sexual need or selfish need

[Long Duck Dong]

* be very careful when you read this article, that you don't take it personally.....I love, admire and respect the members of bisexual.com.....even the ones that annoy the hell outta me..... if anything in this article upsets, hurts or offends you, i am sorry and i apologize..... my only intention is to share something that is annoying the crap outta me....and sadly reveal something about me that i keep very quiet *

i regard bisexual people in a way that most people don't understand..... for a very good reason

as bon jovi sang....
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive

and day after day.... i watch as people sit and talk about being bisexual and being married.....or being bisexual, and people not understanding.... or being bisexual and wanting to hook up.....etc

and i shut my mouth.... as much as i wanna reach thru the screen and smash some people into the next century.......

people wanna talk about bisexuality ?????? marriage ??? love and faithfulness ??? their rights to hook up ????

well... go for it....cos its my turn..... and believe me this is not gonna be nice either

my articles are only so bloody good cos the knowledge is in two places.... my head and yours......yeah... thats right..... in YOUR head.....now there is only one way that i would know whats in your head....and the answer is simple

for most of my life, I have been a sensitive intuitive ( psychic ).... a person with abilities of mental, emotional and spiritual perception... so enhanced ....that i tend to avoid direct touching with people cos i can *read * them in a instant, just by shaking their hand.....

i love bisexual.com... and the people in it..... its one of the best families I have had.... and i am not judged here...which in my life, is so rare... I have more chance of digging diamonds outta my nose, then finding another place like this site

but i am gonna say this .....

bisexuality is often being used as a excuse, to lie, cheat, betray, abuse, mistreat etc etc

i don't care what people think... and you can't argue that i am wrong....
cos i will not listen....cos i am not interested.......i know what i sense.... i have been doing it for years..... BUT I am not here to JUDGE ANYBODY... and nor am i gonna......cos its not MY life you are living, its YOURS... i just just sharing with people, what i see and so people can understand how much we can hurt the ones we love, using bisexuality as a excuse

is it a right of the bisexual to have a partner that they must understand and say " its ok for you to have sex with others " ???

is it a right of the bisexual to say, " I have needs and desires, therefore I have the right to have sex with both sexes...and people must accept me and respect my rights " ???

is it a right of the bisexual to enter into a relationship / marriage, and think its ok to betray the trust of their partner... and say that its ok cos bisexuals have needs and its not the bisexuals right that the non bisexual doesn't understand ???

don't get me wrong.... ALL sexualities do it....
and all too often I hear the bullshit excuse " i have needs, desires, wants that are not getting meant at home "

*snorts *.... hell i am not making the millions that I desire.... doesn't give me the right to wave a gun around and rob the bank....( put aside the fact its illegal.... and think of the true aspect )... some poor buggers gonna be so screwed up by me waving that gun, that it may take years for them to recover.....the gun may go off and injury or kill somebody... and thats gonna affect a damm site more people than just my selfish desire to have more money

but hey.... money sure as hell isn't everything....and i can sure as hell, not justify my selfish need for money as a right to affect the lives of people around me, in a negative and hurtful way

and infidelity is the same.....all too often, its used as a excuse to shit all over our partners... the same people we claim to love and respect

love is a combination of trust, respect, understanding and compromise...... and so many times i see that in bisexual.com members and it makes me cry cos i am jealous..... some are bi / bi curious / straight / married / single......and they are people i admire so much...... and i look past the faults in them.... their fantasies.... their issues....they are people that have needs, wants, desires...but they give the same level of love that they get..... and make the choice.....love over sex.......respect over swinging..... consideration over unfaithfulness.......btw i am jealous cos i want that in my life..... but i can't have it.... and don't tell me i can..... if you lived my life with my gifts you would understand.....

they worked it out..... bisexual is what they are..... but bisexual is a attraction, a desire, a way of being.....and as much as i wanna name and honor them people, i will not.... they know who they are in themselves... and i will simply admire them and wish more people were like them..... god I fuckin admire them so much...... they are role models for me, bless them

bisexuality will not be the hug in the morning.... the friendly coffee....the smile and wave.... and in the twilight years, when we are * dunrooting *.... bisexuality will not be the partner that tends to our arching backs, rheumatic joints....zimmer frames.... and our memories....

bisexuality will not be the long term marriage partner / friend / lover..... that helps us when we are sad... smiles when we are happy.... laughs when we laugh....supports us when we are down....

I am sorry for the people that feel that their sexual needs are important to them than their partners well being......but it happens..... and too many times i have seen long term marriages destroyed over bisexuality / infidelity
and so many times i sit there and watch as a partner / children / family etc... are torn apart cos of a persons desire to get a fuck at any costs

the price is just not worth it to anybody.....

i am not saying for anybody in that situation, to shut up and ignore their desires..... actually i want them to do the exact opposite... and face their desires.....
i want them to look at their lives, their relationships...their friendships... their families.... and their sexual needs, wants and desires..... and then ask themselves....are they wanting the whole fuckin world to change to fit around their bisexuality or are they happy to risk the happiness of the people around them.... and risk tearing lives apart....for the sake of a fuck

i am 36, never married.... single.... and living what i preach..... my bisexuality could rip my partners life apart....force them to choose to change to fit me...could pit them between their family, their beliefs, their feelings, and thoughts, their love for me.....and my bisexuality.....
that and i am past the world record for the most broken hearts suffered by one person.... and 99% of them are not mine... its the partners that have been betrayed and torn apart, when the desire for sex became more important than the love of our partners and the true value of our relationships

being honest hurts... and its hard....telling a partner that rejects you cos of your sexuality is very painful.......marrying them and then having them catch you out, being unfaithful....is a soul destroyer...I would much rather love and lose.... then love, lie and destroy somebody

hey lets be honest here.... some partners are gonna stay and lay down the law about your having sex outside the marriage..... lol they are not being selfish or unfair or cruel.... they are giving as good as they wanna get.....and its not a matter of understanding..... they are asking you to be monogamous.... and they are BEING monogamous..... I hardly call that selfish....

people may argue for open relationships.... go for it... if both partners know and agree, good on you both.....just remember that its bloody hard to let ya partner sleep around and NOT feel jealous or hurt sometimes......allow them to have those feelings and emotions.... they earn't that right by allowing your to having your desires fulfilled

polygamy...lol... do it, have it.... same thing applies..... you are getting your sexual needs met.... now meet ya partners emotional / mental needs and make sure they know they are loved totally and worried about

take the ethics rule book and throw it out the window.....
marriage is what YOU and YOUR partner make it......you both decide the boundaries of it.... the legal standing of marriage is for the legal system.....they don't do ya housework, clean up the mess or do the dishes... so marriage is only monogamous in the legal standing.....

who gives a rats ass about religious freaks yelling about the world ending cos gays have sex........we are here aren't we ???? jesus came and went.... and gays are still cumming and cumming and cumming....and the world still sucks...

screw world peace.... it will never happen... but your life will be a fuckin site more peaceful if you can live as you truly are, without hurting yourself or your partner thru deceit or dishonesty

95 % of the worlds pain and suffering is simple selfishness inflicted on others

see if you can make it 94%

[kitten]

LDD,

Thank you for putting into words something I could never express but have experienced. Having been the victim of this type of deceit from my straight partner, I put MY sexual desires aside making sure it was never about that between us. It wasn't. It was about his selfishness that you describe. We are still married (25yrs) and it is always a work in progress. But now that ours is a marriage of balance, I have opened up and started to look at myself again.
Thanks also for trusting us to know you even more intimately.

hugs and luv,
Kitten

[Lorcan]

Wow....

I do think all that you've said.

But at other times i think, "well maybe i'm being too hard on people", or "oh, i'm just being sanctimonious." See i don't really understand people that well, and sometimes I think i've got my theories all wrong.

But you being a sensitive intuitive, and really seeing inside people and seeing what makes them tick... well, your theories can't be wrong.

mental handshake.

[twodelta]

.....polygamy...lol... do it, have it.... same thing applies..... you are getting your sexual needs met.... now meet ya partners emotional / mental needs and make sure they know they are loved totally and worried about

Hey LDD - Just wondering if You meant polyamory instead of polygamy. Big difference between the two. Polyamory is about meeting ALL the needs of each person in the relationship, not just sexual.

And really, that's why I don't care too much for the term Bisexual. It puts all the attention on the sexual side. Sex is only a part of the equation.

As far as rights of the individual in a relationship. Personally, I believe that we have the right(and duty) to honestly communicate our desires and needs to our partner. We do not have the right however, to expect them to change their beliefs/who they are, to conform to those desires/needs. We have the right to make choices. Each one of us has to take stock of our own lives and relationships, and try to decide on the best choice not just for ourselves, but for all concerned. Is it an easy thing to do? Not usually, but seldom is anything worthwhile easy. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, people need pay less attention to "me", and pay more attention to "us". In a relationship, don't base a decision on "what is good for me", but "what is best for us". Hope that makes some sence to someone. - Dave :grouphug:

[Long Duck Dong]

lol lorcan... i can * see * images...and energy.....it gives me a heightened advantage, in counselling and story writing...cos I can *plug * into people and * read * the needed info to do what i do best lol

i use that to present a viewpoint other than what i am... like the viewpoint of a straight female in a marriage with a bi sexual male.....I am not straight, female or married...but i can * become * that straight female... using the same feelings and emotions I sensed over the years... to * recreate * a composite straight female and boost it with my own feminine side.....add a few drinks and I *am* a straight female, expressing my thoughts and feelings about my marriage lol

hence i write in many gender neutral terms

[Long Duck Dong]

mmmm twodelta... yeah... mmm you are right...lol
i was trying to think of a poly term that covered multiple females and males in a open relationship type thingy lol.....

its so hard to express in wording what i was trying to say, lol

i know its hard to be open and honest in a relationship with things like sexuality etc....i admire anybody that can do it... knowing that they risk everything

myself, i wish i could share my world with others.... but i have too much info about others, to share my world... and thats frustrating... so i use it in the best way possible..... help others understand how the simple things can hurt so much.....

[Avocado]

* be very careful when you read this article, that you don't take it personally.....I love, admire and respect the members of bisexual.com.....even the ones that annoy the hell outta me..... if anything in this article upsets, hurts or offends you, i am sorry and i apologize..... my only intention is to share something that is annoying the crap outta me....and sadly reveal something about me that i keep very quiet *

i regard bisexual people in a way that most people don't understand..... for a very good reason

as bon jovi sang....
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive

and day after day.... i watch as people sit and talk about being bisexual and being married.....or being bisexual, and people not understanding.... or being bisexual and wanting to hook up.....etc

and i shut my mouth.... as much as i wanna reach thru the screen and smash some people into the next century.......

people wanna talk about bisexuality ?????? marriage ??? love and faithfulness ??? their rights to hook up ????

well... go for it....cos its my turn..... and believe me this is not gonna be nice either

my articles are only so bloody good cos the knowledge is in two places.... my head and yours......yeah... thats right..... in YOUR head.....now there is only one way that i would know whats in your head....and the answer is simple

for most of my life, I have been a sensitive intuitive ( psychic ).... a person with abilities of mental, emotional and spiritual perception... so enhanced ....that i tend to avoid direct touching with people cos i can *read * them in a instant, just by shaking their hand.....

i love bisexual.com... and the people in it..... its one of the best families I have had.... and i am not judged here...which in my life, is so rare... I have more chance of digging diamonds outta my nose, then finding another place like this site

but i am gonna say this .....

bisexuality is often being used as a excuse, to lie, cheat, betray, abuse, mistreat etc etc

i don't care what people think... and you can't argue that i am wrong....
cos i will not listen....cos i am not interested.......i know what i sense.... i have been doing it for years..... BUT I am not here to JUDGE ANYBODY... and nor am i gonna......cos its not MY life you are living, its YOURS... i just just sharing with people, what i see and so people can understand how much we can hurt the ones we love, using bisexuality as a excuse

is it a right of the bisexual to have a partner that they must understand and say " its ok for you to have sex with others " ???

is it a right of the bisexual to say, " I have needs and desires, therefore I have the right to have sex with both sexes...and people must accept me and respect my rights " ???

is it a right of the bisexual to enter into a relationship / marriage, and think its ok to betray the trust of their partner... and say that its ok cos bisexuals have needs and its not the bisexuals right that the non bisexual doesn't understand ???

don't get me wrong.... ALL sexualities do it....
and all too often I hear the bullshit excuse " i have needs, desires, wants that are not getting meant at home "

*snorts *.... hell i am not making the millions that I desire.... doesn't give me the right to wave a gun around and rob the bank....( put aside the fact its illegal.... and think of the true aspect )... some poor buggers gonna be so screwed up by me waving that gun, that it may take years for them to recover.....the gun may go off and injury or kill somebody... and thats gonna affect a damm site more people than just my selfish desire to have more money

but hey.... money sure as hell isn't everything....and i can sure as hell, not justify my selfish need for money as a right to affect the lives of people around me, in a negative and hurtful way

and infidelity is the same.....all too often, its used as a excuse to shit all over our partners... the same people we claim to love and respect

love is a combination of trust, respect, understanding and compromise...... and so many times i see that in bisexual.com members and it makes me cry cos i am jealous..... some are bi / bi curious / straight / married / single......and they are people i admire so much...... and i look past the faults in them.... their fantasies.... their issues....they are people that have needs, wants, desires...but they give the same level of love that they get..... and make the choice.....love over sex.......respect over swinging..... consideration over unfaithfulness.......btw i am jealous cos i want that in my life..... but i can't have it.... and don't tell me i can..... if you lived my life with my gifts you would understand.....

they worked it out..... bisexual is what they are..... but bisexual is a attraction, a desire, a way of being.....and as much as i wanna name and honor them people, i will not.... they know who they are in themselves... and i will simply admire them and wish more people were like them..... god I fuckin admire them so much...... they are role models for me, bless them

bisexuality will not be the hug in the morning.... the friendly coffee....the smile and wave.... and in the twilight years, when we are * dunrooting *.... bisexuality will not be the partner that tends to our arching backs, rheumatic joints....zimmer frames.... and our memories....

bisexuality will not be the long term marriage partner / friend / lover..... that helps us when we are sad... smiles when we are happy.... laughs when we laugh....supports us when we are down....

I am sorry for the people that feel that their sexual needs are important to them than their partners well being......but it happens..... and too many times i have seen long term marriages destroyed over bisexuality / infidelity
and so many times i sit there and watch as a partner / children / family etc... are torn apart cos of a persons desire to get a fuck at any costs

the price is just not worth it to anybody.....

i am not saying for anybody in that situation, to shut up and ignore their desires..... actually i want them to do the exact opposite... and face their desires.....
i want them to look at their lives, their relationships...their friendships... their families.... and their sexual needs, wants and desires..... and then ask themselves....are they wanting the whole fuckin world to change to fit around their bisexuality or are they happy to risk the happiness of the people around them.... and risk tearing lives apart....for the sake of a fuck

i am 36, never married.... single.... and living what i preach..... my bisexuality could rip my partners life apart....force them to choose to change to fit me...could pit them between their family, their beliefs, their feelings, and thoughts, their love for me.....and my bisexuality.....
that and i am past the world record for the most broken hearts suffered by one person.... and 99% of them are not mine... its the partners that have been betrayed and torn apart, when the desire for sex became more important than the love of our partners and the true value of our relationships

being honest hurts... and its hard....telling a partner that rejects you cos of your sexuality is very painful.......marrying them and then having them catch you out, being unfaithful....is a soul destroyer...I would much rather love and lose.... then love, lie and destroy somebody

hey lets be honest here.... some partners are gonna stay and lay down the law about your having sex outside the marriage..... lol they are not being selfish or unfair or cruel.... they are giving as good as they wanna get.....and its not a matter of understanding..... they are asking you to be monogamous.... and they are BEING monogamous..... I hardly call that selfish....

people may argue for open relationships.... go for it... if both partners know and agree, good on you both.....just remember that its bloody hard to let ya partner sleep around and NOT feel jealous or hurt sometimes......allow them to have those feelings and emotions.... they earn't that right by allowing your to having your desires fulfilled

polygamy...lol... do it, have it.... same thing applies..... you are getting your sexual needs met.... now meet ya partners emotional / mental needs and make sure they know they are loved totally and worried about

take the ethics rule book and throw it out the window.....
marriage is what YOU and YOUR partner make it......you both decide the boundaries of it.... the legal standing of marriage is for the legal system.....they don't do ya housework, clean up the mess or do the dishes... so marriage is only monogamous in the legal standing.....

who gives a rats ass about religious freaks yelling about the world ending cos gays have sex........we are here aren't we ???? jesus came and went.... and gays are still cumming and cumming and cumming....and the world still sucks...

screw world peace.... it will never happen... but your life will be a fuckin site more peaceful if you can live as you truly are, without hurting yourself or your partner thru deceit or dishonesty

95 % of the worlds pain and suffering is simple selfishness inflicted on others

see if you can make it 94%

I'm not sure I could have put it better myself

[tydwater51]

Good rant

[Mrs.F]

EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

[TorontoGuy2007]

i think people rush into relationships without really having a clear understanding of what their own wants and needs are.

society tells us that we should get married and be faithful, yet so many don't do this..

because of societial pressures, many rush into marriage even though they aren't ready for it and even though they may not have the right partner.

rather than deal with these problems directly, we look for band-aid solutions.. we cheat, we lie, we have affairs, we make excuses as to why we should be allowed to bend or break the rules we supposedly value (just as long as we don't break the rules too often).

having grown up watching my parents and both sets of grandparents go thru bad marriages, i can clearly see why i have been so reluctant to open myself up and get into a relationship. i seem to think i need to take forever to get to know a partner to make sure they are 100% perfect for my wants and needs and that they will never cheat on me.

i realize that we all are capable of making mistakes, but i just can't seem to get past this issue. if someone has cheated in their past, or if they have wavered from their so-called core values, i have an awefully hard time believing that they could ever love just one person. i don't want to get involved with the wrong person. i don't want to get involved with someone who at any point in their life, took sex for granted, or got sexual with someone they didn't love..

maybe i see being single and lonely as my only true safety net that will guarantee that i will never get used, hurt or cheated on..

but i agree, anything we can do to help society stop lying, stop using people, and and stop cheating would be great. let's get that number down from 95% to 94%.. heck, and if any of you know anyone who falls into the 6% category, please let me know!

[mannysg]

LDD,
Very well put! I agree with what you've said. Mind if I add my own (related) beef? I don't get many replies to my profile, but I have gotten a few. In my profile, I think I'm quite clear in it when I say:


I want a bisexual buddy who I may or may not have sex with. It would be nice to be able to talk freely about sexuality, to be able to comment on a guy having a nice ass or a nice bulge.

I won't "cheat" on my wife, i.e. have sex with someone without her knowledge.

Every response, except for 1, indicated that they wanted to "hook up" for sex with me. They totally ignored this part of my profile. I don't understand why so many guys can't understand my desire to NOT cheat.

[luvrnpa]

LDD,
Very well put! I agree with what you've said. Mind if I add my own (related) beef? I don't get many replies to my profile, but I have gotten a few. In my profile, I think I'm quite clear in it when I say:



Every response, except for 1, indicated that they wanted to "hook up" for sex with me. They totally ignored this part of my profile. I don't understand why so many guys can't understand my desire to NOT cheat.


I have a problem with cheating. And it's me. Even if my wife never finds out, I'll know. I'm not overly religious, or think I'm better than anyone, I just don't want to be uncomfortable in my life. I'd love to have sex with lots of people in every which way again and again and again........but I also want to have peaceful nights sleep. Without rambling, you took the words out of my mouth.

[Avocado]

I have a problem with cheating. And it's me. Even if my wife never finds out, I'll know. I'm not overly religious, or think I'm better than anyone, I just don't want to be uncomfortable in my life. I'd love to have sex with lots of people in every which way again and again and again........but I also want to have peaceful nights sleep. Without rambling, you took the words out of my mouth.

And you've taken mine out of mine. What I would know would hurt me.

[Long Duck Dong]

hugs ya all

hell i took the words outta my own mouth and i wrote the thing lol

its hard to express my world in words....lol.....my head is like a virtual world in itself.....and when i write articles like that I don't just see the words... i feel the emotions and * become * the people I write about.... for the time it takes to write the article,.... and its not unusual for me to shed tears as I write about the feelings and thought of a betrayed partner.... and I am * living * their pain in order to write about it.....

[happyjoe68]

LDD

You're a man who's got his head screwed on. You've summed up the dichotomies of the bisexual existence perfectly - the ability to become a new person, but the danger of fucking up your life and someone's else's on the way.

[deremarc]

Great post. You've said something that others may think, but maybe not have the "balls" to say-and that would include me-I try to not say things that will be taken as offensive (especially cause I am straight on a bisexual site). But, I've thought that bisexuality is used by some people (and by no means all-there are several people on here whom I also greatly respect, and others who have open types of relationships that work and are great for both partners-I'm not talking about any of those people) , but for some others bisexuality is seen as an excuse to make it okay, hell sometimes people seem to see it as even necessary, to cheat on a partner or have multiple sexual relationships, or to have casual sexual hookups.

I never have understood that thinking. I have bent my mind into a pretzel trying to and trying to be understanding. But, just because you are sexually attracted to both sexes (unless you are one who feels celibate if you don't fulfill both sides-which I kinda get), then I don't think the sexual attraction to anyone (whatever sex they may be) and the temptations that go along with that attraction are much different for bi's than they are for someone who only likes one sex-it's not as if being a hetersexual woman means you only like one "man", it means you like MEN-plural, but I don't have to have them all...lol.
(If that meaning held true-it would men since I like MEN, then I "have" to have sex with more than the one I am with-after all, I like men, not "man", so it wouldn't be as if I had a choice would it?---total tongue in cheek)

I'm the straight half, with a bisexual partner, and I have been cheated on. I wonder how well I fit your composite of that person? Can you pick things up from my posts too? Kinda scary-kinda cool.

I try not to hurt people, and luckily I guess I hadn't had anything in my life so far that I couldn't turn down if it meant me getting it is going to hurt someone else. Which is why I struggled with the bi issue and sex outside the relationship so much-I wanted to make him happy even if it destroyed me-hence, I didn't want to be "selfish".

But, I was thinking he was selfish and self-centered...that he wanted his cake and eat it too (and where the hell did that expression come from?-of course you want to eat your cake if you have it! :) )

I guess I don't think any wants or needs give you the right to destroy another human being-especially one whom you are supposed to love.

Thanks for sharing about your life.

[buddyk]

WOW... so very much said here. And its all so true.

I am the straight half to my marriage as well. My husband of 23 years has been exploring bisexuality for the last 3, and with my knowledge for only the past 4 months. Every day is a new one that may or may not have challenges ... for both of us. I know we are both committed to our marriage and family. And yes I considered his indiscretions prior to my knowing cheating. And he has even volunteered that if this 'situation' :rolleyes: we find ourselves in is too much for me he'll stop, he'll move out, he'll do whatever I want so that we can remain friends and lovers and one day grow old together.

Do I believe him? yeah I do. we've been together almost 30 years. I know if he's not being sincere. Just like I knew something's been 'wrong' these past few years... just couldn't put my finger on it (and I thnk didnt really want to either for a while) and he was too embarassed to talk to me about it. But once I confronted him on what I knew he came clean.

Now, would it be easier if he just turned his back on these feelings he has - hell yes. But would I ever feel that he was with me because thats where he really wanted to be and believed he needed to - no. And I NEED THAT.

So for now, he's 'actively'? bi and i'm not :) . But I am ok with this - in fact it was my idea for him to hang in there and figure things out. Because he really needs to. I see it in his eyes, I hear it in his voice.

And yes there are things I need. I need to find someone I can talk to about our situation.... its surely not the friends we have together, nor some close girlfirend, because they would not get it. before i found myself here, I am not so sure I would have gotten it. I think I would have kept an open mind, I think I would be a good listener, but I dont know. They say you never know how you'll react until it happens to you and i think this is true. so me - I am looking for a therapist/psychiatric/analyst dunno - just someone I can talk to openly and not fear anyone else would ever know what we talked about. but I get off track here....

These days I know where he's going and when to expect him home. i know he's being safe. And I know he comes home because he wants to be here. And I'm good with that for now.

We'll write more guideliens as situations arise or one of our needs changes - and yeah I do get jealous sometimes, and sad others but I tell him and we work through it. And he gets sad sometimes and angry, and confused but we keep talking and caring and one day maybe we'll have this all figured out. Just not today.

So LDD, yeah I dont think in my situation we're talking excuses for cheating, I think we're talking confusion on a whole lot of levels! LOL. But from some of the posts I've read here, there certainly are at least a few who declare they're bi so they can do as they please without a care as to who gets hurt along the way. Speaking from experience, it does hurt.

And thats just not right.....

[NorthBiEast]

I believe that trust and honesty are the key features of any good relationship (not just partners, but friends, co-workers, team mates, family). In order to have a healthy relationship with a spouse/partner, you HAVE to have trust in your partner and also earn your partner's trust.

That being said, I'll share my own, "best-case" senario. Because my husband and I have a healthy, open, trusting relationship, I was able to talk to him about the confusion and conflicted feeling of realizing that I'm attracted to women. I say conflicted because I don't want to cheat on him with anyone, but I also want (not NEED) to have sex with a woman, to confirm to myself that I am bi. Because he is able to trust me, and loves me for who I am, he is encouraging me to find someone. He wants me to know for sure who I am. In fact, I think I will have a harder time "cheating" than he will knowing that I'm doing it.

I think that the whole thing boils down to this; if you love someone, and they love you, you will both want what is best for each other and for your relationship. By talking to each other openly and honestly, you can identify what that best thing is and act (or don't act, as the case may be) on it.

PS I tell my husband every day how fortunate I am that he is so caring and supportive, and that I truly appreciate him. I realize that not everyone is as fortunate, so I guess my perspective is dealing with ideals more than reality. :2cents: