employer behind my back so I had to go & speak with her.
I decided to go and see her at work, as i thought this was the safest way after the first time i tried to conatct her.
When i arrived she came across a little nervous/sheepish but seemed pretty happy to see me. She invited me upstairs so we could talk alone.
I couldn't beleive this was the same person that wouldn't even speak to me all that time ago. She was just like how she'd always been with me (if not better/nicer)
She promised me she hadn't mentioned anything about me to anyone & that she never would.
I didn't intend on speaking about what had happened 8 months previous (& my feelings for her) but she did.
When she did, I said to her that i truely wished i could beleive she 'didn't know' as she would never know how genuinely sorry i would be.
At that she asked me to look at her whilst she said 'i didn't know how you felt about me'
I said that if that was the truth I could understand how i might have scared/frightened her and that i was truely sorry if that is what i did.
She said she was scared and didn't know what to do at the time as nothing like that had ever happened to her before.
This being her reason for never contacting me and calling 'a mutual friend' first.
When I asked 'so the thought of me and you never once crossed you mind' she quietly answered no
Whilst I was there one of the first things she said was 'i hope we can still be friends'
You maybe be wondering where the hell am i going with all this, but i promise i will try to get there.......eventually........................
What I'm about to say may sound silly but whilst i was talking with her, her eyes were all over me. I know it's mad, but she was looking me up & down as though i was fully naked.
Has anyone experienced this? Not being naked that is, but that up & down kind of look that says something else??
It's very hard for me to understand. She was saying one thing, but her body language was saying the exact opposite.
Some people may think i am reading into things a little too much, but there is no way this was a look a person would give to someone they want to make CLEAR they're just not interested.
Does this make sense?
Just before I left she said '& remember to say hi if you see me in the street' something i'd said in my letter to her.
.................................................. ............................
So, here's where i am confused....................
To this day i still can't help beleive that it wasn't all in my own mind.
As time has gone on I have been telling myself 'she obviously doesn't care about me' even as a friend or surely she would have contacted me?
I try to pass it off as though it must have been some kind of game to her, even though i really didn't think she was that tye of person.
Although she has sad 'I hope we can still be friends' I don't quite know what she means by this.
Does she purely mean friends that just say 'hi' when passing eachother in the street, or the friends we used to be where we would meet up for a drink.
Many people tell me that if she wanted to be a friend then she would have made some attempt to contact me by now.
Although I agree, i can't help but think that if she is confused about her sexuality OR i did get it wrong then contacting me would look as though she had been lying or hiding something all along. Does this make sense?
I know this is someone who will probably just drift out my life and i guess i would just like to know if there's aything i should/could do to try and prevent this from happening? Or have i done enough?
Although my feelings for her are nowhere to what they were I still think about her almost everyday.
I miss her friendship so much and i just wish it was something we could have laughed over.
When I knew her she told me how it took her a very long time to be intimate with someone.
She also used to say how the sight of a naked man made her feel sick.
The only mutual friend i see recently told me how she is now sleeping with three guys. Apparently she only wants 'open relationships'
I honestly can't beleive this is the same person i once thought i knew, yet i still miss her so much.
I always wonder if she will ever contact me in the future.
Before leaving my job we all stilled planned to meet up for the girls nights out we used to have. I miss that so very very much.
I would dearly love to hear from anyone, who can possibly give me something to work on.
A HUGE Thank You for reading
x
I'd been working in my job for just over 15 months when I decided it was time to leave. I decided to give up my job as i had feelings for someone i worked with.
This person was my manager & she too was also female.
Throughout my time working with her we got on really great together. Although there was quite and age gap between us, we just seemed to connect.
She was pretty open minded and often told me about bisexual experiences she'd had in the past.
Although this never gave me the right to presume she would be attracted to me, the more time i spent with her she certainly began to give this impression.
I hope people can try to understand me when i say 'i just knew'. At first I thought it was all just in my mind, but the things she would say and do could have only meant one thing.
Before deciding to leave my job and eventually tell her how i felt, because of what had taken place the only possible thing i thought she could say is 'nothing could happen between us' even though she may have wanted it to. (I hope i am making some sense here)
Anyway, when i did finally tell her (stupidly not to her face) she wouldn't even speak with me. I tried to call her, but when i did it came up with call not allowed.
As you can possibly imagine I was absoloutely devestated. I'd had feelings for this person for well over a year and she would no longer even speak with me.
After meeting up with a mutual friend i learned that she had told everyone about 'my feelings' without even a speaking a word to me.
The only way I could communicate with her was to write her a letter, so that's what i did. I wrote apologising if i'd scared her but said she had totally confused me with her actions & behaviour, which very much gave me the impression she was attracted to me too. I said i was sorry that i'd be loosing a friendship but went on to say if i ever saw her again i would smile & say hi so i hoped she would do the same.
She never did contact me
.................................................. ..............................................
Six months later and i see her for the very first time. She was out with a few of my ex work collegues when i saw her but she still smiles at me and says hi.
For the way she overreacted all them months before, i was really pleased that she acknowledged me.
Anyway two months before Christmas a 'mutual friend' told me that something may have been said to a prospective employer behind my back so I had to go & speak with her.
I decided to go and see her at work, as i thought this was the safest way after the first time i tried to conatct her.
When i arrived she came across a little nervous/sheepish but seemed pretty happy to see me. She invited me upstairs so we could talk alone.
I couldn't beleive this was the same person that wouldn't even speak to me all that time ago. She was just like how she'd always been with me (if not better/nicer)
She promised me she hadn't mentioned anything about me to anyone & that she never would.
I didn't intend on speaking about what had happened 8 months previous (& my feelings for her) but she did.
When she did, I said to her that i truely wished i could beleive she 'didn't know' as she would never know how genuinely sorry i would be.
At that she asked me to look at her whilst she said 'i didn't know how you felt about me'
I said that if that was the truth I could understand how i might have scared/frightened her and that i was truely sorry if that is what i did.
She said she was scared and didn't know what to do at the time as nothing like that had ever happened to her before.
This being her reason for never contacting me and calling 'a mutual friend' first.
When I asked 'so the thought of me and you never once crossed you mind' she quietly answered no
Whilst I was there one of the first things she said was 'i hope we can still be friends'
You maybe be wondering where the hell am i going with all this, but i promise i will try to get there.......eventually........................
What I'm about to say may sound silly but whilst i was talking with her, her eyes were all over me. I know it's mad, but she was looking me up & down as though i was fully naked.
Has anyone experienced this? Not being naked that is, but that up & down kind of look that says something else??
It's very hard for me to understand. She was saying one thing, but her body language was saying the exact opposite.
Some people may think i am reading into things a little too much, but there is no way this was a look a person would give to someone they want to make CLEAR they're just not interested.
Does this make sense?
Just before I left she said '& remember to say hi if you see me in the street' something i'd said in my letter to her.
.................................................. ............................
So, here's where i am confused....................
To this day i still can't help beleive that it wasn't all in my own mind.
As time has gone on I have been telling myself 'she obviously doesn't care about me' even as a friend or surely she would have contacted me?
I try to pass it off as though it must have been some kind of game to her, even though i really didn't think she was that tye of person.
Although she has sad 'I hope we can still be friends' I don't quite know what she means by this.
Does she purely mean friends that just say 'hi' when passing eachother in the street, or the friends we used to be where we would meet up for a drink.
Many people tell me that if she wanted to be a friend then she would have made some attempt to contact me by now.
Although I agree, i can't help but think that if she is confused about her sexuality OR i did get it wrong then contacting me would look as though she had been lying or hiding something all along. Does this make sense?
I know this is someone who will probably just drift out my life and i guess i would just like to know if there's aything i should/could do to try and prevent this from happening? Or have i done enough?
Although my feelings for her are nowhere to what they were I still think about her almost everyday.
I miss her friendship so much and i just wish it was something we could have laughed over.
When I knew her she told me how it took her a very long time to be intimate with someone.
She also used to say how the sight of a naked man made her feel sick.
The only mutual friend i see recently told me how she is now sleeping with three guys. Apparently she only wants 'open relationships'
I honestly can't beleive this is the same person i once thought i knew, yet i still miss her so much.
I always wonder if she will ever contact me in the future.
Before leaving my job we all stilled planned to meet up for the girls nights out we used to have. I miss that so very very much.
I would dearly love to hear from anyone, who can possibly give me something to work on.
A HUGE Thank You for reading
x