Comming Out Update

[Herbwoman39]

Anyone who has been following my journey knows that I generally freak out before I come out to someone. This time is no different, yet seems to be considerably worse.

In about two weeks hubby and I are going on a four day cruise with my parents. My father's radio station is sponsoring the cruise and he is hosting a group of people from the area. So for him it's still sort of work. We got a really good discount and at the time sounded like loads of fun. It still does, I'm just getting anxious. You'll see why in a minute.

This is where it starts to get difficult. A few months ago my mother was in the hospital with a serious infection in her foot. Everything is better now but while she was in the hospital she told me that she wanted to go to Disney World before she dies. We live 90 minutes from all things mouse, sooo, after the cruise she's going to come home with us for 5 days.

I'm not in the habit of hiding things, so I have a whole shelf full of bisexual-related books at my bed side. While my mother is here, I *know* at some point she would see them and ask questions. At that point my choices are 1) Lie like a rug or 2) Tell her I'm Bi.

I don't want to lie, so I'd tell the truth. Which means that either she would have to tell my father or I would have to tell him over the phone. This is NOT a phone conversation sort of thing. Which means that I've got to come out to my parents on the cruise!

I think I'm going to throw up.

Now to the question section of our little freak out: Should I have hubby with me when I tell them? I'd like the moral support and he could help answer any questions about how he feels about my sexuality. Or his presence could make them more uneasy. I'm thinking that since it's work related for my father I should probably wait until the last night during a time when everything is calm in someplace private like a lounge that hasn't opened yet.

Ideas? Advice? Valium?

[izzfan]

Herbwoman 39, Coming out is always a difficult decison but being "not in the habit of hiding things" is probably a good thing as I was somewhat secretive about myself for a long time and it has done me no good whatsoever. Anyway, back to the topic - how do you think your parents will react to your coming out?.... I mean if they are really traditionalist etc..then it may be an idea to stay in the closet for the sake of both you and them but if they are even vaguely open minded then come out. As for having your husband with you, it might help as he might be able to re-assure them that you are perfectly normal (they may have false ideas about bisexuality and having a second opinion the subject to support you can't be a bad thing), plus he might help to answer some of your parents' questions. However, if you feel that your bisexuality is a very personal issue then it might be better to just talk about it to your parents alone. At the end of the day its up to you.
Perhaps keep your sexuality discreet at first and 'test the water' by mentioning bisexual issues/people etc... in casual conversation with your parents, if they seem positive about bisexual issues/people then come out, if not then stay in the closet.

just my :2cents:

Izzfan :flag3:

[pasco_lol_cpl]

As for advice, there is always the easy way out..hide everything in the house, keep quiet, and dont mention it. Sure its the chicken thing to do, but then again, how will your mom react?

You are in a position that I dont envy at all

[DiamondDog]

good luck.
You could always tell them at seperate times.
Or tell your mother how you want to tell your father on the cruise.

Anway they're your parents so it's not like they're going to disown you or stop loving you and you are an adult, and your own independant person, and they realize this.

good luck!

[rockstarvomit]

As the others have said, good luck! I haven't come out to my parents yet and I don't see it happening in the near future. Although, when i do come out to someone, I always see it as a necessity- like if I really want someone to know who I am, I'll come out to them. Lucky for me, these people are generally the more accepting people in my life. I truly hope it is the same with you.

[TorontoGuy2007]

wow, that picture with you and Pooh Bear is so cute!

yes i would say that it is a good idea to have your husband by your side for this meeting.. i agree the meeting should be face to face..

instead of disrupting the cruise, maybe do it the first day everyone has arrived back at your home. try to have this conversation very early into their visit so they don't discover your books before..

if there is any consolation, if your profile is still up to date, and you haven't actually acted out on your bi feelings yet, then this will probably make the conversation easier..

i imagine one of their first questions will be regarding whether or not you have actually acted out on your feelings.. and this will come across as a bit of a relief to them.

obviously, there's risk in coming out as you never quite know how people will react..

one by one, i have been telling people close to me about my bisexuality and my transgenderism..

i know your ad says that you are indeed interested in pursuing a same sex experience, but it might be easy to lie to your parents and tell them that although you have accepted that you have these feelings, tell them that you are still 100% happy with hubby and that you will never sleep with anyone else.. hopefully that will be enough to put them at ease..

for some reason, non-bisexuals tend to link bisexuality directly with promiscuous sexual activity.. so get that one out of the way, and the rest of the conversation should be easy..

[Long Duck Dong]

mmmm lol .... ok.... * puts on worlds brightest shrink cap * lol

one way to come out, is to work out what your parents thoughts are about bi's... ie, reaction...knowledge etc...... and that often opens a way to info them of your sexuality,.....

like you can ask ya mother what she thought of the books etc.... and then tell her that you read them cos you are learning to understand your own bisexuality....

i am guessing that her first reaction may be about the state of ya marriage... its a good point right there for you and hubby to laugh and tell her that the marriage is far better and stronger now, cos the level of honesty in the relationship is more open.....the laugher is important cos it will show her that its not a serious issue....you both have come to terms with it, and accepted that its not a marriage destroyer....

let ya parents know that its not about sex or sleeping around....and that you don't really understand why it is that you feel the things you do......so you have joined a site where others are learning to take baby steps as well..

if they handle it well... show them how much you love them, not just as your parents, but two of the closest most trusted friends you have, and thank them for being so understanding, and how you are glad, they brought you up to be so understanding of others lol

it will help ya parents relax a lot more.....tho they may be confused about things for a while......but i have the feeling that you parents wanna be involved in your life,.....you are a interesting person and thats awesome

[Lorcan]

The easiest way, ie. the way i would do it, is don't say anything until they do.
Don't hide the books; let you mother see them like it's just normal. And if your mother asks questions, answer them.... like it's nomal. Don't approach them like you've got some dreaded disease.

And if your mother is easiest to talk to, i don't think it's wrong to just talk to her about it... make her understand that there's nothing wrong with it...and if she chooses to tell your father so be it. Then if he brings up the subject with you you can answer his questions. If not, let it be.

[AngelOfTheMystic]

Herbwoman I feel for you! This is never an easy thing to do. To answer your question yes, I think that you should have your hubby there with you when you tell your parents. I think that it would be good to have that support there because you know no matter what he will be there beside you. I don't know what else to tell you except good luck and I'm sure that it's not gonna be as big of a deal as you may think. They are your parents and I'm sure that they will love you no matter what. Good luck!

[billy_campbell]

Well, I am not really sure exactly what advice to give you so I will just tell about my status. I am bisexual, very few people know it since I have only been with two men. I don't really feel that I need to tell anyone that I am bisexual. My father has past and my Mother would mostly likely freak at first then tell me it is okay. She would say that becuase she loves me and trust me and knows that if I chose to be bisexual then it must be okay. She has 7 kids and is pretty open minded.

I don't think I would ever tell her I am bisexual but if she found out then I think it would be okay between us. I have found out over the years that she is much more open to sexual activity than I ever thought.

;)

[Herbwoman39]

Thanks for the advice everyone. It really helped me come to a couple conclusions about this.

1) I worry too friggin much.

2) I've got a great family here and I'm grateful for you all.

3) I'm not gonna say anything to either of them and if my Mom happens to see the books and asks about them, then we'll have a conversation about it. Otherwise I'm going to relax and enjoy the cruise.

Now that I've really thought about it, the two people that are impacted most by this already know: Me and hubby. And we're the only ones that really matter.

[billy_campbell]

Sounds like you are in complete control of the situation. You go girl! :bigrin:

[Herbwoman39]

Sounds like you are in complete control of the situation. You go girl! :bigrin:

LOL! Sometimes it takes me a little while to catch on, but I eventually get it ;)

[Flounder1967]

I can't offer any advise, but i will throw my $.02 in. I feel ther eis no need totell her, but don't hide it either. If you uncoftable wit the books in your night stand. Turn them so she can't read them. either backwards. openface downloke your still reading them and place another books over top it .


But to me unless she has to know. why tell, but don't hide it eitherr

[Herbwoman39]

That's what I'm thinking too Flounder. I'mjust going to be me...admiration of beautiful women and all. And if they ask, we'll talk. if not, that's fine too. I'm ready to go with the flow.