how to misunderstand bisexuality

[Long Duck Dong]

lol i'm serious....lol.....

coming on is hard enuf at the best of times..... but a lot of trouble is the way people understand bisexuality

or mainly the fact that THEY don't...lol

put yaself in the situation of a non bisexual.... and then you are told by a partner or friend that they are bisexual.... and you will immediately think of a comparision.... and find NOTHING

if it was a gay situation, they would think gay, males on males, anal sex etc
if it was a les situation, they would think vaginas, kissing, female on female etc

but you mention bisexual.... and they get conflict.... cos bisexuals are not clear cut and dried like other sexualities

they confuse us with les and gays.... cos like the average bisexual there is no bisexual icons..... tho angie jolie ( tomb raider fame ) is a bloody nice icon in my eyes lol

but the question has to be asked.... where are the BISEXUALS that show us to the world and where is the defining factor that says, WE are BISEXUAL

i asked a number of people in nz, about the 4 main gay, les and bisexual events.....
the results were shocking....they named the 4 main events.... for gays and lesbian.... mainly cos the events are named as gay and lesbian events
but they are LGBT events...and non of the people were able to name them as bisexual events as well

many gay and les events stand out as different cos they make the effort to stand out.... by being different and in some cases, shocking behievour, or provoking a reaction from the general public... when was the last time you saw religious people waving signs attacking bisexuals .... they don't .... and nor do they generally attack lesbians.... they attack gays

but bisexuals ???? lol we don't appear on the radar.... and so when we come out, a lot of people DON'T have a role model to compare us with

but the trouble is how does a bisexual stand out from the crowd...lol..... well standing up on stage and kissing another female doesn't work.... britney spears and madonna had their lesbian kiss... yet both have kids and both fuck guys.... but a bisexual kiss doesn't create controversy and public reaction..... gay or lesbian kissing does

so yet again we are stuck with a presentable bisexual role model for the world to compare us with, and for them to understand us better

now the trouble comes down to do we want somebody to be a role model for us ???? and that becomes a personal choice

a lot of the gay males i know... get annoyed about the way that gays are role modeled...feminine acting, skin care conscious, fancy dressers that mince around the place
tho my friends loved watching *will and grace *..... until will was cast as a bisexual... or a gay that fucked females, depending on ya view lol

so we have the issue that we have no bisexual role model....and so nothing for people to compare us with.....and as has happened in a number of cases.... people have immediately thought of pedophile or zoophile... and yes, I have known it to happen to people.....and sadly the connection can be too true in some cases... about 1 % of all cases...lol

the other issue is bisexuals are cast as bed hopping hook up mad, sexual manaics..... well maybe not that bad..... but any person coming to bisexual.com and getting cybered in the chatroom, could get that idea.... and so they miss the broader picture of bisexual.com, and the awesome friendly and caring bisexual's, straights, trans, gays and les, that come to bisexual.com, and seek friends, support and a good laugh
so once again the broader majority of bisexual.com members that are in friends only mode... become our least acknowledged role models.... and the main role model is seen as hook up wanting people.....
( make no bones about it... that was not a intention to piss off anybody )

so the next time, you talk about being bisexual and people not understanding.... just think that maybe they have nothing to judge you by, apart from ya own actions and reactions.....

[JrzGuy3]

so we have the issue that we have no bisexual role model....and so nothing for people to compare us with.....and as has happened in a number of cases.... people have immediately thought of pedophile or zoophile... and yes, I have known it to happen to people.....and sadly the connection can be too true in some cases... about 1 % of all cases...lol

A lot to respond to, but one thing for now. Is there something wrong with zoophilia? Or is this just a community that we shun for political purposes? Cuz we tend to complain about being marginalized by gays...

[Long Duck Dong]

zoophilia isn't exactly the type of subject that really forms a part of the bisexual lifestyle... and nor did i feel that drew or other members would welcome a indepth overview of zoophilia....

it would be possible for me to fully open up the subject of zoophilia... including site links from psychologists, therapists, opponents, and proponents.....but lol this is bisexual.com..... a different aspect of sexuality... and therefore I avoid all but the most basic reference to zoophilia and other forms of sexuality that are not suited to this site

[JrzGuy3]

zoophilia isn't exactly the type of subject that really forms a part of the bisexual lifestyle... and nor did i feel that drew or other members would welcome a indepth overview of zoophilia....

it would be possible for me to fully open up the subject of zoophilia... including site links from psychologists, therapists, opponents, and proponents.....but lol this is bisexual.com..... a different aspect of sexuality... and therefore I avoid all but the most basic reference to zoophilia and other forms of sexuality that are not suited to this site

I for one wouldn't mind, though I'd oblige if the community doesn't want to or certainly if Drew disagrees.

Though I'd suggest a new thread as to not steal yours ;)

[ambi53mm]

now the trouble comes down to do we want somebody to be a role model for us ???? and that becomes a personal choice


Nice post LDD. I try to think back to those who have influenced the direction in my life by serving as a role models and actually come up with very few people. Musicians, Writers, Artists within their various fields probably serve as inspirational models through their various artistic expressions. There has always been the need in my mind to separate the artist’s work from the artist because often enough even they struggled to live up their own hopes, dreams, and expectations.

Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones became to some extent at least in my mind kind of an iconic representation of a bisexual male. There was something about the way he performed back when he was younger that I found sexually indefinable. I have no clue to his sexuality but if I were to imagine a bisexual male/ icon that seemed to blend the genders he’s the first to come to mind.

I think role models serve a purpose for some at some point in life but that we outgrow the need or perhaps see through the Veil. When I look at something like the Kinsey Scale It shows me that what lies between (1) Straight and (7) Gay, are the various levels or criteria that are suppose to represent bisexuality. That fact that within a given time frame my own fluctuations seem to run up and down that scale makes it hard to settle on anything decisive. Today I’m a (2) Yesterday I was a (5) so I choose a (3) or (4) to help maintain my sense of organization( LOL probably the only area of my life that I can truly claim to be anal).

My personal choice is to not stand out. I place a very high value on my privacy. I enjoy the fact that I can do what I enjoy in life, even if it is the simple expression of having no defined sexual expression exclusively towards either sex but the freedom to enjoy either sex. I blend, I look and act like 95% of the bewildered and confused souls who inhabit my local environment. Anonymity assures my survival and at this point in life, my survival help assure those who are dependant on me for their survival and safety.

I understand, empathize, and sympathize with those who feel compelled to be recognized, accepted, and defined as bisexual. I support their fight and struggle in whatever or however they choose to express that part of themselves. It is not a priority for myself to do so when faced with some of the bigger issues that threaten the world we live in and in fact the very world itself.

Al Gore has become my new role model LOL. I don’t care what his sexual preferences are but I do admire the amount of attention he’s bringing to the environmental problems we face…and what the hell….I’d do him LOL

Ambi :)

[izzfan]

Hmmm.... It would be good to have a few bisexual people in the public eye but perhaps there are more than many people think. Take William.S.Burroughs for example, he is often seen as a 'gay' writer (and a damn good one at that) however he had a girlfriend for a while, so that must make him at least a 2 or so on the kinsey scale. However, I suppose it [str8 relationships] was expected of ppl in those days (early-mid 20th century) even so, he had a son so that implies that he was at least very mildly bisexual. I think some other members of the 'beat generation' were also bisexual such as Jack Kerouac (http://www.glbtq.com/literature/kerouac_j.html). I mean having beat writers as bisexual role models/ icons would be pretty cool.

Also, all the previous posts seem to be from the USA/ Australia/New Zealand and its likely that they haven't shown 'Torchwood' over there yet. It's a spin-off from the recent 'Doctor Who' programs [written by Russell. T.Grant - The man who wrote the original UK 'Queer as folk' program, I don't kno who wrote the US remake], I think they have been showing 'Doctor Who' on the sci-fi channel in the USA [the recent series have Christopher Ecclestone or David Tennant as the Doctor]. Anyway, Torchwood is a far more 'adult' program and many of the characters in it seem to be bisexual [I've only seen 3 episodes and a few clips from it] - ONe example was a clip from the show where one of the male charactrs has pulled a girl and her boyfriend finds them and then the two blokes start kissing after the character uses an alien pheremone spray - check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLEgN3d4tDo very cool. Torchwood also has numerous same sex and opposite sex kisses etc... its like the first ever bisexual program [a DVD of the first 5 episodes has come out in the UK so any US members can probably import it]


If you look at these and try to find any more examples, bisexual icons/ role models do exist but they tend to be less overt and often extremely cool.

Izzfan :flag2:

(Ps: Can't believe that I almost forgot Tom Robinson lol, damn good musician...I think I started a thread about him a while ago)

[twodelta]

As diverse a group as the Bi community is, I'd think it would be hard to have a Bi role model that everyone could identify with. Not sure that I'd want one anyway. He/she would probably be villianized by the media and right wing. Instead of looking for role models though, I think what would be even better for our community, would be if more everyday Bi folk came out. Before that statement stirs up a hornets nest, let me say that I understand not everyone wants to do that. And really,that's fine. However, the more str8/gay people that "know" a Bi person, the sooner everyone will see that we really aren't that much different than everyone else. Maybe each one of us could start looking at ourseves as being role models, instead of looking for one or two famous persons to fill that role. Just my :2cents: - Dave

[multiplesofsix]

Well, here's a list of famous bisexuals:

http://www.bisandiego.org/famous.html

Personally, I like to look to Shakespeare as my role model. :bigrin:

[Long Duck Dong]

mmm multiplesofsix....thats a nice list


but that is people that are famous for music, acting producing etc.....they don't stand out as bisexuals... they are bisexuals that are famous for their achievements

and that is my point in my original post...

there is no set pattern to use as a bisexual * template *... unlike the feminine acting gays that are used as the template for the gay community, by the media lol

and thats why people are not sure what to compare us with

if I was to list my achievements....

martial artist instructor, tournament winner
nz's 3rd highest ranked sharp shooter in the armed forces
writer of numerous articles for different forums
published writer of short stories and poetry
etc etc etc etc
it still doesn't set a template for bisexuality.....

[Herbwoman39]

Hmm. I babbled on for a good 15 minutes before I finally got what you're suggesting. If I'm getting this right, (and I'll ask your indulgence if I'm not. It's late, Ive been up since 7 and been at Disney all day. I'm tired and my brain is all melty :) ) you're suggesting the creation of an Archetypal bisexual similar to Jungian theory. Is this correct?

That would be an interesting Idea to construct.

[twodelta]

.......there is no set pattern to use as a bisexual * template *... unlike the feminine acting gays that are used as the template for the gay community, by the media lol

and thats why people are not sure what to compare us with.......it still doesn't set a template for bisexuality.....

And that leads back to the point that I was trying to make. Do we really need, or even want a "template" for the typical Bi-sexual. How could You come up with one for a community as diverse as ours? Even if You boil us down to just our sexual beings, look at how very different we are from each other in that regard. And that's just taking into account the people that post here. Imagine if You tried to come up with a "template" drawing from our community at-large. OK, that was :2cents: :2cents: worth. Sorry about that - Dave :three:

[Lorcan]

However, the more str8/gay people that "know" a Bi person, the sooner everyone will see that we really aren't that much different than everyone else. Maybe each one of us could start looking at ourseves as being role models
:bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce: Yes! :bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce:

[Colbalt_Blue]

This is my first post to this site, so understand that I am still learning. . .

There are a couple of things that come to mind that may help shed some light on the subject from my point of view.

1) When we see a couple, we automatically determine their sexual preference. We all do this. If we see a man and a woman together, many automatically assume they are straight. If we see a same sex couple, we assume they are gay. There isn't anything that defines a bisexual person in society. So the bisexual person tends to become hidden and there isn't anything that presents their sexual status to the world. (unless they state it up front, of course)

2) I am not sure when the term "bisexual" came about, but I don't think it was that long ago. (Maybe 30 years? 40?) Society is still getting use to the idea of someone being attracted to both sexes. It was always OK for women to be attracted to men and women. But it has only recently become OK for men to be attracted to both sexes and to be open about it.

James Dean, in 1955 was asked if he was homosexual. His reply was "I am not going to go through life with one hand tied behind my back" At that time, in 1955, I don't think there was a common word for people who were attracted to both sexes. I could be wrong, but I do not remember hearing the term "bisexual" (for those who are young, James Dean was a actor who hated to go with what society said he should do - He was killed in 1955 in a car accident at the age of 24)

One last point. Yes, it's true, that there are a lot of people looking for hook ups. I created a profile, and came here to find out information. But was hit on instantly. I had to add something to the effect that I am in a closed relationship and not looking for hook ups. It's not wrong for those looking to meet sexual partners, but when you are stating that you are in a relationship and you are looking for information, it's rather odd to get a message looking for sex.

I have learned a TON of information over the last few weeks, and I thank everyone for being so forthright with their feelings and information. I feel like I have a much better understanding of my partner and what he is going through.

-Steven

[Long Duck Dong]

hugs ya colbalt blue and welcome to bisexual.com

lol twodelta, you hit the nail on the head.... lol

there is no true bisexual * icon * cos we are too diverse to wrap up in a single person image... and thats mainly why non bisexuals struggle to identify with the term * bisexual *... they have nothing to base their understanding on

and that leads to the argument in the bisexual circles as to how best portray the need for bisexual rights or true bisexual recognizable images

[twodelta]

.....and that leads to the argument in the bisexual circles as to how best portray the need for bisexual rights or true bisexual recognizable images

I understand what You are saying LDD. I guess though, that I'm just too idealistic for my own good. Imagine me, thinking that everyone should have the same rights regardless of sex, creed, or national origin. Or any other reason that a person could think of to hate someone that's a little different than they are. :2cents: :2cents: :2cents: I sure am leaving mucho dinero on this thread. Somebody stop me :eek: - Dave

[Long Duck Dong]

lol twodelta.....lol

you and me are on the same wave length there lol

i see everybody as equal.....and i love to see the best in everybody.... hell in my eyes...a mentally challenged child is just as intelligent as a * normal * person....its our understanding thats faulty

i don't need to be represented by a council or a association or a group or a image... i just need to stand up and speak up... and to be truly loved.... I really need to shut up.... at times lol

[Avocado]

REM?! I always did think that losing my religion would be a good bi song.

[DiamondDog]

Here's something I saw on another forum that I thought was well written.
I didn't write it but the author is using it to explain bisexuality to gay men.


When you are bi you are attracted to both sexes. No matter what you are always attracted to both sexes. Now some bis, the attraction to one sex is greater than another, but if you can be sexually arroused, sexually exicted naturally by both sexes you are bi (Naturally being no conscious thought on your part, its instinctual). Some bis are equally sexually exicited by both sexes, but they aren't the norm. Most bis have a instictual preference to one sex. It is a question about what is instictual for you, not what you do, nor who you sleep with.

Now your behavior is different. You can pursue women exclusively and be bi, you can pursue women exclusively and be gay. You can pursue women seriously and just use men as fuck buddies and be bi, but the same can be said about gays.

The thing is, that most people are usually not honest with themselves (straight, bi, and gay), they runaway from their instinctual thoughts. We are a complicated species, and we mix our instictual wants with our conscious wants and usually our instinctual wants are the ones we don't focus on. Thus you can have stories about bis who sometimes want women more during month X and men during month Y. These bis are still attracted to both sexes during the entire year, they just treat sexuality like a shoe, which they can change at will. Of course their sexual orientation hasn't changed, they are still as attracted to men and women as before, they just treat it differently, they just express it differently.

Now alot if not most bis, naturally settle down with women. This has to do with societal constructs. They want to be a father, and a husband, and raise two children in the middle of suburbia and all that jazz. Does this mean that any relationship with a bi guy is doomed to failure if you are gay? Of course not!!!

Not all bis are bis who treat their sexuality like shoes. Just like gays, some bis go through the internal process of self realization, and realize bugger what the rest of the world wants, I am going to go with what I instictually want, and bugger what the rest of the world thinks. I am going to do what it takes to be happy, no matter how that will cause my relationships to be outside the norm.

Some bis like me are ashamed and disqusted how people can treat sexuality like shoes. How they aren't honest with oneself, and thus hurt people along the way due to their selfishness.


The thing you can do to avoid most heartache, is to ask a person what they want out of the relationship at its start. If they want a relationship and not just a fuck, then its most likely they aren't going to run away for a women. If They want a relationship not a fuck, they aren't going to cheat on you. They aren't going to be one of those other guys who have twisted too many hearts of way too many gay men. They are being honest with you at the front of the relationship.

I expect honesty and healthy communication from all relationships, no matter the type of relationship, your gender or sexual orientation!

[Long Duck Dong]

awesome post diamond dog...i love it